scaredy cats

drive-by readings

Avengers Academy #3 (Marvel) "Scared Straight Part 1: Boyfriend In A Coma" Christos N. Gage Mike McKone Andrew Hennessy Jeromy Cox Joe Caramagna

what we learned: story title notwithstanding (somebody still likes Morrissey), it only pertains to a few pages, where like Rogue put first love Cody in a coma, rich princess Hazmat (Jenny) puts boyfriend Greg in a hazardous chemical situation, which brings us to today where she wants her can't-touch-anyone situation rectified, even if it means killing Norman Osborn to get the answer. good thing, they're visiting The Raft. which is fun, because all the current Thunderbolts are currently displaying positive reinforcement attitude for impressionable kids.
oh shit moment: as much you may be shocked to know that Speedball (nee Penance, nee Speedball) is still cutting himself, my preferred moment is just when Valkyrie's about to reveal to the girl students what sort of device mortal craftsmen have made for satisfaction of the female urges without turning to a male, Tigra (yeah, the poster child for healthy sexual behavior) cuts into our fun. boooooooooo!
what's next: go get Thunderbolts #147 for another POV of what really happened here. and did they get the truth out of Osborn?

good thing Danny's rich, 'cause this could be an expensive sexual harassment case. oh, wait ...

the tail wasn't pinned right!!

look closely:


does a cat's tail come out of the small of its back? really?


but Speedball doesn't care about any of these? no, sir. he has a much better view from where he is.

-----
Avengers Academy #1

and now, a word from the Batcave

BATMAN: no matter how much i love Alfred, he's no match for a pointy eared scary figure like me. so, tonight ... Duke Blue Devils all the way.

and now, a word from the Batcave

BATMAN: yesterday, the health care reform bill passed the House of Representatives and will be signed into law today. this is bad news for me. not only will my rogues gallery be able to get medical care after i beat them up, more asshats will be coming out of the woodwork gunning for me, knowing that they can get treatment even if they didn't have insurance. dammit!

heckling from the peanut gallery, part 3

the call to assemble has gone out again, and we the people, the huddled masses of collateral damage from the disassembling, house of m-ing, civil warring, planet hulking, secret invading, and dark reigning, exercise our right to yell our opinion from the streets, as is our democratic right. first, we first gave the regular Avengers a piece of our minds, then it was the New Avengers' turn. now, step up, kids from Avengers Academy, and let's take a gander at ya.



"aren't you that weird Paper Doll chick that fought Spider-Man?"
"how long are you gonna live? will you make it till graduation?"
"say, can you wrap these gifts for me? i'd appreciate it, thanks!"



"think yer pretty clever, aintcha?"
"i think you should meet Santo from those new X-kids in Utopia. he's just like you."
"say, can you provide the lighting for my gig/dance party this weekend? thanks!"



"is Komodo from the Initiative your sister? how about the Lizard? Killer Croc?"
"those claws sure would annoy the heck out of people when used against a blackboard."
"but might the future hurt you?"
"how do you eat at a Chinese restaurant?"



"oh yeah? so you can pee standing up better than me?"
"you sure you're not that Jackpot chick?"
"hey, did Mockingbird give you those battle staves?"



"gaaaaahhhh!! its the Red Skull! run!!!"
"respect? can you settle for fear? 'cause you're scary, mister."
"why Fortress? because no one can get inside you? how about air?"



"aren't you supposed to be the one who's not gonna live long?"
"yeah i mean, did you watch The Hurt Locker? well, its not nuke or chemical materials but hey, you get the idea ..."
"wow, a positive reactive power - that's cool. i guess you'll be sitting around most of the time."

what's the odds that these kids will be collateral damage and die within a year or two? and will Kang be their first test? what happens to the Young Avengers?

-----
images from Marvel.com

and now, a word from the Batcave

BATMAN: yesterday, The Hurt Locker won Best Picture at the Oscars. this is bad news. it means James Cameron is going to strangle Kathryn Bigelow at her house at some point in the future. then run away with that golden sexy bald man.

and now, a word from the Batcave

BATMAN: last week, Tiger Woods called a staged press conference. He apologized like a robot. He's not sincere. He wants his cake and eat it too.

the abyss gazed back

drive-by readings

Punisher #14 (Marvel) Rick Remender Dan Brereton Tony Moore Dan Brown Joe Caramagna Mike McKone/Morry Hollowell (cover) hey, did i miss something? suddenly Frank's computer geek friend is back on the scene. no, i don't mean Micro. anyhoo, Henry's magic touch with the keyboard and the internet (and his librarian-schmoozing skills probably) serves them well as we find out who the boss of these monster hunters are. turns out its one Robert Hellsgaard (that figures!), monster victim circa 1898 and unfairly imprisoned for mercy killing. defeated by Dracula himself and sent to Limbo, now he's managed to beat time inside an armor of his own design (hey, Tony Stark, sounds like something you'd be interested in - if you haven't invented it already). brought back by monster-obsessed Japs (yay, shall we see the origins of tentacle sex here too?), Hellsgaard becomes too much of a guiding light and they expanded their scopt to include anyone doesn't look human (probably except shapeshifters, whom they can't detect). which brings us to the here and now. and oh, that Bloodstone thing? that may be the only thing that would extend Hellsgaard's life. and now, Frank's ready to take it back. by the way, this may be the only book that uses the term "technological viagra". bravo, Mr. Remender.

girls, girls, girls!

drive-by readings

The Amazing Spider-Man #606 (Marvel) "Long-Term Arrangement" Joe Kelly Mike McKone Andy Lanning Chris Chuckry Joe Caramagna J. Scott Campbell/Edgar Delgado

so much for the Chameleon. over the past few issues, the Spidey Brain Trust thought it best to up the ante in the game of "how much more can we make a lovable loser out of Peter Parker" by bringing back Mary Jane, right smack in the middle of Peter having platonic-bordering-on-something friendships with like half the female cast (the other half is Aunt May, and that's off-limits). and now they throw Felicia Hardy into the mix. last thing i saw of Spidey and Black Cat being a couple was her being shot up and there's him carrying her to the hospital (ah, nostalgia - anybody remember what issue in the '80s that was?). its okay that the Spidey Brain Trust provides overall direction, but the rotating cast of writers and artists (since Brand New Day) kinda makes the whole thing a bit disjointed, y'know?

and wow, if Peter can do splits like that ... look out, Olympics!

doomsday

children of the 80's, feast your eyes! looks familiar to you?

yes, its none other than the Hall of Doom, and who else would be inside except our favorite DC assholes.

of course, Lex Luthor tried this schtick before but give him style points and an A for effort(s).

this time around, he may have momentum on his side as in this issue alone, the Injustice League almost kills the new Firestorm, injures Hawkgirl, takes down Geo-Force, Arsenal, Batman (yeah him!!) and Wonder Woman (yeah her!!), and more importantly, causes Green Arrow's bachelor party to come to a grinding halt. you know our heroes still had to pay the strippers (dressed as rival publishing houses' female characters, no less) the full amount!

this issue also has one of the best exchanges and is already a classic. too bad you can't use it on your friends.

-----
Justice League of America Wedding Special