snaps: Sensational She-Hulk (one-shot)

... where we celebrate Jen Walters' 30th anniversary with three tales, notably from greenskin powerhouse writer Peter David, plus a reprint from the John Byrne days, but surprisingly none from Dan Slott. however, i enjoyed Brian Reed's contribution, set in pre-Secret Invasion days, where there's a titanic team up, with the now-we-know-she's-the-Skrull-Queen Spider Woman.

what? how can you say that about your original costume?


hello, Yancy Street Gang!


Carol never likes taking her pills.


also, she's been selling Toyotas and it eventually came back to haunt her.


really?? (of course, duh. its Peter David just being cheeky)


Jen survives 10 Screamin' Greenie Weenies.


and the obligatory Dan Slott cameo. oy!

should old acquaintances be forgot? no!

drive-by readings

Nation X: X-Factor #1 (Marvel) Peter David Valentine De Landro Pat Davidson Jeromy Cox Cory Petit Christian MacNevin (cover)

since i was unable to post anything on X-Factor #200, i'm making up with this, and throwing some love down once-and-present X-Factor scribe Peter David's way.

the biggest problem for X-Factor in recent months is the inconsistency and quality of the art, which more often than not doesn't complement the quality of David's writing. X-Factor #200 had an excellent variant cover by Kevin Maguire, and we can only wish he was handling the interiors as well. it may come off as Formerly Known as The Justice League, what with Madrox's insistence to operate as a detective agency (who's funding them again? Monet's trust fund?), but who cares? Val De Landro has been manning the fort for awhile, and his sort of spare-less-detailed-sort-of-sombre art may be fitting because David dragged the team through some dark times. but no offense, i think a Maguire-drawn X-Factor run (especially with the humor) would work well. imagine if he drew that whole "The Invisible Woman Has Vanished!" story?

that being said, De Landro does a passable job here mostly (note that faces get weird or disappear outright sometimes - but maybe that's not his fault), considering its a momentous event (for me at least) because its a reunion of sorts for the X-teams without being in the middle of a firefight or a crisis. David proves once again how adept he is handling the various X-characters, not just his X-Factor ones (and considering from his first run, i think only Madrox and Guido are the only ones remaining - Rahne is apparently pregnant and is not seen here). Shatterstar's innocently magnetic personality (to either gender) drives the powerless Rictor nuts. Madrox's reaction to Magneto's half-sarcastic declaration of 'welcome to the Brotherhood!' is 90% priceless (it would be a full 100% if Maguire was drawing it!!). Guido is still the rambunctious kid out of kindergarten and gels well with Rockslide. a Madrox dupe belting out a George Michael tune. even Longshot and Dazzler - whose short-lived star-crossed romance is part of the X-Men of my youth - gets a second chance here, and it is kinda heartwarming (and his goddamn luck holds!!!).

there's also this scene:


in just that one panel, David finds it best to give a nod to past confusing X-storylines, but at the same time not get bogged down by all that history. this is just friends being together, sharing a peaceful moment, after a long hard time. these moments never last in the X-Universe.

so where's the conflict here? not much really - a debate of philosophies between Scott and Madrox, and another precog of sorts making all sorts of warnings. (kinda like Destiny with her books, and Darwin getting into a tug-of-war and ends up being bailed out by Namor via some oral work with sharks. don't ask.) good for Scott that his faith to make all things work allows him to ignore potential futures, effectively telling us that he's try to plot his own destiny and the entire mutant race's.

absent that little conflict ... yes, its a nice little day in Utopia.

drive-by readings 022109

Dark Avengers #2 (Marvel) "Long Live H.A.M.M.E.R." Brian Michael Bendis Mike Deodato Jr Rain Beredo Cory Petit

wow. i mean, WOW. two issues in, and i already have a perverse admiration for this loony "team". damn you, Bendis. as hyped weeks ago, the Dark Avengers first mission is to rescue Dr. Doom, who's in a lover's quarrel with Morgana Le Fay, who in turn gets "(un)headed" (heh.). Bendis' knack for people talking at the same time is in full display as always, though sometimes its like teenagers yakking (and posturing) all the time. i can't wait 'till the backstabbing begins. maybe it was a good thing they brought Osborn back (gaaaaaahhhh! schism!). who else can manage all these strong-willed assholes in the first place?

Invincible #59 (Image) "Powerplex" Robert Kirkman Ryan Ottley Cliff Rathburn FCO Plascencia Rus Wooton

and i thought i hated Superboy Prime. this Powerplex character made me want to beat him down a la Chris Brown (k-ching!). what a whiny jerk. he's a caricature of an '80s villain who has no other train of thought except "i will have my revenge, you will pay for your crimes!" serves you right for killing your own family, asshole. i think Kirkman got into a mood hating this kind of jerk and wrote a story out of it, gnashing his teeth all the way. if anything, he sets up a future - if annoying - villain to pester Invincible.

X-Factor #40 (Marvel) "Slings and Arrows" Peter David Valentine De Landro Pat Davidson Jeromy Cox Cory Petit

Peter David told me not to tell.

well, it involves guns, and priests, and nuns, and lies, and despair writ large.

not to mention the art has picked up a bit, and it should, considering David's writing.

but seriously, he told me not to tell.

bullet time

have you ever found yourself in a situation where you only had one bullet left, but you still had two enemies to shoot? well, worry no more, as you can use a knife or even a finger to be able to split that lone lucky shell and claim victory.

let's have Supergirl (the Linda Danvers version) demonstrate the principle:



cool, no?

you don't believe this? why, just watch this YouTube clip and wash all your doubts away:



Peter David must still be cackling over that one.

Victory!

whatchu gonna do ...

... when HULKAMANIA runs wild over you???

yep, i never got to put a post on Planet Hulk, and here we are, post-NYComic Con (never got to post that either, but maybe later), Planet Hulk is done, and Holku is on the horizon, coming back to put the hurt on his so-called friends.

To recap for the uninitiated, the Marvel Illuminati - Iron Man, Reed Richards (Mr. Fan-taaaas-tic!), Dr. Stephen Strange, Prof. Charles Xavier, Prince Namor, and Black Bolt, leader of the Inhumans - banded together to regulate the superheroes. that seemed a good idea at that time - until the Superhero Registration Act and Civil War blew everything apart. Black Panther (King T'Challa) would have been the seventh member of the Illuminati, but he had a more practical and pragmatic worldview. this eventually put him at odds with the Pro-Registration forces headed by Stark and Richards.

which brings us to the Hulk. after another rampage in Las Vegas, the Illuminati decided to end the threat of the Hulk once and for all. lured into a spacecraft, he was launched to outerspace in the hope that he never comes back (well, they tried to cover all bases for that possibility). with friends like that, who needs the Abomination, the Leader or General Thunderbolt Ross?

well, as they say, the best laid plans ... always go to the shitter. here's the Hulk dishing out payback to Stretcho and the Doc.

ok, that was just a figment of his imagination. Hulk's spaceship crashlands in a planet other than the Illuminati intended for it to. in a yearlong epic storyline (thus called Planet Hulk), while the superheroes were at each other's throats back on Earth, the Hulk - intelligent, Bruce Banner-less, and growing stronger every second - eventually rises from a lowly gladiator to ruler of Sakaar (not to mention banging a warrior babe and getting her preggers). just when he thought he got his Christmas wish (love, peace, happiness, the whole 9), the spaceship that brought him to Sakaar explodes (wow, shades of Stamford) and the Hulk is left with nothing except his anger. and his alien comrades in the Warbound.

so what to do ... what to do ... ?

"screw it! Hulk will smash those puny humans! and Hulk has no intention of losing!"

back on Earth, Hulk's cuz Jen Walters (a.k.a. She Hulk) learns of the deception (so all this time she never bothered to look for Bruce) and it righteously pisses her off.

question: if Tony Stark didn't use protection when he shagged Jen, would she get some Extremis in her bloodstream and cellular structure? if so, what would the effects be?


and so Earth-bound goes the Hulk and his (amazing) friends. at least we could consider them his friends, because they even try to put him through anger management classes and plot strategy with him. below is a brainstorming session on how to deal with "blagbult":

does this mean blagbult, er ... Black Bolt will be the first casualty of Big Green Revenge Machine? well, he should end up with a torn larynx at the least.

well, it should be quite an interesting summer - good luck if Marvel lets us off easy. i can hear the cash registers ringing and Joe Quesada prancing at the Park Avenue offices.

with that, all i can say is:

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World War Hulk Preview
World War Hulk Prologue: World Breaker

do ya kennit?

The Dark Tower
Stephen King/Robin Furth/Peter David/Jae Lee/Richard Isanove
Marvel


i never read the Dark Tower series; shame on me, perhaps. but who cares - Marvel has made a PR coup by teaming up with Stephen King himself to give us the Cliff Notes version, and with stunning art to boot!

set in 'a world that has moved on', the legend has it that the Gunslinger, a policeman if you will, is in pursuit of the 'Man in Black' (i'm sure its not Will Smith or Johnny Cash).

the first issue is more of an origin issue where the future Gunslinger, Roland of Gilead, and his friends are shown being tested by their mentor, Cort.


Cort is a vinegary sourpuss of sorts, but one who knows his craft very well, and that is to train Gunslingers-to-be. he demands that they "aim with your eye, shoot with your mind, and kill with your heart."

"sir, yessir! hooah!!"

Roland, the best of the lot, his dad Steven Deschain being a legendary Gunslinger himself, is disappointed to learn that his father's creepy advisor, Marten Broadcloak, is carrying an affair with his mother.


he suspects that Marten doesn't expect him to win the Gunslinger mantle and thus get exiled in shame. Roland then decides to stop dicking around and seize the day (or the title of G) by challenging Cort.

who do you think you are - Alfred Neuman!?

before the fight, there's a long-ass Q&A portion first. you know, like asking what your favorite color is, who was your high school crush, and if you prefer the purple Teletubby over Pikachu.

mine is my ... ability to write corny captions.

needless to say, our protagonist wins his spurs. here we see the mastery of Jae Lee over quiet powerful scenes, aided by color work of Richard Isanove. this already feels like a cross between Origin and The Inhumans.

no gay jokes, please, Mr. Hardaway.

Roland's prize is a gun. with a license of course. even in this 'world that has moved on', its still American!


in any case you were harboring doubts about Roland's manhood, here he is offering a simple explanation of why he didn't turn around and go for Marten.


and if you're still harboring doubts about Roland's manhood, let it be known that he went off to a brothel or two and got jiggy with it (na-na-na-na-na-na-na).

which of course leads him to be caught with his pants down when his dad suddenly makes a surprise appearance.

"my son, my son, didn't i tell you to use a Trojan?"

i think i am liking this Dark Tower for Dummies. hopefully, Lee stays for the whole 7-issue run (Joe Quesada promised!!).
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issue read: #1