dirty ol' butler

whodathunk??

with the sheer power of the Batcomputer (ugh), its not impossible to conclude that Alfred has amassed a sizable porn image nest egg!

the other scary thought here is, is Batman smiling because he thinks Alfred is merely jesting, or he's privy to old man Pennyworth's habits and checks his database from time to time? (remember he can remote connect to his systems wherever he is)

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Batman: The Dark Knight #2

illegal immigrant gives up citizenship, breaks Internet

ah, the brouhaha that comics cause nowadays. the medium has gone a long way from merely sending conservatives into a frenzy because it allegedly poisons the minds of kids. oh, wait. we're still in that era, aren't we?

it has been awhile since Supes has made a blatantly political statement (hmm, we should probably count his "Walk Across America" campaign last summer). basically he's leaning closer to Batman's politics. not so much, but closer.next stop: Batman, Inc.

and what does Marvel have to say about this?

nahh, that's Glenn Beck masquerading as the Thing. we all know Benjie's a hippie and moved to France (let the surrendering jokes commence) during Marvel's Civil War.

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Action Comics #900, FF #2

DC hates beetles

i guess this is the end of the road for the current Blue Beetle, who dies by the hand of Max Lord. again.

here's a thought: let's revive Ted Kord by the end of the year. and by 2012, have Max Lord kill him again.

of course, this could be a red herring. its too obvious, isn't it?

by the way, you mean one of the weaknesses of the Beetle armor is right on the forehead? geddouddaheah!
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Justice League: Generation Lost #19

gotta hand it to you, Arthur

i still don't know where Brightest Day is headed, but just to keep our attention from meandering from the meandering series, they give us some (regurgitated) shock and awe. in 2028, some other villain will use telekinesis to rip off Aquaman's hand once again.

the Devil makes work for idle hands, while God cuts them off - wait, what?

how to treat your future father-in-law

especially if its Sinestro (duh).

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Green Lantern Corps #53

gotham gumshoe

drive-by readings

Batman: The Return of Bruce Wayne #5 (DC) "Masquerade" Grant Morrison Ryan Sook Mick Gray Pere Perez Jose Villarubia Jared Fletcher Travis Lanham Andy Kubert/Ryan Sook (covers)

what we learned: Bruce reappears in late 1920s Gotham as an amnesiac and is hired to play a detective in a movie, or actually investigate the death of his own mother. turns out the lady who hired him is probably his real mother and its all a ploy to sacrifice the 'man-bat' (oh hey there you are again, Dr Hurt or should i say Thomas Wayne).elsewhere/when, Red Robin prepares the JLA for Batman's arrival, which should blow them all out of existence.
oh shit moment: what's really up with the Waynes?
what's next: Batman 1000000 (or something) is back!

you know he's gonna say that at some point.

mostly a good J Arthur

drive-by readings

Knight and Squire #1 (DC) "For Six, Part One" Paul Cornell Jimmy Broxton Guy Major Steve Wands Yanick Paquette/Michel Lacombe/Nathan Fairbairn (cover) Billy Tucci/Hi-Fi (variant cover)

what we learned: England's Batman and Robin get their own book, and who better to chronicle their adventures but British writer Paul Cornell (i totally miss Captain Britain and MI:13). in this first issue, Knight and Squire whoop it up in their version of The Bar With No Name, only this bar is a DMZ for both heroes and villains (and quite a few arcane characters only a British writer can imagine in his sleep). even Wildcat stops by for a pint or two. everything's hunky dory until somebody starts a fire.
oh shit moment: you could hear a pin drop before everything breaks loose. and artist Jimmy Broxton loves himself too much.
what's next: more Britannia!


ggg
they lied! they still sacrifice virgins!

loopy

drive-by readings

Secret Six #25 (DC) "The Reptile Brain, Part One: Blood Calls to Blood" Gail Simone Jim Calafiore Jason Wright Travis Lanham Daniel Luvisi (cover)

what we learned: i don't think i did. after last issue's weird Wild West story - where they all die! - this time the split teams go their separate ways, one doing mercenary work and hired to conquer a land beyond time, while the other - with the grieving angry Catman forced back into the fold - is offered a deal to do the opposite.
oh shit moment: i'm not really a big fan of no-explanation exposition. so i go "oh shit" when am lost.
what's next: Secret Six vs Secret Six! i think this is some kind of a video game.


this is why wild animals jump their cages.

holding on and letting go

drive-by readings

Daytripper #10 (DC/Vertigo) "Chapter Ten: 76" Fabio Moon Gabriel Bá Dave Stewart Sean Konot

what we learned: i need to re-read this series from beginning to end to appreciate the larger picture (the standalone issues are already little gems), but for now, let me share the first part of the letter Brás' father leaves him, as he weighs in with his mortality.

Dear son,
You're holding this letter now because this is the most important day of your life.
You're about to have your first child.
That means the life you've built with such effort, that you've conquered, that you've earned, has finally reached the point that it no longer belongs to you.

that is something my own father might've said, if he were still alive to be on hand when i finally have my own child.

the whole Brás de Oliva Domingos in different stories may seem weird and trippy (the book is called Daytripper after all), but am sure it'll make sense to me eventually.
oh shit moment: probably the moment when these two gentlemen, Moon and Bá, made tears run down my cheek reading this book.
what's next: what do you do for an encore?


c'mon, haven't you heard? cigarettes won't kill you.

purple reign

drive-by readings

Green Lantern #57 (DC) "What Happens in Vegas" Geoff Johns Doug Mahnke Christian Alamy Tom Nguyen Keith Champagne Randy Mayor Gabe Eltaeb Nick Napolitano Mahnke/Hi-Fi (cover) Ryan Sook/Fernando Pasarin/Joel Gomez/Mayor/Carrie Strachan (variant cover)

what we learned: after a brawl stretching from Minnesota to the Sin City, Star Sapphire of Sector 2814 (a.k.a. Carol Ferris) corrals "The Love Predator" (which is definitely different from Ah-Nuld's nemesis) and makes a stand about it, earning here the title of queen of the Star Sapphires, whose erstwhile queen conveniently decides to croak at that particular moment.
oh shit moment: Carol kisses the Predator (John Walsh and Chris Hansen just tore their hairpieces out) and Hal's jaw tenses. for one moment there, he was going to go Parallax again. or not.
what's next: next time you get arrested for stalking your ex-girlfriend or your crush, you can blame the Love Predator. no, really.


you don't have the proportions, Larfleeze.

joke's on them

drive-by readings

Batman & Robin #14 (DC) "Batman and Robin Must Die! Part 2: The Triumph of Death" Grant Morrison Frazer Irving Pat Brosseau Frank Quitely (cover)

what we learned: not one to be overshadowed or upstaged, the Joker wants to get back at the Black Glove/Thomas Wayne/Dr. Hurt/whatever the shit's calling himself these days. to this end, he has Batman and Robin (and the Commish Gordon) as chess pieces, and Gotham City and its residents as collateral damage. wheeeeeeeeee!
oh shit moment: Damian getting himself captured by the Joker. that'll work wonders with his confidence.
what's next: i want the current Dynamic Duo get out of this without the Bat family getting involved. ok, maybe Alfred.


after years of rejection, Miss Piggy finally snapped.

escape club

drive-by readings

Batman #703 (DC) "The Great Escape" Fabian Nicieza Cliff Richards Jared Fletcher Ian Hannin Tony Daniel (cover) Kevin Nowlan (variant cover)

what we learned: drawn by that '60s crooner (oops, no, its Richards, not Richard!), this prelude to the return of the original Bats has Damian being prepped for "would you like to know your crime crusading pop a little bit more"? while corralling a jewel thief, a nod back to very rich, if blurry, period in Batman lore.
oh shit moment: oh Vicki Vale, you are a woman scorned.
what's next: Bruce, come back already!


three guys, one cup.

london culling

drive-by readings

Red Hood: The Lost Days #4 (DC) "Higher Learning" Judd Winick Jeremy Haun Brian Reber Pat Brosseau Billy Tucci (cover)

what we learned: London's Russian mob wants to get the heat off them by staging a bombing that would lay the blame on Arab terrorists. with Jason Todd learning from the bombmaker himself, he's in the best position to stop the carnage before it even begins.
oh shit moment: Talia notices that all his teachers end up conveniently dead (with reason). she also informs him that he's been replaced as the Boy Wonder.
what's next: did Jason ever want to reclaim the mantle of Robin?


its your fault - if you just disconnected that 1-800 number...

still haven't found what they're looking for

drive-by readings

Brightest Day #9 (DC) "Lost and Found" Geoff Johns/Peter Tomasi Patrick Gleason/Ivan Reis/Joe Prado Rebecca Buchman/Keith Champagne/Tom Nguyen Peter Steigerwald Rob Clark Jr. David Finch (cover) Reis/Hi-Fi (variant cover)

what we learned: ah, so the black dude with the eel tattoo is Black Manta's son. why did it only take this long for him to get up his butt and look for him? J'onn's search for the telepathic black hole lands him in Oliver Queen's enchanted forest and they needed to hightail it out of there before the forest ate them up.
oh shit moment: never saw Black Manta this cool and aggressive. but that costume is still funny.
what's next: message in a bottle, yeah.


Ollie didn't like his first session with The Mentalist.

purplish haze

drive-by readings

Scalped #40 (DC/Vertigo) "Unwanted Part 2" Jason Aaron R.M. Guera Giulia Brusco Trish Mulvhill Steve Wands Jock (cover)

what we learned: Red Crow and Dash's dad Wade do the tango, but no shots are fired. bummer. Carol wrestles with her pregnancy and abortion, and her palpable fear and anxiety gets to you. also, Dash is either hallucinating or is in an actual community with a shaman and he's puking spiders and shit.
oh shit moment: ever ran around in the snow naked in the dead of night?
what's next: that Dash/Shunka rematch will have to wait.


it was sad when they kicked Kevin Costner out of the rez.

bullet day, i will giant you

drive-by readings

Batman #702 (DC) "Part Two: Batman's Last Case" Grant Morrison Tony Daniel Ian Hannin Travis Lanham

what we learned: the missing details of how Batman disappeared over Final Crisis/Batman R.I.P. and got stranded in time. the smartest man in the universe figures it all out as he gets Omega Sanction-ed. Darkseid makes it the trap for the ages and something you can't get out of, but Bats inadvertently creates a hole in it by killing Darkseid with his magic bullet.
oh shit moment: Scott Free, i think you should give up your title as the Universe's best escape artist.
what's next: do you know what my next cologne is? its Essence of Bullet.


Batman lost braincells on his trip backwards in time, he couldn't even spell his name.

out of the pan

drive-by readings

Justice League: Generation Lost #8 (DC) "Would It Be Okay With the Management If We Check Out Early" Judd Winick Aaron Lopresti Matt Ryan Sal Cipriano Hi-Fi Cliff Chiang (cover) Ryan Sook/Joel Gomez/Fernando Pasarin/Randy Mayor/Carrie Strachan (variant cover)

what we learned: our JLWRML (Justice Leaguers Who Remember Max Lord) break out of Checkmate because they got caught and they can't find Max. the chemistry between them is extremely enjoyable and i hope they keep this team intact even after the future resolution of this Max Lord thing.
oh shit moment: if you can't find Max, Max will find you (isn't that from The Losers?).
what's next: for someone who doesn't want the world to remember him, he keeps pestering the JLI. what do you want, Max?


again: the most likable Russian since Ivan Drago. oh, wait, no, i meant Nikolai Luzhin.

clipped wings

drive-by readings

Birds of Prey #24 (DC) "Endrun Part 4: Impact Fracture" Gail Simone Ed Benes/Adriana Melo J.P. Mayer Nei Ruffino Steve Wands Alina Urusov (cover) Ryan Sook/Joel Gomez/Fernando Pasarin/Randy Mayor/Carrie Strachan (variant cover)

what we learned: just when we thought the Birds were down, they get back into the game. the White Canary is the sister of 12 brothers Dinah bitchslapped years ago, and now their sister is here to reclaim the family honor. Dove finds the mettle to introduce her fist to Penguin, who's already counting his birds before the eggs have even hatched. meanwhile, Creote and Savant attempt to push Barb off the edge, but its actually Savant who wants to die. and its all been a gay thing. oi.
oh shit moment: can we have Yuen Wo-Ping coordinate the fight scenes between Black and White Canaries? awesome!
what's next: what, Shiva framed Dinah?


Michael Phelps would be proud.

buildup

drive-by readings

Brightest Day #8 (DC) "Defiance" Geoff Johns/Peter Tomasi Patrick Gleason/Ivan Reis/Ardian Syaf Vicente Cifuentes/Rebecca Buchman/Mark Irwin Peter Steigerwald/John Starr Rob Clark Jr. David Finch/Scott Williams/Steigerwald (cover) Ryan Sook/Fernando Pasarin/Joel Gomez/Randy Mayor/Carrie Strachan (variant cover)

what we learned: Shiera fights for her life with her mommy issues, and while Carter finds himself an army to fight against Queen Shrike. meanwhile, J'onn tries to find out where's that Green Martian who jumped M'gann and it leads him to Star City. the White Ring is still messing with Deadman's, Dove's and Hawk's heads. i have no idea what its rapping about.
oh shit moment: how many creators does it take to finish a book? or should we just blame Blogger for having a 200-character tag limit???
what's next: they promised us an Aquaman/Black Manta rematch. they promised!!


and so Hawkman found himself leading the Thundercats AND the mutants ...

hush puppies

drive-by readings

Batman Beyond #3 (DC) "Hush Beyond Part 3: Close Encounters" Adam Beechen Ryan Benjamin John Stanisci David Baron Travis Lanham Dustin Nguyen (cover)

what we learned: Terry gets his first up close encounter with his timeline's version of Hush, and it results in the death of the Calendar Man. old Bruce is none too pleased, and readies his Bat Robots (he-hey, Kingdom Come!) just in case Terry can't do the job.
oh shit moment: not only is the Catwoman working with Hush, she also gets stabbed in the back too (or choked from the back, whatever).
what's next: Terry keeps barking up the wrong tree, and will that be too late?


nahh, you can still come back from the dead, just like the old coot.