Wednesday, December 30, 2009

snaps: Blackest Night #6

... where we learn that Lantern rings can deputize another for 24 hours. the question is, how sure are we that that timeframe would be the limit? and once someone gets deputized, they would be willing to give up the ring? also, a bunch of other characters become the second Rainbow Seven.

1) Nok! Nok! who's there? see below.

2) it's the Ultimate Warrior Atom!!!

3) mermaid got your tongue?

4) no tongue, no jaw - how the hell does she talk? amazing.

5) uh uh. sure. are you gonna be the "villain" in the next GL crossover?

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

somebody got the cereal box jackpot!!!

here's a hint, Slade: use Bing.

Teen Titans #78

but ... but he already got shot!!!


does he look like Hal Jordan to you?

well, yeah if Hal was Canadian! (ok, kidding)

(from, who reports the film crew is a veritable who's who in the industry)

i want a full Corps with Guy, Kyle, John, AND Kilowog, poozers!!!

snaps: Fantastic Four #574

... where we celebrate Franklin's nth birthday (we can't tell 'cause Suzie's gonna encase our heads in an airless bubble if we do), with friends, powerless and otherwise. also, apparently, Dale Eaglesham took a break so we're getting substandard art here. and oh, get ready to go back 13 years.

1) call the FDNY!! Herbie's on fire!!!

2) the number is 41. Franklin Richards is 41. whodathunk!?

3) J. Jonah Jameson, for one day, let go of his Spideyphobia.

4) holy God! are these kids or adults!?! where's June Brigman when you need her??

5) like X-Men Forever and Clone Saga wasn't enough to regurgitate. now we get Heroes Reborn too??

Monday, December 28, 2009

snaps: X-Men Legacy #231

... where Blindfold's tweets with Destiny lands a bunch of them in Muir Isle and come face to face with an old enemy (who of course was supposed to be dead, as usual). oh, and Magneto gets slapped down by Rogue. which could trigger another meltdown back to supervillain status in issue #250.

1) Rogue demonstrates the tuck-and-roll to Blindfold.

2) in another lifetime, Kurt, you would have a steel bar wrapped your throat for that comment.

3) careful there, Mags - that 'child's' brother is upfront piloting the plane. oh, wait, he joined your cause that day, and that child (editorially) came back to life eventually anyway. ok, fine, you can talk.

4) Psylocke. Husk. on the same plane. hmmm. nobody noticed this?

5) lookit!!! a Maggott sighting! X-fans do the wave!!!

so now he's a real man?

she tells him he's gonna be a boy no more, then lays hands on him. what conclusion are we supposed to draw here?

World's Finest #3

Sunday, December 27, 2009

snaps: Ares #3

... where we learn choking your son to death is okay if the bastard attempts to have you drawn and quartered. Kieron Gillen's three-issue dissertation on the God of War ends satisfactorily from this point of view.

1) hey lookit, everyone, Ares is now an X-Man!!!

2) what, and get stabbed and decapitated by Deadpool?

3) Ares learns the true meaning of "in your face!"

4) and the room fell silent, awkwardly. the joke fell flatter than Kiera Knightley.

5) i bet you pee on yourself too. in the mirror.

6) okay, so where the hell did Ares get the coins to put on their eyes? he had spare change to take the subway, just in case?

Saturday, December 26, 2009

snaps: Who Will Wield the Shield?

... where scheduling issues and editorial trafficking whack us upside the head. again. and oh, yes, the Red Skull is not inside Steve Rogers. well, glad you cleared that up!!

1) yeah, you're sorry. so no need to buy Reborn #6 anymore right?

2) where were you in Vietnam? or Iraq? or Afghanistan?

3) memo to Natasha: you're a former villain, boinked at least three male Avengers (four, if she did it with Hercules; five, if Daredevil counts as honorary), and your stint as Avengers chairperson isn't that scintillating. you're stabbing Steve in the back now? what if Steve was also a notch on your bracelets?

4) help!!!! what does the one-way sign symbolisms mean?? wwwaaaauuuughhhhh!!!

5) you are about to be enlisted in the health care bill battle, Steve, and its up your alley, because heck, you're like 80 years old and change. good luck.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

snaps: Astonishing X-Men #33

... where the team gets a little bit closer to the dude named Kaga who read a bunch of X-comics and crossovers in the '90s, found that mutants were a bad thing, and proceeded to use genetics and tech-wizardry to kill our heroes. he even uses the head of Paradigm, a poor man's Douglock, to interface with his techno-organic monstrosities, and as a taunting object. too bad, the two characters who can easily fix this shit - Kitty Pryde and Jesse Aaronson - are not in the picture. or are they?

1) and Scott said, 'let there be light' and there was ...

2) with Jubilee's impending return, i sense a catfight soon for the right to be Logan's Spunky, Wisecracking & Cute Asian Sidekick.

3) and morning, noon and night, i'll give ya ... head!

4) ok ... Cat Beast vs Dog Beast ... who ya got????

5) you and me both, Cyke!!!

snaps: Batman Confidential #39

... where Cialis makes a killing. and Gotham City just survives being a pawn in a nuclear war between China and the country whose debts it owns.

1) ohhh, look! a Watchmen crossover!!!

2) is he talking about Midnighter? (why, yes - Batman and Midnighter are the same person!)

3) Zinda needed that breast reduction operation so bad.

4) Professor Xavier makes a deal with Scott to have Emma Frost for one night. (did i just type that?)

5) oh really? i should introduce you to Plas!

Monday, December 21, 2009

love & rage

drive-by readings

Green Lantern Corps #43 (DC)
"Red Badge of Rage"
Peter Tomasi
Patrick Gleason
Rebecca Buchman
Tom Nguyen
Randy Mayor
Steve Wands
Ladronn (variant cover)
in just one issue, we get the best emotional impact of Blackest Night to the Green Lanterns, and its not even in the main series or the core GL title. it's just like that time in the Sinestro Corps War when all Kyle and Hal broke free of Parallax and all four major GLs yelled the oath.

with Kyle having been apparently felled by those black lantern zombies, best friend (whodathunk really) Guy Gardner goes into a berserker rage, takes a Red Ring in stride and proceeds to unleash hell on all their enemies. if that's not friendship, i don't know what is.

on the other side of the equation, Soranik Natu's love for Kyle attracts the attention of Sapphire, and the power of love brings him back from the brink. awwww, isn't that sweet? no, seriously it is.

not sure what are the ramifications for Guy running amok, though he hasn't harmed any Greens or innocents anyway. besides after this, will there be still any Guardians to be in charge of the Corps? or for that matter, will they be even in charge of anything?

Peter Tomasi is making a case for the Baseball HOF. because he keeps knocking these issues out of the park.

not something you'd look into on a Monday

Sunday, December 20, 2009

snaps: Dark Avengers #12

... where it turns out that not only Owen Reece IS NOT the most powerful being in the Marvel Universe, he doesn't get any respect at all because of his schizo-ness - and they misspell his name too. ah drat, there goes my hoped-for wildcard. turns out all this time its been always Robert Reynolds (and why not? he's been there since Bendis "reassembled" the New Avengers).

1) the face of a geek who's seeing the nude female body for the very, very first time.

2) Victoria, reverting against type, and not being, uh ... Hands on.

3) hey, do you know this game that Greek gods play? stay in a posh living room, grab a couple of weapons, brandish them around, and yell ...

4) yo, Norman, Dr. Troy is accepting new patients.

5) and Victoria, you know better when boys don't wanna be disturbed.

6) would Norman say the same thing if Bob said "i'm gay"?

7) are you seriously telling me that after Molecule Man does this, it really doesn't matter because the Sentry is much more powerful and does the same thing and makes it more permanent?

i hate the fact that the Molecule Man apparently just gets swept under the rug (and dismissed like a petulant child), despite being a more established character with godlike powers. that's scary for the Marvel establishment, so they made the Sentry have the bigger gun. in both cases, absolute power resides in beings with less than stable minds, which gives an opening where they can be taken down when absolutely necessary.

that being said, of course am still anticipating Siege. how could i not?