why you hate Brand New Day

... because it gives you numerous throat-gagging scenes like this:

so far the only rule left in the Marvel Universe is that Uncle Ben stays dead. but people keep forgetting the corollary to that rule: Aunt May stays alive. always. and she's getting a lot more nookie than you, faithful reader!!

drive-by readings: Justice League of America #35

Justice League of America #35 (DC) "Royal Pain: Chapter 1, Luck of the Draw" Len Wein Tom Derenick Pow Rodrix Marlo Alquiza Rob Hunter Walden Wong Dan Green Pete Pantazis Rob Leigh Eddy Barrows/Ruy Jose/Rod Reis (cover)

welcome to the JLA farm system. with all the big names gone, we're only left with Vixen and Firestorm to lead the troops against ... gasp! ... the Royal Flush Gang. actually, with Dr. Light, Red Tornado, and (yaaaayyy!) Plastic Man along for the ride, they're still powerful enough to take on anyone. but that being said, it still doesn't feel like a JLA book to me. the reveal of having Prof. Amos Fortune and Roulette was ho-hum as well. maybe they do have plans down the line for the League, and having the wordy Len Wein write a storyline is a holding pattern, but it looks like Justice League of America has ceased to be a top-tier book for now.

why Wolverine can't visit Obama

with the smoking ban still in place, despite the new President's tendency to sneak a cigarette, ol' Canucklehead and his sticks has been shut out of the White House.

ms van dyne, if you're nasty.

couple of things i need to comment on before we close out the year:


i didn't know cats liked sloppy seconds!!!



and the gayest reveal of the week, nay the year! (wait, there weren't any other candidates, were there..?)



the Young Avengers would be so laughing in secret in their rooms. yes, even Wiccan and Hulkling.

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Secret Invasion: Requiem

tripping the force magnetic pt. 4

continuing a look back at a '90s classic ... if you can call it that.

Fatal Attractions
Wolverine #75 "Nightmares Persist"
Larry Hama/Adam Kubert/Mark Farmer/Dan Green/Mark Pennington

Larry Hama is best known for his 12-year G.I. Joe run. but he also made a mark with a 7-year stint on Wolverine, where blood tend to spill and characters die, like what you would expect in a military-themed comic. sadly, G.I. Joe was geared toward kids so Cobras and Joes alike would always parachute safely to the ground even after their planes were blown up.

but enough about the Joes. this is a post about Logan, tying in to my reflections on Fatal Attractions, and how this event set him on a different direction, and Hama was there to steer the bike.

with Magneto ripping his adamantium out (wondering why no one thought of doing that prior to this), Logan is now put in a place he hasn't been through before - the loss of one of his two security blankets. the massive trauma he suffers necessitates that the X-Men bring him back to Earth for medical treatment.

i really wonder how his mask stayed on? painted, perhaps?

the hombre's tough, but this was one hell of a painful thing to go through. good thing he has Gambit (of all people) providing Cajun stereotype comedy relief (contrast that with the current state of affairs in X-Men, re Messiah CompleX, where Remy is on the other side and Logan throws down on him).

"piece de gâteau"? wouldn't that be 'morceau de gâteau'? merde!

if the X-Men's Blackbird wasn't space-worthy, how the hell did Bishop get it up there in the first place? Professor Xavier and Jean try to hold Logan and the aircraft together (with Quicksilver providing the speedy manual navigating), but Logan gets worse by the minute.

like i said, his mask was painted on his face

back on terra firma, the late Moira McTaggert and the rest of the X-crew try to guide the aircraft in, dispense medical advice, speculate and panic all at the same time. the only positive thing provided by a Blackbird entering earth orbit on fire is to give some poor kid the chance to make a wish.

"i wish i was a mutant!"

Xavier tries to pull Wolverine away from the light, so to speak, but the pull is too great. the Blackbird runs into nasty weather and is threatening to tear itself apart. only Jean makes the supreme sacrifice of using her telekinesis to hold the parts together at the cost of getting swept out of the hatch. and then in one of most improbable-yet-probable movie-like finishes, Logan wakes up and saves Jean.

we never actually see the Blackbird land on the Westchester grounds. huh.

back on safe soil, Logan starts the healing process. on his first attempt at machismo, he waves off all opinions on his medical health and participates in a solo Danger Room sequence, and is promptly smacked around.

getting hurt only fuels his anger, and when he gets mad, he usually pops his claws. and when he does ...

its finally revealed (and this part is semi-officially credited to noted writer Peter David) that Logan's claws were actually bone, not implants, and the adamantium bond made it the weapons they were. now Logan's healing factor - his other security blanket - has not returned to full efficiency and is struggling to keep up with the wounds, especially the holes opened (ugh) by 'tracting and retracting' (snort) his bone claws.

feeling he's no longer "the best at what he does", Logan embarks on a long strange trip away from his teammates to rediscover himself. at least he still had great penmanship despite the wounds on his wrists.

ol' Canucklehead won't regain his adamantium until 70 issues later (that's more than 5 years). the change actually made him a better character, not the cardboard cutout he was devolving into at that time, and made for some great storylines. like the time he went to bone to adamantium bone with Cyber, or that classic throwdown with Sabretooth in #90. he actually turned feral too, at some point during the next few years, which is a nod to his supposed (but not sanctioned) origin - an evolved wolverine created by the High Evolutionary, the god of all mad scientists.

Larry Hama, bless his wild Japanese heart, wrote some of the best Wolverine stories, and this is a salute.

final stop: backstabbing. kinda.

tripping the force magnetic pt. 2

continuing our look back at a '90s classic (if we can call it that).

Fatal Attractions
Uncanny X-Men #304 "For What I Have Done"
Scott Lobdell/John Romita Jr/Jae Lee/Chris Sprouse/Brandon Peterson/Paul Smith
and another 198 inkers including the great Dan Green

it must be a big boost to Magneto's ego, that all through the years fighting the X-Men, they always draw him alone against everyone. despite having a bunch of lackeys at some point or another, the most powerful images are the ones that depict Magneto standing tall and firm against Xavier's children. if you root for the underdog without having any background information, you'd side with the Magster. how many X-Men does it take to defeat Magneto? all of them, apparently. and they still never conclusively do so.

the Fatal Attractions crossover began with X-Factor and X-Force, where those teams ran afoul of the reborn Mags and his Acolytes led by his new lapdog, Exodus. the Acolytes, under lameduck leader Fabian Cortez, were unsuccessful in recruiting Quicksilver to the cause, and Cable got dismantled but not discombobulated in rescuing his charges from the influence of the magnetic field. Magneto now turns his attention to the real X-Men.

but before that, we have to check how Magneto's return from the dead affects said lameduck.

facing a mutiny, Cortez is helpless as his former charges almost beat him up and as they leave. he tries to take out his anger at the newcomer Exodus but he is hopelessly outclassed. i never really understood Cortez' mutant power (extending another's?). so he's a booster. that's really lame. and only Jean Grey gets the honor of not needing a code name, Fabian. you suck.

Wikipedia reports that Cortez has , after years of painful repetitive resurrections and betrayals (his modus operanda), finally bitten the dust. but i guess they took that from the official Marvel site. though i won't be surprised he's just really laying low and assumed this identity.

Magneto, meanwhile, does another one of his patented long-winded monologues. it doesn't matter what size the audience, be it hundreds or just himself. the audience believes him.

god, he must work out a lot. yeah, that's what supervillains do when they're sidelined as the world thinks they're "dead".

speaking of dead, something is dying inside Colossus as he mourns his sister Illyana (a.k.a. Magik) who recently died of the Legacy Virus (the Marvel equivalent of AIDS, cured a decade later through the efforts of Hank McCoy, the late Moira McTaggert, and ironically - pun intended - Colossus himself). he pushes away everything that matters to him, including his then ex- Kitty Pryde.

Illyana's funeral was a big thing to me then, but actually the real tear-jerker was Uncanny #303. yes, i am in touch with my feminine side. now get off my case before i slice and dice you.

speaking also of slicing and dicing, Warren Worthington III - a.k.a Angel - was still blue and metal-winged back then, capable of slicing and dicing just like Wolverine. here even his looks could cut someone to pieces.

the way he sounded, its as if the X-teams usually coordinated with each other. hyeahright. and he seems shocked and indignant that X-Force didn't call for help. hello, we can barely make sense of the rigmarole of who's on which team (did they put him on the Blue Team just because its easier that way?).

so be careful of what you wish for, Wings ...

over at the other end, Xavier's attempt to console Peter backfires badly.

i half-expected Peter to push Xavier out of his wheelchair. now that would've been a scene! Colossus has always been the good sheep of the X-Men; imagine him now as angry loose cannon.

which is just about the exact time Magneto drops by for an appearance. two things to note here:

1. the jerk doesn't even pay his respects to Illyana, once upon a time a favorite student
2. in the 5 minutes he was delivering this speech, the gathered X-teams could have kicked his ass back to outer space

first order of business: show 'em who's Boss. even if it means pulping one of your own soldiers (R.I.P. Senyaka. not.). Boss!!

Magneto drops the Big Reveal - he has a badass space station. Xavier counters: "I have a 1 TB Sh'iar iPod!". Magneto cries and stomps his feet.

anyway, the Acolytes now ascend to their new home (this religious theme is going too far). Magneto asks Xavier to join him. but really - cupping his chin? that's so ... Zac Efron.

'make love, not war', they said. so Rogue tries that tack, but kisses mean nothing to the Boss! he's the BOSS!!!

Magneto holds down everyone by sheer force of magnetic will (Fe in blood, so goes the popular explanation then) and preventing everyone from accessing his or her mutant power. but Bishop's power is a reactive one - he absorbs that same energy and uses it to free his pals, then everyone piles on Magneto. like we said earlier, it always takes everyone ...

then Scott Lobdell springs the not-so Big Reveal ... Colossus turns traitor. Bishop would go into traction for a month at least. this would all have been avoided had they taken down Magneto during his speech (that could be a YouTube parody).

Colossus gets beamed up to HMM Avalon, and Xavier is forced to remote control Magneto, and fling himself out into spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace. i'm not sure how the Bald One managed to be in one piece without burning up on re-entry into our atmosphere before being rescued by Warren. that being said, the events here already hint as to what's coming.

next: bring on more X-Men!