Tuesday, September 30, 2008

i am spiderman (and so can you)

Spiderman and Stephen Colbert team up, Marvel announces.

having uhm, cut his teeth on Tek Jansen (think a funnier Buck Rogers, or something like that), this is not a surprise. or is it?

oh well, should be fun. would we see a Jon Stewart cameo?

Sunday, September 28, 2008

operation talibannihilation

breaking news!

leaked papers from the US Department of Defense show the secret weapon being readied the military to be deployed in Afghanistan and Pakistan in one big sweeping operation this coming fall. with the November presidential elections on the horizon, and the Republican bets having a credibility crisis, it is thought that a resounding and symbolic victory in the war against terror is the last remaining card the conservatives have to play to keep the White House in Republican hands.

the exact price tag of this secret weapon is yet unknown. however, upon the success of the deployment of this weapon, US allies who would like to purchase it would be qualified for employee discounts.

you're next, Ahmadinejad.

drink all the Johnny Walkers you want, Kim Jong-Il.

you have been warned, Putin. Sarah Palin can bomb your house from her place.

from Wolverine vol.1 #85

from the X-files

Wolverine has a way with young impressionable women. emphasis on young. before Kitty Pryde actually made the leap and did the deed with a certain metallic-skinned Russian, she used to run with our favorite canucklehead. then Jubilee came along. Jubilee. young asian mallrat. you know, the type that hangs out at Johnny Rocket's, Claire's and should easily fit into the cops' definition of jailbait.

father figure my ass. kids these days!

from Uncanny X-Men Annual 1999

Saturday, September 27, 2008

yeah yeah yeah

Spring 2009 means they'll start shooting the Green Lantern movie. they'll probably have it out, what? Summer 2010? [firstshowing.net]

so who's it gonna be? since its Hal Jordan, get Dominic West. but of course, its gonna be a Hollywood pretty boy type.

Friday, September 26, 2008

don't call it a comeback

cliffhanger of the week!

Staples copyright alert!!!!

and its an annoying cliffhanger. after years of having the Legacy Virus (the comic book equivalent of AIDS) dangle over the heads of mutants everywhere, Colossus sacrificed himself for a cure. and that was that.

Colossus has since returned from the dead (biiiiig surprise). does it follow that the virus will have to make its own inevitable comeback?

geeez, Luis Guzman! Marvel revived Bastion, and Bastion revived a bunch of past no-good'ers: Graydon Creed, Cameron Hodge, Stephen Lang, and Bolivar Trask.

what year is this, is it 1997???

X-Force #7

and he's baaaaaaack!

Matt Murdock, terror of the female species, is back on the scene.

with his wife locked away for insanity barely ten issues ago, its time once again for Matty to ride aboard the Ho Train. wait, that didn't sound right.

anyway, this time around he gets close to his own P.I., Dakota North. the immediate excuse is vulnerability on both sides.

as Wolverine wondered in Enemy of the State, "what do they see in you, Murdock? all these chicks you bring back here in this weird house that doesn't even have a painting on the walls. you're not that smart, you're not that rich, you're not that funny - how can you be getting so much of something i barely had in years?"

who's next? Jessica Jones? oh wait, that one's taken.



Daredevil #111

cover of the week

Superman/Batman #52 by Ryan Sook

for more on the evolution of Ryan's art style (he actually started as a Mignola clone), check this out.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

barbarian at gate one

how can you not love Conan?

or Frank Cho?

"That was a good trick, boy. I am Hoenig Red Hand. Do you know of me?"
"No, but my horse told me he bedded your mother."


the joke never gets old

cliffhanger of the week!

the Joker vs. Barbara Gordon ... one more time!

Birds of Prey #22

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

bullet time

have you ever found yourself in a situation where you only had one bullet left, but you still had two enemies to shoot? well, worry no more, as you can use a knife or even a finger to be able to split that lone lucky shell and claim victory.

let's have Supergirl (the Linda Danvers version) demonstrate the principle:

cool, no?

you don't believe this? why, just watch this YouTube clip and wash all your doubts away:

Peter David must still be cackling over that one.


Monday, September 15, 2008


unless it flew over your head, you are seeing the Big Three (with Uncle Nicky) challenging 'em dirty Skrulls for a throwdown.

if this battle isn't a twist and turn classic, i'll be the first to boo.

Secret Invasion #6

you hit like a girl! #12

way before she got replaced by the Skrull queen, Jessica Drew a.k.a. the original Spider-Woman, has been on the side of the good guys (most of the time anyway, at least perception-wise), and she does kick a lot of bad-guy ass (most of the time anyway).

a few exceptions include this one when she was still a brainwashed Hydra soldier and gives the S.H.I.E.L.D. boys a good whuppin' on the way to meeting her future boss, Nick Fury, for the first time.

note this kung fu move combined with her vaunted "venom blasts".

having learned the hard way that she was a product of genetic testing by her psycho pop funded by Hydra, she lashes back at them the best way she knows. i would.

i wonder how these guys would deal being beat up by a girl later. i mean, they probably organized an ACA - Asskicked by a Chick Anonymous.

members would be those who survive and can still walk and talk after say, six months of rehab.

aside from being betrayed by her dad, Jessica was also betrayed by a one-time lover, Jared, who made her think Hydra was a humanitarian agency who distributed relief goods and took down terrorist groups. learning the truth made her see red. that, and finding out that Jared was really a fat bastard before he became the Subway mascot.

another thing Jessica hated apart from being lied to, is being cloned. too bad, clones don't really come close to the original. ask Michael Keaton.

one of her early mentors was the morally ambiguous (sometimes) Taskmaster, and she pretty much gave him as good as she got.

wait, it gets better, when she encounters him years later, out of costume, and on the side of the angels.

giving a "jolt" to about 50 guys at the same time uhm, ... seems to be some kind of record.

let's see if in Secret Invasion, the Skrull Jessica gets to kick as much superhero ass before she finally gets taken down.

from Spider-Woman: Origin
Brian Reed/Brian Michael Bendis/the Luna Brothers

Sunday, September 14, 2008

burger teen

recognize these three?

well, here's a refresher course, you pretending-to-be-born-in-1990 sucker.

Wendy and Marvin were one-time sidekicks of the SuperFriends (which is the kiddie version of the JLA). they didn't have any powers, and they had a pooch they called Wonderdog. they were eventually replaced by the equally despicable Wonder Twins, and much-more despicable monkey Gleek.

in modern times, Wendy and Marvin have been written as the custodians of the Titans Tower, the headquarters of the Teen Titans (the kiddie version of the Titans, who are the young adult versions of the JLA). in Teen Titans #62, they come across a dog, which should be a lot more puzzling to them because Titans Tower is located in an island and there's no way a dog could have strayed from anywhere.

well, now you know how we feel now, Wendy, after we think about those times we watched you and Marvin in the SuperFriends.

to make a long story short, Wonderdog is a lot more than meets the eye. in fact, seems like he has a different kind of appetite.

in a sequence reminiscent of b-movie slasher flicks, Wendy gets chased around by this Cujo without anyone knowing better, and ends up as a Deluxe Double Stack. sorry, couldn't resist.

so Wendy and Marvin haters, there's your payback. have they done anything like this for the Wonder Twins? maybe they can be chopped up by Libra in Final Crisis? that too much to ask?

Teen Titans #62

Friday, September 12, 2008

(os)born in hell

cliffhanger of the week!

never liked Norman Osborn, even back in the day when he first "died", and never will.

New Ways to Die is the best storyline so far in the new life of our friendly neighborhood Spiderman (i've always wondered about that - is he an area code?). hats off to Dan Slott for making me remember how much i hate Osborn.

mag max

alias: Magneto
was known as: Erik Magnus Lehnsherr
real name: Max Eisenhardt

just as we had the pleasure of Wolverine: Origins, we finally get Magneto's backstory (the real one).

Magneto Testament #1

pool flip

say "oh shit!" in Skrull-ese.

in a nutshell: 'Pool masquerades as a baseball team mascot when a Skrull ship comes a-knocking on a baseball game (really?). 'Pool singelhandedly kills the ship to flatten the Skrull troops on the ground. and then he does what he does. i kinda miss Nicieza's comedy slant though.

Deadpool #1

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

awwww, man!

All Star Batman & Robin #10 recalled by DC.

all because of Frank Miller's guttermouth.

click here for the uncensored text.

what do you mean, kids? what kids?


or maybe it should be a-haX!

the mystery of these past months is now revealed.

turns out its a new X-Men miniseries X-Men Noir coming out this winter. it re-imagines a 1930s Manhattan underworld populated by X-characters. the masterminds behind this gimmick are Fred Van Lente (Silencers, Action Philosophers, Marvel Adventures, Incredible Hercules) and Dennis Calero (X-Factor, Legion of Super Heroes).

i shoulda known. isn't that red shades a dead giveaway for Cyclops?

Monday, September 8, 2008

east river hotties

now there's a sight i wouldn't mind seeing over by the Brooklyn Bridge.

wait, where's the waterfall?

Witchblade #120

Sunday, September 7, 2008

the devil you don't know

Marvel's MAX line has a new addition: Dead of Night starring Devil Slayer (sounds like a glam heavy metal rock band).

let's just make one thing clear: it ain't your daddy's Devil Slayer (more recently seen in the Hawaiian Initiative - doing luaus and sensing portents of doom and showing Cloak how its done). 

no, in this tale, we have Iraqi vet named Danny Sylva going back for another tour of duty - once a soldier, as they say - to the disbelief and joy of his former buddies. in his case, it seems more like a homecoming.

Sylva has his reasons for going back, since he has nothing else to live for. alternative careers for ex-soldiers seemed in short supply with the tanking of the American economy, and the breakup with his fiancee Maria left him with charges of aggravated assault, drunkenness and disorderly conduct. his CO, Lt. Buckler leaves him with a semblance of something to hold on to - fighting for your comrade in arms, despite the presence of other less-than-honorable men from defense contractor Bloodstone, a Blackwater analogue (apparently, you can get blood from this stone). 

for those not in the know, Lt. Buckler is named after Rich Buckler, who created the Devil Slayer character back in 1977.

a fellow soldier, Wahl, has been kidnapped by jihadists, and a midnight call from an embedded journalist from the Daily Bugle (don't they call it the DB now?) puts Sylva and the team in an impromptu rescue mission. it doesn't go well. for example, Pvt. Miles Ochse, fresh out of boot camp and Sylva's seatmate on the plane back to Baghdad, gets his brains blown out rather quickly.

with his teammates dying alongside him, Sylva runs for cover in a room, he finds a lot more than he bargained for.

Danny Sylva ... Devil Slayer, get it?

just for informational purposes, Dead of Night is written by one Brian Keene, he who ushered a new age of zombie splatterfests with The Rising. i know of one friend who's gonna cream in his pants when he reads this. 

Dead of Night: Devil Slayer #1

monkey see, monkey do

what, the CareerBuilder monkeys are out of work now and they've invaded our piece of heaven?

on the other hand, nice touch on the Forbush Man.

Marvel Apes #1

Saturday, September 6, 2008

those republicans

its just been a couple of days since the end of the RNC in St. Paul, MN, and just a week since the announcement of the Republican VP candidate, and shovels have unearthed a lot of crap already. such is politics in the free world.

well, what can i say ... these are the Elephants for November.

your president wants to pick a fight with every country who doesn't toe the conservative right-wing American way (and he has the scars to prove it!!), can't read a teleprompter, can't talk straight anymore, and is one heart attack away from giving the White House to ...

your veep has sneaked up the ladder of American politics, leaving bodies in her wake, lied about some pregnancy details, wants to clean up our books because of inappropriate language, and can hunt wild animals if necessary (even if they are of the sapien type). but she hates polar bears ... because we need oil!

wait, what does this have to do with comics? well, given the choices above, we might as well have gotten this dude below!

i mean, how worse can it get eh??

of course, we all know who's orchestrating these things ...

batman got head?

hey, its possible he did, work schedule and all. he's a billionaire playboy, after all. have you seen Jezebel Jet? (although in some circles, that identity causes me shivers)

but actually, the title of this post refers to this article:

"Max Payne Director Pissed About R-Rating, Blames Batman Blowjob"

go read it yourself, Max Payne fans and whatnot, at [kotaku.com]

Tony Stark, R.I.P.

cliffhanger of the week!

"geez kid, just because you didn't want to register ..."

and that image will stay in your head in the next 30 days.