punchout part 1

drive-by readings

Incredible Hulk #611 (Marvel) "Sons of Wrath" Greg Pak Paul Pelletier Danny Miki Frank D'Armata Simon Bowland John Romita Jr/Klaus Janson/Dean White (cover) Dale Keown (variant cover)

what we learned: monsters have hearts after all. after almost laying waste to Washington DC and Ocean City, MD (wassup, OC???), Hulk and Skaar finally come to terms and accept their past, and perhaps forge a future. am still weirded out by Banner or Hulk not aware of each other, but the days of dumb Hulk are long gone (save in Marvel Super Hero Squad), so the smart Hulk should not be constrained from Banner anymore eh? for this Heroic Age, let's have one freakin' smart Hulk/Banner and be a positive force in the MU in the foreseeable future.
oh shit moment: Banner hugs Skaar, and we can finally close the book on loose cannons. hopefully.
what's next: Hulk takes Skaar to Disney World!!!


and the snot. don't forget to wipe off the snot.

basic instincts

drive-by readings

World War Hulks: Spider-Man vs Thor #2 (Marvel) Kieron Gillen Chris Eliopoulos Jorge Molina Paul Pelletier Ronan Cliquet Patrick Scherberger Scott Koblish Edgar Delgado Rachelle Rosenberg Chris Sotomayor Clayton Cowles Barry Kitson/Dave McCaig (variant cover)

what we learned: we learned that the Marvel brain trust is never exempt from capitalizing on mindless spinoffs that do not advance the plot of the main storyline whatsoever and will cook up any excuse for mindless pummeling between their characters. i guess Marvel vs Capcom or Ultimate Alliance is not enough.
oh shit moment: you did not just say the Smithsonian museums are boring. what are these, the flexing of the id? yeah, probably.
what's next: let's just have Hulk and Skaar kill each other once and for all. or make a pure Marvel-characters-only fighting game on all platforms with killer graphics and no plot at all.


sheeeeesh. even for Peter Parker, that's inane.

snaps: Incredible Hulk #610

... where Bruce Banner saves the world again, right before he destroys it. peace will never be in his vocabulary. also, goodbye, Leo?



oh, isn't that father-daughter thing creepy?


Amadeus Cho vs Modok for Biggest Egghead of 2010!!!



always the same mistake: too many dramatics, not enough action. boooooooo!!!


yes, you can also buy it in the Apple App Store for $4.99.


oh, now you want to do something worthwhile??

clothes make the man

or lack of it. hey, does everyone in the Marvel U have stretch costumes these days? for that 0.09% chance that the Leader can turn anyone of them into Hulks??

for War Machine, i guess he needs to have Tony modify the armor that so it can sort of stretch. wait, isn't he like a cyborg?

snaps: Incredible Hulk #606

... where i find myself confused as to what the Fall of the Hulks is all about. well, if it ends up reducing the Hulk population to 1, then that's fine. as much as i liked Planet Hulk and World War Hulk, they begat crazy shit that Peter David would cringe at. we wouldn't get any answers anytime soon anyway (unless you troll the message boards), so let's just make fun of this as we go along. Jeph Loeb contributes to this thing, so draw your own conclusions.

New Yorkers already forgot what the Hulk did a couple of years ago.


how do they get Old Power anyway? Sakaar sends a weekly supply via FedEx?


Dr. Doom is a difficult music teacher to work under.


i guess Skaar doesn't like talking to the hand.


in the last couple of months, Doom has been humiliated by Norman Osborn, the Black Panthers, and now Bruce Banner and the Leader. a dumb ray? even Reed Richards didn't think of that.


"ummmm ... Douchebag!"


we know Jennifer was a snot-nosed kid back then, but this is just ridiculous.

i just can wait to be king

drive-by readings

War of Kings: Who Will Rule? one shot (Marvel) Dan Abnett Andy Lanning Paul Pelletier Andrew Hennessy Guru eFX Joe Caramagna Brandon Peterson (cover)

the one thing i really liked about War of Kings is that it finally elevated Gladiator (no, not Russell Crowe) from a two-dimensional muscle-bound powerhouse into a fleshed-out ethical soldier with leadership potential. actually, DnA, in taking reins of Marvel's cosmic crossovers/space operas since 2006's Annihilation (with Keith Giffen), have breathed new life into C-list characters and moved them up the ladder (ex. Nova, Ronan, Super-Skrull, Rocket Raccoon, Star Lord - even Maximus became more than a cardboard cutout insane villain) or at least made them readable again. with the seeming deaths of Black Bolt and former Shi'ar Majestor Vulcan, Gladiator (true name: Kallark ... you know, like that guy from Kansas via Krypton) tries to hold the fragile Shi'ar Imperium together and at the same time, bury his former Majestrix Lilandra, a casualty of the War of Kings (did somebody tell Xavier yet?). he still thinks himself as a soldier, and prefers to have someone else take the reins of the Empire, whether its someone within the Shi'ar heirarchy or a regent from presumably their new rulers, the Kree/Inhumans. Crystal feels Medusa will appoint her, and she herself is reluctant to take the position. in the end, Gladiator doesn't have a choice: he's the best suited individual at this point for the job. unfortunately, its what suits the Fraternity of Raptors - and the Magus (the now-i'm-crazy-again Adam Warlock). up next: Realm of Kings.

drive-by readings: War of Kings #6

War of Kings #6 (Marvel) "War of Kings" Dan Abnett Andy Lanning Paul Pelletier Rick Magyar Andrey Hennessy Wil Quintana Brandon Peterson (cover) Mike Choi/Sonia Oback (variant cover)

wow. i keep looking for happy endings and they never happen. silly me. Black Bolt and Vulcan's mano-a-mano results in both of them dead - probably (this is the Marvel Universe after all). one thing we can be sure of, is that Gladiator will be the new Shi'ar boss. here's hoping he doesn't start another war after what happened to Lilandra; he should go after the Raptors (likely the next cosmic crossover, eh DnA?). what's next for the cast of characters? fingers crossed, no one gets canceled (Guardians of the Galaxy and Nova). Alex and Lorna should go back home to Earth though, and be with family again. one thing good out of this, is we get rid of the annoying Vulcan for awhile (why does he talk like an American douchebag? somebody probably edited out "like" from the dialogue).

i think the collected trade would really be worth getting, as i feel this was a stronger crossover, story and art-wise than its Annihilation predecessors.

drive-by readings: War of Kings #5

War of Kings #5 (Marvel) "In Rage and Blood and Fire" Dan Abnett Andy Lanning Paul Pelletier Rick Magyar Wil Quintana Joe Caramagna Brandon Peterson (cover) Adi Granov (variant cover)

with the assassination of Lilandra (you mean it, Marvel? you really mean it?), the endgame is afoot, making the expected collision course between Vulcan and Black Bolt inevitable. the rage burns out of control on the Sh'iar side, none moreso than in Lilandra's longtime loyalist, Gladiator, who's out ripping arms and putting down those he believes betrayed the Royal Throne (how ya doin', Chancellor Araki). the Inhumans in the meantime, are divided in their own house, as Black Bolt hatches a counterplan involving terrigen mists, sound, and himself: in short, he's goin' a-suicide bombing. i've been praising War of Kings for being a well-coordinated crossover, with its simple, tight sequences and exceptional cliffhangers; case in point - Vulcan easily brushes aside the Kree Sentries and bursts into the heart of the Inhuman bomb, and just nods at Black Bolt: "you. let's go." this is i think, the apex of Vulcan's characterization, thanks to DnA, and ultimately thanks to Ed Brubaker, who co-created the 3rd Summers brother in X-Men: Deadly Genesis, and who also has a hand in this month's other much-hyped book (think red, white and blue).

a certain bald man is not going to be happy

and i don't mean Max Brenner. Or Brian Michael Bendis.



should i even hope that this is permanent? or would Lilandra be alive and well in Operation Galactic Storm 2 - Kree Versus Shi'ar Versus Skrulls Versus Technarch Versus Celestials: Here We Go Again in 2011?

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War of Kings #4

never doubt a raccoon

or the writing duo known as DnA.

another stellar issue. this is why we read comicbooks.

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War of Kings #3

first blood

with the Inhuman king Black Bolt returning home after being replaced by/tortured by/rescued from the Skrulls, there's no other time but payback time. its kinda how abused boys could eventually become serial killers when they grow up. you can't hold back that kind of thing.

"i don't wanna ... talk about it."

breaking out a cache of banned weapons, Blackagar pulls up his race's roots and heads off into space (i assume at some point, that massive liftoff from the moon will be noticed by the guvmint scientist types on earth?) to pursue (and terminate with extreme prejudice, natch) the remaining Skrulls, which is just the short-term goal. in pursuit of this goal, they encounter three Sh'iar (ex-pals of our merry mutants) warships who do not take kindly to this chase across their territory. Blackagar, already the most powerful weapon in the universe and connected to an asskicking amplifier musicians would kill for, has only one response.

"fuck you, Simon Cowell ... i can sing!"

so now you understand why during the opening salvo of World War Hulk, Black Bolt couldn't rip the Hulk to shredded green wheat - that was the Skrull-Black Bolt and it was faking his powers. the real deal can obliterate starships at the minimum, as experienced by the Sh'iar military and the fugitive Skrulls.

Cowell, Abdul and the rest of the AI judges get blown away

short term goal accomplished. now for the long-term: the Inhumans have been weapons created by the Kree (those trigger-happy humanoid aliens), but were left ignored and unused. now the weapons have come back to take over the whole Kree race. easily getting past their defenses, the Inhumans confront Ronan Keating, who was planning to put back Boyzone for a new tour. sorry, i meant Ronan the Accuser, who's currently the caretaker of his race because no one wants to.

Medusa actually insults Ronan with both the American and British variations of the finger

Ronan just actually wants to accuse; that's his day job. no more administration shit. hell, yeah, let's give it to the Inhumans.

and thus Blackagar consolidates his position in the universe.

end of story?


nope, you're forgetting the three Sh'iar warships obliterated during the course of these goals.

when Ed Brubaker crystallized the "third Summers brother" three years ago, we didn't think the character would become the "most annoying Summers brother ever" (and that includes Shatterstar, nyuknyuknyuk). Vulcan, currently in charge of the Sh'iar in his demented quest for revenge and is really the biggest asshole in the galaxy now that the Skrulls, Annihilus and the Ultron/Phalanx are gone, is quite bored with being emperor just presiding on colloseum games. he needs a challenge, and he's found one.

kudos to DnA for cranking out terrific space opera within the Marvel Universe, which had gone stale prior to 2006's Annihilation.


ok, let's say after this War of Kings, the Inhumans/Kree come out on top (and that's assuming even the Guardians of the Galaxy or Nova won't be able to get everybody to smoke the peace pipe), will war against Earth be next? hmmm ...

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Secret Invasion: War of Kings one-shot

guess who's back?

no, not Captain America, but there's a fair share of that going around these days at Marvel.

no, am talking about this guy:


Starhawk used to be a '70s fixture, and i recognize him enough to be in memory shards of my childhood (like playing cards and bottle caps). little did i know about his Hawkman-like nebulous origins.

now rejoining the pages of the resurrected Guardians of the Galaxy (one of current favorites), we see him trading punches immediately with also-recently resurrected (if amnesiac) Major Victory. you know what that means - paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaartaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy!!!



and i'm also pumped at the return of another winged fella (how this ties in to X-Men #500, i do not know) ...


we believe they can fly!!!

calling security

theyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy're baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

well, the title at least, and its an all-new crew, albeit one we have not seen before (by "we" i mean those of us who read Annihilation and Annihilation: Conquest - shame on you!!!). after those two multiple-issue, cash register-overloading storylines, there's no other way to go, except forming a new Guardians of the Galaxy. yes, space-spanning sci-fi opera is back in season (R.I.P. Battlestar Galactica).

for those who were born when Kurt Cobain was on top of the world, the original Guardians of the Galaxy had these pioneers, whose cute avatars are shown below:


that's from left to right, Major Vance Astro (alternate timeline counterpart of Justice), Martinex, Charlie-27 and Yondu. for other members who joined later, you can look 'em up here.

you're wondering why Astro has Captain America's shield - well, its a long story so go look it up somewhere. you know how to navigate the internets, right?

anyway, the new team (of sorts) was put together by Peter Quill (The Artist Formerly Known as Star-Lord and Now Known Again as Star-Lord), a fast-talking quick-drawing leader of men.


Peter had this bright idea that they should be prepared for the next cosmic problem, instead of just being thrown together all the time and improvising solutions. hey, Bush marched us into Iraq and created more problems, but that's neither here nor there.

of course, who would he recruit except the mates he fought alongside with in the aforementioned crossovers:

Phyla-Vell/Quasar, Quantum Band owner, lesbian lover (of the currently-deceased Moondragon)


the new, improved Adam Warlock (kind of a '90s throwback - oooooo, menacing, enhanced powers etc.)


Rocket Raccoon (& Groot) - yes, a talking raccoon; you got a problem wit' dat?


throw in a couple of half-surprises, like Gamora - The Artist Known as The Deadliest Woman in the Universe, and Nova's FB (but this state seems to be evolving) ...


... and Drax (the Destroyer), all-around badass. purged of his dumbness, he's killed Thanos and a whole lot of organic and techno-organic alien scum. so, better not get on his bad side.



for support staff, we have Mantis, the self-absorbed telepath/pyro ...



... and Cosmo, the Russian talking dog introduced in the Nova series. don't ask me how he talks. he just does. and he's Russian. da.



too bad Nova isn't part of the team, but it makes sense because he's got his own book, and he's too good of a character to just be part of the ensemble (uh, New Warriors, anyone?). i suspect they'll be crossing over frequently (especially after missions when Gamora needs some ... you know).

between the original team and this new incarnation ... i'd go for the one with the raccoon. and Gamora (hoooo-haaaaahh!).

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Guardians of the Galaxy #1
"Somebody's Got To Do It"
Dan Abnett/Andy Lanning/Paul Pelletier/Rick Magyar/Nathan Fairbairn/Joe Caramagna/cover: Clint Langley

have gun, will shoot rival

cheating is bad, even it happens in a potential timeline in the future yet to be realized.

and Reed Richards has the best solution for it.


Namor, T'Challa and Victor Von Doom travel from the future to warn Richards about disastrous consequences of his plan (one of his hundreds of mathematical posits) to save mankind. it was all civil enough until the knowledge that Sue would leave him for Namor comes to light.

i am loving this Dwayne McDuffie run of the FF.

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Fantastic Four #551

the cat's meow

Fantastic Four #546
Dwayne McDuffie/Paul Pelletier/Rick Magyar/Scott Hanna
Marvel

hands down ... the Black Panther is the best strategist this side of Batman!

Tony Stark may be the best inventor and futurist, but his ego could be his downfall. Reed Richards may have a better scientific mind than Tony, but he lacks Tony's charm and social skills (plus he's pussywhipped right now - see below). Hank Pym may have the drive and brains to rival those two but his morals are even shakier (showing you the Exhibits could take all day; just one word: Ultron). and these guys just put Captain America on the crosshairs of a sniper.


among the heroes who never bowed down to the Superhero Registration Act, King T'Challa seems best suited to lead the rebels. he has superhero cred, and he has street cred. he's royalty, he's insanely rich, and he's also a genius. he's sneakier than the best chess grandmaster. plus, he's bangin' a weather goddess. never has an African nation been so proud.

here in FF#546, up against Galactus and the Silver Surfer, what can a mere mortal do? why, run away of course. but only to grab a few things, like two brass amphibians that shift time and space. i betcha Stark didn't know he had that!


back in the fight, the Black Panther uses cosmic power-siphoning armor to get the Silver Surfer to his own level. i mean, that's fighting dirty. and T'Challa has no problem with that. i bet just like Batman, he has devices and contingency plans ready to take down every super-powered being in the known universe. or even the DC Universe.


the Black Panther levels out the playing field, and the FF save the day. like they always do. Reed would be proud to have brought the Panther in as a stand-in. outstanding writing from Mr. McDuffie. too bad Gravity didn't want to be the Protector of the Universe. i guess that venerable and powerful entity just couldn't be a kid from Wisconsin.


so for all you life noobs (e.g., fresh graduates) out there, make sure you're adequately armed to go into the battlefield that is the rat race. here are some words of wisdom from the wise king himself:

if that is so, who would be the mother? just asking, your highness.


jokes aside, o wise king - about Darfur ...