Warriors Three Reboot

So this week was a triple shot espresso courtesy of Marvel. First, they gave us ...

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Oh wait, that's not the female Thor they were rolling out soon. So apparently, Thor (the Thor we all know and love, that lout) will become unworthy of Mjolnir, and thus another hammer-bearer is needed. Apparently also, Beta Ray Bill was not answering his phone.

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All bets are on the recently-acquired comic character/property Angela as the new Goddess of Thunder (what if it was Sif all along?). And although they say she "... isn't a temporary female substitute", how many issues or months would you bet before Thor Odinson regains the hammer? I'll wager less than 3 years, for one big crossover again.

Not too surprising is the ascension of Sam Wilson as the new (albeit temporary, i dare you challenge me) Captain America. I was thinking they would find a cure for Steve Rogers' dilemma in time, but I guess this was one of those insidious long-term plans concocted during one of those Marvel retreats. And why not? Marvel's batting average has been on the rise in the last 14 years.

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Lastly, we are going to have an Iron Man that's "... hard to root for." Yes, the return of Drunk Tony!! Oh, wait, its going to be a Superior Iron Man. Hubris will be the norm, as Tony apparently continues the legacy of Steve Jobs (in more ways than one) and kind of forces his vision on the world (or in this case, San Francisco) because he knows he's right. You know he's always right. He may have gone too far with his Illuminati machinations, but .... you know he's right. 

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October can't be too far away. Enough time to grab the popcorn eh?

buckheaded

drive-by readings

Captain America #609 (Marvel) "No Escape Part 4" Ed Brubaker Butch Guice Rick Magyar/Andrew Hennessy Paul Mounts Joe Caramagna Marko Djurdjevic (cover)

what we learned: Baron Zemo agitates Bucky easily and draws him into a trap, and uses Hauptmann to keep Steve, Sam and Natasha busy. naturally, Bucky is soon in chains and en route to Zemo island.
oh shit moment: how many times did Bucky get knocked out in the past six or seven issues? do we want this in our Captain America?
what's next: Bucky finally gets to die in the English channel. grab the popcorn.


Zemo missed out on shooting Cap so he had to make up for lost time.

snaps: Captain America #603

... where we find our intrepid Cap & Falcon pairing (Sam must feel reaaaaally old) run headlong into a trap set by Bad Cap of the '50s. wow, that old geezer effed you up good, didn't he? are you gonna let him get away with that, Buck? are ya?

Batman and Robin did this all the time, and the Internet giggled.


so that's what he did after retiring from editing Captain America!


i didn't know The Shocker could fly ... or was black.


"hey Buck, Steve told me Natasha's been around the block a few times ..."


ok, let's try to figure out what they said ... is it "nagger"?


"no, this symbolizes America punching the black man in the face!"



excellent work as usual from Mr. Brubaker.

clunt!

how Falcon reacted when Captain America yelled at him: "You LIE!!"


really, Steve Englehart? "Clunt"?

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Captain America #185

the sam wilson show

Sam Wilson, we hardly knew ye.

back in the swingin' 70s, the high-flying superhero known as the Falcon was better known as Captain America's new sidekick. of course, memories of those days have been expunged from both parties' memories as they could sometimes prove to be embarrassing. well, at least for Sam, because Steve is dead.

fear not, though, as time capsules have been unearthed through the arcane art of scanning, and thus have provided us with glimpses of what those days were like! these were the times that the Sam Wilson of today would rake your eyeballs out for even remembering. that's why its only a glimpse, because i think i can hear Redwing outside my window right now.

"the trainin' i've been layin'.."? Sammy is down wit' it, brotha! i can hear that voice now. its the voice of Black America, prior to the coinage of the term 'ebonics'. woooo-hoooooo!

wait ... Lassie? Lassie? a TV dog is the best trained animal in the 70's? (Redwing: why you comparin' me to a canine, foo'?)

if he had a dollar everytime he tosses out 'Mama' and 'brotha', he'd be a rich ni--; ooops, sorry, my bad. Steve Englehart wasn't much of a culprit as Roy Thomas and Tony Isabella was.

aaaww ... he's sweet. not as sweet as Mr. Christmas, Luke Cage, but sugary. say, didn't Cage rule Harlem then? doesn't he ever bump into Sam? what in tarnation?


if we redrew this cover today, Falcon's line would read "Face it, Cap -- we be wasted!!"


"Falc-A-Lot"? there's like a dozen jokes there already.


Chameleon: Change-A-Lot
Mystique: Shifts-A-Lot
The Atom: Shrinks-A-Lot
The Punisher: Shoots-A-Lot
Lancelot, The Horny Knight of Cums-A-Lot (oopps, sorry)


never let it be said that Sam Wilson didn't have black pride:

yeah, a costumed athlete (on steroids) or a pet? on one hand, the sports media will crucify and haul you off to a Senate hearing, while on the other, other men will be laughing secretly at you.

partnered with his black brotha (and real African) T'Challa (the Black Pantha), Sam is giddy to have someone help him out and give him some toys.

boys will be boys. actually, Sam manages to mess up the rescue when he slams into the Panther because he had no practice with his glider wings. yep, boys will be boys.


and here's our sexually ambiguous panels of the week, giving Batman and Robin a run for their shekels.

i'm not sure how you could sweat outside your masks, but hey, that must be one .... uhmm ... great ... workout. yeah, that's right.


ah, the sweet camaraderie of warriors in the heat ... of battle. i said, battle.


now, tell me why they're both sweating, huh? (kidding. they just came out of the closet rain, but who can tell eh?)


hey, don't look at me. i didn't write or draw the damn things.


anyway, the best line i've heard in days is: (drumroll and high hat please!)

heh. sour kraut. say, why not Yuma? or Flagstaff?




well, not everyone likes his style though.



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taken from Captain America #166-172. yes, i know, that was the Secret Empire storyline. that's another whole new comedy post too.