we're not worthy

... because some other people have been chosen, not us.

er... how is Juggy, i mean "Kuurth" (is that like Steve Kurth, or Kurse as pronounced by a someone with a lisp?) going to see out of his helmet, if the holes are kind of nowhere near his eyes? that probably explains why the Juggernaut kept breaking things, because he can't see where the hell he's going!

oh, and he can't break anything metal now, can he?

Fraction should have just called Hulk "Nul, Breaker of Scripts and Programming Code" but i digress. why invent new villains when we can just co-opt Marvel's powerhouses and make them mind-controlled baddies eh? if you have a breaker of worlds, then why would you need the other six?

i guess the letter N made her new nickname much tougher-sounding rather than a T ("Skirt"). and i heard in the original script it was written as "Skirn, Breaker of Balls", but then Editorial got into the picture. anyhoo, Titania seems destined to break the male populace, but would that include her longtime daddy-o, Crusher Creel a.k.a. The Absorbing Douchebag? apparently Creel would also be having a hammer of his own, and he will be dubbed "Crul, Breaker of Chicks".

is that Attuma, or is that Attuma? and why is he breaking oil pipelines? shouldn't he be breaking fiber optic cables so as to disrupt Internet service globally, hence sending about half of its denizens into a frenzy because they couldn't Tweet or update their Facebook pages? i tell you, online deprivation is a huge FEAR!!! hah!!!

Fear Itself #2 unveils a bunch of "The All Father's" stooges, and indescribably puts the world under attack so quickly that the Avengers seem overwhelmed or unprepared. we all know the Asgardians just up and left (i think Odin's still hiding something - "The All Father" is his evil doppelganger?), but seem to think that the best option is literally a scorched Earth policy. the story still seems too fantastical at the moment (shades of Fraction's World Tree storyline over in Thor) and not too grounded like earlier Marvel events. i love Immonen's art (with longtime inking partner Wade Von Grawbadger) in NextWave, and here he's kind of switched up to serious mode. 5 issues to go, and hopefully, there's more meat and potatoes next ish.

you know who's going to save the day, right? right??

The Man Without Fear. Hal Jordan.

let the light shine in

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New Avengers #4 (Marvel) Brian Michael Bendis Stuart Immonen Wade Von Grawbadger Laura Martin Chris Eliopoulos

what we learned: the magic men can't hazard a guess as to who's been trying to stage another Inferno show in New York, where our other Avengers (oh, hi there, Jewel!) have their hands full swatting demons left and right. until the sky spits out Danny, and the first thing he does is ...
oh shit moment: ... give Dr. Strange an iron fist, minus the iron. hey, nice duds, Danny?
what's next: we've known of that thing for years, but who really owns the Eye of Agamotto? Agamotto, of course. duh.


i bet Strange never got sucker punched by Clea or the Night Nurse like that.

and justice for one

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Scarlet #2 (Marvel/Icon) Brian Michael Bendis Alex Maleev Chris Eliopoulos Michael Oeming/David Mack (variant covers)

what we learned: now we get into the nitty-gritty. we're a fourth wall witness to how slowly Scarlet goes from victim to justice seeker (nice montage with the hair by Maleev there). Officer, now Detective Gary Dunes, has no idea what's coming. us readers do, but we're still blown away. weren't you?
oh shit moment: the run-up to Scarlet entrapping Det. Dunes and her subsequent choices, is some of the best crime noir sequences i've seen.
what's next: by the second issue, we are reminded of how good Bendis/Maleev were on their stellar Daredevil run. i just wish this thing didn't come out bi-monthly. fuck.


can you turn away? can you?

mystic pizzazz

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New Avengers #3 (Marvel) Brian Michael Bendis Stuart Immonen Wade Von Grawbadger Laura Martin Chris Eliopoulos

what we learned: this is actually a fun book even if its just for Stuart Immonen's tight cartoony style. Iron Fist is transported by the possessing demon somewhere else, while his teammates deal with the sky breaking open with more demons pouring out. the magic boys retreat to figure who's big enough to take them all on. Victoria, meanwhile, decides to lend a Hand.
oh shit moment: eh? is that the Ancient One?
what's next: do we need to call in Zatanna or something?


ummm, not this one.

separate lives

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Avengers Prime #2 (Marvel) Brian Michael Bendis Alan Davis Mark Farmer Javier Rodriguez Chris Eliopoulos

what we learned: the Avengers Big Three are separated - Thor encounters the Enchantress, who believes its his fault that the other realms are in disarray, Tony gets abducted by Fafnir's goons, and Steve, starving for love since being trapped in time, gets seduced by a sexy emphatic elf.
oh shit moment: that's me wondering how this thing fits into the current Thor story arcs where Loki (at the close of Siege) already made a deal with Hela to rent her a piece of Mephisto's land and rechristen it as Hel, which is now i suppose all of these is happening.
what's next: oh, you better run.


what, you forgot this already? Skrull!!!

basic instincts

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World War Hulks: Spider-Man vs Thor #2 (Marvel) Kieron Gillen Chris Eliopoulos Jorge Molina Paul Pelletier Ronan Cliquet Patrick Scherberger Scott Koblish Edgar Delgado Rachelle Rosenberg Chris Sotomayor Clayton Cowles Barry Kitson/Dave McCaig (variant cover)

what we learned: we learned that the Marvel brain trust is never exempt from capitalizing on mindless spinoffs that do not advance the plot of the main storyline whatsoever and will cook up any excuse for mindless pummeling between their characters. i guess Marvel vs Capcom or Ultimate Alliance is not enough.
oh shit moment: you did not just say the Smithsonian museums are boring. what are these, the flexing of the id? yeah, probably.
what's next: let's just have Hulk and Skaar kill each other once and for all. or make a pure Marvel-characters-only fighting game on all platforms with killer graphics and no plot at all.


sheeeeesh. even for Peter Parker, that's inane.

snaps: New Avengers #1

... where we see the formerly on-the-run-from-the-law new Avengers finally become official Avengers again, but that even includes Hawkeye, Wolverine and Spidey, who's in the main Avengers book. this is headlined by Luke Cage, but he's supposed to be Thunderbolting. and Ben Grimm gets to freelance. oh drat. who else is NOT an Avenger?? (hint: me)

NOW LOOK WHO'S BROKE.


Danny Rand keeps money in his belt. take note of that, muggers!!!


Strange: "why do you have America's Best Comics logo on your chest, Hellstrom?"


the off switch is found in the Arid Badlands inside Sledge's lair.


yeah, screw you! Norman Osborn partied EVERY. DAY. she was not just Saturday night's!!


and who is paying for (and preparing) this spread??

prime cut

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Avengers Prime #1 (Marvel) Brian Michael Bendis Alan Davis Mark Farmer Javier Rodriguez Chris Eliopoulos

they sure are wringing every dollar they can squeeze out of the Avengers relaunch, aren't they? and from a business point of view, Marvel can't avoid not to. and from the fans' perspective, big name creators + intriguing stories and angles = we will come.

set right in between Siege and the actual relaunch of Steve Rogers' private armies, Avengers Prime tackles the long-awaited question of how to repair the Avengers Big Three's fractured relationships, after multiple storylines since Ragnarok (not Clor) and Avengers Disassembled. though i don't think it can be done within one adventure, this is a good start. wait, i assume this happens even before Tony and Thor talk about bridging that country mile between them. in that sequence, they talk as if Avengers Prime hasn't happened yet (which gets confusing because of scheduling and deadlines). comments, fandom?

of course, thanks to Mark Millar, we will have this inevitable scene:


Tony and Steve's relationship (in the modern era, or the last 20 years) was anything except being buddy-buddy. although from my childhood, i do remember them being very best buds at least when they're having their Avengers adventures. we all grow up and their characterizations grew up as well, putting in conflict and disagreements and all those things that feed and make a friendship mature. now a sizable decade or so since Operation: Galactic Storm, Tony and Steve are once again at odds, considering things went into the toilet after Steve's death (in which Tony mourned him and said the whole thing wasn't worth it - but now, that memory's lost in history's dustbins, eh, Matt Fraction?). but then again, its always a rite of renewal - they're still going to work it out like true friends always do.

i don't know if anyone noticed but from the opening scene, Tony acts like a little boy (again) who wants to show off his toys and his smarts, trying to impress Thor that they can rebuild anything. sounds a little immature, don't you think, in the light of the destruction of Asgard around them? is this the same guy who rebooted himself at Extremis 1.0 then was shocked by his douchebaggery during the events that led to Civil War and later?

of course, the next cool scene - and this one is vintage Alan Davis - is Captain Rogers clearing out a roomful of elves.


not seeing one trademark splash page save the opener and closer, it was a pleasant visit nonetheless from old friends Davis and usual collaborator Farmer. although it seems weird that Cap takes a bunch of arrows from the scene, but not a bow? unless he turned into Bullseye all of a sudden?

with the reveal of a surprise villain in the end, keeping up with the theme in the recent Avengers-related titles, fans like me should be in for a treat.

tying the loose ends

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The New Avengers: Finale (Marvel) Brian Michael Bendis Bryan Hitch/Stuart Immonen Butch Guice/Andrew Currie/Karl Story Paul Mounts/Justin Ponsor/Rain Beredo Chris Eliopoulos

first up, let's see what Avengers maestro Brian Michael Bendis let us know about New Avengers: Finale:


i've been increasingly critical about Bryan Hitch's artwork, which was becoming 'dirtier' (maybe its the bunch of inkers he has to work with?) and due to either deadline concerns (sometimes i don't mind lateness if the artwork is blow-my-mind stellar) or the bulk of work to be drawn, he ends up drawing with painful postures and sometimes disproportionate limbs. i mean, study this scene below, and draw your own conclusions.


i love Hitch circa The Authority and The Ultimates. i believe he does his best work with Paul Neary or Andrew Currie, and will be best served with limited series work that has some leeway on its shipping schedule.

so what about the rest of the story? this is intended to tie the loose ends of Siege, because they decided that it was going to be a 4-issue series, and obviously that won't be enough to tell the whole kaboodle. last time we saw Madame Masque, she was hightailing it with her balls-less boyfriend, Parker the Robbin' Hood out of Oklahoma. turns out she went to run to her dad, Ra's Al Ghul. oh wait - that's Count Nefaria.


really, its hilarious that supervillains are named literally, to ensure that you know they're BAD: Erik Killmonger, Doctor Faustus, Eric The Red, Spymaster, Doctor Doom, Mister Fear. although Mister Fear and Dr. Doom sound really cool.

the guys need to capture them unless they want to hand the bad guys another opportunity to put them through this kind of wringer again. also, its way past time this Brian K. Vaughan creation be put to pasture, as we can agree with Count Nefaria, his 15 minutes are up. luckily, every other bad guy is more than happy to give him up. its refreshing to find the Avengers, and this time not just the regular Avengers we used to know, but every major and promoted-to-major character that Bendis incorporated into the fold during this decade, to be actually working together. Spider-Man shouldn't have to endure any JJJ tirades any longer from hereon - one word from Cap and Jameson should shut up. but then again, would that be consistent with the Spidey creative team's direction to keep him a lovable loser?


hey, hey, hey, don't call Nicky Boy a terrorist!

speaking of Spidey, i want him to be contributing some more brains to the operation. i know he's the joker of the group ("booties!"), and they need comic relief in the heat of battle, but he's smart and it was past time he got Stark sponsorship (don't mention that Spider Armor - or was that all forgotten after Brand New Day?).

Disney execs are ROTFL

the Avengers acquit themselves further by bagging the Hood, Masque, Hood's pal John King, and Nefaria, with the help of Wolverine ("anything to get away from Cyclops - guy was driving me nuts." - what, because he's under pressure to keep the mutant race alive, fend off Bastion with his leadership skills and tactics while keeping the body count to a minimum, keep his faith in Hope with Kurt in mind, AND keep his sanity knowing he's sleeping with Emma Frost every damn night? you don't say.), and the forgotten fact that Ms. Marvel can absorb energy and redirect it at you. hear that, Marvel supervillains? keep that in mind next time you meet Ms. Marvel!

its fun to see Maria Hill leading the cheers for the good guys to take over again. wasn't it so long ago she was staring down Captain America, and sought to take him down? i guess working with Tony Stark, and working Tony Stark, if you know what i mean, works wonders. holy crap - too bad Tony doesn't remember any of that! would she file a paternity suit against him if she got preggers and he denies it, because that's the truth - he really doesn't remember?

and what of Steve Rogers? 2007 was so long ago. to tell the truth, i'm not bitter that he was brought back, y'know? sure, his death, with all the hype and related comic work that earned Marvel a gazillion more dollars (catching the eye of Disney), has been taken down notches, but didn't we expect this (coming back) to happen? this was part of Marvel's plan all along - not like the death of Jean Grey on the moon, and the haphazard resurrection just to launch X-Factor. at least he's not coming back to reclaim the mantle, and they just issued a one-shot (hint: its not Who Won't Wield the Shield!) to sort that out (i'm kinda looking at you, Battle for the Cowl)

really? don't you remember you used a joy buzzer on Tony when he shook your hand in Civil War?

final scene: what, no Steve Rogers, Sharon Carter, Logan, or Natasha?

well, all's well that ends well, i guess. though i have a couple of questions: i wonder how Jessica Jones got herself an AT&T contract without being traced by Osborn/H.A.M.M.E.R.?

oh well, maybe Pete jailbroke it and added a variable cellsite piggybacker (really talking out of my ass now)

what i really wanna know is, Bryan Hitch, what's up with Luke's now-you-see-it-now-you-don't earring?



oh hey, anybody know where Daken is?

/the quick answer is: he's going to replace Wolverine, so he gets a free not-going-to-jail card.

illuminated

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Siege #4 (Marvel) "The Siege of Asgard - The Fallen" Brian Michael Bendis Olivier Coipel Mark Morales Laura Martin Chris Eliopoulos Gabrielle Dell'Otto/Joe Quesada/Danny Miki/Richard Isanove (variant covers)

as the Staples ad goes ... well, that was easy. three birds, one event. take out Norman Osborn? check. resolve Bob/Sentry/Void thing? check. take out Loki? check.


Bendis brings the payoff in 4 issues, though there may be yet unwritten stories or edited parts that ended up on the cutting room floor. nevertheless, i'm good with the ending, though other fanboys may not be, and will wail and gnash their teeth but grudgingly jostle for the front seat for the Heroic Age. that's what the Interwebz are for.

ah, Norman, Norman. ah, Dark Avengers #1 wasn't so long ago, was it, Iron Patriot? (ugh) how the mighty have fallen. and without your H.A.M.M.E.R. and your fancy armor, you're just another insane loony tune who needs to be locked up.


what's next for Osborn? some or all of this would happen: the public would forget about all of these in two years, he'll escape and make trouble and/or clear his name, and he'll be somewhat powerful again pretty soon. so Marvel writers, if you're serious about "making him pay for his crimes" .... well, you better make sure. its a tired cliche to have them bad guys returning and returning for no good reason (and that goes for the heroes as well). and with the 'Heroic' theme that's coming, it looks like it may go easy on the villains as well (i doubt somebody wants to organize a firing squad, given that these a lot of these bad guys are pretty resilient). Stark already did the Guantanamo thing. do you build a prison to hold these guys (the Raft? puh-leaze.) or do you have a permanent solution? more likely, they'll all still be running around like the rats they are.

now for Bob Reynolds ... ah, the hero who started out as a marketing gimmick, then became the figure we all know who had the power of a thousand or a million (i can never remember which) exploding suns, and who basically was the most powerful superbeing in all creation. and we can't have that, can we? look how they used him to get rid of the Molecule Man (previously, the most powerful being around these parts, except that he didn't want the attention and nobody really cared about a nerd). am not sure if the Sentry went head to head with the Beyonder, but of course, we just exist as a twinkle in the Beyonder's eye. ah well. that was a good ten years, wasn't it?


and we can't talk about the Sentry now without mentioning Ares now, can we? i found him a much more interesting character than Hercules, and he provided a lot of value for the Avengers, be it regular or dark edition. i'm waiting for the salute to him. i wonder what Phobos is thinking right now. there will always be a God of War, right? for these guys, they died here and now. let's not bring them back, ok? it just renders poignant events like these senseless (hello, Steve Rogers).

so, about Loki ...

i'm a little puzzled by his Asgardian loyalties and his sudden desire to help out the heroes, and eventually take one for the team. really? didn't he just sell out the Asgardians to Dr. Doom to cut up? and now he's regretting the whole set up? boo hoo.



oh hey, remember this?


yes, that's Loki's Get Out of Being Dead free card, so you better expect him to show up somewhere down the road, expectedly to Thor's surprise (y'know, you've been with Loki with centuries and y'all still get punk'd by him all the goddamn time its already tiresome. yeah, you too now you can't kill him anymore. geez.).

a few more notes:

- when Iron Man exhorts everyone to hit The Void with everything they got, does Spider-Man shoot webs at it? how about Luke? Cassie?
- even with that restored backup in his head, most of the guys think Tony's still a douchebag, right? basically, that's the only lingering memento of Civil War - the resentment.
- hey, look, Maria Hill's still wearing her S.H.I.E.L.D. uniform! she probably sleeps in that too (except when Tony has to get in her pants - ohhhh! did i type that??)


- like i said ... the Victoria Hand limited series coming soon!


- Nick Fury has like 1,024 secret bases all over the world, and some of them are probably off limits to S.H.I.E.L.D. personnel but built with S.H.I.E.L.D. money and resources. is he going to pass these things on to Steve Rogers? will they be sharing them? ("what are you doing here? it was my turn to use this as a secret hideout! yes, we did agree on it!")

- what did teh Asgardians put on top of Stark Tower? a piece of Asgard like an Alamo sign?
- who made a new cape for Thor after he wrapped Bob in it and sent him to the sun?
- yes, Siege was an Avengers-centric event, but something of this magnitude shouldn't entail the presence of Reed or some X-Men? apparently, Rogue had a thing with Bob (!) (check out The Sentry: Fallen Sun on sale now! - Steve Wacker), and there are saucy details to be dished.
- hey, come to think of it, i never saw Earth's Scientist Supreme in the thick of things in this issue. neither was he in the big shindig at Stark Tower (Iron Fist was there. DD was there too, wouldn't his Hand colleagues frown on that?). is that a dis against Hank Pym? is he going to be the villain in some big event soon?


and so Siege comes to a close. goodbye, Norman, its been fun. hey, wait, didn't you have a baby with Menace?

breaking bad

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Nemesis #1 (Marvel/Icon) Mark Millar Steve McNiven Dave McCaig Chris Elipoulos Leinil Francis Yu (variant cover) with the success of Kick-Ass like blood in the water, the shark that is Mark Millar (not @Not_Mark_Millar, but sometimes we're not sure) comes back for more ... shall we say, violence porn. granted, he had to top his and JRJR's baby (and cheekily putting it down right on the cover), and he doesn't hold back in the premiere issue. a diabolical cop-killer, who looks like a cross between Space Ghost and the Midnighter, targets only policeman who do their job well. and to this 'creative' ending, collateral damage doesn't matter. having caused havoc all over the globe, Nemesis now sets his sights on Washington DC Chief of Police Blake Morrow, rumored to be next in line for Homeland Security Directorship and Oprah's favorite cop. how to get his attention? oh, just by simply hijacking Air Force One and forcing it down and running pedestrians over. move over, Dave Lizewski; there's a new Kick-Ass in town. and he's playing for the other side. and he's wickedly good at being bad.

snaps: Siege #3

... where it seems to easy for Osborn to be beaten, much less sell the Asgard plot to the American public and just flout the law. well, its a four-issue series, Bendis promised a lot of action and breakneck pacing, and he's probably tired of critics. its pretty much okay, as i'm pretty much tired of Osborn and i'm looking forward to the Heroic Age. but first, what to do with the Sentry/Void? ah, that's for the last issue.

i can totally visualize Prez Obama saying that. i don't care what you say.


what's next for her? a four-issue mini-series called "Talk to The Hand"?


Tony's like a moon rocket - can't go anywhere without a blast. *

* paraphrased from Iron Man vol. 1 #171

oh well - you finally made yourself useful!!


FINALLY.

well, it wasn't effin' Osborn!!!

/not sure if i can't do snaps. i miss the big lug already.

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Siege #2