dark horses

drive-by readings

The Darkness: Four Horsemen #1 (Top Cow) David Hine Jeff Wamester Felix Serrano Troy Peteri Wamester/Arif Prianto (cover) Jorge Molina (variant cover)

what we learned: Jackie Estacado is asked by old boss Lucio Franchetti to deal some payback for a biker gang who bilked them of some money and drugs ... way back in '75 (and they still look the same). yep, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
oh shit moment: i think these Horsemen are much scarier than Marvel's Apocalypse's version.
what's next: collision course with the Demon Riders. Jackie has a "preacher" in tow. and who's this Hope-like character?


Herbie goes demonic!

let's go hunting

drive-by readings

Artifacts #1 (Top Cow) "Artifacts" Ron Marz Michael Broussard Rick Basaldua Sal Regla Sunny Gho Troy Peteri Dale Keown et al (covers)

what we learned: thirteen artifacts in the Top Cow U, when brought together, will bring about the end of the world as we know it. twelve are known, while the thirteenth, the key to it all, is still to be found. bringing together all the heavyweights in one glorious adventure, Ron Marz unveils his Top Cow masterpiece that may even rival his Green Lantern days in DC.
oh shit moment: Julie Pezzini, sister of Sara and babysitter of her daughter Hope (heyyyyy, Second Coming!) is shot in the head, just like this Green dude (not a Lantern).
what's next: would that all parents who get their children kidnapped also wielded the power of the Witchblade. run, Aphrodite IV, run.


hey, fanboys! Ron Marz is talking to you!

drive-by readings: Berserker #1

Berserker #1 (Top Cow) Rick Loverd Jeremy Haun Dave McCaig Troy Peteri Dale Keown (cover)

anybody with a berserker's rage will identify with this new series from Top Cow. Farris Jorn and Aaron Bural are two diverse people with something in common - they can be sparked to go in a murderous rage given the right (unfortunate) conditions. Farris works with his girlfriend Eva in a metal factory, and always gets pushed around by his asshole of a boss (who likes harassing Eva), resulting in some sweet evisceration, the kind any hard-working peon would love to perform on their own idiot bosses. Aaron just wants to pull up stakes and leave town with his girl Courtney, but a terrible incident during a wrestling match triggers a series of unfortunate events, not the least of which is a separation of head from body of a supporting character, i won't tell you who. lurking in the background are two competing organizations, Aasgard and Midgard (whooopee - laying the Norse stuff a bit too thickly, eh), vying for the services of talents like Farris and Aaron.

the pacing could use a bit more polishing; otherwise, this seems to be an interesting (if ultra-violent) book with a nice premise. if it turns out to be a hit, a movie could be in the pipeline (property's owned by Divide Pictures owned by - cough, Heroes are an X-Men ripoff, cough, cough - Milo Ventimiglia).

curiosity kissed the cat

... if curiosity's name was Jason of G-Force (a.k.a. Battle of the Planets).



what the hell. are we to construe that the envelope is being pushed here? just because they're fictional characters? yes, i know the IntarWebz is rife with worse stuff than this.

(who wants to bet if there was any tongue action involved? eeeewwww.)

also, the best way to insult the 'Cats is to call them dogs. like so:



i'm not sure how the level-headed resident brain Panthro can instantly snap into a seemingly unhinged ranting angry cat. he doesn't know what a dog is? wasn't there a Jackal mutant among their regular enemies?

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Thundercats/Battle of the Planets

cover of the week

i always like photorealistic covers.



The Darkness #6, by Dale Keown and Stjepan Sejic

east river hotties

now there's a sight i wouldn't mind seeing over by the Brooklyn Bridge.



wait, where's the waterfall?

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Witchblade #120

pointing out the obvious

let me direct your attention to the ... oh heck, you got eyes, use 'em!



oversized? you don't say.


actually, this comic is intriguing (and i don't mean because of those oversized thingies). go check it out.

the one

Wanted
Mark Millar/JG Jones
Top Cow


in Wanted, Mark Millar answers one of the scary questions we ask ourselves: "what if we cross over to the dark side?"

"what if we wholeheartedly embrace it?"

perhaps the answer is scarier if put in real-life terms (i'm sure some serial killers had extenuating circumstances that made them cross the line). but we're still lucky (??) Millar chose to frame his take in superhero fiction. that way we can relish the body count and gore without feeling too guilty. note: this book is not for kids or pussies. there i said it. so stop reading this, pussy.



still here? okay.

the book makes us look through the eyes of one Wesley Gibson, a loser just like those who just left this site 2 seconds ago. Wesley is the pushover's pushover - getting cheated on by his girl, gleefully insulted by his boss in his dead-end job, and bullied by neighborhood toughies - and taking it all in stride.

luckily, he doesn't have to endure any more of that because his long-lost father, an elite supervillain called The Killler has just bit the big one.

look, the Killer is Spider-Man!

getting interrupted from a .... gay thing (ok ok, the dude is bisexual), he turns the tables on an assassination attempt, only to get his brains blown out anyway.

that's what they call a brain drain

so why does that event mean better times for young Wesley? because its time that he learns of his heritage. a bangin' hot chick (paging Halle Berry!) suddenly shows up in Wesley's lunch place and starts shooting people when she gets impatient with him.


the chick, known as The Fox, gives him a crash course in not taking it anymore, and the unbelieving Wesley is stunned by other revelations - that he can grow balls. big ones.


the other big revelation is that supervillains have taken control of the world - without anyone protesting. now known as the Fraternity, they wiped out all the superheroes and people's memories of them. Wesley's father, The Killer, was one of their illustrious members, and the Fox was his girl friday.


with his death, his legacy and fortune now passes on to Wesley. trouble is, Wesley is a damn wimp.


his dad knew this, so certain conditions had to be met for him to gain those kajillion dollars. first, wean him off the limp-wristed rearing he got from his mom. second, turn into a major league motherfucker.


Wesley's initial fears soon give way to a hankering to give shit back to the world. so he starts by quitting his job, dumping his so-called girlfriend, and start building on his hate.

don't try this at the office.

what follows is the patented "training" sequence, taking out his years of frustration on people who may have wronged him - a former teacher, a former girlfriend, a bully (oh, don't be so high-and-mighty: admit it, you entertained those thoughts too!). along the way, he learns not to be afraid of getting hit, gets rid of the annoying old neighbor and generally gets to do a lot of shit without fear of consequences.


oh, and a lot of sex from Fox. and from wherever he can get some.


his final test is singlehandedly manhandling the Latino gang who used to bully him everyday on the way home


pretty soon, he is inducted into the Fraternity, his blood proving to be the same as his dad's.


there, he meets for the first time the sinister Mr. Rictus, who may or may not have something to do with his father's death.


the Fraternity is like the Five Mafia Families of New York, representing all 5 boroughs ... ruled by 5 Dons if you will. Professor Solomon Seltzer, The Emperor, Adam One, The Future and Mr. Rictus divvied up the world accordingly. Mr Rictus ended up with Australia (which is probably like Staten Island? no offense, S.I.ers) and that pisses him off (yeah, he probably finished off the kangaroo population and wants to fight something more challenging).

as we see that 99.9% of Millar's characters are (hilariously) based on various DC/Marvel heroes and villains - i don't want to say Millar got lazy, because i can see the brilliance in his using analogues, but then what can i say if he names his Clayface-based character "Shithead"? - here's an interesting tidbit on what happened to this world's Big Three (Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman for you knuckleheads):

but what i want to know is ... where's Krypto?

now firmly part of the Frat and allied with the Professor's gang, Wesley has a great time exercising his Id - raiding parallel worlds that still have good capes, murdering people here and there, and generally living up to his dad's reputation.


and getting great sex and great life lessons from Fox (no, not the fascist news network!), who in one of the rare J.G. Jones' slips, looks like an ugly Halle ... or maybe Halle has her bad days. it shouldn't, because this should be the post-sex afterglow!


in time, storm clouds gather when the Five Families have their annual Council meeting, a veritable who's who in the badguy world.


the heads get into their annual discussion of whether to keep things as they are, or kick it up a notch and go public. Mr. Rictus and The Future, of course, believe that the latter is the best course of action. because, what's wrong in gaining control of the world if the world at large doesn't really know who's pulling their strings?


only the Professor's subtle machinations prevent the swing vote from going the other way (a darker side of the dark side, so to speak). but little does he know, it'll be the last Council meeting he would ever attend. Mr. Rictus pulls a Godfather III and starts whacking his own.

literally.

betrayals are in order as people switch sides, like Sucker who takes all of Fuckwit's (a Bizarro-like idiot) powers (notice the simplicity of character names, just so we damn well know who's who hahaha).


like this guy, Johnny Two-Dicks (yep, his dick is in control) finishing off Fuckwit.

Fuckwit going to Disneyland!

even the gentle-natured Doll Master is not spared from Mr. Rictus' sweep, as his family is brutalized despite his plea to keep the conflict between them bad guys.

yeah ... two words ... "Up Yours!"

Adam One and The Emperor are helpless in aiding the Professor's people, and Mr. Rictus gains access to all his high tech toys.

"Start Some Shit" - the next single by K-Fed

oh by the way, here's a lasting impression - the deaths of Adam West and Burt Ward.

"holy freaking octopus, Batman!"

thinking his power grab complete, Mr. Rictus dares the universe to ...

Kirsten Dunst ? ... Kirsten Dunst, is that you?

as always, the head honcho fails to make sure his enemies are all dead. especially the most dangerous one. Wesley makes short work of the team sent to kill him, and he uses - what else? - bleach and flushes Shithead down the toilet.


and one dead body at a time, Wesley reintroduces himself as The Killer.

The Future is now the past.

feeling that one dead body at a time isn't enough, Wesley takes more progressive steps.

high score: 2,000,000 dead!

copping a lot from The Matrix, John Woo and westerns, The Killer puts the finishing touches on Rictus' gang. the bullet time even allows him to decimate the opposition even before Fox finishes her order to kill t h e m a l l.


dude even does a Lito Lapid in his mano-a-mano (or rather cuchillo-a-arma) with Mr. Rictus.

there goes the tenor performance at Radio City Music Hall.

but if you were clapping for that sequence, wait till you get to the plot twist.

yes, Wesley, i am your father.

turns out the big string-puller all along was the original Killer himself. two birds with one stone: develop his son into the next-gen Killer, and take out the bad weeds.


what i don't get is why the Professor had to die - unless Shithead wasn't lying and the original Killer wanted to ascend to the head of the table (or at least his kin), taking out his obvious rivals in the process.

this possible selfish behavior gets complicated because he wanted to raise his son the proper way (what's wrong with Wesley growing up effete and wimpy? he could have been the next Dolce!), and thus pass on his legacy of power. that said, he closes the deal when he requests to seal a final deal:

cue in Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You"

Millar does nothing to us except give us a great big mindfuck, and he even cops to it, Fourth Wall-style, by saying you're going to return to your sorry excuse for a life after you put this book down. yes, Mark, i have no life. i don't even have your salary. waaaauuuuugghhhhh!

still, Wanted is one of the more provocative yarns out there, and the great artwork by J.G. Jones (whose first work that wowed me was the 3-issue Black Widow series back in 1999) complement Millar's story well. he shows an eye for detail that is only bested by George Perez and Phil Jimenez.

and since the whole thing is right up Hollywood alley - paging Tony Scott! paging Antoine Fuqua! is John Woo still alive? - they've optioned the thing and start shooting this April. wait, who did you say was directing? Timur Bekmambetov?? the schmuck who gave us this unwatchable dreck??? and Morgan Freeman is cast as an assassin who trains the Wesley character?? what?? i love Mr. Freeman and all but ... waaaauuuughhhh!

fanboy casting call - based on the J.G. Jones art:
Wesley - Eminem (did anybody say Justin Timberlake? nyahahahaha!)
The Fox - Halle Berry ("not another role where i do the white guy!")
original Killer - Harvey Keitel (who else?)
Mr. Rictus - Kirsten Dunst (ok, kidding! Bill Nighy of course!)
Professor - is Christopher Lloyd still around? no? how about the House guy?

great premise, somewhat disappointing ending. still a treat to revisit every now and then. but not to read to your kids at night.
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issues read: #1-6, Dossier

coming out of the dark

The Darkness/Wolverine
Frank Tieri/Tyler Kirkham
Top Cow/Marvel


its already the 21st century, and they're still doing intercompany crossovers? who in Rob Liefeld's name thought about this?



seriously, The Darkness/Wolverine one-shot seems to be out of place in this day and age, although the era it belonged probably didn't do the much for the appeal of such endeavors. too much crossing over, not enough food for thought. Punisher/Archie, anyone?

Frank Tieri (not the mobster), hard-hitting writer of Wolverine, comes up with a barely passable plot to get these two characters in some shared universe without compromising their own respective worlds. to set up, everyone knows Wolverine (or do they?), but The Darkness is a strange character, a gangster resurrected by demons and eventually wields control over such powerful demonic forces. his mailing address is "Mr. T. Darkness, Brooklyn, NY 11201". just like Wolverine, has a fairly convoluted history and storyline (although ol' canucklehead has got the head start on him on "confusing").


the current wielder of the Darkness, one Jackie Estacado, had a grandfather, a Spanish mercenary/assassin named Roberto. back in WWII France, Roberto is hired by the Nazis to off Logan for ... gee, i don't know, for vandalizing Hitler posters? ... for helping the Allies. needless to say, Roberto, despite also having control of the Darkness (what, it's a generational thing? like retardation?), ends up chopped meat.

Logan was a sought-after free agent in the butcher market

needless to say, the demons that make up the Darkness never forgot, and in the present day, tries to coerce Jackie to avenge his grampa Robert, when he runs into Logan in a bar by chance (we all know Logan is as old as Jesus Christ, and his healing factor never lets him down). so everyone who bought this book thought they were in for some big-ass slashing, cutting throwdown. right? right???


nah. Jackie figures he controls the Darkness, not the other way around. so he raises a toast to Wolverine, and teams up with him to beef up the meat market (aaaawwwwww).


Tyler Kirkham wants to be an Alex Ross though he's not there yet. there's a general air of stiffness (stiffness? meat? what the hell-!) in his layouts, but some shots are gorgeous.

so if Tieri thinks the fanboys will go happy nuts over this ... Logan has some advice for him: