bullet day, i will giant you

drive-by readings

Batman #702 (DC) "Part Two: Batman's Last Case" Grant Morrison Tony Daniel Ian Hannin Travis Lanham

what we learned: the missing details of how Batman disappeared over Final Crisis/Batman R.I.P. and got stranded in time. the smartest man in the universe figures it all out as he gets Omega Sanction-ed. Darkseid makes it the trap for the ages and something you can't get out of, but Bats inadvertently creates a hole in it by killing Darkseid with his magic bullet.
oh shit moment: Scott Free, i think you should give up your title as the Universe's best escape artist.
what's next: do you know what my next cologne is? its Essence of Bullet.


Batman lost braincells on his trip backwards in time, he couldn't even spell his name.

snaps: Blackest Night #8

... where the Rainbow Riders finally get to defeat Nekron and the Black Hand (as if there was any doubt). and in a complete reversal of a cookie-cutter comicbook event, NO ONE DIES (well, except the bad guy and the jury is out on that, and because they were fighting dead people to begin with), and A FEW DEAD PEOPLE COME BACK (not just all you hoped for). all in all, i'd still rank Blackest Night below The Sinestro Corps War, primarily because there were no more surprises after the first issue. plus with the Internet talk these days, you basically get a preview of what's going to happen anyway ... what's that? Brightest Day is going to be a gay musical starring our DC heroes? for sure?

"and that's for not getting my back when i got captured by that loser Libra!!"


why do you have to be a heartpuller?


coming soon to Broadway: Brightest Gay Day!


"uh, J'onn ... are you gonna reimburse us for that funeral we threw you?"


goodbye, Infinite Crisis!


goodbye, 90's!! farewell, beard and hook!!


William can't even wipe off his drool with his Hand.

snaps: Justice League - The Rise of Arsenal #1

... where we stick the knife in deeper into Roy Harper's broken heart, gouge at his entrails, and kick his severed arm around the room. seriously, James Robinson severely damaged this character and now we're supposed to believe he's going to come back as a badass evil-crushing vigilante of sorts - that is, if he doesn't die first (see, its the powerless archers that get deconstructed and "die honorably" - see The Nail, and Another Nail). and how do we explain the 2000 resurrection of Oliver Queen? ah, editor ex machina. welcome back to the '90s, DC. i guess that Hot Tub Time Machine does work!

"Freddy Marvel" is a sore loser with video games.


ah ah, tactical error, Roy. you shoulda stomped him to the ground. do not ever listen to a villain prattling.


whoooops - somebody's pulling a fast one, Mr. Green-Gigolo-who-allegedly-had-a-threesome-with-Zinda-and-Helena.


for once, the Canary Cry is silenced.


you know who i'd cast as that pusher? Christopher Walken *. YEAH.



* well, only because David Carradine accidentally killed himself.

snaps: Green Arrow #31

... where we see Oliver Queen continue his fall from grace, shooting arrows at everything all the way down. i wonder where this is leading to. is he going to be an anti-hero, getting into conflict with the moralistic DCU heroes from time to time? it would be worth it as long we can also see some upper-tier DC bad guys end up dead on the JLA stoop as well. oh wait, can we just get Zatanna to wipe everyone's memory that Ollie killed Prometheus? what, too soon??

c'mon, it was just a burst of light, Jordan. you wuss.


"every time you see him-?" even since the Silver Age. fuck you, Barry. go back to the timestream, you ass on a high horse.


he thinks he's inconspicuous?


oh, look who stole some speed from Flash! liberal hippie versus fascists! hold Page One!!!


"including that time you made me drink vodka from the feeding bottle, you parenting model!"


what the deuce?? how are we sure that's not Cupid?


on the other hand, we don't mind. anyone who takes "Electrocutioner" as his code name deserves an arrow right thru the head.

playing with fire

drive-by readings

Justice League: Cry For Justice #7 (DC) "Justice" James Robinson Mauro Cascioli Scott Clark Ibraim Roberson David Beaty Siya Oum Giovani Kososki Steve Wands this series mercifully ends, with the Internet broken in half, from apathy and indignation. the way this series progressed, i increasingly leaned toward the latter. it seemed more and more like a shock jock show - oh, look, they cut off Roy's arm! will Supergirl's head be next? in the end, what was Prometheus' purpose? its not like he wants to outwit the League, though he did that in spades - it was more like he wanted to be a mass murderer and had a death wish (which by now, y'all knew he got it). that seemed out of character for a character that had so much potential since Grant Morrison created him. he's really Luthor with the balls to get his hands dirty. and for all the dazzling painted artwork of Mauro Cascioli, this issue is not served by having others help out with the work. but who cares eh? in a couple of years, we'd all but forgotten Prometheus was even dead (because he'd be alive somewhere and being a pain in the butt again).

foreshadowing much? but when did threatening a supervillain ever work? you give him a tumor first!


"Electrocutioner"? is lame codenames the new black?


see Ray have tiny gimpy leg. see Ray suddenly have a normal leg.


four words: get. a. friggin'. room.


oh, who are you kidding?? he'll be back within two years.

snaps: Justice League of America #42

... where we take up James Robinson on his tweet the other day:

Whatever hater goes nuts on me for JLA 42, God bless you. But I love the color from Pete Pantazis. The use of refined color in flashbacks brought me great enjoyment. A very talented fellow.

hey, am not a hater. i just try to poke fun at what i read. you, sir, on the other hand, chop off characters' arms just for the heck of it.

and oh, the ego.


oh wait, that was Donna talking ...


he-hey! don't these guys look familiar? Dr. Impossible? Hunter? a moron on a Chair? Neon Black? big athletic woman with a mace?



i think you should throw in "unhackable" in there, Cyborg. because i have one word for you: Amazo.



do you really tell anybody they're "going to die"? and ask them if they heard you?



you'd think after all this time, the Watchtower would be more secure.



oh hey! look who's going a trip down memory lane. specifically, JLA #8-9, Aug/Sept. 1997, back when a comic book still cost less than 2 bucks.


Connor Hawke survived that time. the last archer on the roster almost didn't. i almost expect Robinson to do something very, very bad to Ollie.


but hey, Pete Pantazis' colors are so awesome!

snaps: Cry for Justice #6

... where we see that Grant Morrison did a better job having Prometheus go through the JLA like Joey Chestnut at the Nathan's 4th of July Hotdog Eating Contest. really. after knocking off the original Big Seven, it seems much easier to go through this team, Hal Jordan, Ollie Queen, Dinah Lance and Hawkman notwithstanding. and the surprise appearance of a mystery villain here, causing Prometheus to pause? i guess everyone forgot Catwoman crashing the original party and introducing her cat-o'nine-tails to his balls.

with this series being left behind in the dust due to scheduling and other problems (apparently initial artist Mauro Cascioli has been left to doing covers), and with Blackest Night grabbing most of the attention, Cry for Justice has been going downhill since.

see Hawkman with his mace:


see a mace-less Hawkman a couple seconds later.


what the hell? was his mace just a hologram? or did he have butterfingers and dropped it as soon as he saw Prometheus aiming at him?

Ray Palmer does not recommend the South Beach diet.


see Donna rip off Prometheus' visor, and basically rip off his face mask.


and the League were too polite and stupid enough to put it back together during the interrogation.

"sorry for messin' ya all up, Mistuh Prometheus. here, lemme put back yer headset and armor, so you kin still calculate all sorts of ways to kick our asses while we ask you questions."

WHAT THE HELL.

James Robinson hates everyone.

that's a way to exercise and exorcise all your anger towards certain characters. what if he had the Big 7 to play with? will Wonder Woman get raped?

i mean, i probably can take DC pissing on the Giffen-Maguire Justice League, but this?

chopping off Roy's arm in increasingly-exasperating Cry For Justice, putting the Asian Dr. Light in the blender (Mr. Robinson's fiancee is, i might add, of the Asian persuasion too. just saying.), and almost everyone ending up humiliated, de-powered, and/or naked at the end of Justice League of America #40, it seems fitting that the series comes to a merciful end.

snaps: JLA #39

... where the barely-Justice League of America celebrates Black Friday with their dead friends.

1) no, i was thinking along the lines of Robocop and Six Million Dollar Man, but that's just me.


2) once a rapist, right? and why is he called "Curry"? isn't he "Arthur Light"? oh! oh! did somebody not perform his editorial duties??


3) Z has a creepy father. yeeechhh.


4) Paco Ramone, you have just been chosen to join Zombie Menudo!!!


5) Z has leprosy!! (these backward pronunciations are getting annoying)

James Robinson is going for shock. Mark Bagley's art seems shoddy compared to his Ultimate Spider-Man and even Thunderbolts days. too bad, because with this issue, JLA seemed to regain some traction it has been losing of late.

Roy Harper got greedy this Thanksgiving, and ...

no, you did NOT just write that, James Robinson!!

snaps: Blackest Night #5

... where everyone has a grand old time with dead people.

1) ok, who was the joker in the cave then???


2) your name is Bartholomew Henry. you're 53 years old. you're kinda old.


3) i believe she was referring to this.


4) i'd wager its the second, Mr. Jordan.



5) oh, shoot ... here we go again!!