Heroes for HireJustin Gray/
Jimmy Palmiotti/
Billy Tucci/
Francis Portela/
Tom Palmer/
Terry PallotMarvel
the cropping tool is the best!once upon a time back in the 70's, when blaxploitation and kung-fu was wildly popular, there was a bunch of scrappy superdudes who really fought for the common man (unlike those
Champions). built upon the premise that you should be able to hire your own superhero if necessary (like you need to beat up your older brother - kidding!), the
Heroes for Hire agency was born! founded by
Luke Cage (big, black invulnerable strong brotha) and
Iron Fist (superfly white martial artist),
H4H was like a period sitcom that you enjoyed every week. a future post will be devoted to those two dudes later, but now, H4H has been resurrected by their gal pals
Misty Knight (hot black chick with bionic arm) and
Colleen Wing (hot white chick with samurai), and they're out to take the streets back from the bad guys.
those two pointy arrows says you'd better believe it!this time, the two best friends (ok, i am so NOT implying anything there) are joined by the
Black Cat (not
Janet!), former petty thief (rumors of
Catwoman straddling both comic companies are rampant) and sometime-
Spiderman girlfriend;
Tarantula, a totally unknown hot chick with a modus operandi like her
namesake villain;
Humbug, an ex-con who controls ... bugs; and
Shang Chi, whose press release says he's a master of kung fu (again a potential future post topic), him being the son of
Fu Manchu and all.
lacking the superior power and membership of the more popular superheroes, H4H works within their limitations and don't aspire to take on world-devouring villains or big causes (more on that later). H4H had a brief resurrection in the 90s during the
Onslaught affair (where most major heroes took a one year break) and someone had to rein in crime; this time, H4H is reborn in the shadows of the ongoing
Civil War event, putting a legitimate slant on Misty and Colleen's former jobs as bounty hunters by making them work within the
Superhero Registration Act (anyone who wears a costume and fights crime has to register and be a Federal employee).
with the heroes being divided along the lines of personal freedom versus responsibility, the supercriminals are either plotting to take over, were already co-opted by the pro-Registration side to do their dirty work, or are loose on the streets hoping to make a quick buck before disappearing. the latter is comprised of mostly D-list characters, which makes them ideal cannon fodder for H4H.
who?? exactly.H4H has lots of street connections, allowing them unfettered access to places of ill repute, nipping trouble before it happens. in one, Misty and her pals break up a sale of fake ID papers for supercriminals. and gives us one of the priceless moments in this series.
uhm .... her big future?and we read the articles too!
H4H is lighthearted fare, but it does well to be aware of its environment, given the connections of the characters to the major players. after a mutual friend is killed during a confrontation in
Civil War, the ramifications spill over neatly to the story.
the pro-Registration people, led by
Mr. Fantastic and
Iron Man, try to keep things in perspective, because the girls are unhappy with the latest developments. it even leads to this highly suspect conversation between Tony and Misty, perhaps about the issue of ... augmentation?
Misty decides to talk to
Captain America, just to see if he'd see things their way, given that she considers the feuding Iron Man and Cap her big brothers and idols. to find him, they have to talk to a
pixiu ... a gold-eating Chinese demon (don't look at me; i just read the damn book!).
good news: they do find the safehouse where Cap (and Luke Cage) is hiding; bad news: one of H4H's hired fellows,
the Paladin, betrays them.
used to be the Paladin was on the side of the angels; turns out it was just another of my childhood illusions (like Santa Claus, the Chocolate Factory, everyone liking me, etc.). he's on the side of the almighty dollar. which thankfully, in this day and age, a cosmic force known as Karma will sometimes slap you upside the head for.
brings new meaning to the term 'pain in the neck'or punch you in the gut for.
turns out Shang Chi pulls a fast one on all concerned and debunks the myth that he's just salad dressing - he beats up Paladin, helps Cap, and switches their uniforms.
too much fortune cookies going aroundin short, Cap and Luke get away,
S.H.I.E.L.D. gets embarassed, Iron Man is pissed (but he can't be mad too long; not while he's debating whether Misty's are real ones or implants).
with trust getting a beating before the new H4H gets off on solid ground,
Tarantula's petulant and combative attitude gets her on shaky ground with Misty. which merits the secret hard-to-pull-off maneuver:
the armpit punch. only three other people in the world know this technique. and i'm not one of them.
H4H's next case puts them in direct confrontation with
Celia Ricadonna (a frightening combination of
Celia Rodriguez,
Rica Paralejo and
Madonna - i have no idea why i thought that), an upstart wannabe-crimelord who just gets sprung from prison and is now gunning for Misty and Colleen (for putting her there in the first place).
did you just say "skanks"?! ooohoooo - cat fight!!!as is wont with villains, they mostly miss the mark; but the message is sent. like bombing the H4H headquarters in Chinatown ...
sending low-rent goons after them ...
that's what they all say ...
Gogo Yubari in the Kill Bill prequeland tragically, Tarantula's (of all people) father gets killed.
it turns out Ricadonna is involved in a Skrull organ replacement scheme (run by a mysterious entity called - duh! -
The Corporation), where superbaddies get enhanced with Skrull organs (
Skrull: alien shape-shifting race) to allow them to evade detection by the law.
Tarantula, who's more than meets the eye, displays engineering skills that impresses Mr. Fantastic and Iron Man: she builds a device to check if anyone has had any organ marked "Made in Skrullos".
forget chicks with dicks. chicks with brains are better. and cooler.
for her efforts and having her pop killed by ninjas-for-rent and having a sister die in the Stamford Incident which precipitated Civil War in the first place, Tarantula a.k.a.
Maria Vasquez, is fired by Misty for wanting to kill Ricadonna.
Misty and Colleen, eschewing the gold-eating Chinese demon, this time try an infantile businessman (in more ways than one) named
The Toddler (who's running a club called The Crib, no surprise) for information on Ricadonna's whereabouts.
they could have saved themselves the hassle of dealing with the icky weirdo, as Humbug's "friends" found Ricadonna anyway. i think it was the writers' excuse to "let us know" that they've been to that kind of club. or just to sneak in the line "
the overtly-sexual, scantily-clad, adolescent male fantasy team of ...". hey wait, that could be the tag-line for the series from now on!
this leads to an all-out fun battle on
Hart Island, where the long-awaited catfight between Misty, Collen and Ricadonna is held.
i bet Palmiotti was cackling over that one.Tarantula plays the wild card, as she secretly trails them and jumps into the fray in the nick of time.
we dig wild, unbalanced chicks.tabloid alert: "Shang Chi May Have Crush on Tarantula, Says Colleen".
but despite the nobility and competence and sense of humor of the guys (yes, even Humbug), they will never be more than supporting characters on this team. the girls are the stars. and that's the way the readers want it.
Ricadonna escapes (unknown to H4H) and the Skrull Organ generator is destroyed. Iron Man rewards them with a new homebase (still in Chinatown) with complete facilities. i don't believe for one second that he doesn't have money to fund people anymore, and i don't believe he wouldn't have any strings attached to any of these goodwill donations.
Messrs
Gray and
Palmiotti (formerly known as
Joe Quesada's favorite inker) have a fun hit here, and i hope it lasts awhile. they do a competent job, but i do hope they know how to tie loose ends - in issue #3 they introduced a character called
Veil, who seems to be in fact, the real brains behind the Corporation and Skrull organ business. and upon the destruction of the Hart Island facilities is nowhere to be found, or mentioned at all.
i like
Billy Tucci's (
Shi) art, but succeeding issues had him doing the covers (for which he might be best suited at this point), and giving way to
Francis Portela, who's okay and seems to be getting the hang of it. by the way, do you know what his favorite action scene is? hint: it involves people flying through walls, windows or other openings (whether they give way or not).
last note: with this poster, i can already see a Hollywood movie being made. if i were casting director, my first important task, is to prevent
Biatché from auditioning for, much less winning the Misty Knight role.
at all costs.
ok ladies ... quarter turn!-----
issues read: #1-5
