dirty ol' butler

whodathunk??

with the sheer power of the Batcomputer (ugh), its not impossible to conclude that Alfred has amassed a sizable porn image nest egg!

the other scary thought here is, is Batman smiling because he thinks Alfred is merely jesting, or he's privy to old man Pennyworth's habits and checks his database from time to time? (remember he can remote connect to his systems wherever he is)

----------
Batman: The Dark Knight #2

gotham gumshoe

drive-by readings

Batman: The Return of Bruce Wayne #5 (DC) "Masquerade" Grant Morrison Ryan Sook Mick Gray Pere Perez Jose Villarubia Jared Fletcher Travis Lanham Andy Kubert/Ryan Sook (covers)

what we learned: Bruce reappears in late 1920s Gotham as an amnesiac and is hired to play a detective in a movie, or actually investigate the death of his own mother. turns out the lady who hired him is probably his real mother and its all a ploy to sacrifice the 'man-bat' (oh hey there you are again, Dr Hurt or should i say Thomas Wayne).elsewhere/when, Red Robin prepares the JLA for Batman's arrival, which should blow them all out of existence.
oh shit moment: what's really up with the Waynes?
what's next: Batman 1000000 (or something) is back!

you know he's gonna say that at some point.

so if they make this movie ...

... they're only paying one actor?

joke's on them

drive-by readings

Batman & Robin #14 (DC) "Batman and Robin Must Die! Part 2: The Triumph of Death" Grant Morrison Frazer Irving Pat Brosseau Frank Quitely (cover)

what we learned: not one to be overshadowed or upstaged, the Joker wants to get back at the Black Glove/Thomas Wayne/Dr. Hurt/whatever the shit's calling himself these days. to this end, he has Batman and Robin (and the Commish Gordon) as chess pieces, and Gotham City and its residents as collateral damage. wheeeeeeeeee!
oh shit moment: Damian getting himself captured by the Joker. that'll work wonders with his confidence.
what's next: i want the current Dynamic Duo get out of this without the Bat family getting involved. ok, maybe Alfred.


after years of rejection, Miss Piggy finally snapped.

escape club

drive-by readings

Batman #703 (DC) "The Great Escape" Fabian Nicieza Cliff Richards Jared Fletcher Ian Hannin Tony Daniel (cover) Kevin Nowlan (variant cover)

what we learned: drawn by that '60s crooner (oops, no, its Richards, not Richard!), this prelude to the return of the original Bats has Damian being prepped for "would you like to know your crime crusading pop a little bit more"? while corralling a jewel thief, a nod back to very rich, if blurry, period in Batman lore.
oh shit moment: oh Vicki Vale, you are a woman scorned.
what's next: Bruce, come back already!


three guys, one cup.

bullet day, i will giant you

drive-by readings

Batman #702 (DC) "Part Two: Batman's Last Case" Grant Morrison Tony Daniel Ian Hannin Travis Lanham

what we learned: the missing details of how Batman disappeared over Final Crisis/Batman R.I.P. and got stranded in time. the smartest man in the universe figures it all out as he gets Omega Sanction-ed. Darkseid makes it the trap for the ages and something you can't get out of, but Bats inadvertently creates a hole in it by killing Darkseid with his magic bullet.
oh shit moment: Scott Free, i think you should give up your title as the Universe's best escape artist.
what's next: do you know what my next cologne is? its Essence of Bullet.


Batman lost braincells on his trip backwards in time, he couldn't even spell his name.

wayne's west

drive-by readings

Batman: The Return of Bruce Wayne #4 (DC) "Dark Night, Dark Rider" Grant Morrison Georges Jeanty Walden Wong Tony Aviña Travis Lanham Andy Kubert (cover) Cameron Stewart (variant cover)

what we learned: Bats meets up with Vandal Savage once again, this time in the old west, and the latter has teamed up with Thomas Wayne (ok, this plot has been thickening since Batman R.I.P.) to find a mysterious box. they've even hired Jonah Hex to take care of this Bat Ghost.
oh shit moment: Hex guns down the Bat.
what's next: Bruce is back ... in the modern world. with the box. the very thing that Superman et al were trying to prevent.


you win this round, Hex, but not the box office!

the weekly hits

The Thanos Imperative #2 (Marvel)
Dan Abnett/Andy Lanning/Miguel Sepulveda/Jay David Ramos/Joe Caramagna (cover: Aleksi Briclot)
what we learned: this whole Cancerverse War became officially big time with the addition of Galactus and the Celestials. however, for some reason, Ben Urich is not covering this conflict. boooooo!!!
oh shit moment: Guardians kicking some faux Defender butt, and Thanos permanently ending the faux Defender butt.
what's next: why are Major Victory and Namorita anomalies? were they secretly resurrected with a White Lantern? will Thanos gain the upperhand after all is said and done? and will Urich make it to the front lines before this series ends??

the Thanos Halogen Headlight Upgrade Imperative

Tom Strong & The Robots of Doom #2 (ABC)
Peter Hogan/Chris Sprouse/Karl Story/Todd Klein/Darlene Royer
what we learned: mostly the backstory of how his Nazi son Albrecht brought about the Fascist world victory, and where the Dero really came from. looks like the situation is bleak. but wait! somehow Tom's faithful robot butler overrode his reprogramming and sends him back in time to fetch his younger self and play as the Tom/Tom Club! (yeeeessh, did you pay Chris Franz and Tina Weymouth their royalties?)
oh shit moment: the Dero apparently wiped out the African population. they must've been programmed by white people.
what's next: Tom/Tom Club playing at a venue near you this summer!

hello, Pneuman!

Justice League: Generation Lost #5 (DC)
Judd Winick/Keith Giffen/Aaron Lopresti/Matt Ryan/Hi-Fi/Steve Wands (cover: Tony Harris/JD Mettler, variant: Kevin Maguire/Hi-Fi)
what we learned: Max Lord really wants to reform the Justice League International. and the new Rocket Red is a gas. somehow a sombre Booster Gold is not the overinflated jerk i remember.
oh shit moment: not much, unless you count Max comparing himself to God. ya believe this guy?
what's next: is there a foreshadowing here that Blue Beetle is going to die, and Ted Kord is going to be resurrected? nah, that's just fanboy rumor-mongering.

because the world needs more Giffen/DeMatteis/Maguire JLI madness and mirth, that's why!

X-Force: Sex & Violence #1 (Marvel)
Craig Kyle/Christopher Yost/Gabrielle Dell'Otto/Cory Petit
what we learned: apparently, Kyle and Yost wanted to explore more of Neena and Logan's relationship (wait, didn't he have a girlfriend or that one died too?) since that X-Men 2001 Annual and that spiffy X-Force cover (whoa, Mike Choi!). and it might not pass editiorial muster, if it just said "Logan/Domino: Sex". because as we know, Americans are horrified by sex in mass media, but violence? bring it on!!! so, here we have Domino on the run from the Assassins Guild, because as a mercenary with scruples, you get dragged into the wrong crowd who hired you, then turn the tables on them.
oh shit moment: art's a bit murky but that's a great visual complement to the clanging sounds you hear in your head seeing Domino pulling bullets out of herself.
what's next: more sex! more violence!

yeah, Josh ... talk to the effing Hand!

Iron Man #28 (Marvel)
Matt Fraction/Salvador Larroca/Frank D'Armata/Joe Caramagna
who got chumped by Hammer? Tony Stark! who doesn't remember his one-night stands? Tony Stark! who's gonna build an non-gas powered car in six weeks? Tony Stark!!

Avengers Academy #2 (Marvel)
Christos N. Gage/Mike McKone/Jeromy Cox/Joe Caramagna
what we learned: so the next generation of Avengers could potentially be the next gen of bad guys? of course! but the drama between the students don't compare to the crap that goes on with the teachers. i mean you got noted wife-slapper-cum-Skrull/robot-banging-Scientist-Supreme Hank Pym as headmaster, what else is gonna happen? well, they're at least updated somewhat with pop music. or whatever passes for that these days.
oh shit moment: borrowing a trick from Josh Whedon's Astonishing X-Men, the new class is subjected to an impromptu survival session. just when Finesse and Reptil were about to kiss. dammit, man!
what's next: not only does Pietro get away with his shit, he's likely going to pass on his life lessons to a volunteer. wonderful!

oh-oh-oh! oh-oh-oh-oh!!

Batgirl #12 (DC)
Bryan Q. Miller/Lee Garbett/Pere Perez/Walden Wong/Guy Major/John J. Hill (cover: ArtGerm)
what we learned: Batgirl aces her final exams, rescues her mentor, and turns a friend away from the dark side. even if they cancel this book, she's too good a character to be killed off. you hear that, DC Editorial??
oh shit moment: can i say its that awesome cover by ArtGerm? i never looked at Stephanie Brown this way before. and at the same time, she's slapping me upside the head for looking this way.
what's next: Oracle has a Proxy, and a capable successor.

i think she's describing how she's going to be expelled from school because one too many missed homework.

Batman #701 (DC)
Grant Morrison/Tony Daniel/Ian Hannin/Jared K. Fletcher
what we learned: what really happened between Batman R.I.P. and the ending of Final Crisis? the God of Comics finally deigns us dust bunnies worthy of knowing. but then again the first of a two-parter doesn't provide much except there's a definite connection between the Hidden Room in the Wayne Manor and whatever Dick Grayson unearthed in the past issues of Batman & Robin regarding the Wayne family line. also, who knew Bruce liked mulligatawny soup?
oh shit moment: deleting pictures of our exes just like everyone else. though i assume there's a backup somewhere. hwahahahaa!
what's next: was it really Thomas Wayne who engineered sending Bruce back through time? man, Morrison not only thinks one step ahead, he thinks one thousand steps ahead.

"and you beat it out of the Soup Nazi just like i like? awesooooome!!!!"

Vengeance of the Moon Knight #10 (Marvel)
Gregg Hurwitz/Juan Jose Ryp/Andres Mossa/Joe Caramagna (cover: Francesco Mattina)
look who's playing well with others. but you know, Steve, you still better keep a close eye on this Moon Knight character.

Hack/Slash: My First Maniac #1 (Image)
Tim Seeley/Daniel Leister/Mark Englebert/Crank! (covers: Seeley/Nei Ruffino/Erik Jones)
what we learned: additional backstory for stabby heroine Cassie Hack, whose long-awaited film debut is still long-awaited. here she's trying to fit into a high school but tracking a long-dead farmer who kills kids that won't git off his farm.
oh shit moment: slasher stories/movies practically write themselves, but you gotta surprise the viewer. this one involves barbed wire.
what's next: this is pre-Vlad, so it'll Cassie doing her lone wolf thing. am sure her newfound 'friends' will end up dead by the end of this.

huhhh-huhhh ... he said 'bone'. huhhh-huhh.

Daredevil #508 (Marvel)
Andy Diggle/Antony Johnston/Roberto De La Torre/Matt Hollingsworth/Joe Caramagna (cover: John Cassaday/Laura Martin)
what we learned: the White Tiger is slowly pushing "Lord" Daredevil into doing the bidding of the Snakeroot, and at the same time, endangering his former friends. also, i'm in the minority here, and i love John Cassaday, but i don't think he fits into doing Shadowland covers. grim and gritty is not just his style.
oh shit moment: the real moment was in Shadownland #1 with the apparent death of Bullseye. here we get the requisite Elektra appearance. who's next, Stick? by the way, where is Bullseye's body? the Hand always resurrects a potential asset.
what's next: Ben Affleck vs. Jennifer Garner!

it means, your movie sucked! you need a reboot!!

Superman #701 (DC)
J. Michael Straczynski/Eddy Barrows/JP Mayer/Rod Reis/John J. Hill (covers: John Cassaday/David Baron/Alex Sinclair)
Superman walks across America and goes to toe to toe with ... Joe Q. Public. its an interesting premise, right on the heels of the Kryptonian War and Superman questioning his role again in his adopted planet. the fact that he even deigns to do so, earns him a lot more of Lex Luthor hate points.


note: because of Blogger's technically-limited tag constraints, there's a bunch of other books that's going to show up in other posts. actually, maybe i should start making individual posts for the Weekly Hits. which means, this is going to be last time i'm putting everything in a basket. thanks, Blogger.

the weekly hits

Brightest Day #5 (DC)
Geoff Johns/Peter Tomasi/Ivan Reis/Ardian Syaf/Joe Prado/Vicente Cifuentes/Peter Steigerwald/Rob Clark Jr (covers: David Finch/Scott Williams/Steigerwald, Reis/Chuck Pires)
what we learned: Katar and Shiera fight the Thundercats. and some winged creatures. also, Hank Hall is rapidly supplanting Guy Gardner's as the DCU's #1 douche. and Aquaman finally does something about the Gulf Coast oil spill. kinda. contrary to certain reports.
oh shit moment: what? Mera has a backstory?? get out!!
what's next: what's really going on in Hawkworld? will Aquaman be a swinging single soon?

oh snap! well, that certainly changes things ...

Invincible Iron Man Annual #1 (Marvel)
Matt Fraction/Carmine Giandomenico/Matt Wilson/Joe Caramagna (cover: Salvador Larroca)
what we learned: acclaimed Asian film director Jun Shan (Ang Lee, is that you?) gets kidnapped by the Mandarin to film his life story. who knows if this is will be his new origin, as i like the Knaufs' story of his resurrection much better. by the way, nice nod to your Iron Fist run, Mr. Fraction.
oh shit moment: Jun Shan thinks he can escape with his zombie wife, but alas, that is not the case.
what's next: of course he's coming back in the pages of Iron Man. what i'd like to see is how to incorporate him in the Iron Man movies, beyond the Ten Rings terrorist organization. Prometheus CEO, anyone?

and Robert Downey Jr. nails the part ... again!

X-Force #28 (Marvel)
Craig Kyle/Christopher Yost/Mike Choi/Sonia Oback/Joe Caramagna (cover: Adi Granov)
what we learned: X-Force returns from the future, thanks to the magic of Cable's techno-organic virus, now given free rein. left to his own devices, Bastion goes mano-a-mano with Hope (who's displaying all the powers of existing mutants, but apparently Bastion thinks its new and unclassified). well, ain't you the smart one.
oh shit moment: the Cable ... is broken. also, the Golden Gate bridge.
what's next: is Bastion dead? will Hope bitch slap Cyclops, leading to a catfight between her and Emma? place your bets!

well, its about goddamn time ... oh wait, too many people have already died. so, no.

Fantastic Four Annual #32 (Marvel)
Joe Ahearne/Bryan Hitch/Andrew Currie/Paul Mounts/Rain Beredo/Rus Wooton/Chris Eliopoulos
what we learned: heeeeeere's Johnny! and heeeeee's a daddy! wonder why it took that long. Joe Ahearne takes his Dr. Who experience and translates into a Fantastic Voyage for our heroes. turns out the Psycho-Woman (wait, that's her name and not another of Johnny's one night stands) engineered the whole thing so she can create an army of cosmic warriors based on Johnny's tissues. why can't Reed just build Johnny his own artificial Friday Night Zone?
oh shit moment: the egg donor, Amy, jumps into the timestream. presumably to stop what was going to happen, but if Reed can't say for sure, how do we really know?
what's next: have any of y'all seen Jonathan Storm Jr? blond, blue eyes, about this height?

yes. especially David Lee Roth.

Shadowland #1 (Marvel)
Andy Diggle/Billy Tan/Matt Banning/Christina Strain/Guru EFx/Joe Caramagna (cover: John Cassaday/Laura Martin)
who wants to beat up Bullseye? you, Daredevil? step right up! wait, what are you doing with that sai? no, you can't -noooooooooooooo! oh crap.

Steve Rogers: Super-Soldier #1 (Marvel)
Ed Brubaker/Dale Eaglesham/Andy Troy/Joe Caramagna (cover: Carlos Pacheco/Tim Townsend/Frank D'Armata)
what we learned: his name is Rogers. Steve Rogers. MGM may put the Bond franchise on hold, but here's a worthy alternative. Rogers, suddenly adjusting to the new world, takes on multitasking to a whole new level as S.H.I.E.L.D. boss, Avengers commander, leader of his own Secret Avengers, and going on his own private missions. how does he do it? how does he sleep? anyhoo, Prof. Erskine's grandson has cracked the Super Soldier formula and he's selling it to the highest bidder. only it turns out he may not be aware of the latter fact.
oh shit moment: was Steve Rogers really as thin as DJ Qualls back then?
what's next: sleep is overrated.

no, Steve, that would be so cliché.

Scarlet #1 (Marvel/Icon)
Brian Michael Bendis/Alex Maleev/Chris Eliopoulos (variant covers: David LaFuente/Mike Deodato)
what we learned: there is no escape from Bendis (well there is, if you stop following any of his work). Scarlet is the creator-owned collaboration from these Daredevil maestros, and it already reeks of aiming for Hollywood. not to say that its not good, but let's have a fully-hashed storyline before we give it the Kick-Ass treatment, yeah?
oh shit moment: when you have to stand up for your rights and take it to the law because you know what's right.
what's next: how did a slacker become an assassin? there's hope for us!

remind me not to go biking in Portland.

The Boys #44 (Dynamite)
Garth Ennis/Russ Braun/Tony Aviña/Simon Bowland (cover: Darick Robertson)
what we learned: religion and truth and justice don't really mix. Hughie and the Butcher make up. kinda.
oh shit moment: The Homelander. John Travolta. Staying Alive. Ha-ha-ha-ha ... stayin' aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive. oh, and Hughie learns the truth.
what's next: ever attended a religious rally?

sounds like 2006's Civil War.

Batman & Robin #13 (DC)
Grant Morrison/Frazer Irving/Pat Brosseau
what we learned: am glad Grant Morrison is still having fun with this title (coupled with the Return of Bruce Wayne). Oberon Sexton, unmasked as the Joker, has some agenda not yet in play, as events from the beginning of this series still have impact. also, Batman has his own subway station that is much better than the average New York MTA deathtrap.
oh shit moment: how many you want? Thomas Wayne shooting Batman, Robin laying serious whupass on the Joker, or the return of Pyg?
what's next: can we keep Frazer Irving on this book?

"and that's for Jason Todd! just kidding."

Secret Six #23 (DC)
John Ostrander/RB Silva/Alexandre Palamaro/Jason Wright/Travis Lanham (cover: Daniel Luvisi)
what we learned: an earlier story patterned after The Most Dangerous Game and Battle Royale. hey, it was about time we put the Six through their paces. yeah, well, Catman can still smile here.
oh shit moment: actually, that part is the realization where this thing wasn't a challenge for the Six. at all. i thought it would have been a two-parter or something. whatever.
what's next: we want angry Catman!

how Nero ended up after he burned Rome down.

Scalped #39 (DC/Vertigo)
Jason Aaron/RM Guera/Giulia Brusco/Steve Wands (cover: Jock)
what we learned: except for a few issues, this series is always intensely angry. with a new story arc "Unwanted", Aaron delves into parenthood and the realities and responsibilities of assuming that state, this time from the point of view of Carol Ellroy. turns out she was unwanted by her mother, and now pregnant (again) as well, the apple don't fall far from the tree. plus, RM Guera is up there with the detailed artwork (especially grubby trashed rooms) with George and Phil.
oh shit moment: Dashiell Bad Horse vs Shunka. no contest. also, Dashiell's dad shows up.
what's next: we want a Bad Horse/Shunka rematch!

Dashiell Bad Horse would like to change his name to Easily-Beaten-By-A-Sissy.

Rawhide Kid: The Sensational Seven #2 (Marvel)
Ron Zimmerman/Howard Chaykin/Edgar Delgado/Jeff Eckleberry (cover: Dave Johnson)
what we learned: with a lot of Western nods (Deadwood, the Lone Ranger) and witty dialogue, this book has me in stitches. the fab Rawhide Kid assembles his seven (i didn't realize Lobo was the seventh) and goes to stop the Hanging of the Earps.
oh shit moment: Seth Bullock. a literate Red Wolf. Two-Gun Kid in his pre-Avengers/Kang days.
what's next: man, i gotta stop playing Borderlands, and get on with Red Dead Redemption.

ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

snaps: Batman - Odyssey #1

... where Neal Adams returns to writing/drawing the Bruce Wayne Batman and he gets off being hairy, getting shot and scaring the Commish. and he deals with stupidly-named illegal aliens.



ever wondered why Batman didn't have Brillo pads in his utility belt? now you know.



the legendary Michael Golden, is now an assocate. for those who don't know, assocate means a dainty delicacy from the town in the province of Como, Italy.



see, if he carried guns all the time, he wouldn't need Arkham Asylum or Blackgate prison, and wouldn't worry about villains escaping all the time.



"ABDOMEN!" that's what you wanted to say, right, Bats? ABDOMEN!



this man is very serious. he talks like a hip El Paso yuppie. and he calls Batman "The Stupid".


see, he even has an exit strategy! quick, make this man our financial adviser, pronto!!


oh, his exit strategy is to blow himself up?? aw hell no!! you suck!!!



didn't you do the same thing, Jason? oh wait ... is that you, Dick?



and on weekend nights, he masquerades as a luchador. Maniaco? WTF.



and this is why secretly Jim Gordon prefers Dick Grayson as Batman. Bruce was liable to kill him with a heart attack as much as Killer Croc biting his head off.

the weekly hits

Sea Bear & Grizzly Shark (Image)
Ryan Ottley/Jason Howard/Cliff Rathburn
what we learned: a Sea Bear. a Grizzly Shark. eating people anywhere. that's all you need to know.
oh shit moment: just imagine any moment you could be doing your own thing, then suddenly you're wondering why your head is at ground level and the rest of your body's just ... gone.
what's next: really? you want this to be an ongoing? well ....


Batman: Streets of Gotham #13 (DC)
Paul Dini/Dustin Nguyen/Derek Fridolfs/John Kalisz/Sal Cipriano
what we learned: the Carpenter turns the tables on the Director just in time for Batman to clean up. despite the cheesy dialogue because of the nature of the story, its entertaining. by the way, how does everyone manage to show up at the right time for the board meetings to remind Thomas Eliott of his place?
oh shit moment: nothing much to shit your pants about. although Jenna Duffy has been warned off by Bats, she can't resist the lure of the job of assembling for dangerous people (which means that hauling supercriminals off to jail never works).
what's next: what is Hush up to?


Hulk #23 (Marvel)
Jeph Loeb/Ed McGuiness/Mark Farmer/Morry Hollowell/Richard Starkings/Herb Trimpe/Dave McCaig/Tim Sale/Dave Stewart/Dale Keown/Sal Buscema/Brad Anderson/Ian Churchill/Edgar Delgado/Leinil Yu/Gerry Alanguilan/Marte Gracia/John Romita Jr./Klaus Janson/Emily Warren/Dean White/Jason Keith/Mike Deodato/Rain Beredo (variant cover: Adam Kubert/Laura Martin)
man, i'm tired typing all those credits, but its the only way to give those nods as Blogger's 200 character limit for tags (booooo!) kinda put a damper on the party, and it was a rocking one.

Green Arrow #1 (DC)
J.T. Krul/Diogenes Neves/Vicente Cifuentes/Ulises Arreola/Rob Leigh (covers: Mauro Cascioli, Ethan Van Sciver/Hi-Fi)
what we learned: despite him being kicked out of Star City, Ollie Queen can't help himself and still hangs around. and conveniently a "magical" forest has sprung around the city, giving him cachet to play a man in tights. oh, someone offed his best friend Nunocerda. now Ollie has to throw away his special Nunocerda arrow.
oh shit moment: uh, Ollie stealing food from the rich to give to the poor? yeah. or his stepmom takes his company back.
what's next: team up with his pal Hal and beat up some rent-a-soldiers.

"well ... uh ... actually this is my BDSM outfit. heh."

X-Men Legacy #237 (Marvel)
Mike Carey/Greg Land/Jay Leisten/Justin Ponsor/Cory Petit (cover: Adi Granov)
what we learned: aren't you glad they resurrected Doug Ramsey? and they say diplomatic and linguistic skills are useless in battle. suspiciously, Colossus' broken arm is not shown at all.
oh shit moment: two for me: Magneto bleeding for the X-Men once again in a very long time, and Hope having the balls to threaten the de facto leader of an endangered species. really.
what's next: bring on Bastion!!! (i wonder if Scott Lobdell or Pascual Ferry is reading this crossover?)

see, if only Jean was that frisky ...

Fantastic Four #580 (Marvel)
Jonathan Hickman/Neil Edwards/Andrew Currie/Paul Mounts/Rus Wooton (cover: Alan Davis/Mark Farmer/Javier Rodriguez)
what we learned: Toys R Us is actually a front for Arcade (no longer a premiere X-villain) and the Impossible Man is an NYC gadabout with a semblance of social responsibility (you mean to say no one mistakes him for a Skrull?). much more interesting is Reed's Future Foundation, where a disparate young cast of characters is mentored by Mr. Fantastic to generate ideas for the betterment of mankind. no, not the wrestler.
oh shit moment: the Future Foundation's first project: to cure Ben Grimm! ok, not a total cure, but its a start. the Thing's inability to become human and the subsequent frustration of trying to be normal is a Marvel tradition. Jonathan Hickman, just like Ed Brubaker and that Bucky thing before him, is poised to upend the apple cart.
what's next: don't call him Rocky no more! no, seriously, please let this not be a dead end. Ben needs this as much as we fans do.


Avengers #2 (Marvel)
Brian Michael Bendis/John Romita Jr./Klaus Janson/Dean White/Cory Petit
to get to the future, they need a binoculars. then a ride. so they ask Space Ghost Penis to help. then (less than) Wonder Man shows up angry, disappears. then some Horsemen show up, also angry. next issue, they fight.

Secret Warriors #17 (Marvel)
Jonathan Hickman/Alessandro Vitti/Imaginary Friends Studio/Dave Lanphear (cover: Jim Cheung/Mark Morales/Justin Ponsor)
what we learned: smelling blood in the water, Nick Fury unleashes all his teams on the warring Hydra and Leviathan. the narrative though is post-event, as Dum Dum and Jasper Sitwell are grilled in a secret meeting convened by the UN Security Council. oh, and there's a party and Steve Rogers feels like a 20 year old man again.
oh shit moment: Howling Commandos silenced forevermore?
what's next: Howling Commandos silenced forevermore?


Thunderbolts #145 (Marvel)
Jeff Parker/Kev Walker/Frank Martin/Albert Deschesne
i commend Luke Cage for taking the task of running Marvel's rehab program and facing threats with a bunch of guys who might just stab him in the back, front, side or wherever they please. nanites or no nanites, something bad's gonna happen.

Batman: The Return of Bruce Wayne (Marvel)
Grant Morrison/Yanick Paquette/Michel Lacombe/Nathan Fairbairn/Jared Fletcher (covers: Andy Kubert/Yanick Paquette)
what we learned: some people might scoff at at the whole Final Crisis/Batman RIP thing as poorly-conceived non-permanent-event ripoff. that may be so, but it allowed us to have Batman & Robin and the Return of Bruce Wayne. in his trek back from the past, Bruce gets involved with Blackbeard the Pirate and upholds his legacy as the Man of Bats in the most amazing way.
oh shit moment: a dazed Bruce takes the cape and takes on the buccaneers with the Bat People. whooooooooo!
what's next: Jonah Hex! Cowboy Batman! yeeeeeee-haaaaaaaaaawww!


Wolverine: Weapon X #14 (Marvel)
Jason Aaron/Ron Garney/Jason Keith/Matt Milla/Cory Petit (cover: Garney/Morry Hollowell)
what we learned: this Deathlok is a murderer revived as a killing machine (what's new?). but there's a conscience there somehow.
oh shit moment: the future human resistance decides to go after the civilian identities of the Deathloks in the past - while they're still kids.
what's next: Peace, 'Lok!!


Joker's Asylum: Killer Croc (DC)
Mike Raicht/David Yardin/Cliff Richards/Rodney Ramos/Jose Villarubia/Patrick Brosseau (cover: Francesco Mattina)
what we learned: despite the fear you have for Killer Croc as he chased you down the sewer tunnels of Arkham Asylum, there are bigger and viler beasts among men that you need to be more afraid of. and oh, did Francesco Mattina switch to DC already?
oh shit moment: we knew were it was going but the betrayal was painful nonetheless.
what's next: i think i need to check out the other Joker's Asylum titles i missed.


Power Girl #13 (DC)
Judd Winick/Sami Basri/Sunny Gho/John J. Hill
i know y'all miss Amanda Conner, but you should give this Basri guy a chance. and a serious story for a change.

Green Lantern Corps #49 (DC)
Tony Bedard/Ardian Syaf/Vicente Cifuentes/Randy Mayor/Gabe Eltaeb/Steve Wands (cover: Syaf/Cifuentes/Ulises Arreola, variant: Patrick Gleason/John Dell/Mayor)
what we learned: the rebellious Alpha Lanterns' recruitment drive is in full swing and it may have added Jon Stewart. opps, i meant John Stewart. dumb keyboard.
oh shit moment: who's behind all this nonsense? no, not Tony Bedard! its the i-wanna-die-but-i-cant Cyborg Superman! paging Dr. Kevorkian!
what's next: paging Dr. Kevorkian!