time must be crazy

drive-by readings

Avengers #4 (Marvel) Brian Michael Bendis John Romita Jr Klaus Janson Dean White Cory Petit

what we learned: time is breaking down everywhere in the present (hello, Killraven. what, you don't remember me? am your dealer!) that even Thor is speechless, while in the future, the talky Tony Stark gets into philosophical debates with his team, leading to them all getting pwned by their kids. talk about payback. then we meet the organizers of this charade ... and no, its not just the Maestro-looking Hulk.
oh shit moment: Tony should probably change his last name to Montana, on the account of being "Scarfaced".
what's next: am confused now. can we have some payoff around here??


hey, at least its not Teen Tony, right? riiight??

punchout part 1

drive-by readings

Incredible Hulk #611 (Marvel) "Sons of Wrath" Greg Pak Paul Pelletier Danny Miki Frank D'Armata Simon Bowland John Romita Jr/Klaus Janson/Dean White (cover) Dale Keown (variant cover)

what we learned: monsters have hearts after all. after almost laying waste to Washington DC and Ocean City, MD (wassup, OC???), Hulk and Skaar finally come to terms and accept their past, and perhaps forge a future. am still weirded out by Banner or Hulk not aware of each other, but the days of dumb Hulk are long gone (save in Marvel Super Hero Squad), so the smart Hulk should not be constrained from Banner anymore eh? for this Heroic Age, let's have one freakin' smart Hulk/Banner and be a positive force in the MU in the foreseeable future.
oh shit moment: Banner hugs Skaar, and we can finally close the book on loose cannons. hopefully.
what's next: Hulk takes Skaar to Disney World!!!


and the snot. don't forget to wipe off the snot.

the doctor is out

drive-by readings

Doomwar #6 (Marvel) Jonathan Maberry Scot Eaton Robert Campanella Jaime Mendoza David Meikis Jean-Francois Beaulieu Joe Caramagna John Romita Jr/Klaus Janson/Dean White (cover)

what we learned: and the endgame is finally here. Dr. Doom dons his vibranium armor, which is connected to the WWV (world wide vibranium). T'Challa politely asks him to stand down, and as is with power-mad dictators, sneers and spits at the offered hand. punching ensues.
oh shit moment: T'Challa takes the one (un)natural resource of Wakanda off the board, sending his country back to the Stone Age (circa 1965).
what's next: someone's going to reverse-engineer the inert vibranium. yeah, you know that's coming.


in brightest day, in blackest night, no vibranium shall escape my sight ...

time out

drive-by readings

Avengers #2 (Marvel) Brian Michael Bendis John Romita Jr. Klaus Janson Dean White Cory Petit

when we last left the new, improved Avengers, they've been visited by Kang and told that their offspring are messing up the future, and they need to whup those whippersnappers in line. Tony Stark apparently has a lot of shiny things (especially those that are used to wipe out life) except the one gadget to get them into the particular timeline. so they go recruit Space Ghost Penis ... sorry, Marvel Boy a.k.a. Noh-Varr (who's conveniently beating up the Titanium Man), and ask him to build them a thingamadoo.


but oh, he needs a lot of things to build that thing, so like i said earlier:

... including a lot of douchebaggery to spare, apparently.

i mean, seriously, he's been rebooted but he read the files on what he did, and now he's like a reborn chatterbox, cheerful and spry. i mean in his own book, he's mostly subdued but with bits and pieces of his bravado and arrogance still shining through. here in the Avengers, its like he has the insatiable need to impress everyone, be it that he has stuff, or that he's thoroughly capable of building anything.

maybe he should loan some of that confidence to this guy, his one-time pupil (nobody remembers that Iron Spider suit anymore huh?)


seriously. its only in this book that he's not a lovable loser. lovable, but never a loser. once he's on his own, he's like the unluckiest dude in New York City.

question: do they really have to make Thor lift a huge piece of machinery (that apparently has a computer terminal where Spidey's doing some web surfing - hah!) just to show that he can lift tons? apparently, they bribed him with some pizza.


and take note: when Noh-Varr completes his thingamadoo (mere minutes after above panel), it works on its own without that thing that Thor is lifting, or whatever Tony was building. in just six panels. so basically what we're seeing here is Tony is doing something completely unrelated to their magic timeline viewer, and Thor is just lifting stuff to impress someone.

you mean this pony? no, thanks.

ok, so they find their kids timeline, and now they need a way to get to them. but they're interrupted twice. first by an old friend, who somehow lost his mullet, when he smashed into the Tower (any Avengers abode is liable to be damaged or destroyed every 17 minutes - so that one dollar Avengers mansion? Tony's laughing the last at the potential cost of periodic repairs once their rogues gallery start targeting Luke and company).


why is Simon talking like he's never been friends with any of them? is this another characterization assassination, much like when everyone turned into blood-hungry turds during Civil War?

oh, and the second interruption's looking like an Apocalypse with his Horsemen from some alternate future. they keep theorizing Kang may have broken time, and it will be broken everywhere, and this event certainly is some kind of evidence of that. but shouldn't things just disintegrate into chaos rapidly if this were so?

apparently, there's a side mission first before they even get to the future to confront their kids (think of all the Bendisian dialogue that's gonna happen with the adult Avengers talking down to their young 'uns), and i'll bet that before all else is said and done they'll be teaming up against Kang and the Maestro Hulk (of course its always a Hulk). but i really wanna know what's up with Simon (Wanda? Wanda, is that you?).

brand new age

drive-by readings

Avengers #1 (Marvel) Brian Michael Bendis John Romita Jr. Klaus Janson Dean White Cory Petit

and they're off! a reconstituted and reconfigured Avengers team debuts in the 616 Universe, kicking off the Heroic Age and all the great things it connotes. do i hear grumbles from the corners of the Internet? ah sure. but this is the status quo now. deal with it.

Captain America ... sorry, Steve Rogers, formally creates the new Avengers team, with Maria Hill running things (i assume Victoria Hand will be his second-in-command for the his Secret Avengers, creating some tension with Sharon Carter despite Hand playing for the other team. hey who knows?). i am insanely curious to know what he actually told each of the heroes he approached in that montage - obviously, Luke is pissed he's not on the main team, because he's been asked to run the T-Bolts. looks like Jess won't be bringing baby Danielle to Daddy's workplace frequently, and not just because Mommy's gonna be busy doing superheroics as well as part of the new "New Avengers".

why does he look like Quasar?

i'm most curious about the following: Tigra (because she just smiles), Bobbi (she disowns her former affiliation in a heartbeat, but i thought she was going to S.H.I.E.L.D. anyway), Doc Strange (ummm, where's Brother Voodoo? don't they need magic?), and the-Scientist-Supreme-Formerly-Known-As-Ant-Man (i'm not sure whether he's coming or going). also, is that Firestar on the second panel, or is that Natasha?

Bendis finds new ways to give a nod to the past, and three of them stand out immediately because its highlights villains or potential villains. Kang, obviously. Wonder Man, surprisingly, despite his past. and the first opponent ever that the Avengers were formed to deal with, although its not exactly who you think. maybe think along the lines of "Maestro".

personally, i am more intrigued and bothered by the Simon Williams revelation. has he gone over the edge again? is the Scarlet Witch somewhere in there manipulating him? he seems so angry (someone took his safari jacket? or his movie career is dead?) and he's back to rocking his late '80s mullet/long hair. viva West Coast Avengers!!!


as for team boss duties, it'll be interesting to see how Tony handles being a team player once again, considering he's been recruited (again) by his best friend, and will be working under the auspices of a strong-willed woman he had a brief affair with, and now conveniently forgot about.


right in the beginning, Tony's already being second-guessed by his teammates on his wisdom with building things. i mean, Bruce Wayne got de-pantsed only when his secret files got stolen by Ra's Al Ghul, but Tony's like always under the microscope. moments like these are gonna be hilarious.


but then if he says he can't do it or doesn't have it, it kind of slides down his manliness quotient a lot. weren't he and Reed Richards bragging about being futurists, prior to Civil War, and pushed the SHRA because they knew what was going to happen if they operated as is? this looks like a repudiation of what you wrote, Mark Millar. (ok, fine, fine, blame Fraction's reboot)


also look out for JRJr goodness! reminds me of their Thor run circa 1998/99 with Dan Jurgens.


whenever the Avengers are brought together, something big is about to happen that merits their attention. in this case, ironically, its longtime nemesis Kang who brings it to their attention, and the problem isn't him, but apparently, their future kids gone wild. ah, youth. he also promised that if they solve this thing, he won't be bothering them again. promises, promises.

question: since when did Maria Hill go up against Kang in one form or another, that makes her claim she "hates him"?


looks like a great start, and as long as they keep the art team consistent, this should be another (hopefully long) great ride.


what's the one thing i regret about Avengers #1? well, there's the matter of not being selected as part of the faces that appear in the end. bah!

on the other hand, i won't need to endure this, just in case.


(hey, wait, there's still three books to watch out for! hooray!!)

Avengers Day!

everything old is new again!!!

snaps: Iron Man/Thor - FCBD

... where we find the two reconciled friends bonding, just like the old days. some rich folks want to be literally be above you peons, so they just upped and built McMansions on the moon, which of course runs counter to Thor's motto and Stark's new mantra. yep, that country mile is technically no longer a mile. just stop being a jerk once in a while, Tones.

hey, is that a dig on Obama? he's not socializing moon residency, ok?


i wonder if Amadeus Cho will be content with being #7.


oh, you're quoting your Asgardian pal now, are you? (as for me, i am intellectually embarrassed ...)


since when did Pepper get Pym Particle-d?


this is the only solution for fat cats and pigs in our society - send them away.


don't knock it. it comes in mead flavor as well as Asgardian beef.


of course you're not. you're from Oklahoma.

seriously, why would Tony be surprised Thor's talking through the vacuum of space? haven't been they around too long already?

also: how does Tony have the time to build these things?

snaps: Captain America/Black Panther: Flags of Our Fathers #1

... where we get a glimpse of untold WWII action, where an as-yet unnamed black soldier gets a front-row seat as a member of Nick Fury's Howling Hooters Commandos and witnessing the first meeting between Captain America (circa triangular shield) and the Black Panther (circa T'Chaka, i'd say). and with those nasty/stupid Nazis lurking in the background, waiting to steal Wakandan vibranium, this could be an exciting story, indeed! and who's that guy with a red face and looking like it was peeled off?

could it be that girls in skimpy orange and white uniforms be a problem for the Nazi war machine??


it's understandable the Fuhrer could be so agitated and confused. remember that time he really lost it when he tried to use Windows Vista?


at that time, Cap wasn't too worried about hygiene. i mean, try fighting Nazis, hello?


its black, its white, yeah yeah yeah.


tell that to Ms. Teen South Carolina!!!


Rumble in the Jungle (the Original) - only $49.99 on Pay-Per-View!!!

R.I.P. Thunderbolt Ross

wait, what rest in peace? serves you right, you selfish egoistic prick. i hope that hurt more than hell.

chopped

drive-by readings

Dark Reign - The List: Punisher one shot (Marvel) "A Good Lie" Rick Remender John Romita Jr Klaus Janson Dean White Joe Caramagna

just when we thought Norman Osborn couldn't make good with anything with his list, he comes roaring back with a big win. yes, i know, the Internet is abuzz with this issue, and for good measure.

after failing to get the Punisher (yeah, its the insistent itch in your ass that gets you) via The Hood, Osborn takes command to hunt Frank down with all the might of H.A.M.M.E.R. behind him, and taking along Daken for good measure. we know among all the Marvel heroes, the Punisher was the most vulnerable, as he really doesn't have any powers. he's not Batman-class, but he's been smart enough to survive all these years. he even offed the whole Marvel Universe, if certain tomes are to be believed.

and for all his bravado and smarts, eventually the Reaper comes to collect and Frank has to pay. i guess i wasn't expecting it - or maybe i wasn't just reading the advance buzz. that's ok, i like it that way. surprise me, comics. once in a while.

and though i can find faults in the great JRJr's work, roping him and Janson in for this piece was genius. i thought i was reading a Kick-Ass issue! you know, with all that blood and gore. i've also been slowly taking into Rick Remender's work - not sure if he feels like Howard Chaykin at times but with more immediacy. and no, am not dissing Chaykin.

so where do we go from here? apparently, the next story arc involves something with the words "Franken-Castle". Halloween gimmick or no? by the way, how does the Man Thing (one of Marvel's best horror characters) get involved in this when he was divided in two by Ares recently? in what issue did he "volt back in"?

it's a time-honored tradition to break down heroes before building them up again. over the past few years, we've seen this happen to Captain America, Thor, Hawkeye (though just don't ask me how he got resurrected. just ... don't.), Scarlet Witch (no, don't ask me about her either), Iron Man (ongoing) and now Frank Castle, our beloved ass-kicking street vigilante playing way above his league. i just hope it doesn't turn out like last time, when he got deployed to fight demons. hoooooo boy.

drive-by readings: Daredevil #500

Daredevil #500 (Marvel) "The Return of the King: Conclusion" Ed Brubaker Ann Nocenti Michael Lark Stefano Gaudiano David Aja Klaus Janson Chris Samnee Paul Azaceta Matt Hollingsworth Chris Eliopulos Marko Djurdjevic/Geof Darrow/Gabriel Dell'Otto/Alex Ross/Patrick Zircher (covers)

and we all thought this Brubaker character couldn't top what Brian Michael Bendis did for our favorite blind lawyer. he also won a what - an Eisner, you say? geddouddaheah!

just kidding. super big fan of Bru, from Sleeper to X-Men to Criminal to Captain America, and to this emphatic conclusion of his Daredevil run. for the first time in a long time, Matt takes a long hard look at his life, and finally makes a decision that has been hinted before but everyone just seemed to go "no, he won't do it ... would he??" and when it happens, they all go "well, yeah ... its about time."

this issue also delves into the long-awaited origin of living-la-vida-loca martial arts sensei Master Izo - who apparently, is a much greater figure than Stick (who's uh, dead for years now, right? - or has he been reincarnated as a blind Asian delivery guy?). the Daredevil/Izo team up is like Daniel LaRusso and Mr. Miyagi, only a gazillion times cooler and much more badass. i want Master Izo to be my granddaddy!! he's crude, cunning, devious and insolent and he'll beat up all the bullies in my class!

and Kingpin ... Kingpin ... name me a great DD storyline that didn't have Wilson Fisk's fat (now svelte) ass in it. he may not be as have as much weight (pun intended) as years back when he ruled the underworld, but Brubaker still manages to fit him in such a way it makes sense with his current situation (stripped of his power, demoralized, desperate to find meaning in life). so it stands to reason having Matt take away his golden opportunity to regain his standing will lead to more revenge stories as he might put a lot more effort now into rebuilding what he once had - like making deals with Norman Osborn. little question here: is he still that fat that with two swords buried on his back, he's still breathing? or maybe it was the adrenalin? oh yeah he already got shot in the eye once and still survived. as they say someplace, bad grass die hard.

so where does Matt go from here? certainly not back to Milla (awwww), not back to Dakota (double awwww) and not back to his old life with Foggy (now that's a real friend). no, he's going to do what needs to be done, and that is either lead a criminal organization to a much more benevolent path, or he'll become the World's Most Wanted by 2011. King of The Hand. now that's a Dark Reign.

(props to Ann like-a-girl-from-my-past Nocenti for her little Coney Island tale. Brooklyn represent!)

drive-by readings: Amazing Spider-Man #600

Amazing Spider-Man #600 (Marvel) "Last Legs" Dan Slott John Romita Jr./Klaus Janson Dean White/Joe Caramagna Stan Lee Marcos Martin/Javier Rodriguez Mark Waid Colleen Doran/Jose Villarubia Bob Gale Mario Alberti/Jared K. Fletcher Marc Guggenheim Mitch Breitweiser/Elizabeth Breitweiser Zeb Wells Derec Donovan/Antonio Fabela

Tom Breevort had a great line about this issue: "in ASM #200, she comes back from the dead. in ASM #400 she dies. in ASM #600 she gets married. by this logic, ASM #800 will feature her prom, ASM #1000 will be her coming out party, and she'll be born in ASM #1200." milk came out of my nose. it is weird because i remember from my childhood that Aunt May was already old and crinkly and she had a heart attack every 9 issues. and she almost married Dr. Octopus. and now Peter walks in on her knocking boots with J. Jonah Jameson's pop, fer Chrissakes. this should be included in the next Spidey movie. it would be priceless to see J.K. Simmons go through the penthouse roof with all the things going on!

the venerable John Romita Jr returns to draw the 600th issue (it is also strange to describe Romita Jr as venerable, and not his dad, considering i do still remember Johnny winning the first Marvel Bullpen Bulletin Hunk of the Month), and it just seems perfect to have Doc Ock make his long-awaited comeback. it kinda puts me off that he seems to have devolved (due to numerous years of superhero-inflicted trauma - more villains should be like this!) into a wired techno baddie like the Calculator. this should be the Fixer (who's over in the Initiative). and those octobots? Minority Report stuff.

the great stuff: there's a lot going on - Peter's lovable loser persona in full bore, teaming up and wisecracking with his fellow heroes (hilarious to have Logan threatening to pop a claw in his ass if he doesn't shut up), and saving the common folk and the day (and the ladies). is Daredevil the only one who doesn't know his secret ID at this point? and if i were Doc Ock, i'd be driven nuts by the nonstop Spidey patter too. since he's about to bite the dust (yeah, sure), expect another major appearance in the next few months.

a couple more things: backup vignettes by Team Spidey (and funny fantasy covers by various superstars), the wedding itself (and the events leading up to it, of course) with JJJ feeling magnanimous for 15 minutes and performs the ceremony. and what else? oh yeah, the return of the one ... the only ... (hint: "face it, tiger, you just hit the jackpot!"). no, its not Jackpot.

c'mon guys, admit it: it was a painful shift through One More Day/Brand New Day, but Team Spidey has brought back our beloved character back to where he belongs.

Peter Parcheesi

don't look now, but this Brand New Day thing is growing on me (gaaahhh! schism!). putting the marriage breakup aside (a retcon to save his identity, really, much like Marvel doubling back on Morrison's Magneto-as-crazy-Xorn), the Spidey Braintrust is putting its mark on the character, sending him back to his roots as a lovable wisecracking "loser". remember when he used to earn a few bucks for his photos, then have to bail out Nathan Lubensky with his gambling debts? now he still gets bad press (even with JJJ out of the picture), the stream of villains never end, he gets beaten to a pulp and arrested, and his mortal enemy is in charge of his universe. that'll make going through roughly a hundred inmates with a broken shoulder seem like a walk in the park. all for what? to save his cop roommate, who might not be all that clean anyway.

at least he still has his friends eh?

screen capture, part 6

continuing our fantasy list of favorite comicbook storyline-turned-movies! (after a brief hiatus - yeah, i know; the election campaign took too much of my time. but otherwise ... victory!!!)

i want the movie industry to make films for us geeks. there are only two conditions - throw money at everything and write it the way the fans want it. some of them may need an origin movie first, but either way, this is a fantasy casting call for my favorite TPBs.

check out the previous posts:
10. Invincible
9. Empire
8. Ultron Unlimited
7. The Authority: Circle
6. Superman: Red Son
5. the JLA Martian Trilogy
4. Wolverine: Enemy of the State


3. THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS
Frank Miller/Klaus Janson/Lynn Varley/John Costanza


i won't even try to define what DKR means to the geek world. suffice it to say, if you haven't read it, you don't know Batman. and if this is ever made into a movie, you better make sure they get it right. or the fans will give the producers a whuppin' like the Republicans got this week.

here's one man's take on who might fit the bill for the roles, if they ever get around to it.



casting call:
let's go out on a lark here and ignore the calls for Clint Eastwood. puh-leeze. we love the man and all, that's why we don't need him breaking his bones in his golden years. instead let's go give the role to the white-haired actor who seems to relish roles grounded in his conviction to fight for justice. plus we're curious how ornery Neal McDonough can be.


we heard Anderson Cooper put his name on account of his white hair. yeah, sure.

Alfred Pennyworth - can Michael Caine come back circa Dirty Rotten Scoundrels? why the heck not?


Lt. James Gordon - is still Gary Oldman. Olderman.


The Joker - unless someone wants to really step up and fill the void left by Heath Ledger (yeah look at those lameass Jokers last Halloween)... let's cook up some imaginative CGI! using Heath Ledger!


Superman - the only question is whether Ron Livingston would like to commit career suicide by risking the Superman curse. Brandon Routh is now on course to die on the set of the next Superman movie.


Robin/Carrie Kelly - we're leaning toward the preggy kid from Juno or Shadowcat from X3, or that crazy girl from Hard Candy. what? Miley Cyrus called??


Harvey Dent's brief memorable stint sure has John Malkovich's name on it.


Dr. Bart Wolper - the man responsible for letting the Joker loose and indirectly causing hundreds of casualties should be played by no less than this blathering idiot, who will likely do the same thing.


Commish Ellen Yindel - will be played by hardass lawyer Patty Hewes (Glenn Close)

Oliver Queen/Green Arrow - Kris Kristofferson, sidekick to the stars? Sean Connery declined the invite.


"Milk Baby" the bomb-maker - what? you think Jason Alexander can't do nasty? before he was a pathetic whiny loser on Seinfeld, he was uhh ... a sexual predator misogynistic bully in Pretty Woman. yes, that was a very thin argument.


if he can play a jackass cowardly editor in chief, JK Simmons can sure as hell play a jackass cowardly mayor. who dies. violently.


The Mutant Leader - is Tiny Lister. easy.


presidential media advisor Chuck Brick was first offered to Alec Baldwin but he had 30 Rock commitments, so Patrick Warburton steps in.


President Ronald Reagan - here's the rub: you have to get Nancy's permission to use footage of Prez Ronnie. start by telling her you did not vote for McCain.


geek goosebump moments:
well, i offer five out of dozens. i dare you capture that on celluloid (or digital format).

Batman with a gun!


Batman rules the Jungle!


Batman as the Dark Knight with steed!


Batman does not defeat the Joker!


but he beats up Superman instead!