Saturday, July 11, 2009

what are we, twelve?

X-Men Forever is rounding true to form, reading like a fanboy's wet dream - a fanboy stuck in a '90s time warp and never grew up. we get ideas that were probably bandied about during a 'can you top this' bullshit session between pimpled dorks. Wolverine reduced to a skeleton? check. Wolverine doing the telepathic nasty with Jean? check. Sabretooth is actually Logan's dad? check. every major character acting out of character? check. Storm blinding Sabretooth with lightning? check. hey, what if Logan gave Kitty one of his claws to scratch Storm's eyes out? why, that's a cool idea! let's put it in.

there's a sequence that gets my goat - and i will honor any considerably decent explanations. a rogue Storm turns on her pals, and they try to capture her for "killing Wolverine" as posited by a captive Sabretooth and a loopy Jean Grey. she ducks out and locks them in the Danger Room.

for someone who can punch holes in starships, Cyclops holds back his righteous anger (he actually fired the first shot at Storm moments ago) and does nothing more than slam his fists at the door. ok, maybe he doesn't want to put that on his expense account, but the Professor has a first rate Sh'iar insurance policy that magically rebuilds the mansion every single time its leveled by their enemies. it could also be explained by what Kurt says: Storm activated a 'dampening field' so he can't teleport out and go after Ororo. i assume that means a device that negates their powers. they have such a device?? they could have caused M-Day without Wanda ...

so even with that dampening field, Kitty actually phases through the door. because that's what Kitty does.


i'm too dumb for this. i await your explanations.

maybe it was a good idea for Claremont to walk away at that time. if this was the storyline that became canon as we know it, i'm not sure how the X-fans would have turned out.

"The Cruelest Cut" would be that, at the end of this series, this is all a hallucination by a pot-smoking Charles Xavier.


Robert said...

Very funny post. When I was a kid I loved Chris Claremont's run on X-Men. In the 80s he was the go to guy. But now, he just seems out of time. I hate to say that because it sounds cruel and I guess he still has his fans. But I do so struggle with his writing now.

grifter said...

agreed. it just kills me. i see the man in the convention circuit, and i'm not sure if i would make him feel better by swooning over his past glories, considering i can't behave the same over his recent work.