like, who hasn't boinked a Skrull?

we got Hank Pym, Clint Barton, Johnny Storm (waaaay back), Tigra (preggy!!) ... maybe the Skrull Kill Krew ... and as the evidence above shows, even the ol' Canucklehead himself.


geez. at least y'all coulda used protection! well, didja??



by the way, this issue left me confused. is Elektra just a cold-blooded killing machine, not breaking cover even if she had to whack a lot of S.H.I.E.L.D. guys? this was like poking a ghastly bullet wound.

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Dark Reign: Elektra #5

Secret Invasion may be over

... but there are still a lot of Skrulls in this great nation of ours!



courtesy of Kurt Snibbe/ESPN Page 2 and the Detroit "We're Only 0-16, We Didn't Choke in Superbowl XLII" Lions.

first blood

with the Inhuman king Black Bolt returning home after being replaced by/tortured by/rescued from the Skrulls, there's no other time but payback time. its kinda how abused boys could eventually become serial killers when they grow up. you can't hold back that kind of thing.

"i don't wanna ... talk about it."

breaking out a cache of banned weapons, Blackagar pulls up his race's roots and heads off into space (i assume at some point, that massive liftoff from the moon will be noticed by the guvmint scientist types on earth?) to pursue (and terminate with extreme prejudice, natch) the remaining Skrulls, which is just the short-term goal. in pursuit of this goal, they encounter three Sh'iar (ex-pals of our merry mutants) warships who do not take kindly to this chase across their territory. Blackagar, already the most powerful weapon in the universe and connected to an asskicking amplifier musicians would kill for, has only one response.

"fuck you, Simon Cowell ... i can sing!"

so now you understand why during the opening salvo of World War Hulk, Black Bolt couldn't rip the Hulk to shredded green wheat - that was the Skrull-Black Bolt and it was faking his powers. the real deal can obliterate starships at the minimum, as experienced by the Sh'iar military and the fugitive Skrulls.

Cowell, Abdul and the rest of the AI judges get blown away

short term goal accomplished. now for the long-term: the Inhumans have been weapons created by the Kree (those trigger-happy humanoid aliens), but were left ignored and unused. now the weapons have come back to take over the whole Kree race. easily getting past their defenses, the Inhumans confront Ronan Keating, who was planning to put back Boyzone for a new tour. sorry, i meant Ronan the Accuser, who's currently the caretaker of his race because no one wants to.

Medusa actually insults Ronan with both the American and British variations of the finger

Ronan just actually wants to accuse; that's his day job. no more administration shit. hell, yeah, let's give it to the Inhumans.

and thus Blackagar consolidates his position in the universe.

end of story?


nope, you're forgetting the three Sh'iar warships obliterated during the course of these goals.

when Ed Brubaker crystallized the "third Summers brother" three years ago, we didn't think the character would become the "most annoying Summers brother ever" (and that includes Shatterstar, nyuknyuknyuk). Vulcan, currently in charge of the Sh'iar in his demented quest for revenge and is really the biggest asshole in the galaxy now that the Skrulls, Annihilus and the Ultron/Phalanx are gone, is quite bored with being emperor just presiding on colloseum games. he needs a challenge, and he's found one.

kudos to DnA for cranking out terrific space opera within the Marvel Universe, which had gone stale prior to 2006's Annihilation.


ok, let's say after this War of Kings, the Inhumans/Kree come out on top (and that's assuming even the Guardians of the Galaxy or Nova won't be able to get everybody to smoke the peace pipe), will war against Earth be next? hmmm ...

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Secret Invasion: War of Kings one-shot

star child

so who is Captain Marvel? i mean the Kree warrior Captain Mar-Vell. who has been dead for years now (cancer, natch). and who is alive again (and worshipped by the "Church of Hala"), because ... he has been resurrected as a Skrull sleeper cell. but he doesn't know it. or accept it. ah whatever.

but the biggest secret is ...



are you ready for this?





... his secret identity: Tom Cruise!!!!


now we have real life basis for aliens and Scientologists. hoooooooo-haaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

ka-zar is filipino!

well ... kinda. maybe he just knows some of the language. or a mangled version thereof.

here's a sequence in New Avengers #43. in the Savage Land, a bunch of superheroes show up to fight the combined Avengers, and we all know that the former are all Skrulls. the ersatz Captain America keeps insisting otherwise, but is fed a chockful of blowdarts courtesy of Ka-Zar and the natives.

Ka-Zar says "Matumba Salana" which to me sounds like "Matumba Ka Sana!" or "Matumba Ka Na!" which roughly translates to "why don't you fall down and stay DOWN, biatch!!!"



or this was just Bendis laughing at us, because Leinil Francis Yu whispered something in his ear.