hello, tentacles.

hey, as long as:
... the characters are dressed tastefully
... its not on the cover
... and its not drawn by Sana Takeda

it won't be controversial!

make what harder??

Superboy and Wonder Girl are only Teens in age.


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Teen Titans #83

it could happen to you

... if you badmouth the Titans for not being good enough as the Justice League.



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Titans #23

here's a hint, Slade: use Bing.

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Teen Titans #78

burger teen

recognize these three?


well, here's a refresher course, you pretending-to-be-born-in-1990 sucker.

Wendy and Marvin were one-time sidekicks of the SuperFriends (which is the kiddie version of the JLA). they didn't have any powers, and they had a pooch they called Wonderdog. they were eventually replaced by the equally despicable Wonder Twins, and much-more despicable monkey Gleek.

in modern times, Wendy and Marvin have been written as the custodians of the Titans Tower, the headquarters of the Teen Titans (the kiddie version of the Titans, who are the young adult versions of the JLA). in Teen Titans #62, they come across a dog, which should be a lot more puzzling to them because Titans Tower is located in an island and there's no way a dog could have strayed from anywhere.

well, now you know how we feel now, Wendy, after we think about those times we watched you and Marvin in the SuperFriends.

to make a long story short, Wonderdog is a lot more than meets the eye. in fact, seems like he has a different kind of appetite.

in a sequence reminiscent of b-movie slasher flicks, Wendy gets chased around by this Cujo without anyone knowing better, and ends up as a Deluxe Double Stack. sorry, couldn't resist.

so Wendy and Marvin haters, there's your payback. have they done anything like this for the Wonder Twins? maybe they can be chopped up by Libra in Final Crisis? that too much to ask?

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Teen Titans #62

cliffhanger of the week #18

#8 - I See Comic Book People

its 23 years ago, and little Toby is seeing his funnybooks come to life. is this for real, or is Toby taking LSD? we'll know next issue, because he just literally ran into the Hulk.
1985 #1 (Marvel)
Mark Millar/Tommy Edwards/John Workman

#7 - The Devil You Say

it took Dakota Fanning ... i mean, Dakota North getting slapped around to slap Matt out of his depression (not to say he's not depressed anymore). this time he needs to defend a murderer, as requested by Luke Cage. as always, there are strings attached and leading to somewhere.

Daredevil #107 (Marvel)
Ed Brubaker/Greg Rucka/Michael Lark/Stefano Gaudiano/Matt Hollingsworth/Chris Eliopoulos/cover: Marko Djurdjevic

#6 - Stretch Run

Reed Richards checklist: prove his manhood by whacking a giant robot mano-a-mano? check. sidestep his ex and remain true to his wife? check. be there when his greatest foe needs him? oopps. not. i'm guessing 'cause he got shot by the "Henry Pym" Skrull.

Fantastic Four #557 (Marvel)
Mark Millar/Bryan Hitch/Andrew Currie/Paul Mounts/Rus Wooton

#5 - Turn Back the Clock

the Clock King is ... well, clocking our young heroes. even Robin looks like he forgot all his Bat training. their only hope is Ravager, who's still loose out there. i mean she hasn't been captured, gutter-brain.

Teen Titans #59 (DC)
Sean McKeever/Eddy Barrows/Ruy Jose/Rod Reis/Travis Lanham

#4 - Lies Lies Lies Yeah

it doesn't take long for the new Loki (or is that Lokie?) to weave tales and sow seeds that will definitely threaten the new peaceful era of Asgard. once a schemer, always a schemer. although i think i like Loki as a woman. i just hope that every Asgardian who promised him a severe punishment if he ever does his tricks again would keep their word.

Thor #9 (Marvel)
J. Michael Straczynski/Olivier Coipel/Danny Miki/John Dell/Mark Morales/Laura Martin/Chris Eliopoulos

#3 - Jungle Fever

with Avengers going up against Skrull-Avengers in the Savage Land, Spiderman runs into Ka-Zar, who of course may or may not be Skrull too. we finally see the seeds of Bendis' genius in his 5-year setup of this story. we also see another Captain America making an appearance. okay, who is it this time?

New Avengers #41 (Marvel)
Brian Michael Bendis/Billy Tan/Justin Ponsor/Albert Dechesne/cover: Aleksi Briclot

#2 - Surprise Party

the much-hyped end of Batman is here! Grant Morrison kicks it off with an invasion of the Batcave by the badguys and the time-honored tradition of beating up the butler (Alfred should have called Jarvis for tips for that situation). and who is the Black Glove? my guess is a demonic Michael Jackson. wait, was it "Black Glove with Sequins"?

Batman #677 (DC)
Grant Morrison/Tony Daniel/Sandu Florea/Guy Major/Jared Fletcher

#1 - Doom's the Word

its finally here too! and we have to believe it will be really "Final". which means, technically, after this is all over, there should be no more DC comics published ever! because there will be no more conflicts! because this one's final! right, Dan DiDio? that probably also means we'll be holding a funeral for J'onn.

Final Crisis #1 (DC)
Grant Morrison/JG Jones/Alex Sinclair/Rob Leigh

cliffhanger of the week #10

#6 - Heavy is the Head That's Big

who else would fill in the Lethal Leader character in the Ultimate Universe except the one called Peter Wisdom? (altogether now: hwahahahahaha!) in Earth 616, he's a British chain-smoking mutant SOB, here he's just a British SOB. and he fancies himself the Ultimate Human, as he prepares to take the nanites from Tony "The Drunken Master" Stark and the SuperSoldier DNA from Bruce "Big Green Stupid" Banner. its payback time for 1776.

Ultimate Human #3 (Marvel)
Warren Ellis/Cary Nord/Dave Stewart/Dave Sharpe

#5 - Who Dares ... Wins. Kinda.

what would you do if your own leader sold you out to a murderous alien race? well, the first instinct would be to shoot said bugger in the head. then you shoot the aliens. but Dan Dare has a plan, and it involves being captured (and tortured and killed ... but not without leading the Royal Marine Commandos to do some royal ass-kicking). forget about Flash Gordon, Thunderbirds, Buck Rogers or Star Trek. Dan is the friggin' Man!

Dan Dare #5 (Virgin)
Garth Ennis/Gary Erskine/Parasuraman/Nilesh/Rakesh Mahadik


#4 - The Roof is On Fire

what to do with Ravager, a bastard daughter of the DC universe's greatest assassin? leave her alone in the Titans Tower and what happens? why, for starters it goes up in flames. this really makes Kid Devil's all-night parties much more preferable.

Teen Titans #57 (DC)
Sean McKeever/Eddy Barrows/Ruy Jose/Jimmy Palmiotti/Rod Reis/Travis Lanham

#3 - Cat Fight

why is Erik Killmonger still alive? and why are they claiming he's never been defeated? didn't T'Challa PWN his ass many times over before today? and what makes them think this time will be any different? well, for starters, he now has two hostages ...

Black Panther #35 (Marvel)
Reginald Hudlin/Cafu/Francis Portela/Val Staples/Cory Petit

#2 - Head Cases

well, that didn't take too long did it? the un-Maliced Omega Sentinel electroshocks the previously-comatose Xavier's mind, waking him up just in time to defend his now-human best friend/oldest enemy Magneto from the latter's former prized pupil Exodus. place your bets!

X-Men #209 (Marvel)
Mike Carey/Scot Eaton/Billy Tan/John Dell/Frank D'Armata/Brian Reber/Cory Petit

#1 - They're Everywhere!

yes, that's an old Converse ad line, and it fits. the Skrull infestation is becoming much more evident. who else is a Skrull? i know of two - Bendis and Quesada!!! evil, evil geniuses.

Secret Invasion: Prologue (Marvel)
Brian Michael Bendis/Leinil Francis Yu/Mark Morales/Laura Martin/Chris Eliopoulos