sizzler

drive-by readings

The Boys #46 (Dynamite) "Believe, Part Three" Garth Ennis Russ Braun Tony Aviña Simon Bowland Darick Robertson (cover)

what we learned: finally: Butcher and Hughie let it all out, and i can empathize with Hughie for being scared of not being trusted anymore. Butcher breathes a sigh of relief, but there's still a big problem as the two are in love. also Mother's Milk flask is missing.
oh shit moment: two: Queen Maeve is a spy for the Boys (and didja see her pics!!) and Hughie watches Annie/Starlight's initiation into the Seven.
what's next: like Butcher says, you gotta be cruel to be kind. is this gonna break up Hughie and Annie?


due to the family nature (pfshhh) of this blog, that's all we can show you.

opening wounds

drive-by readings

The Boys #45 (Dynamite) "Believe, Part Two" Garth Ennis Russ Braun Tony Aviña Simon Bowland Darick Robertson (cover)

what we learned: Annie comes clean with Hughie, but the latter pukes and runs. the Homelander and Oh Father start rolling the dice on whether they should support Vought on the "supes for national defense" thing. good thing the Boys are on the case.
oh shit moment: when i realized that The Female cutting loose in that right-wing Christian festival was just a teaser. damn!!!
what's next: Butcher and Hughie have been conveniently dancing around for issues now on the subject of Annie. goddammit, let the truth out already!!!


Simon Pegg is asking for his royalties.

drive-by readings: Herogasm #2

Herogasm #2 (Dynamite) "Amsterdam" Garth Ennis John McCrea Keith Burns Simon Bowland Tony Aviña Darick Robertson (cover)

we didn't learn much from this issue, except ... wait, we learned a lot from this issue, and they're all unprintable. yes, little boys, move along now, nothing to see here. don't you see the Mature Readers label? geddouddaheah.

and on that note ... we look forward to the Boys crashing the party next issue. snort up.

tripping the force magnetic pt. 5

a last look at a '90s classic ... if we can call it that.

Fatal Attractions
Excalibur #71 "Crossing Swords"
Scott Lobdell/Ken Lashley/Darick Robertson/Matt Ryan
Cam Smith/Randy Elliott/Randy Emberlin/Mark Nelson

the cover for the last chapter of Fatal Attractions is indicative of what the '90s comics were evolving into - exaggerated musculature and poses, and the bigger breasts, the better. man, these guys work out a lot! look at Colossus' abs! his waist must be like 24"! his legs are like sequoias!

one thing that bugged me was that V on the Acolytes' unis. what does it mean? victory? five? peace? shouldn't it say 'M' for Magneto? this harkens back to the Voltes V/Mazinger Z cartoons. why does Voltes V have an 'M' on his chest (which becomes the cross guard of his laser sword), while Mazinger Z had a 'V'? what the hell, man. as Bill Simmons would say, i need to know these things.

ok, back to the program.

the story so far is Magneto is back from the dead (that phrase will still be uttered even by the time my grandkids are like 12) and on a recruitment drive. despite only bagging Colossus (and a couple of young mutants, Rusty and Skids), he makes life miserable for our heroes, dismantling Cable, and sucking the adamantium out of Logan, not to mention all those people who died during his initial display of power with an EMP.

a few of Magneto's Acolytes, like Spoor (Spoor? what the hell is his mutant power? hair growth?) below have been imprisoned by the X-Men for rehab. the locks look faulty because here we are, seeing him locked in mortal combat with Nightcrawler, in the driving rain of Muir Isle.

yeah, you know he'd fart out loud in a full elevator.

my sarcastic question is answered: Spoor's power is to emit pheromones to enhance anyone's emotional state. that would go well during family reunions and domestic disturbances. he's usually questioned during murder cases in CSI and Law and Order.

apart from that cheery incident (Spoor escaped because Excalibur forgot to lock the door), everything else is cheery. that is, until a visit from the (real) X-Men sends everyone to the liquor cabinet.

Professor Xavier thinks Peter's decision to up and leave can be tied in to a previous head injury (sustained at the hands of that loser X-Cutioner) and with the death of his sister, made him lean towards the Magster. so they want to perform a lobotomy on him ... well, kinda. but they have to lure him back to Earth, and so what better bait than his ex-, Kitty "You Can't Touch This" Pryde, a.k.a. Shadowcat.

Kitty consents after some drama, and a fake message about wanting to join the cause is emailed to Avalon (what? of course its "themanager@avalon.com". there wasn't any email then? really?). by the way, be careful about sending fake emails; you could get into trouble. seriously, dude.

the jerk Exodus, who couldn't prevent his master from being mind-wiped, assumes control of Avalon and thus Colossus has to ask permission for him to bring Kitty back. hey, i wonder how Exodus' voice sounds like. he has this special dialogue balloons that seem to imply he talks in sinister, gravelly tones.

of course, somewhere over the Southwestern desert, the man/cyborg who was recently dismantled by Magneto intercepts that same message, and he thinks correctly that Colossus is being set up by Excalibur and Xavier. i wonder why he thinks though, that he needs to show up, if he has some scores to settle with the Acolytes. why not just go back up to Avalon and kick their butt, given that Magneto is no longer a threat (or doesn't he know that)?

oh what big teeth you have, Nathan

or its just an excuse to have a family reunion (at this stage, it still has not been confirmed that Cable is Cyclops' long-lost son).

speaking of which Jean confides to a daughter she instantly had, about wedding plans in the future (yes, that's the classic X-Men #30). she'd have more time to talk with Rachel about this, if only because of Professor X's proclivity of butting into people's conversations and lives at the wrong time. what if Scott and Jean were having sex? damn telepaths!

look, he's even vaguely smug.

Cable's attempt to inject himself unobtrusively totally fails, and he comes face to face with his (as yet unconfirmed) sister.

pointing guns at kin - yep, that's one happy family

Colossus teleports in (well, i guess someone repaired the systems in so short a time - that was probably a hell of a bill), and talks to Kitty, who in turn, tries her best to win the Oscar for 1993 ...

... just enough to provide her mates to collar Colossus, who of course sees it as another betrayal. what part of "no" do they not understand? i don't wanna be lobotomized! leave me the hell alone!


elsewhere, there's at least one who agrees with Peter, and wants to kick his ass as well. to do that, he's willing to kick his family members too. was Cable raised by white trash (a.k.a. Britney Spears)?

being also someone who's been time-tossed like Cable, Rachel manifests a Captain Britain persona and calls him Askani'son briefly, which stuns Cable into behaving a bit. that, and a psionic sucker punch. which means the mystery of these relationships will be addressed at a later date.

surgery commences for Colossus, courtesy of Cyclops' eye beams. i wonder why he doesn't do this more often - construction work, laser research, that kind of thing. oh that's right, those bastard evil mutants doesn't leave him a free day in his calendar. damn.

this issue would be too boring without some sort of mutant slugfest (fisticuffs between kin and friends included), so the other Acolytes make an appearance to ehm, retrieve Colossus, but with all the intention of slugging it out with anyone who even disagrees with them verbally. good thing Kurt knows a thing or two about verbal. ol' Nightcrawler is too much of a handful for Acolytes. without Magneto, these sheep are stuck in kindergarten, as i said.

even Scott lends an ... eye. very useful in peace or war. he's a hit with the chicks (yes, i'm talking to you, Emma).


and what of their newest sheep? ah well, he seems cured.


... but he's still leaving. not that he's ungrateful and all, but ...

this is generally the weakest of the issues in the crossover, though it provides an amount of closure to the "Angry Peter" period. we all know he wouldn't last long with those zealots. the best thing Fatal Attractions provided is a new direction for Wolverine, and that Magneto mindwipe stunt begat Onslaught - a huge, huge crossover event that involved the whole Marvel Universe, completely broke our trust in Xavier, and allowed Rob Leifeld to come back to Marvel (even if we knew he was gonna stink up the joint and wasn't gonna last long either).

boys2men. (pause) not.

The Boys
Garth Ennis/Darick Robertson
DC/Wildstorm


Garth Ennis, how do i love thee? let me count the ways ...

ok, i can't count that high. but i love you, man.

coming off the heels off my faves Preacher and the Punisher, Ennis needed to get back into the superhero game (his previous DC work Hitman is on my hit list as well), but on his own terms. and this is it.

Present-day earth has been overrun by capes. by capes, we mean metahumans. by metahumans, we mean superheroes. by superheroes, we mean dudes and dudettes with extraordinary powers. and no, this is not a good thing.

just ask Wee Hughie.


a slacker and conspiracy theorist who's life is just turning the corner, the best moment he's ever had is shattered in a few seconds. a fight between a superhero and a supervillain turns ugly and Hughie's girlfriend has to be scraped from a wall. in just one page, Darick Robertson (veteran of edgy and occasionally mind-fucking fare such as Transmetropolitan) already answers the "why". this is Ennis' version of Civil War; take that, Mark Millar!

flash ... ah-hah ... he'll save everyone of us ... if he doesn't kill us first

capes have dominated the landscape, and governments reluctantly have had to clean up behind them, for the "greater good". it was inevitable that super-powered individuals would eventually let that power into their head and it shows. consider for example, the Seven, which are obviously modeled after DC's Justice League (aren't they all?). this distortion of the hero/anti-hero echoes the Authority going up against the G7 countries and their own homegrown capes (another of my favorite books, written by Millar himself).


that's where the similarities to the JLA end; the Seven are several 180 degrees from those boy scouts. their newest member, Starlight (the Green Lantern analogue), has to perform oral sex to three members for her initiation. Queen Maeve (Wonder Woman) cusses and smokes (and who knows what else). A-Train (Flash) was responsible for the death of Hughie's girl. and of course, you have the Aquaman analogue, The Deep, complaining about billing and income.

money ... money changes everything

somehow they have principles; here Homelander (Superman, who else) gives A-Train an ass kicking for an inappropriate joke. if he's that badass, i can only imagine what Black Noir (the Batman) does in his spare time.


and if you can't read who the Martian Manhunter equivalent was from the meeting pic above, he's called Jack from Jupiter (that cracked me up).

and those are the grown-ups. the young 'uns, like the ones in Teenage Kix (Teen Titans presumably), lead testosterone-filled lives in moral absentia while high on depravity. and these are the "good guys".

to see the whole story ... buy the book, dammit!

and so ... enter Billy (the) Butcher.

mandated to keep the capes in line, and having no compunction in crossing it if necessary, Billy reassembles his old team and pulls in favors from the CIA to use resources. Billy seems to be the personification of "badass", even in this world where the capes can be interchanged with villains, and despite the occasional "father figure" posing.

i mean he even sics his bulldog, Terror, on a hapless shih tzu.


but he's disciplined, and he has a plan.


although we should ask, what's in it for him? a story for another day (there's only four issues so far, dammit!).


so his second order of business (after gathering his team), is to give Teenage Kix a scare.


his army includes a Frenchman called The Frenchman, who as these two panels clearly demonstrate, is unlike any of his compatriots who rolled over for the Germans (ok, that stale joke was the cause of the severe beating these gentlemen are getting from him).


there's also a nameless girl - well, she's referred to as 'the female of the Species' and obviously is not a boy but is part of the Boys. she's mute, she prefers not to be touched, and deals brutality to rival Mafia gangs.


the hilarious scene echoes an earlier Punisher story, written by ... who else?

there's also a black dude named Mother's Milk, whom little is known about at this stage, except he's a single parent, he'd rather do community service, but according to Billy, is the engine that makes the whole thing go.

speaking of Billy again, just in case you're ready to give him a Nobel prize for trying to bring the capes in line, here's a scene for you - they might term it "being in bed with the CIA".

if you want to see the whole thing ... buy the book, dammit!


so what about Wee Hughie Campbell's role in all of these proceedings? Billy wants someone on his team who has a personal stake (albeit subtly forced by Billy) in roping in the out-of-control heroes. Hughie grudgingly agrees, even getting some kicks in functioning as the evidence-collector (basically paparazzi work). but when Billy slyly injects him with a DNA-altering serum that would allegedly enable him to go toe to toe with the super-powered loose cannons, Hughie has his doubts. it remains to be seen how this will all play out.



all i can say is, i am sure i'll be as spellbound and excited to follow this series like i did Preacher.

by the way, just for anyone who's planning to purchase a firearm, Butcher has this to say:


so either you're a wanker. or not.

i'm betting if you don't like this comic, you are a wanker. wanker.
-----
issues read #1-4