the brave and the bald

drive-by readings

Astonishing X-Men #35 (Marvel) Warren Ellis Phil Jimenez Andy Lanning Frank D'Armata Joe Caramagna

what we learned: we finally meet Kaga, who has an axe to grind against beautiful and handsome mutants. i would too, if i weren't handsome.
oh shit moment: Cyclops almost becomes Wolverine but still shows his goody side. Wolverine is still Wolverine, and introduces his left fist to Kaga.
what's next: keep this creative team rolling, Joe Quesada. and keep the delays to a minimum please.


you're complaining?? i can't even get a hundred readers for this blog!

snaps: Astonishing X-Men #33

... where the team gets a little bit closer to the dude named Kaga who read a bunch of X-comics and crossovers in the '90s, found that mutants were a bad thing, and proceeded to use genetics and tech-wizardry to kill our heroes. he even uses the head of Paradigm, a poor man's Douglock, to interface with his techno-organic monstrosities, and as a taunting object. too bad, the two characters who can easily fix this shit - Kitty Pryde and Jesse Aaronson - are not in the picture. or are they?

1) and Scott said, 'let there be light' and there was ...


2) with Jubilee's impending return, i sense a catfight soon for the right to be Logan's Spunky, Wisecracking & Cute Asian Sidekick.


3) and morning, noon and night, i'll give ya ... head!


4) ok ... Cat Beast vs Dog Beast ... who ya got????



5) you and me both, Cyke!!!

weird science

drive-by readings

Astonishing X-Men #32 (Marvel) "Exogenetic, Part 2" Warren Ellis Phil Jimenez Andy Lanning Frank D'Armata Joe Caramagna

now we're talking. Phil Jimenez knocks this one out of the park, depicting the X-Men saving downtown San Francisco from a bio-engineered Sentinel - and the Brood, of all things. favorite moments: Emma getting thrown thru a cable car, Cyke punching a hole through the Sentinel's hand, Wolverine cutting a sleazoid to ribbons, and oh yeah, Hank referring to Abby as his "little fruitbat". that's a sign they're gonna make it for the long haul. they even have a romp in the backseat. nice moves, McCoy.

Abby reveals to them that X-haters have seemingly found a way to take X-Men research and use it to create stuff to kill them. but what does this have to do with the Brood? also what does it have to do with that chunk of rock in space that she was investigating last issue? Warren Ellis allows the questions to build. at least its something my brain can wrap its feeble matter around.

down to earth

drive-by readings

Astonishing X-Men #31 (Marvel) "Exogenetic, Part 1" Warren Ellis Phil Jimenez Andy Lanning Frank D'Armata Joe Caramagna Travis Charest/Justin Ponsor (variant cover)

Abby Brand, current Hank McCoy flame, leads a S.W.O.R.D. contingent in some kind of black ops mission, then evacuates as the Brood throws their op to shit and she's forced to crash land on Earth. S.W.O.R.D./US Space Command has no way to protect those West Coast bums from a fiery spaceship crash, so who they gonna call? The! X-Men!

apparently, the events here occur before the Osborn/X-Men spat, as they are still in the Marin Headlands. what else do we glean from this sequence of events?

- in such emergencies the US Space Command does not call the Avengers or Norman Osborn himself, they call the X-Men.
- apparently, Abby also managed to nudge her spacecraft enough to crash where friends are so they can rescue her (brilliant!!)
- despite the loss of Prof. X's money and Sh'iar tech, the X-Men still get neat toys (the X2, a Blackbird for a new generation, straight from "the most brilliant and unhinged scientific minds in Japan" - oh you mean those who cook up those hentai shit?)
- Cyclops stages the rescue operation because "no one else has a prayer". uh, doesn't S.W.O.R.D. work with H.A.M.M.E.R.? did they forget they have the Sentry? (apparently, he's off spacing out again and dreaming about a thousand exploding suns. or was that a million? oh look, dandelions!)
- Emma smugly teeps (yes, thank you, DnA!) Abby that "a day without doing something stupid isn't worth getting out of bed for." OH!! so that's the motivation of those Jackass dudes!!!
- is Storm divorced from T'Challa? why is she hanging around with her buddies, getting into pissing contests with Emma, whom even Hank wants to piss on? (whooaaa. bestiality. golden showers. slow down, buddy.)

exciting rescue comes to an end at Fisherman's Wharf, where they all have clam chowder thereafter. oh, and a supposed dead student reappears and morphs into some kind of organic zombie sentinel. wait, is this Necrosha yet?

this title has gone weird on me since Joss Whedon left (well, what can I do, its the one and only Warren Ellis!). maybe i just miss the clean art of John Cassaday. Phil Jimenez ain't no slouch, but look who's doing variant covers! its the guy who left me at the altar that was WildC.A.T.S. vol. 2. welcome back, Travis - do you still have it in you??

drive-by readings: Amazing Spider-Man #599

Amazing Spider-Man #599 (Marvel) "American Son, Part 5 of 5" Joe Kelly Stephen Segovia Paulo Siquiera Marco Checchetto Amilton Santos Jeromy Cox Chris Chuckry Joe Caramagna Phil Jimenez/Andy Lanning (cover)

you can't say Norman Osborn's a waffler. once its decidedly apparent that Harry doesn't want to play the role of his American Son (after the big reveal of last issue), he takes him off the will and focuses on his yet-unborn child with Lily the Menace (gaaaaahhhh!). this means Harry is pretty much useless to him as a flower in a firefight. but Peter's best friend (seriously? all my years i never saw Harry give to Peter as much as Peter gave to him) has other ideas and narrowly defeats his pyscho pop. only Peter saves him from delivering the final blow (sorry, Logan), ensuring that the Dark Reign will continue well till the end of the year. take a bow, Joe Kelly.

drive-by readings: Amazing Spider-Man #598

Amazing Spider-Man #598 (Marvel) "American Son, Part 4 of 5" Joe Kelly Paulo Siquiera Marco Chechetto Amilton Santos Jeromy Cox Chris Chuckry Chris Eliopoulos Phil Jimenez/Andy Lanning (cover)

gaaaaahhhhh! my eyes!! i need an industrial-strength eyeball washer after that ghastly cover. now i don't wanna be a daddy no more. damn you, Phil Jimenez!

last issue, we were made to understand that Norman Osborn shot Spider-Man (dressed as Venom) in the head, after getting caught infiltrating Avengers Tower. turns out here that the Venom costume as provided by Reed Richards is much tougher than most and saves Peter from another embarrassing unmasking (see: War, Civil). however, Osborn figures out the way to beat the unstable molecules based on Tony Stark's notes (the loser mandated the use of Oscorp technology post-Skrull Invasion, but here he is copping from StarkTech. tch. loser.). good thing Harry comes in to save the day ...

speaking of Harry ... well, what can i say? either he's the most unstable, unreliable dude in the world or he's just naive like its 1999. there's no room for any other characterization. somehow the revelation that that "Menacing" baby is not Harry's is thumbs up in my book, as Marvel puts the adult spin on these stories responsibly and not coyly like Ultimates 3. whether we can admit it or not, the Spidey brain-trust has slowly righted the ship (post-Mephisto deal).

Peter Parker liplocks NYC Mayor

not only once, but twice!


can you imagine Hizzoner Mike Bloomberg in this pose? eeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwww.

-----
Amazing Spider-Man #547, 554

parker posing

what would these two agree on for an x-deal?



i know! Barack would "politely request" tabloids and newspapers (that's you, DB) to lay off Spidey. in turn, he would join the Presidential Inauguration train as a security consultant, complementing the Secret Service.

what they really said was ...

DC's upcoming summer event, unveiled at the NYComicCon, is called Countdown, and here's the poster to titillate fanboys everywhere.



but do you think our heroes were just posing? what do you think where they thinking, or wanted to say? DC might not want you to know ... but with a little help from Comic Book Creator, let's shed a little light on the subject, shall we ...?