i want the movie industry to make films for us geeks. there are only two conditions - throw money at everything and write it close enough to the source material. some of them may need an origin movie first, but either way, this is a fantasy casting call for my favorite TPBs.
check out the previous posts:
10. Invincible
9. Empire
8. Ultron Unlimited
7. The Authority: Circle
6. Superman: Red Son
5. the JLA Martian Trilogy
4. WOLVERINE: ENEMY OF THE STATE
Mark Millar/John Romita Jr./Klaus Janson/Paul Mounts/Rus Wooton/Chris Eliopoulos/Randy Gentile
once upon a time, legendary X-scribe Chris Claremont had the idea to turn stalwart X-Man Wolverine into a villain - he was supposed to be brainwashed by ancient cult of assassins known as the Hand, converted into their personal killing machine, and have him bedevil the X-Men (and the Marvel Universe) for a year or so. internal politics and other agendas prevented this story from taking place, and Claremont shelved the whole thing.
in 2004, Mark Millar took over writing duties for Wolverine, and he dusted off that concept. the results were the Enemy of the State/Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. storylines. and what a ride it was. the Hand got their uh, hands on Wolverine, turned him against the superheroes who mostly wet their pants, except a few.
the story revolved around Wolverine being lured into a trap using a kidnapped Japanese kid, and then killed by a new supermutant known as the Gorgon (who, yep, can turn people into stone). the resurrected and upgraded Wolverine cut a path of destruction through the Marvel Universe to obtain weapons of mass destruction to be used by the alliance of the Hand and Hydra. heroes fell by the wayside and only Elektra (not a simple girl, not yet a Skrull) could go toe to toe with the Canucklehead. until they got Wolverine back, deprogrammed him, and let him loose against the scumbags. final tally: around 5,000 dead (most of them ninjas - that means there's still a lot of those, despite what the papers say).
by the way, whenever you want your favorite (or hated) dead character to be resurrected, talk to the Hand.
casting call:
Wolverine - DUH.
Elektra - oh, what the heck. let's just put that Garner chick back in. she's cute. and deadly. just write a better script, dammit! (somebody suggested that part-Greek Jennifer Aniston - nyet!)
Daredevil - it'll only be a 15 minute cameo, but unless anybody wants to volunteer somebody else, let's stick with
Nick Fury - ok, with Marvel going along the lines of using the Ultimate version, there's really no contest. the Hoff or Motherfuckin' Samuel Jackson? do you even need to ask?
DumDum Dugan - by that famous moustache alone, quintessential cowboy Sam Elliott beats Tom Selleck for the role of Fury's second-in-command. let's just forget that he played Gen. Thunderbolt Ross during the Ang Lee-era Hulk.
The Avengers
let's bring back the players from my Avengers movie, plus Morris Chestnut as The Falcon.
Fantastic Four
we have a cast in place - point a gun to their heads if they don't sign up.
X-Men
despite Wolverine being a longtime X-Man, his compadres don't get much screen time until the final takedown of their berserker buddy. for casting, we have the usual suspects, and some not-so-usual ones. starting with ...
Cyclops - screw that Bryan Singer boytoy James Marsden! we want the X-Men to be led by someone you'd follow deep into the heart of the Nazi Germany - Damian Lewis, report for duty!!
Emma Frost - hey, hey, hey! hubba hubba! hot bod, cold heart. Angie, you're the one.
we bring back the old cast from the three X-movies: that preggy kid from Juno, the one with great chi-chis, the one who recently had a heart attack, the one who has an identical twin brother, and the one who plays rugby instead of hockey.
and if they ever start doing a masterlist of who's playing who, with that long list of merry mutants, let's start with ...
Phoenix - Scott and Jean's time-displaced daughter Rachel Grey-Summers will be played by current hottie Megan Fox (forget those pictures of her bad face day), we need to bring in those teenagers!
Havok - Hayden Christensen is most famous for playing a hotheaded warrior with lots of potential. sounds like Scott Summers' younger brother Alex to us.
Polaris - Alex's longtime on-again, off-again girlfriend (and Magneto-lite) Lorna Dane will be played by Alison Lohman.
Gambit - fan favorite rogue (excuse the pun) Remy LeBeau should be played by the charming and handsome Eion Bailey. a Nawlins accent should be easy for you, n'est ce pas, mon ami?
Dani Moonstar - Emmanuelle Chriqui can pass off for Indian, can she? (she's actually Canadian)
Northstar - the Canadian speedster role goes to ... Tom Welling! don't worry, he gets resurrected after a skewering at the hands of Wolverine.
Dr. Weinberg - responsibility for bringing Wolverine back to the sane line of things falls on Richard Dreyfuss (father of Chucky).
Baron Strucker - i can't believe this is the end of the line for him (all those years leading Hydra, bedeviling the Marvel Universe); neither can Stanley Tucci.
Elsbeth Strucker - a little bit of makeup and prosthetics and Joan Allen will become that creepy old hag who's bumping uglies with that hot stud below ... (yeah, you read that right!)
Gorgon - who else can go toe to toe with the best martial artists and ninjas and have no heart? why Jet Li, of course!
geek goosebump moment:
there'll be a lot but three come to mind immediately:
1) your ninja skills are crap when a big robot is mopping up the floor with you
2) a weary and bloody Logan carves it in stone
3) a lot of rednecks die in Arkansas
how's about it huh? make this damn movie already!!! Michael Bay is already begging on his knees!!
to be continued ...
No comments:
Post a Comment