snaps: Ares #3

... where we learn choking your son to death is okay if the bastard attempts to have you drawn and quartered. Kieron Gillen's three-issue dissertation on the God of War ends satisfactorily from this point of view.

1) hey lookit, everyone, Ares is now an X-Man!!!


2) what, and get stabbed and decapitated by Deadpool?


3) Ares learns the true meaning of "in your face!"


4) and the room fell silent, awkwardly. the joke fell flatter than Kiera Knightley.



5) i bet you pee on yourself too. in the mirror.


6) okay, so where the hell did Ares get the coins to put on their eyes? he had spare change to take the subway, just in case?

warbound

drive-by readings

Dark Avengers: Ares #1 (Marvel) Kieron Gillen Manuel Garcia Stefano Gaudiano Mark Pennington Jose Villarubia Dave Lanphear Cary Nord (cover)

bringing Ares full-time into the Marvel Universe this decade, first as a secondary Hercules character, then into a full-fledged major anti-hero, looks like a stroke of genius. though Hercules has long outshed his buffoon characteristic and brought in readers with his odd team-up with Amadeus Cho, Ares seemed to fit the "Greek God we should have in our midst" role much better. it doesn't matter that he's playing on both sides of the fence or he's making his own fence.

in another spinoff to ensure that the Marvel coffers will be full enough to make their Disney owners proud, Ares, "bestowing a petition to the mortal Osborn" forms his own special Corps within H.A.M.M.E.R. Osborn's throwing all sorts of skullduggery around to ensure that either Earth will be his or will be a crappy place to live in just in case he doesn't. to Ares, he probably doesn't care, as long as there's war to be waged on whoever.

i think when the tide finally turns against Osborn, he'll do something that would make Ares turn against him something probably involving his son, Phobos, who's under Nick Fury's care and tutelage (and also a member of his Secret Warriors). but in the meantime, Ares may have a bone to pick with Fury as he finds this out. but i'm not entirely sure it was actually Hera who told him that.

what am really looking forward to is ... Ares vs. Thor. yeah! c'mon! let's have that in Siege! please, Mr. Bendis?

drive-by readings: House of M: Masters of Evil #1

House of M: Masters of Evil #1 (Marvel) "Chapter 1: This Thing of Ours" Christos N. Gage Manuel Garcia Jesse Delperdang Nathan Fairbairn Dave Sharpe Mike Perkins/Guru eFX (cover)

do we really need more House of M spinoffs? four years after the fact, we still have Bendis' 2005 puppy yapping at us, and Bendis doesn't even own it anymore. this time, we have the evil anti-Dr. Strange Parker Robbins (commonly known as the Hood), putting together all the supervillains who want to make the easy buck (where did i read that before?). this reads so much like the current storylines, except they're up against the mutant majority, and i don't really see this heading anywhere except the morgue. just to keep you interested: Wolverine guest stars next issue. of course, this will be the Wolverine before he remembers anything so expect hacking and slashing.

you hit like a girl! #4

in this episode: Marvel's sexiest shapechanger, Mystique.

i suspect that Mystique's reputation as a hardcore villain actually helped her get a 24-issue series, a long tenure for a supporting character. anti-heroes are so popular because there are so many shades of gray in the character that you can explore. plus the public consciousness has the luscious Rebecca Romijn tattooed on it, when asked to associate anything with "Mystique". my only question, is that shapely mother of two her real form? who's to know? who's to say?

the 2-year Mystique run saw her written by heavyweight (non-literally) Brian K. Vaughan and Sean McKeever. it contained action, skullduggery and intrigue, as well as copious amounts of girl-on-girl violence. the creators were clearly channeling the woman in themselves.

in the "Tinker, Tailor, Mutant, Spy" arc, Mystique goes head to head with a mutant girl who can control viruses.

in the stunning conclusion of the series, Mystique finally uncovers the identity of the villain behind the scenes, the Quiet Man (shades of X-Files), only to learn that he's a "she".

of course, Mystique also kicks ass of the opposite sex. like men in uniform ...




or men out of uniform, especially when they get sleazy and creepy ...



or brainwashed musclebound Germanic mutant twins ...


or dodgy chauffeurs.

in keeping with this equal opportunity theme, even quasi-allies like Fantomex and Forge are not spared the occasional slugging.

her former lover Forge, in particular, has to endure both emotional and physical torment from this blue lady. although in retrospect, if i were Mystique, i'd do this too, because Forge just looks real ugly here and he deserves a beatdown for losing his hotness.

Mystique can also do the Indian god thing to double the ass-kicking. although i doubt this can really be effective, because she's a shapeshifter, not a power-mimicker. these soldiers were probably paid to throw this fight.