Saturday, July 28, 2007

you hit like a girl! #2

righteous asskicking from the XX chromosome.
this week: the aptly-named X-23

no wonder the Grizzlies are an endangered species.

whether man or beast, X-23 is an equal opportunity ass kicker.

we don't know why X-23 was even created. oh yeah, that's right; we need more durable clawed psychopaths and the Wolverine type has always been a cash cow. so what if the X-Men already has one?

yeah, beast, man , woman ... it don't matter. just knee the f****r.

and going up against the original, she actually holds her own.

Wolverine can't live with or without women.

i think this series was just an excuse to exercise one's id on seeing more females get more asskicking time. just like the intent of this post. hoooooahhhh!

Saturday, July 21, 2007

hulkamania 2

World War Hulk sightings:

Hulk Destroys the Marvel Universe
i mean, wow. it was almost as if, to a man, the Marvel head honchos said, "ok, how do we top our heroes kicking each others' butt? well, let's have the Hulk kick all their butts! and really good!" the Hulk has never been written this powerful and menacing, and he has control of all his faculties. means bad news for all his former friends, who wish they still had the original dumb Hulk leaping around.

She-Hulk? for once, blood is not thicker than water.

Ares? i think he has to give up this 'God of War' thing.

Human Torch? you must be kid-ding.

Ben Grimm? definitively the ass-kicking of his life.

and Mr. Smarty-Pants Reed Richards himself? well, you know what they say about good intentions. hopefully, he still has a third honeymoon in him.

that's Black Bolt, Iron Man, the Avengers (the supposedly mighty ones - how does this tie-in with New Avengers?), the X-Men, and the Fantastic Four ... including give or take a few of heavy hitters. the last remaining hope is Dr. Strange, who couldn't complete his spell, and the enigmatic Sentry (which for the life of me, i don't know why he's sitting at home watching Food Network). wait ... who's that approaching? is that General Thunderbolt Ross? seriously!?

Iron Man gets Screwed
by one of his Initiative recruits, no less. it didn't take long for sneaky government types to meddle with the super-army Tony Stark built. Hardball, an immature loose cannon who hasn't really revealed the full extent of his powers, has been coerced to sell the one thing that could have brought the Hulk down for family security. security, pfah!

New Yorkers have an Attitude. Even The Young'Uns.
if i were Daredevil, i'd have smacked the shit out of this kid. i'm just saying!

CSI Alienation
an android under the command of the AWH (aliens with Hulk) gets "killed" and the outerworlders are out for blood. what do we humans do? why, conduct an investigation, of course. easier said than done.

Ghost Rider Cops Out
and i mean the Ghost Rider, not Johnny Blaze. Dr. Strange said it well - Blaze was the one limiting the Rider's powers, because if not, you'd have a much more powerful entity unleashed on the world. however, that might be the one thing needed to beat the Hulk.

can you imagine the Hulk being mischievous? (straps a 7 train to the unsuspecting GR's chain)

after dropping a building on Hulk (cool) and expanding a huge blast of hellfire (how is NYC still standing?), it all comes to this staredown and ...

... nothing. Ghost Rider drives away because he only avenges the innocent.

which most certainly, our so-called protectors (Iron Man, Reed Richards, etc.) haven't been.

but ... but ... what about the innocents killed in this attack? you mean there's no body count? are you kidding me?

damn you, Daniel Way!

i knew the continuity was breaking down. for those who haven't read it yet, sorry for spoiling it for you, but you'd better read this thing from beginning to end when its all said and done.
World War Hulk #2
Greg Pak, John Romita Jr., Klaus Janson
Avengers: The Initiative #4
Dan Slott, Stefano Caselli
World War Hulk: Frontline #2
Paul Jenkins, Ramon Bachs
Ghost Rider #13
Daniel Way, Javier Saltares, Scott Hanna

Friday, July 20, 2007

upstate rumble

like the Kool Aid guy said ...
"ooooooohhhh yeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!"

each Wolverine/Hulk throwdown is an eagerly-awaited event. of course, there has been no conclusive evidence of a clear winner everytime, that's why rematches are always in order. with the Hulk confronting Prof. Xavier (and the X-Men), Chris Gage whets the primal fanboy urge for mayhem and may also have written canon.

it is convenient that all the X-Men are there at the mansion when the Hulk arrives, and not off fighting the Marauders (hey, that's supposed to be happening around this time too) or some alien invasion.

despite the slant of the pics above, our favorite mutants only delay the inevitable, as there's no stopping Jade Jaws. even Colossus becomes nothing more than a tin man/can.

this would've been avoided if Cyclops just followed Xavier's order to stand down (yeah, like that's gonna happen). instead we have injured X-Men all over the place (this would be a perfect time to attack, Sinister!). a telepathic distress call is placed to other X-teams, and even the Juggernaut re-sells his soul for the price to kick ass.

like that helped him too.

and what about Wolverine? let's say he just missed the Cinco De Mayo celebrations this year, and the Hulk just offered him the role of being a piñata. wait, he actually didn't offer.

more mayhem next month, as the second-tier teams get into the act. the wait could actually turn you green with rage.

World War Hulk: X-Men #2
Chris Gage/Andrea DiVito

Thursday, July 19, 2007

you hit like a girl! #1

copping an idea from The Man Named Chris, who has this super cool weekly posting called Friday Night Fights - which are just basically cool Chuck Norris-worthy fistfights from your favorite funnybooks - allow me to roll out my own version, where basically (super)girls put the hurtin' on (mostly) guys who hatin'.

there, that should make the feminists happy.

pics for this inaugural post are all taken from the babe-centric Birds of Prey.

Lady Shiva/Jade Canary, Birds of Prey #93

The Huntress, Birds of Prey #93

Black Canary, Birds of Prey #94

for all of Prometheus' smarts, he's always vulnerable to this.

Huntress, Birds of Prey #95

and bitch-slapped by ... Gypsy? really??

Gypsy, Birds of Prey #95

Huntress, Birds of Prey #99

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

man in tights

probably the one good thing that Kevin Smith did among his Big Two works (his Marvel run is something that has been critiqued ad nauseam) would be his resurrection of Green Arrow for DC. there's something about a regular dude with a bow and arrow running around with the Big Guns in capes, with no powers at all save his marksmanship and athleticism. well, that and his notorious ladies' man and devil-may-care reputation.

it is with great excitement then that i learned a Year One series for Oliver Queen was coming, written by the two gentlemen who wrote a couple of my favorite books:

yep, that Andy Diggle and Jock. sorry, guys; i wanted to post about The Losers - i still will at some point. the opening scene already gave me deja vu: camera zoom out shows perspective - reminiscent of the Goliath tanker scene.

make no mistake, this is for newer/younger fans, an origin story that would make sense for the next generation. but i see it as a re-visitation as well. i've been more of a Marvel guy through the years, but my childhood is replete with memories of the Justice League, and Superman, to me, is always the first superhero a child learns of.

Ollie, looking a lot like a Loser, is living the high life as the playboy millionaire, without the heart condition and the technological genius. mr. pampered peter pan blows through money like a breeze, and his close confidant Hackett tries to keep him on an even keel.

Ollie bids on the non-existent Britney Spears undies

that is, until he betrays him, while on a boating trip. money changes everything.

"no, but you now own the Brooklyn Bridge."

Ollie, despite his raw archery skills, can't quite match up with the determined Hackett, and thus he ends up in the drink.

there's probably more than one Green Arrow origin stories written out there. but i like this one, which gives a rational explanation how Ollie came to be stranded on an island instead of merely falling overboard while drunk.

this is shaping up to be whole new gritty take on the Emerald Archer. i don't care if he wears green - he's gonna be a manly man when all of this is over.
Green Arrow: Year One #1
Andy Diggle/Jock

Monday, July 16, 2007

i might be a frakking Skrull

so, as it turns out, the Hulk isn't the only green menace plaguing the Marvel Universe as of this moment. the morph-happy Skrulls, the alien race who's always been a thorn on the side of the superhero butt, may have set or taken advantage of all the crossover events that took your lunch money for the last 3 years.

here we have the piss-poor not-so-New Avengers, flying back from Japan only because one member had a plane (bet they miss those Quinjets already), trying to recover from the shock of discovering that the Elektra they were fighting turned out to be a Skrull.

Peter tries to get everyone to talk and discuss the elephant in the room, but Logan has a logical explanation for why everyone is reluctant to do so.

right here, i'm eliminating Logan 99%, because ... well, he's Logan. and he's all over the place. wait, that means in one of his multiple appearances, he's a Skrull. head. hurts.

so who else could be a Skrull, at least among the passengers of this humble aircraft?

could it be Luke Cage, hip brotha and new dada - who seems to be perpetually skulking in shadow at least for this whole issue?

could it be Dr. Stephen Strange, who sat out the Civil War, choosing to smoke mystic cigars and play Texas Hold 'Em with Wong, but at least came back after to support his (other) Avenger buddies?

could it be Jessica Drew, who's playing from a lot of sides ever since (which makes her a clear rival for She-Hulk's title as the Ultimate Marvel Whore)?

could it be the deaf Maya Lopez (Echo/Ronin) who actually can't hear what these jerks are saying? ("Maya is the Skrull, she's a retard!" "hell no! if you were a Skrull, would you impersonate a deaf girl?") wait! let's go check the back issues if she tipped her hand by suddenly being able to hear.

could it be Clint Barton (Hawkeye), who uselessly died when the Avengers were Disassembled, and then showed up again with just the lame explanation that Wanda just resurrected him ... just because? never underestimate the power of fan balloting.

could it be Danny Rand (Iron Fist), Cage's best pal, Daredevil stand-in, and possessor of the ultimate weapon and handy corporate jets?

or could it be our intrepid hero Peter Parker, who had to endure a brief interlude with fame and fortune working with his idol, Tony Stark, and have his aunt shot and living life on the run, subsisting on berries and Red Bull? at least he still has his sense of humor. by the way, did he ever thank Frank Castle for saving him?

hell, they're ALL SKRULLS! Leinil Yu's art has gotten so dirty and grimy and ugly, they might as well be!

let's leave it to Cage to say what's on most of the fanboys' minds. well, that which would make sense, more or less.

and what do you know, handy corporate jets aren't that reliable. the engines die, and due to a notable lack of fliers on the roster, everyone panics. even Dr. Strange, supposedly the elder statesman, screams an excuse.

this thing doesn't happen often, and we can hear everyone screaming for their mommy. except for Logan. Logan doesn't have a mommy. Logan wasn't born; he was unleashed.

prior to the engine malfunction (a set up?), Jessica was arguing that they should take the body of the Elektra Skrull to Tony Stark, just in case Stark is indeed a Skrull, so they can draw him out in the open. everybody else disagreed.

so now, who's a Skrull?

New Avengers #32
Brian Michael Bendis/Leinil Francis Yu

Saturday, July 14, 2007

the light is green

World War Hulk sightings:

the scum known as Ant-Man has been swallowed by the Hulk. well, actually Ant-Man wanted to take the Hulk down from within. turns out he can't. so he settles for other extra-curricular activities.

i'm not even gonna think about that Red Zone deodorant in Holku's stomach.

pretty soon, Eric's karma comes back and slaps him upside the head. yaaaaaaaaaaay.

i'm all for Mitch shooting O'Grady right then and there. but there's something compelling about extending this story for awhile. its like watching a dangerous animal go about its business - you have to kill it now but somehow you're fascinated. until it bites you in the ass. its not everyday that you get stories within the Marvel Universe that deal with the people in between - kinda like Frontline but more fun and grating and gleefully annoying all at the same time.

let me ask you: is that General T-Bolt Ross' tongue, or his lower lip is just too protruding?

the respected Dr. Bruce Banner, a milksop? no waaaaaaaaaay. say, General, isn't that your Army being torn to pieces right now?

another old nemesis, General John Stryker (ambitious soldiers probably change their names when they know they can make it to the top - i mean does "Colonel Rudy Gay" or "General Stewie Ottum" sound badass to you?) has put-together, secretly of course, a team of Hulkbusters (a bunch of Gamma-powered nutcases). why? because he knew that the Hulk would be shot into space and would come back soon enough. yeah, sure.

whatever reasons Stryker had then for trying to capture the Hulk (to study him and use the knowledge to heal his cancer-stricken wife Lucy), there's none of them now as Stryker is a fugitive (a rich and connected one, nonetheless) and only his proposition to solve the Hulk problem saves him from a S.H.I.E.L.D. prison.

leading the team is someone with ties to the Hulk as well - the late Glenn Talbot's bro, Brian. and to shock us readers, he's called Grey and he's actually grey (a nod, of course, to the Hulk's very first incarnation). but he looks Mexican to me.

we've been promised by the head honchos during the NYCC that the Gamma Corps are supposed to be really hardcore, badass individuals (which is why they had - cough, cough - tough guy Frank Tieri writing it). we'll see. i want to see dead people, people. dead, i say.
The Irredeemable Ant-Man #10
Robert Kirkman/Phil Hester
World War Hulk: Gamma Corps #1
Frank Tieri/Carlos Ferreira/Sandu Florea