Superman's first hickey

and it wasn't LANA!!!

so now he's a real man?

she tells him he's gonna be a boy no more, then lays hands on him. what conclusion are we supposed to draw here?

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World's Finest #3

brand new ways to die

yeah - i mean, why not??

thanks to Bullseye's creativity (eat that, i-make-promises-i-can't-really-keep-so-my-wife-dumped-me Clint Barton!), we are treated to new methods of killing. they should make a History Channel documentary on this, or update it if they already had.

ever tried tossing Paris Hilton's poodle at someone? no? well, damn you better try it sometime. it could be fun.

next, we have Death by Corndogs!! don't tell the good folk at Nathan's and the Coney Island Boardwalk, or we'd have a massacre on our hands!

as for the comic, Brian Reed said it best: "What the Fuck is this Shit all about??"

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Sinister Spider-Man #4

X-terminated

oi!!!

its the conclusion of Messiah CompleX storyline over in X-Men #207, and the world (and our merry mutants) is/are stunned as a rogue Bishop shoots down Ol' Baldie, Chuck Xavier himself.

oh, who are we kidding? Xavier died already several times in the past, at the least regaining/losing the use of his legs as well. we just need Lilandra to get back the Shi'ar Empire and use their technology to bring Xavier back to life again. what's that, Havok? issue #5 of Emperor Vulcan is still going to press? how about those alien jerks in Astonishing X-Men? didn't they revive a dead Cyclops? what, no continuity links between those two? how do you explain Colossus, hmmmm??

here's a curious scene. look carefully, don't blink and you tell me where Xavier's body went.

huh? huh?

well anyway, Chuck's "death", as it were, is the convenient premise for the next storyline, Divided We Stand, and it just means we are just fish that can't fight the hook. damn you, Mike Carey!

but what i really wanna know is ... what the hell's up with Bishop? (yeah i hope no one forget that itty bitty part)

ps. props to everyone for kicking Marauder ass.

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X-Men #207
Mike Carey/Chris Bachalo/Tim Townsend/Victor Olazaba/Jon Sibal/Al Vey

hulkamania

World War Hulk sightings:

overall, DC does a better job coordinating multi-titled crossover events, but Marvel earns some brownie points this time (yeah, yeah, its just the first month!).

Humbug decapitates a Miek-ling
Heroes for Hire #14, by Zeb Wells, Clay Mann, Terry Pallot
is there some kind of 90's decute-ification revival going on? y'know, fun hero morphs into tough, dark persona (Speedball = Penance; mutant postman = The Collective). to be fair, Humbug was like a Wonder Twin of H4H. now, he's ... badass. but we are now skeptical of the company Hulk keeps.


who's your god-dy?
Incredible Hulk #107, by Greg Pak, Gary Frank, Jon Sibal
7th smartest human Amadeus Cho (bril name!) brings former Champions Hercules and Angel to help out the Hulk. but of course there has to be some eardrum-shattering punching - the cover says so! we're waiting for the blow up between Namor and the Hulk. by the way, if you want to email Hercules to ask him how his face feels, drop him a line at hercules@olympus.com.


Iron Giant vs Hulk
Iron Man #19, by Christos N. Gage, Butch Guice
this issue of Iron Man expands the events prior and within WWH #1. it still ends up with Hulk kicking Tony's metal ass.


the jump
Ghost Rider #12, by Daniel Way, Javier Saltares, Scott Hanna
Johnny Blaze (another former Champion) overrides his Ghost Rider program and races to Manhattan to help out. he could have gone from New Jersey and straight to the city via Holland Tunnel, but instead for cinematic purposes he went through Staten Island and Brooklyn, because he ... needs to jump over the Brooklyn Bridge. and when he gets to the other side, the Hulk is right there waiting for him. and then of course the book ends, and we have to wait another 30 friggin' days to find out what the hell happens next.

damn you, Daniel Way!



wait ... what are the order of these events, exactly? methinks next week, all coordination breaks down. oboy.

hanging from a cliff

Squadron Supreme
J Michael Straczynski/Gary Frank/Jon Sibal/Juan Barranco/Vicente Cifuentes
Marvel


being a fan of the Squadron Supreme, a middle-class version of the Justice League, from its formative years thru pinnacle during the Mark Gruenwald years, i eagerly followed its critically-acclaimed reboot (Supreme Power) 4 years ago, courtesy of Babylon 5 creator Straczynski. my respect for Mr. Straczynski more than doubled when, even though his autograph-signing session for last February's NY Comic Con was a ticketed event (which of course, i lost out on), he stayed behind much longer than necessary to accommodate stragglers like me. as a result, all three Supreme Power TPBs i had bear his Hancock.

just to recap, let's have a quick roll call of the (rebooted) team:

Hyperion - the obvious Superman, complete with the alien origin, big jaw, and whitebread alias (Mark Milton), whose crashed spacecraft was immediately taken over by the US military and now have successfully (barely) homegrown their own super weapon. barely, because the weapon grew a conscience. at the moment, he works at an arm's length (pun intended!) for the head of the superhuman program, General Alexander.

Nighthawk - the Batman equivalent - Kyle Richmond is rich, intelligent, non-powered, fights urban crime in a dark costume - except that he's African-American and has no sense of humor. has no use being in Uncle Sam's private army and thus is not a member of the Squadron as of this writing.

Power Princess - the artist who wants to be known as Zarda has mysterious origins, ostensibly being a part of the alien race that birthed Hyperion, and was probably sent to Earth to destroy all humans! at least that what she believes, and given her bloodthirsty attitude, i think you'd prefer the real Wonder Woman (who would only break necks when extremely necessary - like this). in fact, she got her current name, Claire DeBussy, from a woman whom she reduced to a pile of ash.

you wouldn't want to refer to her as "my super ex-girlfriend"

The Blur - Stanley Stewart, a human being by all accounts (and a black dude just like Nighthawk), gained super-speed about the same time Hyperion crashes on Earth. just like the Flash, Stan is the good boy scout and team conscience, although his innocence and idealism keep wrestling with the realpolitik.

Dr Spectrum - as you guessed, this is the Green Lantern character. forming a bond with a crystal from Hyperion's ship, Col. Joe Ledger gains powers from the gem, since its now embedded in his body. is sort of the boyfriend of the next character.

Amphibian - nobody really gave her the name Amphibian, but since the previous Squadron had an Amphibion ("Aquaman" for those not paying attention), well ... you get the idea. another mysterious creature resulting from the oft-mentioned alien ship crash, Ledger discovered her and gave her the name "Kingsley". good thing he didn't call her "Ben" too. she, uh ... swims.

the rest of the team have just been recently (re)introduced to the series:

Arcanna - Dr. Arcanna Jones, magician or scam-artist? whatever she is, she can turn bombs into flowers, or steak into dog food. if you don't get this mind over matter thing, do not get on her bad side.

Nuke - as the name implies, Al Gaines is a living nuclear bomb. why they even let him walk among humans is another headscratcher in the US government's long list of headscratchers.

Inertia - a lifelong abuse victim, Edith Freiberg has a problem with authority, and also has the power to redirect kinetic energy. but inertia per se, is the property of objects to remain as is (whether at rest or in motion) unless disturbed by an outside force. how does Edith fit her codename? if she's lazing around (inertia, from the Latin word for idleness), she has potential energy, not kinetic. so if she's moving around (specifically, in constant motion), someone has to punch her first to be able to 'redirect' that energy. i mean, if she expends her own kinetic energy (while say, running), wouldn't she just come to a complete stop because that energy is in fact, needed to keep her in motion? alright, i know you barely passed science subjects. moving on ...

Shape - a pudgy human playdough, Shape is also mentally-challenged, making him the frequent target of the following character's insensitivity ...

Emil Burbank - the self-proclaimed smartest man on Earth, Burbank uses his evil genius in other pursuits, like say, inventing an aural device to knock down enemy soldiers so he can shoot them one by one. his brilliant mind is only trumped by his arrogance and ego. so why is he here? well, in the words attributed to the great President Harry Truman, "he may be a son of a bitch, but he's our son of a bitch".


last AND the least, there's Tom Thumb, who's ... yeah, the tiny one. the Tom Thumb i knew from my childhood years was a grumpy midget who's scientific genius was the backbone of the team. now, this version is ... just imagine you shrunk Quagmire from Family Guy.

with a gala public introduction presided by no less than Dubya, the team's first mission takes place in Africa, where they are sent to stop an African dictator. however, Africa has its own superheroes (eh?), who tell the Squad to butt out and sort out the mess themselves. what about Darfur, you ask? well, the next post might be dealing with just that.

Straczynski provides great in-depth characterizations (allegedly his scripts go 50-page for a mere 22 page comic book), and i love the way he insinuates the backstory as we go along. i also like the tense dynamic between the male Big 3 (Hyperion, Blur and Nighthawk), who all warily circle each other (stemming from all their adventures in the Supreme Power series), but seem willing to stand up for each other when the chips are down. additionally, Straczynski won't be accused of stereotyping, as women and minorities have strong voices in the book; Stanley, in particular, is a fresh, contemplative, inquiring personality in a sea of gangstas and bling. he's the perfect foil for the angry Nighthawk ("field Negro") and a tentative bosom buddy to the idealistic Hyperion.


the team is next seen fighting in what seems to be the streets of Iraq, where we learn more about Inertia's past, and her decision to let an abused girl mete punishment to her tormentors, to Burbank's and Zarda's glee.

speaking of Zarda, here's what she usually does to recently-disarmed combatants:


that should teach Tariq a lesson about taking up arms against his superiors. yeah!!!!

of course, such brazen displays of power usually do not merit America any respect at all, so China, following the Yankee lead, wants to have their own cape army. who else should turn up, except the noted superpowered serial rapist/killer (and Patrick Swayze mullethead) Michael Redstone. Redstone's previous activities were stopped by the Big 3, but only after a high body count. what does the military do next? why, turn him into a WMD against hostile countries of course. they just didn't count on his mercenary instincts, and another player throwing more money in his face. way to go, General Alexander, sir! (by the way, did i mention his name is Dick? and did i mention that Redstone in fact, was given powers because the military allowed criminals to serve as test subjects for Hyperion's DNA?)

"hungry eyes ... one look at you and i can't disguise ..."

Redstone proceeds to beat up Hyperion, and holds an ace in the hole with a hidden ticking nuke somewhere. Zarda comes to the rescue of her amor, but Hyperion tells her to take care of the bomb, resulting in a spectacular explosion in space (and correctly eschewing Hollywood tradition, there is no "ka-boom").

with the water getting warmer, our blood gets going as an injured Hyperion is now flanked by his two (but would not admit) closest pals - Stanley and Kyle - the same principals who beat Redstone the first time around.




... and .................................... ???

nothing.

issue #8 onwards had been plagued by delays and there's no word when this series is going to resume.


what the-?!?

i think all that movie and TV work is interfering with the completion of this story arc. ay, caramba. this is like waiting for the fall season for your favorite TV shows to resume.


let's go, Joe!!!!

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while we're at it, here's my fantasy casting call (unlimited budget):
Hyperion - Mark Wahlberg (must lose hipness and swagger)
Nighthawk - Djimon Honsou (must lose French accent)
Zarda - Tricia Helfer
Blur - Mos Def
Spectrum - Thomas Jane
Amphibian - Marilyn Manson (kidding! let's get his new bitch, Evan Rachel Wood - playing a blue-skinned finned creature seems right up her alley now)
Arcanna - Natasha Henstridge
Nuke - Ben Foster
Inertia - Jolene Blalock
Shape - Steve R. Schirripa
Burbank - Adrien Brody
Tom Thumb - Thomas Haden Church (i was thinking Vince Vaughn but he may not get rid of the paunch)
Redstone - Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson? too Hawaiian plus he might look weird with a blond mullet; if Brian Bosworth is too old and hams it up, maybe we can get John Cena.
Gen. Alexander - James Cromwell

director's cut

Iron Man #15
Daniel & Charles Knauf/Roberto De la Torre/Jonathan Sibal
Marvel


this is the first issue of the series under the subtitle "Director of S.H.I.E.L.D."; events from Civil War catapults Tony Stark into the Director's seat of Marvel's foremost superspy agency. having already served as U.S. Defense Secretary, i think he'd be more effective here, having a bit more leeway, and a host of other advantages.

Stark wastes no time in implementing his hands-on management style on the agency - cutting down costs, ratcheting up mission success rates, cutting out the bloat, getting high approval ratings and bringing back public trust - thus boosting troop morale. he even finds time to lead on certain missions, like this Indonesian hostage-taking incident (yeah you know it'd be Muslim extremists).


not everyone is happy about his style, though. case in point: Jim "Dum Dum" Dugan, former honcho Nick Fury's longtime #2. which is strange for me, because in the absence of Fury (ah , now that's a Where in the World Is ... mystery!), i would think he'd be happier to have a superhero leading S.H.I.E.L.D., not a corporate suit, or a agenda-centric career bitch officer like Maria Hill (whom Stark replaced but is still onboard as a sub-commander).


Dugan complains to current DefSec Jack Kooning, who formed a symbiotic-but-uneasy alliance with Stark during the superhero Civil War.


the brothers Knauf (Daniel created HBO's Carnivàle) have refreshingly turned the title into political thriller territory, a far cry from the usual black-and-white Iron Man vs. Brightly-Colored-Villain-Du-Jour. the shades of gray have been started with Warren Ellis' breath-taking Extremis run and the Knaufs' Execute Program series, and obviously we've seen a lot underneath the mask on Stark's personality in Civil War and its related issues.


my interest in Iron Man never waned but i had to struggle a bit with the new direction and the increasingly amoral Stark i'm seeing (war profiteer, control freak, friendships-be-damned). however, Tony Stark/Iron Man is not your usual superhero, and his status in the Marvel Universe (billionaire genius inventor, major league cape) makes him the best possible candidate for this to happen.

and what of Tony's old rogues gallery? well, here's one sitting in a Chinese prison.


obviously, they're not gonna show the lord of the rings without using him in a future issue. fireworks!