snaps: Batman #700

... where Grant Morrison and a bunch of artists craft a time-tossed tale that's not the Return of Bruce Wayne. whodathunk? anyhoo, anything related to time and history is Morrison's bailiwick so i end up going whoa several times during the read. and he certainly puts it out there that Damian IS going to be the Batman soon (wait, how does Terry McGinnis figure into that when Bruce is still alive in McGinnis' time?). ok, maybe in some alternate branch of reality. or Bruce is just reaaaally old. whatever. added bonus: various pinups by major talent (love Shane Davis' and Juan Doe's), and a Batcave tour courtesy of Freddie Williams II.

you know the implication, right? Joker's CHOKING THE CHICKEN.


weren't those his staves during his time as Nightwing?


like they needed any more rumors about their relationship


I, blogging.


McGinnis? Terry McGinnis? is that you??


but who's watching your teef?

snaps: Blackest Night: Flash #1

... where still more dead people mess with both our speedsters and rogues. and Skott Kolins' art makes it a lot more ... dirtier than it already is.

1) as opposed to the number of people you've killed over the years. thought i'd bring that up.


2) hmmm ... maybe you should ask the next guy on this list ...


3) ... only because he "raids rainbows" and he might be able to create white light all by himself, instead of waiting for all those Lanterns to come together. oh wait, he's dead too.


4) sure. would you like Left 4 Dead 2 or Dead Rising 2?


5) Scott Kolins' art is just .... amazing. NOT.

have a better 2009, geeks!

wipeout

Annihilation
Keith Giffen/Javier Grillo-Marxuach/Dan Abnett/Andy Lanning/Simon Furman/Scott Kolins/Ariel Olivetti/Renato Arlem/June Chung/Gregory Titus/Kev Walker/Rick Magyar/Jorge Lucas/Dave McCaig
covers by Gabriele Dell'Otto
Marvel


the best space opera ever, for me, would always be Star Wars. comics-wise, it's a little harder to pull off, with all the techno-gobbledygook you'd have to make up. at least with moving visuals, it distracts us a bit and lets the writers off the hook (until the nerds and geeks enthusiastically dissect the whole thing and realize aghast that the shit shouldn't even work). by far, its gets a little tricky with space travel, time warps, and hyperspace jumps. but if you get a damn good storyline, there's no reason it shouldn't pay off. some of the memorable X-Men storylines were set in outer space (Dark Phoenix notably). of recent note, DC had a great one with the Rann-Thanagar War and the return of the Green Lantern Corps.

so who better than to helm Marvel's just-concluded Annihilation, a space-spanning storm-und-drang, than Keith Giffen, longtime writer of the Legion of Super Heroes. he's also responsible for the funny phase of the Justice League (revisited years later as Formerly Known as The Justice League). so despite the seriousness of the premise, i expected him to inject a little levity to the proceedings. after all, his last Marvel work, a 5-issue Defenders series, had me guffawing a lot and is a candidate for a future post.

Annihilation is a sprawling crossover that probably also rivals Civil War and Planet Hulk in importance (i mean, if the so-called Annihilation Wave destroyed everything in its path, survival in Skalar and human rights wouldn't mean jack shit). plus it arrives earlier than the Millar/McNiven headliner. but it does help that its more contained than Civil War, whose related issues just sprouted all over like rabbits. that was the corporate bean counters talking and milking the thing for every cent possible. but the fanboys don't care, right, fanboys?

anyway, let's have some background info, especially the major players and alien races involved in this melodrama.
Skrulls - totalitarian monarchy now broken into territorial warlords; analogous to Iraq. a Skrull's best advantage is its morphing (that's shape-changing for you still in kindergarten) ability. and to this end, the Skrull's best specimen is ... the Super-Skrull (left). don't blame me, i didn't invent him!. and don't blame me either, for his having all the powers of the Fantastic Four. if he suddenly turns into Jessica Alba, we wouldn't know, eh?




Kree - another militaristic race governed by a huge pizza brain called the Super Supreme, i mean Supreme Intelligence. this cross between Bill Gates, Charles Darwin and Saddam (and with a pizza face) even nuked his own race just to jump-start its evolution. hardcore! among its other talents is naming their citizens with their respective professions, like Ronan the Accuser (above), Korath the Pursuer, and Delphi the Scarfer.





Xandarians - the homeworld of intergalactic cops known as the Nova Corps (who'd win in a fight, the Novas or Green Lanterns? place your bets!), coordinated by a supercomputer called the Worldmind (there goes that benevolent dictatorship thing again). their best-known officer? earth-dude Richard Rider (left), also called "Nova" or "Burger Boy" in these locales, and The Fake Green Lantern in others. well, except for the ring part.



Galactus - a huge cosmic being with an appetite for planets. and a taste for big fashion. his sole purpose is to eat. damn the calories. damn the fitness gurus. no wonder Oprah and half of Hollywood is jealous. Galactus needs heralds, or pumped-up messengers to find planets that he can devour (as well as announce to the inhabitants that they are, in fact, lunch). counting among his heralds are Firelord, Gabriel the Air Walker, and that chrome-domed dude below ...





Silver Surfer - Norrin Radd is Galactus' most famous (former) herald, and an icon of board-riders from the Gold Coast to the North Shore. this character cemented its entry into pop culture mainstream when Denzel Washington broke up a fight between two submarine officers about who drew the better Surfer in Crimson Tide. but just in case you forgot about him, you'll get a reminder this summer. with Galactus, of course.





Thanos - well, what can we say about this big lug? can we call him suicidal? because he just wants to destroy life and reality - to please Death. Death in the form of a chick. or maybe this chick. in the now-classic Infinity Gauntlet, he took on Marvel's superheroes and gave them memorable deaths (of course, since reality can be altered time and time again, that shit never happened). and so here he is, allegedly reformed, but still trying to delete the universe.




Drax the Destroyer - basically a test-tube creation with superhuman powers and a soul, Drax was created by Thanos' pop and gramps just to bedevil Thanos. despite being such an engine of destruction, his intelligence comes and goes. good thing it came back for this series. oh, and he has a ward, a typical wayward American girl named Cammi. thankfully, it wasn't Britney or Paris. actually, we would have asked Drax to destroy either.




ok, first of all, we have the galactic prison-power generator facility Kyln going offline. now who in their right minds would design a penal colony right into a electrical grid? oh it must be because the prisoners here are on death row, hence its easier to fry the bastards!

with Kyln going down, alarms go off in the Xandar cluster, locking down all interstellar travel and the alert level going up to Yellow, which means all Nova Corps officers are called in, including Nova (i'm just gonna refer to him straight up because that's his name anyway, and soon there will be no choice). in the middle of a press con, Yellow turns into Orange then into Red ...


The Nova Corps are thrown into battle with some kind of alien fleet, without warning. Rich Rider might have read a similar event in his history books, if he did get to study, in between beat patrol and flipping burgers.


turns out the Corps are overmatched.

hep hep, hooray! gimme an N! gimme an O! gimme a V! gimme an A!

Xandar is left decimated and Rich Rider becomes the lone survivor of the Corps. too bad 'cause he had a fellow officer promising him to be his mate for life, if they survived this together ... awwwwww. actually, the girl just meant sex for life. that would have been okay too.


i think it was too early in the series to show the brains behind this operation, but heck, the title should already give him away ...

i thought Darkseid is.

what we have here is a so-called Annihilation Wave, composed of bio-mechanical insectoids (think Starship Trooper bugs, with the same murderous instincts and 10x deadlier. Annihilus, a Fantastic Four villain from the Negative Zone, wants to destroy everything (is there any other reason? the only thing left for one-note villains is how creative they get in doing it). past the now-decimated Xandar worlds, the Kree and Skrull empires stand on the path of the Wave.

the series splits into separate self-contained storylines - headlined by a major character. it does make sense to do it this way, and the casual reader may like one but not the rest. but of course, a crossover is not a crossover if you don't read the whole nine yards.

let's start with the Silver Surfer, who does nothing but surf the cosmos (just like us who surf the 'Net all day). actually he does something, especially when it involves wide scale destruction. running (or is that sliding) into the remains of Xandar, he finds a couple of Annihilus flunkies ('Seekers') harassing a former Galactus herald, Gabriel the Air Walker (cousin of Luke the Sky Walker. or wasn't that a shoe?). says the smart-ass leader, Ravenous:

and have this series end by the second issue? no way!

besides, we like drama. so the Surfer, learning from Earthmen, tries to negotiate first. or get some info. which villains always provide wholeheartedly ("i will destroy your allies ... pick my nose ... then give you the trashing of your life! and eat your organs! and wear your skin! then fart!").


Surfer resorts to violence when he decides that surrender isn't an option. then it also means he must yell something so obvious.


apparently, that display of bravado just netted him a brief 30-second mention on Fox News ("Surfer says Annihilus Must Be Stopped!"). then he shrugs his shoulders and just continues surfing. okay, so he runs into the remains of a Skrull armada, and verifies that they too, were victims of the Annihilation Wave. he meets a non-Skrull survivor, Tarq Maru, and together they survey the devastation.

pretty soon he'll graduate to "Awesome, Dude!"

elsewhere, Thanos, the mad Titan and party pooper, is granted an audience with Annihilus. towards what end, who knows?


still elsewhere, one of the Big Kahunas, Galactus, senses a disturbance in the Force.

i find your lack of faith ... disturbing.

the Surfer is again bothered by Seekers tracking his board fumes, but two former Heralds, Firelord and Redshift, join the party. after dropping off Maru at a refugee camp, they are soon joined by the current Herald, Stardust, and together they form the prog-rock band Herald Square.


just to make you sicker with this Herald business, you have to know that Terrax the Tamer has been captured by the Seekers, and another ex-Herald, the appropriately-named Fallen One, has been sent by Thanos to check out the devastated Kyln prison.

Stardust tells Surfer that he is being summoned by Galactus, and not wanting to be sent to the corner for a time-out, Surfer goes. about the same time, the Seekers show up, and the Cosmic Power-wielding Heralds have to defend the refugees.

the Herald Square joins the Battle of the Bands, without Surfer

back at Annihilation Central, it seems that Annihilus wants the power Cosmic - that's why his Seekers are trying to capture the ex-Heralds (not a big leap to figure out that Galactus is an eventual target since he's like the Fort Knox of Cosmic Power). however, once a Herald is dead, the Power dissipates - a fact that Thanos plays to his advantage, because allegedly, he can "retrieve" it from a live Herald.

Thanos' small fee = free cable, internet and bottomless iced tea.

my favorite part in this series is the stirring 'father-prodigal son' dynamic between Galactus and his most favored Herald, Surfer.


Surfer learns from Galactus that two beings of Galactus' equal (but corrupted), Tenebrous and Aegis, were imprisoned in the Kyln (by Galactus himself). now they're free, due to the Annihilation Wave, and Galactus wants allies when they move against him.

wait a sec. why does he need to do that? safety in numbers? it's friggin' Galactus!! this dude eats planets and universes! he don't need no friggin' allies!!

but then again, he remembers that the Fantastic Four, and other puny humans from that planet called Earth, kicked his butt time and time again. so like good business-(Earth)men, he hedges his bets.


kill the fatted calf, my son has come back from the dead!

Galactus offers the Surfer a new life and much more power, to be his Herald once again (hold Page 1!!!)


Ravenous and the Seekers appear, like gangbangers with tricked out phat rides, insulting and rebuking Galactus, like they had the power Cosmic.

don't you just hate annoying people?

Galactus smirks, and sics the Surfer on them.

this is what that line in Julius Caesar meant.

now, here's what we paid for: Surfer vs Ravenous, one on one!


but for all that added punch, Surfer doesn't really seem to overpower Ravenous (who claims he's the 'opposing force' to the Cosmic Power, being from the Negative Zone). especially since he was crying for his mother 5 minutes ago. however, he still ... defeats him.

if only terrorists were so cooperative

i think Surfer called Ravenous' mom "a fat pig".

of course, Daddy G is slightly amused at the Surfer's restraint.


meanwhile, the Fallen One has done just that, to the objects of Galactus' fear - Tenebrous and Aegis. and as such, Thanos has followed.


again, we see the scheming Thanos, already powerful as he is, meeting more powerful creations and maneuvering everything to his advantage.


Renato Arlem's art grows on me - perfect for the this series - and Keith Giffen just sold me a gallon of appreciation for Galactus and Thanos. and the Surfer.


now we switch to the Super-Skrull, known only to a select few as Kl'rt.

just so you know, here are some earthbeings that could be Skrulls. i mean, who knows??

J'Kazz	B'l-Ojrky
Pr'Site	K'Fed

Kl'rt - alright, let's just call him SuperSkrull -is a morally-challenged yet patriotic warrior who just wants to save his race from their corrupt state. that and using his enemies as creative outlets for his FF-based powers.


SuperSkrull had tracked the Annihilation wave to the Skrull planet Aks'lo, where he managed to kill a few but not enough to stop the deployment of a planet-to-food converter called the Harvester of Sorrow from reducing Aks'lo to basic sustenance for the Annihilation bugs.

Bruce Willis? where's Bruce Willis?!?

not finding any help or support from the Skrull military, and getting hunted by them to boot (he bitch slaps the fleet commander), SuperSkrull is forced to run and is saved by a young fan, a mechanic named R'Kin. reluctantly trusting the boy, they make for Earth, where SuperSkrull petitions Reed Richards to get him to the Negative Zone to destroy the Annihilation wave at its source.


Reed complies and sends the green guy there. SuperSkrull doesn't waste time trying to find bugs to interrogate, and his methods disappoint R'Kin, who sees him as the ultimate idol, a hero whom his late father fought with in past battles.


seeking out a Lord Hawal, who apparently was the designer of the Harvester of Sorrow, SuperSkrull breaks into the prison base where Hawal works as a warden and once more amazes the bugs with his 'magic tricks'.

let's see David Blaine do that!

turns out there's a lot more people gunning for Hawal. after SuperSkrull shows them who's boss, they get recruited for his new militia.

not being choosy, SuperSkrull raided the Cartoon Network and Hanna Barbera archives for allies.

Hawal works to create a virus for the Harvester of Sorrow, once a "spine of complicity" - a torture device of his own making - is slapped onto him.


of course, if he knew that he was going to beheaded upon its completion ...

R'Kin, wanting to have a bigger role in the coming battle and honor his late pop, convinces SuperSkrull that he would deliver the virus payload straight to the Harvester of Sorrow. SuperSkrull has no qualms in using child labor, and apparently, a suicide bomber is a good job description as any.


here's an interesting sidebar: Praxagora, a female combat machine and eventual second-in-command to Kl'rt, falls for him, but her feelings are ... pushed aside, to put it mildly. what did she expect? they were in the NEGATIVE ZONE!

romance in space!

we learn that the Harvester of Sorrow has been busy decimating planets in the Skrull Empire and headed for Zaragz'na, where SuperSkrull's estranged wife and son live. and that's when he choses to join the battle. wait one second. how come SuperSkrull needed a Reed Richards portal to get to the Negative Zone, but once he's in there, he could just get out of it as he pleases?

unfortunately, the designated suicide bomber does explode something, but on them.


R'Kin's betrayal results in the destruction of Zaragz'na, and puts SuperSkrull in a real foul mood. exhibiting a telepathic power no one ever documented (documentation, pfah!), SuperSkrull gets R'Kin to turn on the bugs and free them, and then faces R'Kin down. and we knew it - R'Kin blames SuperSkrull for his dad's death.


didn't i say SuperSkrull was morally-challenged? let's just say R'Kin picked the wrong dude to mess with. because he ends up ... limb-challenged.

SuperSkrull's series ends up as a love story, as SuperSkrull and Praxagora make a last stand in the bowels of the Harvester of Sorrow. she plans to detonate herself, being a mini-nuclear power plant, but SuperSkrull gambles on his resiliency and heat-absorbing power to save them both.

we'll stay, forever this way ... 'cause i know that my heart will go on ...

the end? death in the Marvel Universe? of course not.

i do applaud the story written by the tastefully-named (sorry, TMQ) Javier Grillo-Marxuach, who takes a two-dimensional villain and turns him into a major multiple-layered badass.

speaking of conversions ... let us move on to my favorite branch of this series ... Nova.

Richard Rider can't be blamed for becoming Nova, "the Human Rocket" (as he was called early on) - he certainly didn't ask to be given the powers he now possesses. granted by the Xandarian Centurion Rhomann Dey, Richard went from high school truant to elite space cop, and at some point, an active member of the goofball New Warriors.

ahh ... the halcyon days of the '90s

am not sure if it was a blessing in disguise that Nova took a leave from the Warriors - who now devolved into a reality show brand - to take up defense of Xandar against the Annihilation Wave. the Warriors ends up mostly dead (except Speedball a.k.a. Penance) and inadvertently kickstarts the whole Civil War thing, while Richard witnesses the destruction of the Nova Corps and Xandar (for the nth time, apparently). which would you prefer?

back to the present: Nova is left among the ruins of Xandar and the bodies of dead comrades, and he's hearing voices in his head. well, just a voice actually.


it turns out its the Xandarian Worldmind talking to him, the keeper of all Xandarian culture in a supercomputer, and it wants Richard to retrieve it, being the only surviving Xandarian, or at least the only surviving Nova Corps member. talking to nothingness never seemed so funny.

it doesn't remain funny too long, when Richard tries to fight some carnivorous Annihilation Wave bugs, countermanding the Worldmind's orders to conserve his strength and look for the Worldmind hub.

that's what happens when you try to kiss Power Girl

Richard grudgingly simmers down and finds the hub. he is stunned that the Worldmind wants to download itself to him. this would make Richard the sole repository of Xandarian culture and technology, as well as the full power levels of the Nova Force.


wait, is it supposed to be an upload or a download? damn, make up your minds!

Nova reacts as he scans the 500 petabytes of porn he just downloaded

escaping the devastated planet, Richard stops to exercise some anger therapy at the Annihilation Wave ships still hanging around in orbit. of course, again against the Worldmind's wishes.


the whole exercise takes a lot out of him, considering he's never had the full might of the Nova Force before. back on terra firma, he runs into Drax and Cammi, who were planning to escape when the Annihilation Wave hit. talking to thin air gets funnier when people make side comments and think you're nuts.


tired of having multiple conversations with both the Worldmind and Drax insisting on their agendas, Richard just tells them both to ...


Richard, apprehensive over his less-than-full-control over the Nova Force, is assured by Drax that he can help in this regard. getting out of the Xandar cluster requires opening a stargate, which Richard has to do, before they get shot down by the Annihilation warships.


they jump 9 light years away to Nycos Aristedes, and the seeming randomness of their destination is not so (because the writer demands it!) - their crippled ship is saved by the Protector of the Universe, Quasar.


Aristedes ships are leaving the planet in a mass evac, and Quasar's helping out. Drax's former notoriety as the Destroyer can't be shaken no matter what he does, although he seems to have the better grasp of the situation, and as it would turn out later, is their best asset for worst-case scenarios.

Abnett/Lanning is stealing Giffen's humor card - and it fits.

Richard, despite being suspicious of Drax, sort of looks up to him as some kind of mentor.

we feel the need. the need for speed.

Quasar, however, cautions him on this.

4th Wall alert!

with the Annihilation wave coming, the Aristedes ships can't get out of the system fast enough. which means they need a bigger stargate, and who else can build such a thing?


that display of power, though, does not go unnoticed. Huygens' principle, butterfly effect - whatever it is, its unavoidable.

Annihilus hears about the Ben & Jerry's 5 pints for $5 sale


kinda.

hey, since when did Drax talk like an smartass American? i guess let's just blame Cammi.


Drax figures out who is responsible for the Annihilation wave (toldja he was good for something).

Nova needs to brush up on Wikipedia.

knowing that their chances are slim, Drax goes with the extreme prejudice option.


needing to buy time, and maybe end this thing once and for all, Quasar and Nova bust in like a S.W.A.T. team!

Annihilus: "'smoke me'? what am i, fish?"

Worldmind cautions Richard that he is outclassed, but Quasar didn't have a nagging parent, although he would still go toe to toe with Annihilus anyway.


Annihilus destroys Quasar and takes his vaunted Quantum Bands. they're gonna show his picture at the next Superhero convention in NYC when Civil War is finished and all the heroes become friends again and gather to pay their respects.

Nova, getting a lot better with Worldmind chattering in his head, thinks quickly of a way to use Annihilus' onerous advantages to gain an edge ...


... which is to use the brief contact with Annihilus' mind to issue fixed orders to the Annihilation fleet to fight each other. Nova then barely gets out alive of the resulting chaos. if Nova was successful in whacking Annihilus, we wouldn't have Annihilation. dammit, Nova!

this would result in a newfound mutual respect between the Worldmind and its bearer, which leads to a decision to keep the Worldmind within him (pro: near-unlimited power, tactical advantages; con: if Richard dies, the Worldmind dies too). coming soon, a new Nova series!


Drax and Cammi, wanting to get out of the system, picks up Richard in exchange for a stargate (again) and lessons in being a hardass.


now we move on to ... RONAN the barbarian! sorry, that's Ronan the Accuser. another sometime Fantastic Four villain (ah you know how these misunderstood aliens are - plus, the FF keeps wandering in deep space or somewhere, inevitably triggering a conflict with non-English speaking types). and for all his power and arrogance, this Judge Dredd-wannabe never pushed my buttons. and this series also proves it. sorry, Jorge Lucas, your art didn't help either. but i like Star Wars. oh, you're not that Lucas? my bad.

keating? mr. keating, is that you?

early in the Prologue, we find Ronan being arrested for "treason"; he finds out that he has been falsely accused of allegedly conniving with Skrulls to replace the ruling Kree government. jumping bail, his quest for the witnesses against him brings him into conflict with Gamora, a former Thanos assassin ...


... who just wants to be the "deadliest woman alive" (??), operating out of some backwater no-name planet - a planet now being visited by the Annihilation swarm. this unexpected visit totally wrecks the grandiose plans of one Glorian, a wannabe-Shaper of Worlds, who planned (??) the conflict between Gamora and Ronan so he could harness the energies to re-create the planet (??).


... and i ... believe in love.

with Ronan easily distracted by events (and especially Gamora's skimpy costume), he gets to the witness, Tara Nile, but she dies before telling him anything. he should just have stayed in Boyzone and collect royalties.

Simon Furman, i don't understand. what the hell was this series about?

Furman: "shut up, you haven't read the main Annihilation series yet!"

shit, that's right, we haven't. and i'm already exhausted. we need a part two.


writing rankings: Nova, Surfer, SuperSkrull, Ronan
art rankings: Surfer, Nova, SuperSkrull, Ronan
-----
issues read: Annihilation: Prologue, Annihilation: Silver Surfer #1-4, Annihilation: Ronan #1-4, Annihilation: Super-Skrull #1-4, Annihilation: Nova #1-4