snaps: Ultimate - New Ultimates #1

... where we find Jeph Loeb continuing his massacre of the Ultimate Universe in the attempt to out-Millar Mark Millar, and possibly even @Not_Mark_Millar. by the time this ends, i won't be surprised if there were no Ultimates left. tell you what: if you keep Frank Cho on the book till its inevitable critically-panned conclusion, i'll keep reading it.

"and we created fake Twitter accounts too!"


"Linda"? "asian"? is it Linda Park??


and after this conversation, you're still a coward.


you think this happens in the 616? maaaaaaaybe.


is it that time of the year? yeah, spring is in the air!

let's see how this plays out - Hela gets a son, but she also secretly empowered and sent the Defenders to grab Thor's hammer. in the end, Thor would be useless to her as her child would now be the Thunder/Death God. but how does Loki figure into this joke again?

ape-ssassin

to wash yourselves off from the previous post:



what happens if Tommy Monaghan crossed universes and was reincarnated as a Marvel Ape? you get ... Hitman Monkey!!!

barbarian at gate one

how can you not love Conan?



or Frank Cho?


"That was a good trick, boy. I am Hoenig Red Hand. Do you know of me?"
"No, but my horse told me he bedded your mother."

PWND!!!!

high and mighty

The Mighty Avengers #1
Brian Michael Bendis/Frank Cho
Marvel


let's backtrack a bit to Civil War: The Initiative. Jarvis, Tony Stark's and the Avengers longtime butler, finally says his piece about all of this hoohaa. let's just assume Tony issued him a gag order during Civil War. or Tony was just too busy to take Jarvis' call, even for his vaunted multitasking skillz.


Tony asks innocently who Jarvis would pick (like Tony would allow that), but Jarvis deftly parries the question ("bad enough that i got beaten up by the Masters of Evil years ago; you don't pay me enough to do that, Mister Stark!").

Tony: "huh? but i want some ... pussy. never mind."

actually, Jarvis could have said "Captain America", but that could've gotten him fired. or maybe, he's more loyal to Tony that we'd ever know.

which leads Tony to the inescapable conclusion (the butler did it!!!):


so he talks Carol Danvers (Ms. Marvel) into leading the new team. Carol has had alcohol problems before, just like Tony. ostensibly they're both sober now (am sure there'll be sarcastic remarks about this fact later), and Carol has always been trying to prove herself to be the best superheroine ever.

yeah. almost all. i haven't submitted my registration papers yet.


a prize to whoever can figure out what "DFGD-DDG-THH" means

uhhh ... did we not see this movie before? it was called "Force Works" and it was a group of former Avengers - U.S. Agent, Wonder Man, Scarlet Witch and the other Spider Woman - brought together by - tada! - Iron Man! (note: it lasted all of what ... 17 issues?)

Tony's character is still suspiciously arrogant - and i think one day, he has to be taken down. taken down, i say. or it's just that Extremis thing in his body.

yeah. he taught you stuff, he was your BF, jerk.

coming to the issue of chemistry, like the ex-Avengers had, even Tony can't pull off a straight answer.


yeah. how???



omigod!! Tony just confirmed the existence of THEY/THEM! my friend jego was right! its a conspirashy, i tells ya! and even the powerful Tony Stark is scared of THEM!!!

this is just like telling a girl, right now, in the real world, that you have a secret. and you slowly whisper in her ear: "i ... am ... Superman." try that, and see how she'll react.

(if he is implying S.H.I.E.L.D., ... he's the director, so he should be ... aargh ... stop messing with my head, Bendis!)

so who do they pick? we get Wonder Man (Simon Williams, who's been wearing his retro safari jacket for awhile now), the Sentry (Bob Reynolds, a Superman of sorts, but with mental problems), the Wasp (Janet Van Dyne, who always loved the publicity and led the team many times), and the Black Widow (Natasha Romanoff, former Russian spy and Avengers leader). that gives this team three über-babes already, which factoring out their powers, can still cause a lot of ... distraction.

Carol argues that they still need a Thor and a Wolverine. and she knows someone who can be both. their final recruit? Ares, the God of War.


blowing his cover as a construction worker (for a company owned by the Kingpin, no less), he agrees to the deal because he needs to make a living to support his son.


my only argument here is that he could have negotiated better than $44 an hour. Tony could afford to pay him $100K annually. alternatively, he could have asked for stock options from Stark Industries.

props to me for posting this! (very clever, as Bendis is tight with Oeming)

so the 14-minute-old new team of Avengers get their first training exercise in the form of a Mole Man-led invasion (him again?? wasn't he neutered a couple of years ago?)

the Wasp considers an alternate career as an ear cleaner

we also have Mr. Safari Jacket showing off because he missed being an Avenger.

they were surprised that an actor could save them in real life.

of course the biggest showoff would be Tony Stark himself ("i bankroll this team; you only lead this team because i tell you to!")

Tony tries to purge himself of the demons that make him such an arrogant jerk

of course, we still have the intra-team drama that we've come to know since Bendis took over. its refreshing actually. it generates a lot more character development, even if you don't like the direction its headed. but overall, its pretty much consistent with how we've seen these characters evolve over the years. there you have Iron Man's instincts to take over and bark orders, subtly forgetting that he asked Carol to lead the team in the first place (told you!). and Janet still acting like a party girl at times. leading this team might drive Carol back to drinking.


so what happens when Iron Man, their linchpin, their intel source and tech support, is taken out of the equation. well, this was already my fear from way back - i know you mean well, Tony, but what happens if you get corrupted, whether from within or without?


shit happens. that's what.


way to go for an opener!

Frank Cho has vaulted high on my fave artists' list. to those who haven't, go check out his cheesecake-y Shanna the She-Devil.

Bendis may have blown up the Avengers again in less than 3 years, but one of the arguments for Civil War is that it got people talking and arguing. this one continues the evolution, the fallout and hooks to keep on reading.