the mighty daken

drive-by readings

Daken - Dark Wolverine #1 (Marvel) "Empire Part 1" Daniel Way/Marjorie Liu Giuseppe Camuncoli Onofrio Catacchio Frank D'Armata Cory Petit Camuncoli/Marte Gracia (cover) Gabrielle Dell'Otto/Marko Djurdjevic (variant covers)

what we learned: nothing much. we know Daken hates his dad Wolverine with a passion second to none, although is he going to make a move and simply kill him, when he's been bested in their last chickenfight and his ass was saved with that business with FrankenCastle. so if its his time, its his time to do what?
oh shit moment: he's friggin' doing Bruno in Milan, but with claws. and who's the leader of the Red Right Hand? ("Nick Cave!" someone yells)
what's next: there better be a great payoff with Liu jumping off Black Widow and rejoining Way to chronicle more of our androgynous anti-hero/villain, now that Logan's in hell.


you really should be wary of "free wine tastings".

Peter and the Chicken, Marvel style

drive-by readings

Dark Wolverine #89 (Marvel) "Punishment Chapter 3" Daniel Way/Marjorie Liu Stephen Segovia/Paco Diaz Craig Yeung/Guillermo Ortega Antonio Fabela Cory Petit Simone Bianchi/Simone Peruzzi (cover)

what we learned: continuing the battle between the Wolverine brood versus Franken-Castle, Logan protects Daken due to a warped sense of honor and fatherhood for a jackass who wants his head on a stake anyway.
oh shit moment: you can feel the palpable glee of each character as they individually one up the other. but it feels like a parody because no one will really die. i mean, there shouldn't even be a Franken-Castle.
what's next: Daken gets the Bloodstone, Frank probably dies and gets reborn (yet again) and Logan wins Father of The Year.


Wolverine's the best at what he does - slicing fingers off.

monkey do

drive-by readings

Hit-Monkey #2 (Marvel) "Year of the Monkey, Part 2" Daniel Way Dalibor Talijic Jose Villarubia Joe Sabino

what we learned: Hit-Monkey crashes the wedding of General Kato's daughter, and manages to kill him, despite Bullseye hanging around. and being kicked by a horse.
oh shit moment:Bullseye kills a child just because. aren't you glad he's supposed to be dead by now?
what's next: Hit-Monkey vs Bullseye, Final Round!


if you think about it, Bullseye, he's actually your uncle.

snikts: Dark Wolverine #86 & Wolverine: Origins #48

... where we're kinda sick of all the posturing, ADD-addled, obsessive-compulsive behavior being exhibited by Logan and his extended family. i mean, fine, you all hate each other, just kill the guy next to you and be done with it!!! geez.



y'all have claws. y'all don't know what to do with them.


man, this thing is so gay its not happy anymore.


oh, look, who's upset because Crystal Bowersox didn't win this season's American Idol:


and he has more spit than the winner!!!


and when he asks his father why the most talented people don't win:



now back to Logan; it took you this long to do this???


oh, wait, that was just what Logan wanted to do! what he actually does is imprison Romulus in the Darkforce Dimension inside Cloak. ooooooo-kay. but it took you this long to do that too??

by the way, if its dark in there, how come there's light?


oh, look we got a cutter!!



huh. look, Tyrone's the voice of reason. by the way, dude? you're responsible for the X-Men being trapped in Utopia. if you didn't leave, THEY. STILL. WOULD. HAVE. A. GODDAMNED. TELEPORTER. selfish prick.

Lo-gone.

Wolverine gets sent to Hell, Daken takes over. awesome!! [via @jasonaaron]

why the hell do i bother to hope?!

of course, Osborn is NOT going to be killed by Daken. there's Siege! and who knows if Osborn is going to be killed at all!

-----
Dark Wolverine #83

Deadpool, spiders and monkeys, oh my!

with the arrival of Hitman Monkey on the scene, the Marvel Universe is about to be turned upside down. well, at least for Spidey and Deadpool.

in a nutshell, if you missed the simian assassin's origin, suffice it to say he learned from a great killer. combine with natural monkey agility and survival skills, you probably have one of the better assassins in history. and now he's out to wipe out the competition. hey, Wade, look out!!

if this isn't made into a movie, i'm going to stage a protest march. ok, can we have him at least in the 3rd Spider-Man movie after the reboot? or in the Deadpool solo film?

-----
Deadpool #20

snaps: Wolverine Origins #44

... where a title like Wolverine Origins get increasingly set in the present, and nothing much about his origins really have come much into fore since Daken and the idiotic Romulus. speaking of Romulus, he's up for lamest villain ever for being a huge drama queen. instead of Logan kicking better ass, he's resorted to recruiting big petulant green aliens for allies and jailbreaking a chick mis-named after a restauant chain, with a snow globe for a head.

who-hoah! hold yer horses right there, pardner! there was a fight but i wouldn't call it "epic".


no, you don't. bet you don't have Jean Grey's number.


let me get this straight: with the superpower-dampeners in effect, shouldn't Logan be screaming in pain right now because his healing factor's not working? or are mutant powers excluded?


the prospect of gay sex stunned the ultra macho Wolverine into a few moments of silence.


that would be like kissing a fishbowl. and no, Dagger is cooking pot roast tonight.


let me ask you some: you had Wolverine dead to rights, you coulda killed him, then you leave but go back to stalking him. you are the worst kind of obsessive fan, Romulus. Glenn Close had nothing on you.

and what the hell is this about???

and just like when Osborn took down the Skrull queen, denying our heroes the chance to get some payback, it looks like history's repeating itself.

the odds are this is just a reality-bending segment woven by those magical knitting bitches witches who like bringing down Ragnarok on our favorite Asgardians.

-----
Dark Wolverine #82

ape-ssassin

to wash yourselves off from the previous post:



what happens if Tommy Monaghan crossed universes and was reincarnated as a Marvel Ape? you get ... Hitman Monkey!!!

snaps: Deadpool #17

thoughts from Deadpool #17 ...

1) this is why flatscans must die. they're dumb and cause angina.


2) Domino and Emma got facial surgery from Deadpool's doctor


3) doesn't he shoot beams out of his ass too?


4) no telepathy link means X-Men must look like douchebags. minus bluetooth.


5) Logan, Jean Grey (Scott's wife), Domino (Scott's son's ex-gf): you do the math. next up: either Rachel or Hope Summers. don't say i didn't warn ya.

x marks the pool

drive-by readings

Deadpool #16 (Marvel) "Want You to Want Me: No Man is An Island" Daniel Way Paco Medina Juan Vlasco Marte Gracia Joe Sabino Jason Pearson (cover)

after being disappointed with Way's recent Wolverine Origins arc, i feel better with his Deadpool work. its kind of meandering, but i guess Deadpool shouldn't have any permanent affiliations - he's a mercenary for cryin' out loud. so why's he joining the X-Men again?

well, maybe that's because he has more in common with them - sort of. he's palled around with Cyclops' son. he dated Siryn for awhile (sort of). he's got history with them. still, Cyclops isn't convinced. until the suddenly smoking-hot (again) Dagger (thank Civil War for that) manages to convince them of the hypocrisy of turning Deadpool's application away. so off goes Domino to recruit him back. but not after pancake breakfast. sort of. hey, Domino gets to slap Cyclops. i'm surprised Emma didn't lobotomize her right there and then.

so first order of business. 'Pool is on probationary status. and he gets to wear the X logo. and he's going to kill Cessily's deadbeat father. the look on Cyclops' face was hilarious.

when like Romulus ...

drive-by readings

Wolverine Origins #40 (Marvel) Daniel Way Scot Eaton Andrew Hennessy Andy Troy Cory Petit Doug Braithwaite/Art Lyon (cover) Simone Bianchi/Simone Peruzzi (variant cover)

so, how does this compare to the now-classic Wolverine #90?

the answer is ... ummm, no.

i was expecting a much bloodier and gorier affair. you have an angry Wolverine on one hand, and on the other, his longtime under-the-radar "mentor"/nemesis whom he's meeting for the very first time. suddenly Logan loses all of his strategic fighting skills? his bull-in-the-china-shop approach plays right into Romulus' hands and he gets slapped around for the effort. eventually Wolverine fights smarter and gets the upper hand, de-pantsing Romulus as a big-muscled jerk who uses fake claws.

then before you start cheering, Romulus conks Logan out with the Muramasa sword handle. all these talk about Weapon X alumni as indestructible weapons and Logan being the best at what he does and he gets taken out by a sword handle. WTF, Daniel Way. this is a Wolverine book. not Power Pack. was the original script of this fight spiked by Disney????

so in the end, Romulus is still out there, waiting for the eventual winner between Logan and Daken. the winner will be the one "closest to what Romulus is". all this philosophical sissy shit is making my head ache. bring back Larry Hama, goddammit!!!

4 > 3 > 2

so that's the much-hyped Romulus!!!

if you believe the hype, this guy is the single most important figure in shaping Wolverine into who he is now (even much more influential than Weapon X and Charley Xavier). he looks much more dangerous than Apocalypse or Mr. Sinister. well, i said looks. he kinda resembles Ra's Al Ghul crossed with Vandal Savage and ... ooppss, wrong company.

and what's his goal again? manipulating Logan's bloodline to do what? create Weapons of Mass Destruction? to do what?

and if he's hell-bent on finding his true heir among all the adamantium-tinged freaks he loves to play with (presumably all dead with the exception of Logan and Daken), does it mean he really can be slain with the Muramasa blade too, because if he's that powerful and no one can take him down, what's the point eh?

by our math, 4 claws are much better than 3, so that leaves X-23 as the low woman on the totem pole (see X-Force #18 for her funny evisceration, on sale now! - Axel Alonso).

even Logan doesn't walk around shirtless. well, maybe around the Westchester mansion grounds in summer, back in the day. and he has a better haircut. i guess, being near immortal, you just give up when your favorite barber keeps croaking every 20 years or so.

-----
Wolverine: Origins #39

drive-by readings: Wolverine #77

Wolverine #77 (Marvel) Daniel Way Marjorie Liu Giuseppe Camuncoli Onofrio Cattachio Marte Gracia Cory Petit Leinil Francis Yu/Jason Keith (variant cover)

continuing Daken's not-so-subtle manipulation of his temporary teammates and other characters (currently the FF), resulting in burnt flesh, broken bones, damaging injuries mostly to him. to what end, i don't know. thankfully, they put in the Dark Reign flavor right within the regular Wolverine book, unlike Bullseye ... oh, that's right, Hawkeye doesn't have a regular book. back to Daken. he can pull off this shit, because he's practically indestructible. as he said, he's currying favor with people just in case the ones he hangs out with get marched off to the gallows soon enough. we can't wait for that day. also we can't wait for the day somebody really wipes off that grating smug smile off Daken's face, courtesy of Mr. Camuncoli.

side note: see, for all of Reed Richards' smarts, he can't even mooch data off Osborn's computer. loser.

side note 2: hey, Leinil, what the hell is Daken supposed to be doing on that cover? stepping off from some invisible helicopter? or walking on thin air from building to building?

drive-by readings: Deadpool #13

Deadpool #13 (Marvel) "Wave of Mutilation: Profiteerin' L.A.M.F. Part 1" Daniel Way Shawn Crystal John Lucas Lee Loughridge Cory Petit Jason Pearson (cover)

Deadpool is officially overexposed, but since Wolverine remains popular despite appearing in about a gazillion books every month, Marvel just keeps churning 'em out. not sure if the two 'Pool books cross-reference each other, because here Daniel Way takes the Merc with a Mouth and his faithful parrot sidekick Bob out to sea and do some serious pillaging. seriously. and right after he got bank. i guess being rich does get boring after awhile. putting 'Pool in breaking-the-fourth-wall comedy situations can be fun for awhile, but i miss the wisecracking badass who can slice and dice with the best of them (yes, talking to you, Logan, Bullseye). and at the end of the day, he's gonna have a heart of gold and be a lovable loser - please, there's only one Peter Parker. next issue, i want to see him carve up the nasty pirates threatening a resort island in deliciously gory ways as the story title suggests, but i think i am going to be disappointed.

drive-by readings: Dark Wolverine #75

Dark Wolverine #75 (Marvel) "The Prince, Part 1" Daniel Way Marjorie Liu Giuseppe Camuncoli Onofre Catacchio Marte Gracia Cory Petit Leinil Francis Yu/Laura Martin (cover) Marko Djurdjevic (variant cover)

the darkest part of this Wolverine knockoff getting the Dark Reign treatment has to be, without any doubt, the coming aboard of romance novelist Marjorie Liu to script Daken's adventures along with Wolverine: Origins scribe Daniel Way, the gleeful chronicler of Marvel's nastier characters. is this why we get a sex scene straight out of Zane's playbook? not that i read Zane, mind you. honest!

maybe we should keep this Dark Reign ball rolling for awhile, as we never had this kind of tension in an Avengers headquarters, probably since Hank Pym built a robot to "rescue" the Avengers from. or when Wonder Man started banging the Scarlet Witch, right under the nose of a reconfigured Vision. or when Clint started banging Jan. you get the idea. Daken + Bullseye (Hawkeye) + Venom + Ares + Norman Osborn = it boggles the mind that they haven't killed each other yet.

this is a terrific jumping on point for new readers, who should have at least a passing familiarity with Wolverine (who technically has been pushed aside in his own book for awhile). Daken is a deliciously nasty piece of work, who has his own agenda (don't they all) not exactly running parallel with Osborn's. but then again, what's his goal? it's not just to supplant Osborn, or kill his dad ... there has to be something else.

hey, Marvel - when you decide to kick these bad guys out of the house ... you better make it count. i want blood. i want teeth kicked in. i want skulls caved in. you hear me, Joe Quesada? and no copping out either. i don't want the Beyonder suddenly appearing and waving them all off out of existence. or Uatu tripping on his own two feet and crushing Venom with his big head. i want real heroes drawing blood! blood i say!

drive-by readings: Deadpool #11

Deadpool #11 (Marvel) "Bullseye, Part 2: Let The Healing Begin" Daniel Way Paco Medina Juan Vlasco Marte Garcia Cory Petit Jason Pearson (cover)

Deadpool is such a fun character he can work with almost any Marvel property (i mean they paired him with the dour Cable and even that lasted like 50 issues). they should probably do straight up Deadpool vs. ??? stories from now on. the only downside to that is that it might get monotonous as we know Deadpool never dies (hello, Wolverine) and there'd be no lasting resolution. shit, that wasn't a good idea after all. but anyway, 'Pool vs. Bullseye? that box office gold, right there. no need to pull any punches here. in fact, Bullseye holds the advantage for most of it until the last few pages. that's when our resident wacko mercenary skewers Bullseye with a hook for uh, beating his meat. seriously.

pool flip

say "oh shit!" in Skrull-ese.


in a nutshell: 'Pool masquerades as a baseball team mascot when a Skrull ship comes a-knocking on a baseball game (really?). 'Pool singelhandedly kills the ship to flatten the Skrull troops on the ground. and then he does what he does. i kinda miss Nicieza's comedy slant though.

-----
Deadpool #1

hulkamania 2

World War Hulk sightings:

Hulk Destroys the Marvel Universe
i mean, wow. it was almost as if, to a man, the Marvel head honchos said, "ok, how do we top our heroes kicking each others' butt? well, let's have the Hulk kick all their butts! and really good!" the Hulk has never been written this powerful and menacing, and he has control of all his faculties. means bad news for all his former friends, who wish they still had the original dumb Hulk leaping around.

She-Hulk? for once, blood is not thicker than water.


Ares? i think he has to give up this 'God of War' thing.


Human Torch? you must be kid-ding.


Ben Grimm? definitively the ass-kicking of his life.


and Mr. Smarty-Pants Reed Richards himself? well, you know what they say about good intentions. hopefully, he still has a third honeymoon in him.

that's Black Bolt, Iron Man, the Avengers (the supposedly mighty ones - how does this tie-in with New Avengers?), the X-Men, and the Fantastic Four ... including give or take a few of heavy hitters. the last remaining hope is Dr. Strange, who couldn't complete his spell, and the enigmatic Sentry (which for the life of me, i don't know why he's sitting at home watching Food Network). wait ... who's that approaching? is that General Thunderbolt Ross? seriously!?

Iron Man gets Screwed

by one of his Initiative recruits, no less. it didn't take long for sneaky government types to meddle with the super-army Tony Stark built. Hardball, an immature loose cannon who hasn't really revealed the full extent of his powers, has been coerced to sell the one thing that could have brought the Hulk down for family security. security, pfah!

New Yorkers have an Attitude. Even The Young'Uns.
if i were Daredevil, i'd have smacked the shit out of this kid. i'm just saying!


CSI Alienation

an android under the command of the AWH (aliens with Hulk) gets "killed" and the outerworlders are out for blood. what do we humans do? why, conduct an investigation, of course. easier said than done.

Ghost Rider Cops Out

and i mean the Ghost Rider, not Johnny Blaze. Dr. Strange said it well - Blaze was the one limiting the Rider's powers, because if not, you'd have a much more powerful entity unleashed on the world. however, that might be the one thing needed to beat the Hulk.

can you imagine the Hulk being mischievous? (straps a 7 train to the unsuspecting GR's chain)


after dropping a building on Hulk (cool) and expanding a huge blast of hellfire (how is NYC still standing?), it all comes to this staredown and ...


... nothing. Ghost Rider drives away because he only avenges the innocent.

which most certainly, our so-called protectors (Iron Man, Reed Richards, etc.) haven't been.

but ... but ... what about the innocents killed in this attack? you mean there's no body count? are you kidding me?

damn you, Daniel Way!


i knew the continuity was breaking down. for those who haven't read it yet, sorry for spoiling it for you, but you'd better read this thing from beginning to end when its all said and done.
-----
World War Hulk #2
Greg Pak, John Romita Jr., Klaus Janson
Avengers: The Initiative #4
Dan Slott, Stefano Caselli
World War Hulk: Frontline #2
Paul Jenkins, Ramon Bachs
Ghost Rider #13
Daniel Way, Javier Saltares, Scott Hanna