Kick-Ass, baby!!!

i mean ... i don't really know what to say. (via CNN)

kings of pain

being a fan of the comic, i was amazed that it was actually optioned as a movie even before the first issue. as a result of that, the shipping schedule basically suffered and we basically ended up with a short storyline. maybe creators Mark Millar and John Romita Jr planned it that way. for better or for worse, the early appeal with the fanboys and the modest success in the box office ($42M and counting) has opened the doors for aspiring comic writers to look for that hit book that translates well to Hollywood.

to their credit, Kick-Ass was unlike any other: what if ordinary people aspired to be superheroes, silly costumes and all, notwithstanding the lack of any superhuman talents? Dave Lizewski (Aaron Johnson) wants to find out and promptly lands in the hospital, courtesy of a stabbing and a hit-and-run. despite the obvious injuries, and the unfortunate effect of being rumored as gay in his high school, though opening the door to be the BFF to his crush Katie (Lyndsy Fonseca), Dave resolves to give it another shot and becomes a YouTube sensation following a bloody standoff with some gangbangers.

by the end of the first half, the movie shifts your attention to two people who do a better job than Dave - Big Daddy (real life comicbook fan Nicolas Cage, who's a better fit here than in Ghost Rider) and daughter Hit-Girl (Chloë Grace Moretz in a breakout role), a precocious cross between Natalie Portman circa Leon, a profane Dakota Fanning, and GoGo Yubari. the Big Daddy character was changed from an accountant to an ex-cop with an actual beef with mobster Frank D'Amico (Mark Strong, an uncanny Andy Garcia doppelganger in his second straight major villain role). Hit-Girl, trained early on to maim and kill, is the movie's secret weapon, as she completely steals every action scene she's in. in effect, she kicks more ass than the titular character. her epic attempt to rescue her father and Kick-Ass from execution, streaming live on the Internet, is one of the best action sequences ever. director Matthew Vaughn (Layer Cake) knows what he's doing and has thankfully not dialled down the tone.

the comic was visually much more brutal and Romita goes all-out with cartoon violence (Romita also created new artwork as a montage for Big Daddy's new backstory), although they did a good job of translating that to the big screen. you would notice though, that despite the severe beatings Dave takes, he's able enough to go through the next phase without limping or anything. but that's okay, this movie was meant to entertain. i actually thought they did a better job with the movie than the comic itself, the latter being plagued by delays. and for true New Yorkers, they'd be cheering at the extensive screen time for Maurice DuBois (take that, Pat Kiernan!).

not that Anjelica Houston!

decided to hand over some money tonight to Mark Millar. next week, your turn, Andy Diggle/Jock.

good morning!

hey, look its Batman ... after his shift as a Watchman [via mayjah spoilahz]

drive-by readings: Kick-Ass #7

Kick-Ass #7 (Marvel) "Ass Kicked!" Mark Millar John Romita Jr Tom Palmer Dean White Chris Eliopoulos

this gore porn comic is about to end ... and i'm ambivalent about it ending. it did start out really fun, and even critics howled with glee. who doesn't want to see the always-picked-on nerd dish out some fatal punishment? sales skyrocketed via word-of-mouth and press hype, Millar and Romita Jr started rolling in dough, and that was before Hollywood came a-calling.

now we get issue #7, 17 months after the first issue came out. Millar's distracted with other things, and apparently, they're shooting the movie already? whatever. this issue's still $2.99 because we all know Millar's (and Marvel's) gonna make up when he takes our lunch money at the box office. it probably makes sense that they're shutting the series down at 8 issues, but absent the movie angle, am sure they could have squeezed 25 issues out of this one. is this the fastest drawing-board-to-Hollywood comic movie ever? i mean, even Invincible can't be made into a movie that fast, and its a property that's tailor-made for summer blockbusters (trilogy at the least).

as you can see from the title, Dave's getting his ... tushie kicked from here to Timbuktu, as he finally bites off more than he can chew. thank goodness for the metal plates in his head (a nod to "healing factor"), acquired right after his first beating, that he's able to withstand the brutality he readily goads from the goons. Romita Jr. just lets it all hang out, with blood and bits of bone and flesh flying off the page. and if you think this was too much, i think we should brace ourselves for the grand finale. coming out December 2009. at the earliest.

i. am. not. a. bag. of. shit.

... says Michael Moore.

the outspoken liberal filmmaker made this point today, in between gargantuan bites of Domino's triple-cheese-sausage-and-pepperoni-and-everything-else-including-the-staff's-boogers pizza, in reference to the latest right-wing smear campaign masquerading as comics issue of Kick Ass.



"i resent that remark." Moore said, adding "shit only happens after i eat; i certainly do not hold the food in my body for long periods of time after it has gone through my intestines. if that were so, then that description would be apt." Moore then proceeded to call Domino's for another half-dozen boxes of the same pizza.

Moore didn't care that this particular issue of Kick-Ass was our cliffhanger of the week, even if we were curious whether or not he was going to just keel over after eating those pizzas.


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Kick-Ass #6

you hit like a girl! #13

this series of posts has finally its own mascot. ladies and gentlemen, from the kickass comic called ... Kick Ass (what else), i give you Hit Girl!


now that's what i call a backstabber!!!


if you ever had a daughter like this ...


i mean i've been to the Chophouse, but this is just ridiculous.


her slicing technique would be great on Food Network's Iron Chef America.



just in case she's gender-considerate ... ummm, actually no.



Go Go Yubari? The Bride? they're Barbie Dolls. this one's the real deal.

cliffhanger of the week #19

#7 - Bat Girls are Easy

when Catwoman steals a notebook from a young Barbara Gordon, will she do what it takes and follow the master thief - even inside a all-nude club? we're all for "yes".

Gotham Confidential #17 (DC)
Fabian Nicieza/Kevin Maguire/I.L.L./Sal Cipriano

#6 - Come Hungry Leave Happy

with Galactus about to partake in another planetary buffet, Nova's do-gooder style leaves him no chance to escape Orbucen before he becomes an appetizer.

Nova #14 (Marvel)
Dan Abnett/Andy Lanning/Wellinton Alves/Scott Hanna/Guru eFx/Cory Petit/cover: Alex Maleev

#5 - Clark Can't

as if beating a tyrant sun wasn't enough, here comes a 24-hour superpowered Lex Luthor. yep, call the funeral parlor.

All Star Superman #11 (DC)
Grant Morrison/Frank Quitely/Jamie Grant/Travis Lanham

#4 - The Human Stane

despite the stumbling on the Filipino aspects of this issue, it still makes the cliffhanger list, because it has a requisite explosion. in a tall building in Taipei. with Tony it it.

Invincible Iron Man #2 (Marvel)
Matt Fraction/Salvador Larroca/Frank D'Armata/Chris Eliopoulos

#3 - The Gog Is Crazy

if someone claiming to be Gog tells you he's here to fix the world, maybe you should give him the benefit of the doubt. after all, he just un-damaged Damage's face. no mean feat.

Justice Society of America #16 (DC)
Geoff Johns/Dale Eaglesham/Prentiss Rollins/Alex Sinclair/Rob Leigh/cover: Alex Ross

#2 - You Hit Like A Girl!

Dave's newfound notoriety is put to the test when a little girl kicks ass better than he does. blow our minds, Mark Millar, why don't you?

Kick Ass #2 (Icon/Marvel)
Mark Millar/John Romita Jr./Tom Palmer/Dean White/Chris Eliopoulos

#1 - Blow Your Mind and the Rest Will Follow

Tony is a Skrull! Tony is a Skrull! Tony is a Skrull! Tony is a Skrullllllllllllllllllll!!!!

Secret Invasion #3 (Marvel)
Brian Michael Bendis/Leinil Francis Yu/Mark Morales/Laura Martin/Chris Eliopoulos

kick ass

quick, what's the best comic out there right now?

i mean, right now??



that one.

and the title is ... what else: "KICK-ASS".

wrote in the same rebellious and unapologetic spirit of Wanted, Mark Millar drops us an F-bomb and John Romita Jr., dropkicks our asses back to grade school, giving life to our pre/pubescent dreams of becoming a superhero. like this loser here.


Dave Lizewski is your pretty much average teenager - lonely, depressed and testosteron-ized. raised by a single parent, his concerns are the usual - stalking his cute classmate, fantasizing about his MILFy teacher and comic books.


as you know, it takes very little to unhinge little boys from reality.


the moment Dave puts on his costume, he goes down a road he never really prepared for.


taking on three ghetto vandals lands him in traction (pulped, knifed, hit by a car, you name it) and out of commission for a couple of months (hey, i'd like a two month vacation too - minus the peeing of blood)


then he does another thing i won't ever do!


too bad - its just symbolic. Dave gets addicted to the high of "superheroing" (whatever that means). i burned my ex-es' letters and i never went back to them. guess that makes me slightly better than Dave.

putting the costume back on (wait - he doesn't even have a code name yet. wait, it should be "Ass Kicked", as in ... yes, you get it), Dave's first challenge back on the streets is a bunch of cholitas who mistake him for a perv (totally hilarious).


in trying to avoid an embarassing showdown with girls, Dave runs into a real-life, honest-to-goodness gang beating.


i assume this happens around the Spanish Harlem area, or the Bronx, or Sunset Park ... ahh, whatever ... costumed guy vs three menacing gangbangers - awesome!


after all is said and done ... what do you know - Dave holds his ground (broken bones and all)!


and you know what happens next! (yes, instant fame and fortune - Jessica Simpson on Line Two, Mr. Lizewski)



so, okay boys, if you ever get to put on a costume, and you need a war cry of sorts, Dave has a few for you:



here's to the Dave Lizewski in all of us. cheers!!!

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Kick-Ass #1-2
Mark Millar, John Romita Jr., Tom Palmer, Chris Eliopoulos, Dean White