Saturday, August 2, 2008

screen capture, part 3

continuing our fantasy list of favorite comicbook storyline-turned-movies!

i want the movie industry to make films for us geeks. there are only two conditions - throw money at everything and write it the way the fans want it. some of them may need an origin movie first, but either way, this is a fantasy casting call for my favorite TPBs.

check out the previous posts:
10. Invincible
9. Empire
8. Ultron Unlimited


7. THE AUTHORITY: CIRCLE
Warren Ellis/Bryan Hitch/Paul Neary (DC/Wildstorm)


do you like fascists? well, here's one for you. actually, here's a whole bunch. The Authority, a supergroup born out of the ashes of Stormwatch (don't ask), appeared at the end of the 20th century to bring order to a world descending into chaos (must be all those silly Y2K predictions). assembled by the electrifying Jenny Sparks, the Authority was needed to deal with superterrorists, cosmic scumbags, interdimensional tyrants - even God (bless you, Warren Ellis).

this movie would be heavy on the sci-fi side - one of the team members is composed of living circuitry and after all, they reside in a "Carrier", a humongous spacecraft that travels between universes, and have the luxury of teleporting to any point in time anywhere. you don't wanna know how many times i yelled "Door", only to find there wasn't any. it'd have fantasy elements too, like the Doctor warping reality as needed. and if you've come for bone-crunching action, well, there's always Apollo and Midnighter ("Bert and Ernie" for those in the know).

the storyline would be the first in the series, where a psychotic tyrant gives the world the finger and sends his superclone army to devastate its cities. this gives the Authority the opening to alert humanity to its presence, and show them who's the boss.

casting call:


Jenny Sparks - the role of the chain-smoking, foul mouthed free spirit of the 20th century seems to have Cate Blanchett's name all over it.


Jack Hawksmoor, the God of Cities can only be depicted by one who played a king. Gerard Butler, come on down!


Midnighter? the team's resident badass will of course be played by someone who's familiar playing a dangerous psycho - Christian Bale. the problem here is when someone decides to do a DC/Wildstorm crossover movie - Bale will have to play both Batman and Midnighter. oh, well, there's always CGI.


Apollo? Matt McConaughey. before everyone gets riled up: this is for a number of reasons. - all of them gay. those who watched Reign of Fire will probably be aghast finding Bale and McConaughey swapping spit. oh wait, didn't you know Midnighter and Apollo were an item? you didn't??


Angelica Spica = The Engineer = Rosario Dawson


Shen Li Min a.k.a. Swift, the Winged Huntress, a.k.a. Maggie Q.


the Doctor - hippie/druggie/the most powerful entity on the team. well, well, Ryan Philippe was practically begging us for the role. we couldn't resist.


sorry to typecast, but asian superterrorist Kaizen Gamorra can only be played by the magnificent Ken Watanabe. eat that.



geek goosebump moment: Kaizen sends his super clone army against London, and the Authority makes its first - and authoritative - appearance. game over.


6. SUPERMAN: RED SON
Mark Millar/Dave Johnson/Kilian Plunkett/Andrew Robinson/Walden Wong (DC Elseworlds)


speaking of ruling with a mailed fist, here's one explored by progressive writer Mark Millar: the last baby out of Krypton does not land in Kansas, he lands in Ukraine. in that one moment, the world changes as the Soviet Union becomes a world power, tipping the balance to the side of the communists and the Warsaw Pact. what would the outcome be?

Luthor does all he can to eliminate the threat to his superiority, which is what he does, regardless of timeline or universe anyway. up to his eventual assumption of the presidency of the USA, he makes a Superman clone, collaborates with aliens, creates supervillains, and even procures an alien weapon to be used by the military - all against the Soviet Man of Steel. and all this time, Superman just wants to be a working class citizen, helping out his countrymen, until he learns that the price of having powers is far too greater than he can bear. too much dependence can be a bitch. ask your local crack addict.

in the meantime, Superman's greatest foe may not be Luthor - but the freedom fighter named ... Batman! hoooohaaaaaa!!!!

i suspect this will be a much better film than that dreck served by Bryan Singer.

casting call:
casting Superman is always difficult. he's so iconic, nobody can just step up and say they're the Man of Steel convincingly. in addition to this, the ghost of Christopher Reeve is hanging around the role. that'll be enough to scare the bejeezus out of anyone. Brandon Routh couldn't act his way out of a can. which is why i can't decide as of this writing (cop out, cop out ...). how about this guy? no? have you seen Hollywoodland? no??


Lex Luthor, smartest man on the planet, playing for good ol' USA. as usual, his vanity is always his undoing. i think we should keep the best role player on Singer's film in here; just make sure Kevin Spacey plays ball, and make like this is an Oscar-worthy role and not just chew scenery.


Batman = can we just put Bale in anything involving the Bat? he probably can even play a geriatric Dark Knight. wait, i have another in mind for that.


another difficult role to cast would be Wonder Woman, what with Lynda Carter's shadow looming from the 70s. well, howzabout we give Jessica Biel a spin? i mean, for real? it's too late to reanimate Carter's corpse, you know. i kid, i kid.


Lois Lane Luthor. yes, you read that right. The Daily Planet's ace reporter does not meet Clark Kent, she meets and marries our favorite bald villain instead. poor Maria Bello.


guvmint agent Jimmy Olsen. is redhead Eric Stoltz still available? or young enough?


Pyotr Roslov - an equivalent to "Pete Ross", childhood pal of Clark, now a jealous KGB chairman. Tim Dalton can do this schtick.


Lana Lazarenko = Lana Lang = Catherine Keener


Josef Stalin should only be played by the one! the only! Ulrich von Lichtenstein Sir Ben Kingsley!


Perry White should always be played by Frank Langella. yes, Singer got this right too.


Colonel Hal Jordan, Vietnam survivor with a one-track mind, perfect for Operation Green Light.



geek goosebump moment: take your pick. this:


or this:




'nuff said!

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