pick me ups

wandering through a bookstore chain the other day, i left it with these in hand. yes, apparently, no matter how hard i avoid the regular comicbook shops, i am not safe from plunking money for these babies. dammit.

seriously, how can you go wrong with these? World War Hulk was a far better slambang actionfest than Michael Bay's Transformers, and equally mindless. wait, not really. there was a point to all that fists flying. it was the perfect excuse to destroy New York for the nth time, and since the Hulk didn't get to pick a side in Civil War, hell, let's have everyone take on him.

then we have the much-hyped (and deservedly so), JLA/Avengers, the crossover that everyone was waiting for their whole childhood. if anything, its always a treat to ogle George Perez' pencils. always.

last but not least, i couldn't resist picking up the latest Iron Fist TPBs. these things come out much faster than DVD releases (and its no wonder the trend has been, for years now, writing a story arc that would hold up well as a collected edition). no matter how much the Revolution has been whipping Matt Fraction on his new gigs (maybe deservedly so), i always be grateful he and Ed Brubaker teamed up to bring back one of my old faves, Danny Rand, to respectability. and what else can i say about David Aja's art? wow.

hope these babies will be Hancocked in the next few Comic-Cons. hoooohaaaaaaaaah!!!

(NYCC '09 back to dead of winter? boooooooooo!)

screen capture, part 2

continuing our fantasy list of favorite comicbook storyline-turned-movies!

as noted in part 1, there are only two conditions - throw money at everything and write it the way the fans want it. theatres worldwide should be flooded at the amount of piss the geeks and nerds would be producing, once they watch these films.


8. ULTRON UNLIMITED
Kurt Busiek/George Perez/Stuart Immonen/Al Vey/Wade Von Grawbadger (Marvel)

before this movie would even be made, the Avengers need to be formed. assuming that's been the case, we can dive right in on the action - Ultron, a sentient robot based on the brain patterns of founding member Hank Pym, decides to replace the human race with the non-human high tech kind. possibly some flashbacks need to be written into the story to explain how Ultron was created and he went nuts. also, the Avengers have beefed up their roster with a few established heroes (the Black Panther, Vision, the Scarlet Witch and Wonder Man) and a couple of rookies in Firestar and Justice.

Ultron invades some Balkan country and completely wipes it off the map. this is Alderaan scale. the Avengers go right in and get their asses handed to them, until an injured Justice provides the key that saves the day. Michael Bay would work wonders with this.

casting call:

Captain America? helloooooooooo ... Brad Pitt?


Iron Man? another big helloooooooooooooooooooo?


Thor? John Cena is a Thunder God!


the fashionista Wasp? let's hear for regular geek Natalie Portman.

conflicted but spineless wife-beating genius Hank Pym? Thomas Haden Church. yeah, i know he's got 20 years on Portman, but they're actors, they can do this.

the synthozoid Vision is mostly CGI. but it will be based on Keanu Reeves, who plays brooding, mysterious, charismatic yet wooden characters. plus, his agent will find yet another way to land him this plum robotic role.

the Scarlet Witch, whom we all know would go crazy at some point, will be played by smoldering queen Lena Headey.

read my lips. the Witch is f****n' Matt Damon, the Wonder Man.


who else would we want as a Firestarter but Bryce Dallas Howard?


young telekinetic mutie Justice? ThunderJake Gyllenhooooooooooo!


the regal Black Panther? why, no less than Chiwetel Ejiofor.


good ol' butler Jarvis? Bob Hoskins


sicko and cowardly Williams brother Grim Reaper? make a toupee for Christopher Meloni!

geek goosebump moment: when the Avengers, battered yet unbowed, burst through a wall, and Thor snarls: "Ultron ... we would have words with thee!" Cena better nail this good.

the one with modok

Captain America/Iron Man Annual (1998)
Kurt Busiek/Roger Stern/Mark Waid/Patrick Zircher/Randy Emberlin
Marvel


lost and trampled in the current Civil War hoopla is the friendship between longtime friends Captain America (Steve Rogers) and Iron Man (Tony Stark). Steve, being a living symbol of the American ideals, is a staunch defender of individual freedom, while Tony, coming more from a wealthy background but with a can-do spirit borne by his scientific genius, is pragmatic and practical when it comes to problems. with the two leading opposite sides in the war, , it drove me to recall this little gem written back in the last millennium.

we are thrown immediately in the middle of a fight, as Steve and Tony invade an island seemingly full of A.I.M. (Advanced Idea Mechanics) flunkies, Marvel's own techno-terrorists and top of the list of cannon fodder for Marvel superheroes. bored? want to blow off some steam? call 1-800-AIM-HERE.

uhhh ... Saddam? Ahmadinejad? ahh, i know ... Putin!!!

while they're both kicking A.I.M. ass, we are treated to a girly argument between the two. i mean, really!


but you know what ... i found it fascinating.


yeah. i mean, since when was the last time we had this two arguing like this? Operation: Galactic Storm?


so why are they chicken-fighting? the story flashback has it that Cap was on the trail of Mentallo, a B-list baddie with mental powers who rapidly made the A-list thanks to A.I.M. technology. ramping up his brain power, he literally stands toe to toe with Prof. Charles Xavier (who should have shut him down the moment he did! darn mutant.)

Al Gore can shove his invention - this is teh real internets!

among the 6 billion brains Mentallo entered, one of them was Tony Stark's. yes, i mean at this point, Mentallo would have known every superhero's secret identity (presumably except Prof. Xavier, who was probably getting a mental blowjob from a certain Sh'iar empress). and Mentallo does nothing! just goes to show, brains isn't everything? right, Tony?

uhh ... Tony?

oh, crap. now he got an idea.



taking advantage of what he discovers, Tony then uses Mentallo's abilities to wipe out memories of certain people who know his secret identity (hard to keep a secret from hookers, ya know). with the purpose of telling what he just to did his closest friends thereafter (again), and reveal his identity to them (again).

which of course, pisses off Mr. High and Mighty Mr. America ... I mean Captain America.


so with their investigations coinciding, information follows that Mentallo was using "human batteries", whose DNA work seemed familiar to Tony. rapidly deducing that this was the work of an ex-employee named Mark Cushing, Tony and Steve make tracks to the island where we got in.

back to the island: Tony and Steve discover that the island is a refuge for Cushing's community, Zenith City, composed of former paraplegics and the infirm, whose disabilities have been erased by breakthroughs in Cushing's work (that Tony rejected). it involves getting everyone's minds in a hive mentality - a groupmind, if you will - and willing it beyond the pain and limitations of an individual. the price to be paid: no more independent thought (which of course, Cap abhors).

oh, did i mention that Cushing's VC was ... none other than A.I.M.? to his credit, he killed himself before revealing too much. and as it is, A.I.M. used whatever little they knew to keep the denizens in line, and use them as weapons (exhibit A: Mentallo).

aware of the intrusion of the two heroes, A.I.M.'s CEO/CTO/COO, the little man with the big head, M.O.D.O.K. himself, throws a fit like a petulant child and sics everything at the island.

Mobile Organism Designed Only for Kvetching

will Cap and Iron Man stop arguing long enough to defeat the hordes of geeks in yellow suits, led by a Humpty Dumpty reject with a temper?

just a little more and Cap's gonna throw his shield like a plate

of course, they do! but they have to snip at each other as well.

"uh ... Cap ... that's four words."

in the end, Tony forces Steve to make a choice: destroy the hive-mind control (and restore the Zenith people to their paraplegic states) or let them be used or killed by those ... those ... evil ... evil bastards.

oooohhh ... that must have stung!

what do you expect Cap to do? of course he destroys the hive-mind.

Kurt Busiek has always been one of my favorite writers, and here he demonstrates his skill in leaving no loose ends. until somebody retroactively says that Tony really could have rewritten the code and leave the Denizen people intact, and he just wanted to make a point. and one of the writers of Civil War would use this, and point out that Cap could also trample on civil liberties if need be.

of course, we are left with the aw-shucks ending like so:



and no one foresaw would lead to something like this years later:

"you took my Bratz doll! i hate you!"