illegal immigrant gives up citizenship, breaks Internet

ah, the brouhaha that comics cause nowadays. the medium has gone a long way from merely sending conservatives into a frenzy because it allegedly poisons the minds of kids. oh, wait. we're still in that era, aren't we?

it has been awhile since Supes has made a blatantly political statement (hmm, we should probably count his "Walk Across America" campaign last summer). basically he's leaning closer to Batman's politics. not so much, but closer.next stop: Batman, Inc.

and what does Marvel have to say about this?

nahh, that's Glenn Beck masquerading as the Thing. we all know Benjie's a hippie and moved to France (let the surrendering jokes commence) during Marvel's Civil War.

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Action Comics #900, FF #2

Spidey and his Fantastic Friends

FF #2 "Doom Nation"
Amazing Spider-Man #659 "Fantastic Voyage, Part 1 of 2"

and here i thought these two were linked story-wise; turns out its not. i totally enjoyed both anyway.

right after the drafting of now-accomplished nerd Spider-Man as Johnny's replacement, Jonathan Hickman surprised me by bringing Doom into the equation. well, not really because this was hinted back in earlier issues. i just thought he was going to join the Future Foundation as a tenuous member, a la Magneto in the current X-Men. maybe he still is, because he's not one to miss an opportunity to tout his intelligence (at least by the end of this issue). however, Reed should be more worried about Valeria (whom Doom named, in her revised origin), who seems to be getting or causing more trouble than Franklin when he was her age. she's probably too smart for her own good.

even as distracted as Reed can be, i don't think he would easily forget that was how Tony Stark came back to his proper senses in the recent Siege. oh well.

so, dumb-as-a-rock Doom ostensibly made a deal with Valeria to help him recover from his brain damage and be back to being the scumbag genius that he is, and they manage to do so, by copying some files from Doom ward Kristoff's own noggin. interestingly, Reed makes the moral if difficult decision to go along with it, even when given the chance to get rid of his longtime arch-enemy permanently. and what's the price Valeria demands? for Doom to defeat her dad. uhhh, what?

super-nerd Parker, also not a fan of Doom, at least is honest about cracking jokes regardless.

there's more to this than meets the eye, though. the next issue's preview show the return of the well-meaning yet blinded Reeds, and maybe that's what Doom needs (or Valeria wants Doom) to beat.

over in Spidey's own book, the foursome take a journey to an island they had visited early in their original incarnation, where Ben played Blackbeard the Pirate and get some gems back to a tiger-stroking Doom (heh) who had Sue as a hostage. anyway, some radioactive anomaly is emanating from this island and geeks just need to investigate radioactive anomalies.

funnily, with the attack-happy locals exercising their fear of strangers, its the FF's reputation that saves them (or is it the other way around). Dan Slott and Fred Van Lente continue their knack for snappy hilarious patter, which makes me wonder why they didn't get them to write Spider-Man a loooong time ago.

ending up fighting zombie pirates (eh?), the fun gets doubled as Benjie reprises his award-winning role, courtesy of Mr. Parker's quick thinking.

just like over in Avengers, we see that our heroes end up cleaning after old foes (think Spidey's rogues gallery ... his best baddies, minus the Goblin of course). with the promise of more ass-kicking, errr ... booty-kicking next issue, i can't wait!

FF story: A-  art: A-
ASM story: A+ art: A

bring on Herbie! not.

bye, Johnny. see you next year.

buckheaded

drive-by readings

Captain America #609 (Marvel) "No Escape Part 4" Ed Brubaker Butch Guice Rick Magyar/Andrew Hennessy Paul Mounts Joe Caramagna Marko Djurdjevic (cover)

what we learned: Baron Zemo agitates Bucky easily and draws him into a trap, and uses Hauptmann to keep Steve, Sam and Natasha busy. naturally, Bucky is soon in chains and en route to Zemo island.
oh shit moment: how many times did Bucky get knocked out in the past six or seven issues? do we want this in our Captain America?
what's next: Bucky finally gets to die in the English channel. grab the popcorn.


Zemo missed out on shooting Cap so he had to make up for lost time.

rats in a maze

drive-by readings

Captain America #608 (Marvel) "No Escape Part 3" Ed Brubaker Butch Guice Rick Magyar/Mark Pennington Dean White/Elizabeth Dismang/Frank Martin Joe Caramagna Marko Djurdjevic (cover)

what we learned: the new Beetle gives Cap and the Black Widow a good fight, and she knows who Bucky is. even worse, his real name and his Winter Soldier past is now on Fox News.
oh shit moment: yeah, Fixer is not on the side of the angels. crap.
what's next: Zemo probably shows his ugly mug.


"okay ... okay ... you're much cuter than Steve Rogers!!"

drive-by readings: War of Kings #6

War of Kings #6 (Marvel) "War of Kings" Dan Abnett Andy Lanning Paul Pelletier Rick Magyar Andrey Hennessy Wil Quintana Brandon Peterson (cover) Mike Choi/Sonia Oback (variant cover)

wow. i keep looking for happy endings and they never happen. silly me. Black Bolt and Vulcan's mano-a-mano results in both of them dead - probably (this is the Marvel Universe after all). one thing we can be sure of, is that Gladiator will be the new Shi'ar boss. here's hoping he doesn't start another war after what happened to Lilandra; he should go after the Raptors (likely the next cosmic crossover, eh DnA?). what's next for the cast of characters? fingers crossed, no one gets canceled (Guardians of the Galaxy and Nova). Alex and Lorna should go back home to Earth though, and be with family again. one thing good out of this, is we get rid of the annoying Vulcan for awhile (why does he talk like an American douchebag? somebody probably edited out "like" from the dialogue).

i think the collected trade would really be worth getting, as i feel this was a stronger crossover, story and art-wise than its Annihilation predecessors.

drive-by readings: War of Kings #5

War of Kings #5 (Marvel) "In Rage and Blood and Fire" Dan Abnett Andy Lanning Paul Pelletier Rick Magyar Wil Quintana Joe Caramagna Brandon Peterson (cover) Adi Granov (variant cover)

with the assassination of Lilandra (you mean it, Marvel? you really mean it?), the endgame is afoot, making the expected collision course between Vulcan and Black Bolt inevitable. the rage burns out of control on the Sh'iar side, none moreso than in Lilandra's longtime loyalist, Gladiator, who's out ripping arms and putting down those he believes betrayed the Royal Throne (how ya doin', Chancellor Araki). the Inhumans in the meantime, are divided in their own house, as Black Bolt hatches a counterplan involving terrigen mists, sound, and himself: in short, he's goin' a-suicide bombing. i've been praising War of Kings for being a well-coordinated crossover, with its simple, tight sequences and exceptional cliffhangers; case in point - Vulcan easily brushes aside the Kree Sentries and bursts into the heart of the Inhuman bomb, and just nods at Black Bolt: "you. let's go." this is i think, the apex of Vulcan's characterization, thanks to DnA, and ultimately thanks to Ed Brubaker, who co-created the 3rd Summers brother in X-Men: Deadly Genesis, and who also has a hand in this month's other much-hyped book (think red, white and blue).

a certain bald man is not going to be happy

and i don't mean Max Brenner. Or Brian Michael Bendis.



should i even hope that this is permanent? or would Lilandra be alive and well in Operation Galactic Storm 2 - Kree Versus Shi'ar Versus Skrulls Versus Technarch Versus Celestials: Here We Go Again in 2011?

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War of Kings #4

never doubt a raccoon

or the writing duo known as DnA.

another stellar issue. this is why we read comicbooks.

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War of Kings #3

first blood

with the Inhuman king Black Bolt returning home after being replaced by/tortured by/rescued from the Skrulls, there's no other time but payback time. its kinda how abused boys could eventually become serial killers when they grow up. you can't hold back that kind of thing.

"i don't wanna ... talk about it."

breaking out a cache of banned weapons, Blackagar pulls up his race's roots and heads off into space (i assume at some point, that massive liftoff from the moon will be noticed by the guvmint scientist types on earth?) to pursue (and terminate with extreme prejudice, natch) the remaining Skrulls, which is just the short-term goal. in pursuit of this goal, they encounter three Sh'iar (ex-pals of our merry mutants) warships who do not take kindly to this chase across their territory. Blackagar, already the most powerful weapon in the universe and connected to an asskicking amplifier musicians would kill for, has only one response.

"fuck you, Simon Cowell ... i can sing!"

so now you understand why during the opening salvo of World War Hulk, Black Bolt couldn't rip the Hulk to shredded green wheat - that was the Skrull-Black Bolt and it was faking his powers. the real deal can obliterate starships at the minimum, as experienced by the Sh'iar military and the fugitive Skrulls.

Cowell, Abdul and the rest of the AI judges get blown away

short term goal accomplished. now for the long-term: the Inhumans have been weapons created by the Kree (those trigger-happy humanoid aliens), but were left ignored and unused. now the weapons have come back to take over the whole Kree race. easily getting past their defenses, the Inhumans confront Ronan Keating, who was planning to put back Boyzone for a new tour. sorry, i meant Ronan the Accuser, who's currently the caretaker of his race because no one wants to.

Medusa actually insults Ronan with both the American and British variations of the finger

Ronan just actually wants to accuse; that's his day job. no more administration shit. hell, yeah, let's give it to the Inhumans.

and thus Blackagar consolidates his position in the universe.

end of story?


nope, you're forgetting the three Sh'iar warships obliterated during the course of these goals.

when Ed Brubaker crystallized the "third Summers brother" three years ago, we didn't think the character would become the "most annoying Summers brother ever" (and that includes Shatterstar, nyuknyuknyuk). Vulcan, currently in charge of the Sh'iar in his demented quest for revenge and is really the biggest asshole in the galaxy now that the Skrulls, Annihilus and the Ultron/Phalanx are gone, is quite bored with being emperor just presiding on colloseum games. he needs a challenge, and he's found one.

kudos to DnA for cranking out terrific space opera within the Marvel Universe, which had gone stale prior to 2006's Annihilation.


ok, let's say after this War of Kings, the Inhumans/Kree come out on top (and that's assuming even the Guardians of the Galaxy or Nova won't be able to get everybody to smoke the peace pipe), will war against Earth be next? hmmm ...

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Secret Invasion: War of Kings one-shot

guess who's back?

no, not Captain America, but there's a fair share of that going around these days at Marvel.

no, am talking about this guy:


Starhawk used to be a '70s fixture, and i recognize him enough to be in memory shards of my childhood (like playing cards and bottle caps). little did i know about his Hawkman-like nebulous origins.

now rejoining the pages of the resurrected Guardians of the Galaxy (one of current favorites), we see him trading punches immediately with also-recently resurrected (if amnesiac) Major Victory. you know what that means - paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaartaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy!!!



and i'm also pumped at the return of another winged fella (how this ties in to X-Men #500, i do not know) ...


we believe they can fly!!!

calling security

theyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy're baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

well, the title at least, and its an all-new crew, albeit one we have not seen before (by "we" i mean those of us who read Annihilation and Annihilation: Conquest - shame on you!!!). after those two multiple-issue, cash register-overloading storylines, there's no other way to go, except forming a new Guardians of the Galaxy. yes, space-spanning sci-fi opera is back in season (R.I.P. Battlestar Galactica).

for those who were born when Kurt Cobain was on top of the world, the original Guardians of the Galaxy had these pioneers, whose cute avatars are shown below:


that's from left to right, Major Vance Astro (alternate timeline counterpart of Justice), Martinex, Charlie-27 and Yondu. for other members who joined later, you can look 'em up here.

you're wondering why Astro has Captain America's shield - well, its a long story so go look it up somewhere. you know how to navigate the internets, right?

anyway, the new team (of sorts) was put together by Peter Quill (The Artist Formerly Known as Star-Lord and Now Known Again as Star-Lord), a fast-talking quick-drawing leader of men.


Peter had this bright idea that they should be prepared for the next cosmic problem, instead of just being thrown together all the time and improvising solutions. hey, Bush marched us into Iraq and created more problems, but that's neither here nor there.

of course, who would he recruit except the mates he fought alongside with in the aforementioned crossovers:

Phyla-Vell/Quasar, Quantum Band owner, lesbian lover (of the currently-deceased Moondragon)


the new, improved Adam Warlock (kind of a '90s throwback - oooooo, menacing, enhanced powers etc.)


Rocket Raccoon (& Groot) - yes, a talking raccoon; you got a problem wit' dat?


throw in a couple of half-surprises, like Gamora - The Artist Known as The Deadliest Woman in the Universe, and Nova's FB (but this state seems to be evolving) ...


... and Drax (the Destroyer), all-around badass. purged of his dumbness, he's killed Thanos and a whole lot of organic and techno-organic alien scum. so, better not get on his bad side.



for support staff, we have Mantis, the self-absorbed telepath/pyro ...



... and Cosmo, the Russian talking dog introduced in the Nova series. don't ask me how he talks. he just does. and he's Russian. da.



too bad Nova isn't part of the team, but it makes sense because he's got his own book, and he's too good of a character to just be part of the ensemble (uh, New Warriors, anyone?). i suspect they'll be crossing over frequently (especially after missions when Gamora needs some ... you know).

between the original team and this new incarnation ... i'd go for the one with the raccoon. and Gamora (hoooo-haaaaahh!).

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Guardians of the Galaxy #1
"Somebody's Got To Do It"
Dan Abnett/Andy Lanning/Paul Pelletier/Rick Magyar/Nathan Fairbairn/Joe Caramagna/cover: Clint Langley

have gun, will shoot rival

cheating is bad, even it happens in a potential timeline in the future yet to be realized.

and Reed Richards has the best solution for it.


Namor, T'Challa and Victor Von Doom travel from the future to warn Richards about disastrous consequences of his plan (one of his hundreds of mathematical posits) to save mankind. it was all civil enough until the knowledge that Sue would leave him for Namor comes to light.

i am loving this Dwayne McDuffie run of the FF.

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Fantastic Four #551

the cat's meow

Fantastic Four #546
Dwayne McDuffie/Paul Pelletier/Rick Magyar/Scott Hanna
Marvel

hands down ... the Black Panther is the best strategist this side of Batman!

Tony Stark may be the best inventor and futurist, but his ego could be his downfall. Reed Richards may have a better scientific mind than Tony, but he lacks Tony's charm and social skills (plus he's pussywhipped right now - see below). Hank Pym may have the drive and brains to rival those two but his morals are even shakier (showing you the Exhibits could take all day; just one word: Ultron). and these guys just put Captain America on the crosshairs of a sniper.


among the heroes who never bowed down to the Superhero Registration Act, King T'Challa seems best suited to lead the rebels. he has superhero cred, and he has street cred. he's royalty, he's insanely rich, and he's also a genius. he's sneakier than the best chess grandmaster. plus, he's bangin' a weather goddess. never has an African nation been so proud.

here in FF#546, up against Galactus and the Silver Surfer, what can a mere mortal do? why, run away of course. but only to grab a few things, like two brass amphibians that shift time and space. i betcha Stark didn't know he had that!


back in the fight, the Black Panther uses cosmic power-siphoning armor to get the Silver Surfer to his own level. i mean, that's fighting dirty. and T'Challa has no problem with that. i bet just like Batman, he has devices and contingency plans ready to take down every super-powered being in the known universe. or even the DC Universe.


the Black Panther levels out the playing field, and the FF save the day. like they always do. Reed would be proud to have brought the Panther in as a stand-in. outstanding writing from Mr. McDuffie. too bad Gravity didn't want to be the Protector of the Universe. i guess that venerable and powerful entity just couldn't be a kid from Wisconsin.


so for all you life noobs (e.g., fresh graduates) out there, make sure you're adequately armed to go into the battlefield that is the rat race. here are some words of wisdom from the wise king himself:

if that is so, who would be the mother? just asking, your highness.


jokes aside, o wise king - about Darfur ...