snaps: Mighty Avengers #36

... where we stands as witness to awesomeness of Henry Pym, progenitor of mass-murdering robot Ultron (hey, we all thought his shining moment was beating the tin can to a pulp in Ultron Unlimited, but apparently that wasn't a permanent fix. booooooo.). now that he's been dubbed Scientist Supreme, how unhinged would he get if they prick his ego again? my bet is he'll interface with his evil "son" and really become "Ultron Pym" (that's the kind of name that begets playground beatings and wedgies).



"noooo .... i don't wanna be an Ant!!!"



that's a gay ass thing to say, especially being slapped by a girl. granted, the girl is a robot, but still ...


hey, Steve Jobs, lookit!! his Gameboy can make INTERNATIONAL calls!


oh shut it. Ultron Pym, pffshhh. we liked you better when you were mowing down some obscure fictitious Europeans (which I am surprised, there wasn't like a bunch of Slorenian survivors dedicating themselves to assassinating your dad, for birthing you, dipshit.)


hey, hey, hey!!! that's not allowed under US law!! oh, what - you're in Underspace? screw that, the whole thing was invented by an American citizen!

snaps: Mighty Avengers #35

... where we find another chapter in the most famous father/son feud since Oedipus and King Laius. or whoever you think that is. anyway, i thought we saw the end of this back in the Busiek Avengers run, but Ultron came back right in the very first issue of this series, went to outer space to cause trouble, and bookends the whole thing with one more jam. and for once, i kinda agree with the robot, because Hank Pym is getting creepier by the minute. by 2020, he's going to be arrested for consensual sex with a minor cyborg.

shocking the uptight Brits, you draw your own conclusions about those "upgrades".


and i cannot wait to reformat you in person!


HAH! Jocasta beat y'all to that!!! (at least in Pym's dreams)


oh, i forgot - there are two sickos on this team!


and that is why you always lose, you bag of circuits.


ok, symbolism alert! either they'll end up married or Jocasta goes evil with jealousy and uses this 'dimensional wave device' against the Avengers in next summer's crossover.

snaps: Mighty Avengers #33

... where Loki's puppet show is not only a Broadway hit, but the puppetmaster is himself revealed! through Hank Goddammit-He's-Not-The-Wasp Pym's trendy goggles, natch! one thing i don't get, is why they're still playing by Norman Osborn's rules, when they know the score. sure they're not the "New Avengers" but they also 'unsanctioned' and skulk around in Pym pockets.

"well, if you weren't busy banging Titania, we would've ..."


no, my esteemed US Agent, you, sir, are a Sheboygan sausage.


oh, look, its the gay Iron Lad! Billy Elliott would love to have lunch with you.


reality-punched? apparently, she never heard of Jersey Shore.


oi!! Wolverine and Colossus want their license fees asap.


....... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand here we go again.

snaps: Mighty Avengers #32

... where the Mighty Avengers embark on just one more adventure before they fall into Siege. and they have to work with the Dark Avengers to defeat one Crusher Creel, manipulated by Loki to mess up the world and push Norman Osborn to the brink. i swear to God, no villain ever gets permanently defeated in the Marvel U.

1) Norman, Norman ... when the man's doing his business in the john, you have no right to make him follow your commands.



2) coming in 2011, the House of M Reloaded!!



3) big deal. if he used that with a first gen/Mac-only iPod, or a Creative Zen circa 2001, i'd be really impressed.


4) someone just attained Plantation Sensation in FarmVille!


5) ok, two things here:
one, the Sentry can also fucking do anything (see Dark Avengers #12, subject of later post) so why is he whining?
two, if the Avengers excel in fighting anyone who can do anything, does that mean they only do great in fighting, but never actually defeating those kinds of opponents?

all in all, the Mighty Avengers under Dan Slott is hitting its stride, if only for the back-and-forth banter between "Pym's rejects" and Earth's Scientist Supreme (chortles) himself.

who wants to be an Avengenaire?

a whole lot, apparently.

so we got them Assembled, then Disassembled, then we got them New, and we got them Mighty. now we got them reassembled again. sorta.

led by reluctant cross-dressing leader the Wasp (cough, cough! that's frakking Henry Pym, regardless of what side his toast is buttered on!), we have a cornucopia of former and not-yet members: the ill-tempered fake Captain America USAgent, Hercules, Amadeus Cho (who engages Pym in a smarts peeing contest), Jocasta, Cassie Lang, the Jonas Brother (sorry, the Vision currently known as Jonas), and - surprise, surprise - the dumb green Hulk! all gathered (and another mindfuck) by the Scarlet Witch. who may or may not be a Skrull. oh, that storyline's over?

anyway, they've been brought together to fight ... a Chton-possessed Quicksilver, who's bent on ... remaking reality. oh, this storyline's not over??

if that wasn't enough to reduce your brain to jello, let's have the flipside of the bright, cheery colors ... (drumroll, high hat) the DARK Avengers!!!

hey!!! it's like the '90s all over again (was the Mike Deodato art not enough of a hint?). let's see, we have Noh-Varr, enhanced Kree warrior who's probably the second-most powerful of this group; Moonstone masquerading as Ms. Marvel; Daken donning his dad's brown duds; Bullseye as Hawkeye (2nd most dangerous); Venom shrunk to black-costume Spidey-size; and the two turncoats - Ares and the Sentry (the most powerful guy here). i don't believe these two, but it makes for good drama.

and then of course, we have

Norman Effin Osborn

as the fucking

Iron.

Patriot.



Iron Patriot?


pretty soon, the name "Avengers" will be as reputable as someone who calls himself an "X-Man". if it isn't already.

(Iron Patriot?! WTF-!! Obama knows about this???)


btw, the Vision who is a Jonas brother is a fucking copout. trying to impress a guuuuurlllll. did you delete your Milli Vanilli collection? oh, that's right; he isn't that Vision.




(again, Iron Patriot?! WTF!!! just for picking that name alone, Osborn deserves to be put down)

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Dark Avengers #1, Mighty Avengers #21

ms van dyne, if you're nasty.

couple of things i need to comment on before we close out the year:


i didn't know cats liked sloppy seconds!!!



and the gayest reveal of the week, nay the year! (wait, there weren't any other candidates, were there..?)



the Young Avengers would be so laughing in secret in their rooms. yes, even Wiccan and Hulkling.

-----
Secret Invasion: Requiem

you hit like a girl! #10

if you are fit, you must acquit!

as Elektra does, in her final battle trying to prevent the Skrull takeover.

too bad, she can't handle brute force. she gets taken down, replaced and now the Marvel Universe is in deep doo-doo. thanks a lot, Elektra.

by the way, one of the Elektras up there is a Skrull. but you knew that already.

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Mighty Avengers #16