illegal immigrant gives up citizenship, breaks Internet

ah, the brouhaha that comics cause nowadays. the medium has gone a long way from merely sending conservatives into a frenzy because it allegedly poisons the minds of kids. oh, wait. we're still in that era, aren't we?

it has been awhile since Supes has made a blatantly political statement (hmm, we should probably count his "Walk Across America" campaign last summer). basically he's leaning closer to Batman's politics. not so much, but closer.next stop: Batman, Inc.

and what does Marvel have to say about this?

nahh, that's Glenn Beck masquerading as the Thing. we all know Benjie's a hippie and moved to France (let the surrendering jokes commence) during Marvel's Civil War.

----------
Action Comics #900, FF #2

Spidey and his Fantastic Friends

FF #2 "Doom Nation"
Amazing Spider-Man #659 "Fantastic Voyage, Part 1 of 2"

and here i thought these two were linked story-wise; turns out its not. i totally enjoyed both anyway.

right after the drafting of now-accomplished nerd Spider-Man as Johnny's replacement, Jonathan Hickman surprised me by bringing Doom into the equation. well, not really because this was hinted back in earlier issues. i just thought he was going to join the Future Foundation as a tenuous member, a la Magneto in the current X-Men. maybe he still is, because he's not one to miss an opportunity to tout his intelligence (at least by the end of this issue). however, Reed should be more worried about Valeria (whom Doom named, in her revised origin), who seems to be getting or causing more trouble than Franklin when he was her age. she's probably too smart for her own good.

even as distracted as Reed can be, i don't think he would easily forget that was how Tony Stark came back to his proper senses in the recent Siege. oh well.

so, dumb-as-a-rock Doom ostensibly made a deal with Valeria to help him recover from his brain damage and be back to being the scumbag genius that he is, and they manage to do so, by copying some files from Doom ward Kristoff's own noggin. interestingly, Reed makes the moral if difficult decision to go along with it, even when given the chance to get rid of his longtime arch-enemy permanently. and what's the price Valeria demands? for Doom to defeat her dad. uhhh, what?

super-nerd Parker, also not a fan of Doom, at least is honest about cracking jokes regardless.

there's more to this than meets the eye, though. the next issue's preview show the return of the well-meaning yet blinded Reeds, and maybe that's what Doom needs (or Valeria wants Doom) to beat.

over in Spidey's own book, the foursome take a journey to an island they had visited early in their original incarnation, where Ben played Blackbeard the Pirate and get some gems back to a tiger-stroking Doom (heh) who had Sue as a hostage. anyway, some radioactive anomaly is emanating from this island and geeks just need to investigate radioactive anomalies.

funnily, with the attack-happy locals exercising their fear of strangers, its the FF's reputation that saves them (or is it the other way around). Dan Slott and Fred Van Lente continue their knack for snappy hilarious patter, which makes me wonder why they didn't get them to write Spider-Man a loooong time ago.

ending up fighting zombie pirates (eh?), the fun gets doubled as Benjie reprises his award-winning role, courtesy of Mr. Parker's quick thinking.

just like over in Avengers, we see that our heroes end up cleaning after old foes (think Spidey's rogues gallery ... his best baddies, minus the Goblin of course). with the promise of more ass-kicking, errr ... booty-kicking next issue, i can't wait!

FF story: A-  art: A-
ASM story: A+ art: A

Avengers 12.1 (a quick read)

oy! when did Hawkman join the Avengers???

a bookend to Brian Michael Bendis' relaunched Avengers run (because really, Twittergate notwithstanding, who knows what the man wants to do next? he's becoming a multimedia giant now), the Avengers find themselves cleaning up after old enemies, and running into an even older one that doesn't seem to know when its time is up.

is that War Machine or his cardboard cutout or Iron Man's hologram reflection?

the ballbuster pays a visit to our assembled heroes (i swear to God, this is the one thing they should have done a long time ago before Bendis, but it took them several long years to setup, what with the crossover stories they concocted up along the way - and it was all worth it, seeing everyone under the Avengers banner, even Banner). Jessica Drew, Agent of S.W.O.R.D., disappears during one of her alien-hunting jobs and now Agent Brand has to involve the whole team (just like she did with X-Men with Breakworld - twice). wah-wah-wah. and nobody informed Steve Rogers of her agency?? yeah, they were all busy. i'd be pissed too.

"and i am boinking her. also."

long story short, Jessica runs into an alien armor (it gave me hope that it would be a three-letter word - but it turned out to be six); however, the location is also where the sad-sack bunch of super-nerds, the Intelligencia (last seen being mopped on the floor in the pages of Hulk) are hiding. so what do a bunch of super-nerds do when they see a woman? why, undress her of course!!

i believe she did shave prior to going out on a mission.

Steve sends out selected personnel to find the missing Jessica. Iron Man would be there of course. and Thor. Beast. Wolverine (for tracking). and Space Ghost Penis, the Great Protector. Iron Man, in particular, trying his rein in his smugness after doing the noble thing of "wishing the Infinity Gems out of existence" (hah! tell that to Steve - oh, you did??), still fails miserably.

yes, Tony ... you are.

the Intelligencia tries to get info out of their naked lady prisoner, at the same time trying to figure out what that alien armor is all about. but before they can even reveal their plans to Jessica (yeah, Bendis - that was heeee-la-rious) ...

... our heroes burst in and save the day. Wolverine though, for all his posturing, doesn't even get to lay a claw on anyone. Best There Is, my ass.

can someone tell me where Thor put his cape?

so, all's well that ends well, right? no, not really, because all the poking around by D-list Iron Man villain Red Ghost results in the armor gaining sentience, and revealing itself to be ... Henry Pym's SON! (yeah, again.)

of course, that's a battle for the future. Iron Man himself said so. he knows! he's seen the future! (except Planet Hulk, Secret Invasion, Dark Reign, Siege ...)

what the hell happened to Hank's head? headshrinker!!

the Point One issues were aimed to be a nice jumping point for new readers, and they've succeeded largely to a degree. they even provide entertainment for us older fans, hence blog posts like these. if i have a complaint, its the frightening devolution of Bryan Hitch's art. he's known for ultra-detailed widescreen action splash pages, but in recent years, that's been a painful thing to see. to get his best work, it should not be under a tight deadline. oh dear.

bring on Herbie! not.

bye, Johnny. see you next year.

brother grimm

drive-by readings

Fantastic Four #584 (Marvel) "Three Part Two: Congratulations, Mr. Grimm. You're Handsome Again!" Jonathan Hickman Steve Epting Paul Mounts Rus Wooton Alan Davis/Mark Farmer/Javier Rodriguez (cover)

what we learned: this title has been gathering steam and now its clicking on all cylinders, with Jonathan Hickman bringing all the previously-introduced elements slowly to bear. Sue takes charge to be an ambasadress for the Atlantean tribes (Angelina Jolie!), and Reed may be in trouble with the Surfer. for the best part, he also finds a way to revive the 'can we make Ben Grimm human again' record and get away with it, with him and Johnny painting the town red (hey, Stan!), tangling with a retooled Yancy Street Gang (that was a hoot), and having a tender moment with Alicia (aaaawwwww).
oh shit moment: uh ... Galactus?
what's next: always expect the Fantastic. Hickman brings the wow every month. someone also draw up divorce papers for the Richards couple.

hey, me too!

buckheaded

drive-by readings

Captain America #609 (Marvel) "No Escape Part 4" Ed Brubaker Butch Guice Rick Magyar/Andrew Hennessy Paul Mounts Joe Caramagna Marko Djurdjevic (cover)

what we learned: Baron Zemo agitates Bucky easily and draws him into a trap, and uses Hauptmann to keep Steve, Sam and Natasha busy. naturally, Bucky is soon in chains and en route to Zemo island.
oh shit moment: how many times did Bucky get knocked out in the past six or seven issues? do we want this in our Captain America?
what's next: Bucky finally gets to die in the English channel. grab the popcorn.


Zemo missed out on shooting Cap so he had to make up for lost time.

just to mess with your head ...

... going into this nice long weekend, with an American legend sleeping with the little boy inside you.

tying the loose ends

drive-by readings

The New Avengers: Finale (Marvel) Brian Michael Bendis Bryan Hitch/Stuart Immonen Butch Guice/Andrew Currie/Karl Story Paul Mounts/Justin Ponsor/Rain Beredo Chris Eliopoulos

first up, let's see what Avengers maestro Brian Michael Bendis let us know about New Avengers: Finale:


i've been increasingly critical about Bryan Hitch's artwork, which was becoming 'dirtier' (maybe its the bunch of inkers he has to work with?) and due to either deadline concerns (sometimes i don't mind lateness if the artwork is blow-my-mind stellar) or the bulk of work to be drawn, he ends up drawing with painful postures and sometimes disproportionate limbs. i mean, study this scene below, and draw your own conclusions.


i love Hitch circa The Authority and The Ultimates. i believe he does his best work with Paul Neary or Andrew Currie, and will be best served with limited series work that has some leeway on its shipping schedule.

so what about the rest of the story? this is intended to tie the loose ends of Siege, because they decided that it was going to be a 4-issue series, and obviously that won't be enough to tell the whole kaboodle. last time we saw Madame Masque, she was hightailing it with her balls-less boyfriend, Parker the Robbin' Hood out of Oklahoma. turns out she went to run to her dad, Ra's Al Ghul. oh wait - that's Count Nefaria.


really, its hilarious that supervillains are named literally, to ensure that you know they're BAD: Erik Killmonger, Doctor Faustus, Eric The Red, Spymaster, Doctor Doom, Mister Fear. although Mister Fear and Dr. Doom sound really cool.

the guys need to capture them unless they want to hand the bad guys another opportunity to put them through this kind of wringer again. also, its way past time this Brian K. Vaughan creation be put to pasture, as we can agree with Count Nefaria, his 15 minutes are up. luckily, every other bad guy is more than happy to give him up. its refreshing to find the Avengers, and this time not just the regular Avengers we used to know, but every major and promoted-to-major character that Bendis incorporated into the fold during this decade, to be actually working together. Spider-Man shouldn't have to endure any JJJ tirades any longer from hereon - one word from Cap and Jameson should shut up. but then again, would that be consistent with the Spidey creative team's direction to keep him a lovable loser?


hey, hey, hey, don't call Nicky Boy a terrorist!

speaking of Spidey, i want him to be contributing some more brains to the operation. i know he's the joker of the group ("booties!"), and they need comic relief in the heat of battle, but he's smart and it was past time he got Stark sponsorship (don't mention that Spider Armor - or was that all forgotten after Brand New Day?).

Disney execs are ROTFL

the Avengers acquit themselves further by bagging the Hood, Masque, Hood's pal John King, and Nefaria, with the help of Wolverine ("anything to get away from Cyclops - guy was driving me nuts." - what, because he's under pressure to keep the mutant race alive, fend off Bastion with his leadership skills and tactics while keeping the body count to a minimum, keep his faith in Hope with Kurt in mind, AND keep his sanity knowing he's sleeping with Emma Frost every damn night? you don't say.), and the forgotten fact that Ms. Marvel can absorb energy and redirect it at you. hear that, Marvel supervillains? keep that in mind next time you meet Ms. Marvel!

its fun to see Maria Hill leading the cheers for the good guys to take over again. wasn't it so long ago she was staring down Captain America, and sought to take him down? i guess working with Tony Stark, and working Tony Stark, if you know what i mean, works wonders. holy crap - too bad Tony doesn't remember any of that! would she file a paternity suit against him if she got preggers and he denies it, because that's the truth - he really doesn't remember?

and what of Steve Rogers? 2007 was so long ago. to tell the truth, i'm not bitter that he was brought back, y'know? sure, his death, with all the hype and related comic work that earned Marvel a gazillion more dollars (catching the eye of Disney), has been taken down notches, but didn't we expect this (coming back) to happen? this was part of Marvel's plan all along - not like the death of Jean Grey on the moon, and the haphazard resurrection just to launch X-Factor. at least he's not coming back to reclaim the mantle, and they just issued a one-shot (hint: its not Who Won't Wield the Shield!) to sort that out (i'm kinda looking at you, Battle for the Cowl)

really? don't you remember you used a joy buzzer on Tony when he shook your hand in Civil War?

final scene: what, no Steve Rogers, Sharon Carter, Logan, or Natasha?

well, all's well that ends well, i guess. though i have a couple of questions: i wonder how Jessica Jones got herself an AT&T contract without being traced by Osborn/H.A.M.M.E.R.?

oh well, maybe Pete jailbroke it and added a variable cellsite piggybacker (really talking out of my ass now)

what i really wanna know is, Bryan Hitch, what's up with Luke's now-you-see-it-now-you-don't earring?



oh hey, anybody know where Daken is?

/the quick answer is: he's going to replace Wolverine, so he gets a free not-going-to-jail card.

the mother of all trick questions

snaps: Fantastic Four #576

... where we meet the representatives of water, whereas last week we met the denizens of the deep earth. waaaaaaaaait a minute, i see where you're going here, Jon Hickman! so you are telling me, that the three races of old as created by those smug Celestials were not Eternals, Deviants and humans? geddouddaheah!!

Johnny Storm ... loves the winter.


yes, yes ... you forgot making blockbuster movies!!!


Sue confessing to having an affair with a student, in front of students.


this is the Man vs. Wild episode we weren't supposed to see.


male chauvinist pigs all over the world suddenly collapsed from simultaneous heart attacks.

snaps: Power Girl #9

... where Palmiotti, Gray and Conner had me at "stupid American policemen." no, wait - it was right in the opening scene with PeeGee showering. oh hell, just read the thing - its a blast!

Jimmy Olsen a peeping Tom! who knew???


every woman should have this power. i mean, really.


careful, you pervs. your next victim might be ... Power Girl.


does Richard Starkings know about this?


yum.

snaps: Vengeance of the Moon Knight #5

... where Marc/Jake/Steven/whatever his name is this week, comes face to face with a resurrected Bushman (hey, i didn't know Necrosha extended this far ... or Blackest Night). and he pulls a trick where his costume/armor is intact while he goes out fighting in his underoos. who does he think he is - Tony Stark? also, Jay Leisten's inks take the rough edges out of Jerome Opena's previous style.

Brandon Lee really hated crows.



have you seen Franken-Castle??



considering you're like the black sheep of NY superheroes ... ummmm, no.



and why is the movie version of Jonathan Crane in this book?



glad to know he didn't forget his luchadore lessons from the Zapata Bros.

snaps: Captain America: Reborn #6

... where everything's anti-climatic. two new pieces of information: there's an apocalyptic future coming (well, that's not news) and recite this phrase before you go to bed: "like father, like daughter."

i didn't know Sam swung that way.


you mean the Canadian cable company right?


first, she gets mind-controlled and shoots Steve. now, she makes the Red Skull like the green giant. way to go, Sharon!!!


seriously though: Bryan Hitch's art has been getting ... painful, shall we say, in the past year or so. this is not The Authority and Ultimates vol. 1 .


if its painful for us, how much more for Steve? his torso seems have been Kate Moss-ed.


they're running? are they catching the Acela back to New York? where the hell's Cloak?

by the way, does this mean they had him all along, before Clint went nuts and went to kill Osborn and the girls had to rescue him? shouldn't Steve have led the charge? who coordinates all these stories??

so ... it didn't take that long eh? it wasn't that long ago when i wrote this.





for Ed Brubaker's next trick: Jean Grey is coming back. and as a bonus, so will Uncle Ben.