prom here to eternity

Avengers Academy #13, where we have the Red Skull dancing with another long-lost daughter!

kidding aside, this is a sweet issue, as the new Avenger kids have their first prom, and chaperoned by Hank Pym and Tigra. how time flies! wasn't it just long ago that Hank was boinking Tigra? wait, that was Skrull-Hank. i mean, wasn't it long ago that young Tigra was hanging out in the WCA? actually that had no bearing whatsoever. other comments:

• Speedball. DJ. "Take My Breath Away". awesome. (double awesome for Young MC. i hope it was "Bust A Move".)
• the gym where the prom was held was probably a self-repairing one, because with at least three altercations occurring during the dance, the punch bowl seems to refill itself.
• this is the only time Mettle (why did they design him to look like Johann Schmidt? why??) can boast of breaking Iron Man.
• Justice - Firestar = me sad. me love Kurt Busiek Avengers run.
• in a team, there should be a maximum of ONE character with "BALL" in his codename. Hardball and Speedball, duke it out in the corner. 
• there should be more interaction between Marvel characters ("Marvel Team Up", anyone?). example, Striker and Hellion could meet up and out-jackass each other.
• did they design adult Reptil to look like Humberto Ramos? because uh, his name is Humberto? (i love me some Humberto Ramos!)
• Katy Perry+prom = "Firework". what, no "Peacock"?? aw, c'mon!
• finally, Real Hank + Tigra = sexytimes.
• apropos to above, Jocasta may have something to say about that. and that word may be "Ultron".

story A-
art B+

if there's something strange, up in space ...

... who you gonna call?

BALLBUSTER!!!

 sorry, Abigail Brand may be a ballbuster, but you need to call the X-Men. i just needed to make something rhyme.

after mostly ignoring Joss Whedon's later-than-never-yet-deliciously-good Astonishing X-Men run, the X-writers co-opt it well, what with the return of Kitty Pryde (thank you, Magneto), and now an angle of what happened in Breakworld post-arm-breaking by Colossus. maybe there will be a resolution to Kitty's permanent phasing too?

Kieron Gillen, whose brief Thor run i did enjoy immensely, is off to good start.

-----
Uncanny X-Men #535

Peter and Tony, sitting on a couch

and with this, we say Amen to the Pandora's Box opened by Civil War (God bless its soul).

hey, we want that pleasure too!

ok, we're kidding. we love Foggy despite being a klutz. but don't deny it, you have some Beast in you occasionally.

-----
Daredevil #511

over the edge

drive-by readings

Daredevil #510 (Marvel) Andy Diggle Antony Johnston Marco Checchetto Matt Hollingsworth Joe Caramagna John Cassaday/Laura Martin (cover)

what we learned: the heroes are getting desperate on what to do with the worsening situation in Hell's Kitchen, and even the Kingpin shows up to goad them to whack Matt before its too late. Tarantula's conscience kicks in, but he's also too late, as White Tiger reveals her true colors, and Daredevil himself seems to be really out of it anyway. in a victory for women's rights, Dakota North knows her way around a SPAS-12 which is cool. in other news, Foggy Nelson is still useless and its a miracle for all of 46 years of Daredevil, he's still alive (faked deaths notwithstanding).
oh shit moment: its cliche, but when its Tarantula who's thrown off a building and smashing into a car below ...
what's next: The Beast is revealed! no, he's not Hank McCoy or that evil one from Age of Apocalypse.


"he say man who wear colorful costume to fight crime look stupid."

crushing blow

drive-by readings

The Thanos Imperative #4 (Marvel) Dan Abnett/Andy Lanning Miguel Sepulveda Jay David Ramos/Wil Quintana Joe Caramagna Aleksi Briclot (cover)

what we learned: the not-so-secret Six (Nova, Quasar, Gladiator, Silver Surfer, Ronan and Beta Ray Bill),attack the Cancerverse HQ and they get their licks in. however, Lord Mar-Vell (the fake) is more than a match for any of them. and in one of the quickest turnarounds in the Marvel U, Thanos reintegrates himself (awwwwww - stop whining! this is the Universe of Life!), much to Star-Lord's relief, but returns the favor to Drax.
oh shit moment: Lord Mar-Vell leaves a bomb. sneaky punk. oh yeah, and a version of the Vision gets ripped in half again. the Android Anti-Defamation League is picketing the Marvel offices.
what's next: what? a universe without a smart cranky Destroyer? perish the thought! pun intended!


cosmic deadpan trash talk. now there's a Marvel Studios movie.

shadowboxing

drive-by readings

Shadowland #3 (Marvel) Andy Diggle Billy Tan Victor Olazaba Christina Strain Guru eFX Joe Caramagna John Cassaday/Laura Martin (cover) Tan/Olazaba/Guru eFX (variant cover)

what we learned: with the Ghost Rider sent by the Kingpin to rile things up in Shadowland, it basically turns a testy dialogue into an all-out punch-a-rama, broken up only by the guns of the now-unFrankencastled Punisher. Daredevil, miffed that his minions are not even worthy of battling the Pet Avengers, goes out to find his champion (hint: his name begins with a B and he's dead). Master Izo, the wiseass pint who started this shit in the first place, tells the heroes of the true power behind everything, because that dude right there is no longer Matt Murdock. well, let's see if Moon Knight can take him (oy, your woman's messed up).
oh shit moment: aside from Shang-Chi realizing he's not all that cracked up to be, it probably was when i realized who the hell Matt was digging up. nice revival there, Marvel. death never really means anything - they never try anymore.
what's next: Daredevil gets hornier. just to point out too, that because of scheduling issues, Shadowland #3 jumps in front of whatever you are reading about FrankenCastle, Shadowland: Moon Knight, and Shadowland: Daughters of the Shadow. hey, what are the odds that Bullseye is gonna be the next Man Without Fear?


Shang Chi never felt so embarrassed, not even during his first cancellation.

dark side of the moon

drive-by readings

Shadowland: Moon Knight #1 (Marvel) "Shadowknight" Gregg Hurwitz Bong Dazo Jose Pimentel Matt Milla/Chris Sotomayor Joe Caramagna

what we learned: its too much to put in one issue, but anyway, Daredevil apparently "wants" Moon Knight (who's just minding his own business; its Daredevil's fault he didn't accept Avengers membership), so he puts into motion an alleged acolyte of Konshu to recruit another psycho to be the god's avatar. bad news for Jake/Steve/whoever he is this week, because he has to face this challenge but at the same time consider that Marlene is pregnant and they're engaged.
oh shit moment: did i just say he has to protect his back?
what's next: crazy versus crazy. i'll bet on crazier.


never get on Big Bird's bad side - Sesame Street will never be the same.

under the sea

drive-by readings

Curse of the Mutants: Namor #1 (Marvel) "Royal Blood: Part One" Stuart Moore Ariel Olivetti Joe Caramagna Jae Lee/June Chung (cover) Joe Quesada/Danny Miki/Richard Isanove (variant cover)

what we learned: in order to combat the rise of the vampires, Atlantean royal douche and current X-Man Namor swims to the depths to find the Aqueos - the age old underwater vampires who may have the head of Dracula (which they need to revive the vampire king, and let him go apeshit on those who whacked him and took his throne). not an easy task, as his own regiment guarding the abandoned Atlantis was decimated, and his only allies at the moments are the Tridents, who look down upon him as nothing but an errand boy for the humans. also, its nice to see Jae Lee come back and do the covers.
oh shit moment: ever been surrounded by fish? how about vampire fish? or vampire mermen?
what's next: the Aqueos just passed a resolution to declare war against Namor and his allies. fish fight! fish fight!


for a few seconds there, Namor considered the woman's advances. you know he did.

the brave and the bald

drive-by readings

Astonishing X-Men #35 (Marvel) Warren Ellis Phil Jimenez Andy Lanning Frank D'Armata Joe Caramagna

what we learned: we finally meet Kaga, who has an axe to grind against beautiful and handsome mutants. i would too, if i weren't handsome.
oh shit moment: Cyclops almost becomes Wolverine but still shows his goody side. Wolverine is still Wolverine, and introduces his left fist to Kaga.
what's next: keep this creative team rolling, Joe Quesada. and keep the delays to a minimum please.


you're complaining?? i can't even get a hundred readers for this blog!

buckheaded

drive-by readings

Captain America #609 (Marvel) "No Escape Part 4" Ed Brubaker Butch Guice Rick Magyar/Andrew Hennessy Paul Mounts Joe Caramagna Marko Djurdjevic (cover)

what we learned: Baron Zemo agitates Bucky easily and draws him into a trap, and uses Hauptmann to keep Steve, Sam and Natasha busy. naturally, Bucky is soon in chains and en route to Zemo island.
oh shit moment: how many times did Bucky get knocked out in the past six or seven issues? do we want this in our Captain America?
what's next: Bucky finally gets to die in the English channel. grab the popcorn.


Zemo missed out on shooting Cap so he had to make up for lost time.

hell boys and girls

drive-by readings

New Mutants #16 (Marvel) "What is Project Purgatory?" Zeb Wells Leonard Kirk Guru eFX Joe Caramagna Dave Wilkins (cover)

what we learned: so this General Ulysses (his name's so macho, there was no choice except to join the military) was really trapped in Limbo by General Combest when demons started attacking them. now its payback time as he brings in his weaponized mutants (those babies in Inferno) - bang! Scott Summers wasted time keeping Hope safe when there were other mutants out there anyway. kidding.
oh shit moment: the audacity of the US military to put a base in Limbo and create weapons is mind-boggling.
what's next: fight, fight, fight!


which translates as "the doors are open! its Black Friday sale!!!"

scaredy cats

drive-by readings

Avengers Academy #3 (Marvel) "Scared Straight Part 1: Boyfriend In A Coma" Christos N. Gage Mike McKone Andrew Hennessy Jeromy Cox Joe Caramagna

what we learned: story title notwithstanding (somebody still likes Morrissey), it only pertains to a few pages, where like Rogue put first love Cody in a coma, rich princess Hazmat (Jenny) puts boyfriend Greg in a hazardous chemical situation, which brings us to today where she wants her can't-touch-anyone situation rectified, even if it means killing Norman Osborn to get the answer. good thing, they're visiting The Raft. which is fun, because all the current Thunderbolts are currently displaying positive reinforcement attitude for impressionable kids.
oh shit moment: as much you may be shocked to know that Speedball (nee Penance, nee Speedball) is still cutting himself, my preferred moment is just when Valkyrie's about to reveal to the girl students what sort of device mortal craftsmen have made for satisfaction of the female urges without turning to a male, Tigra (yeah, the poster child for healthy sexual behavior) cuts into our fun. boooooooooo!
what's next: go get Thunderbolts #147 for another POV of what really happened here. and did they get the truth out of Osborn?

good thing Danny's rich, 'cause this could be an expensive sexual harassment case. oh, wait ...

frosty secrets

drive-by readings

Uncanny X-Men #527 (Marvel) "The Five Lights Part Two: Velocidad" Matt Fraction Whilce Portacio Leonard Kirk Ed Tadeo Jay Leisten Brian Reber Joe Caramagna Terry Dodson/Rachel Dodson (cover)

what we learned: a breather issue, as Emma goes on a couple of dates, acts as go-between between Piotr and Kitty, and visits her secret prisoner, Namor has a human sushi chef, Scott knocks back a couple with Logan, the second Light is found (and his name isn't Barry Allen), and oh, welcome back to full-time X-Men adventuring, Cecilia Reyes.
oh shit moment: second Light looks like Michael J. Fox circa Teen Wolf, after a long run (so that's how werewolves got hairy!).
what's next: third Light?


you. kiss. my. phased. ass.

start engine

drive-by readings

Iron Man #29 (Marvel) "Stark Resilient Part 5: Predators and Prey In Their Natural Environments" Matt Fraction Salvador Larocca Frank D'Armata Joe Caramagna

what we learned: Stark begins his Hail Mary play of getting investors onboard his scheme to save the world. also, Pepper Potts may be back as Rescue but she may need another knight to rescue her, because Tony just blew her off to sleep with the enemy. kidding! of course, he knows there's only one way to find out if the Hammers had anything to do with Ezekiel Stane, and that way is to sleep with Sasha Hammer. oopps.
oh shit moment: nothing much, except if your name is Pepper Potts.
what's next: Hammer Time!


hey, Tones, does she remind you of Rumiko? (k-ching!)

the machinist

drive-by readings

Steve Rogers: Super Soldier #2 (Marvel) Ed Brubaker Dale Eaglesham Andy Troy Joe Caramagna Carlos Pacheco/Tim Townsend/Frank D'Armata (cover)

what we learned: Ed Brubaker doesn't waste any time in revealing who the big bad villain is. after another Erskine bites the dust because Rogers can't save any of 'em, he does the patented Daredevil schtick and beats up half of Madripoor including the ice cream cart guy, and gets zilch. he starts following the late Erskine's wife, who's a doppelganger for a previous love interest (Steve Rogers, Ladies Man). but of course, that's just to prick his all-American heart.
oh shit moment: anybody remember the beach scene from the Madbomb storyline?
what's next: Steve Rogers, Super Sissy!


his safehouse has HDTV? holy crap! i gotta break into one of those!

do androids dream of eternal sleep

drive-by readings

The Thanos Imperative #3 (Marvel) Dan Abnett/Andy Lanning Miguel Sepulveda Jay David Ramos Joe Caramagna Aleksi Briclot (cover)

what we learned: with a nice nod to that "Vision taking over the world" storyline back when, several things happen here including the revelation that the dying Mar-Vell may have caused this whole thing, and that the Cancerverse may have a weakness that Nova has deemed it necessary to exploit. oh, and he finally has balls.
oh shit moment: never leave a Destroyer to his own devices. and beside a Mad Titan.
what's next: wanna watch a necropsy? do you have an avatar of death available?


eeeennnd ... scene. that's a wrap for Expendables 2!

rats in a maze

drive-by readings

Captain America #608 (Marvel) "No Escape Part 3" Ed Brubaker Butch Guice Rick Magyar/Mark Pennington Dean White/Elizabeth Dismang/Frank Martin Joe Caramagna Marko Djurdjevic (cover)

what we learned: the new Beetle gives Cap and the Black Widow a good fight, and she knows who Bucky is. even worse, his real name and his Winter Soldier past is now on Fox News.
oh shit moment: yeah, Fixer is not on the side of the angels. crap.
what's next: Zemo probably shows his ugly mug.


"okay ... okay ... you're much cuter than Steve Rogers!!"

rolling to the edge

drive-by readings

Daredevil #509 (Marvel) Andy Diggle Antony Johnston Roberto De La Torre Matt Hollingsworth Joe Caramagna John Cassaday/Laura Martin (cover)

what we learned: Master Izo and Elektra infiltrate the Snakeroot HQ and find out who's pulling the strings. apparently, they have no teleporting device and Matt's not exactly answering his Droid X. so they need to get back to the States by foot. meanwhile, Typhoid Mary shows up at Matt's door, ostensibly to work for him and work him, if you know what i mean.
oh shit moment: anybody seen the new-look scruffy Iron Fist? awesome!!
what's next: something exploded in Shadowland, and i doubt if it was the ninjas who had polished off the burritos for lunch.


then there was that time Master Izo joined Takeshi's Castle (Wipeout for you Americans)

the doctor is out

drive-by readings

Doomwar #6 (Marvel) Jonathan Maberry Scot Eaton Robert Campanella Jaime Mendoza David Meikis Jean-Francois Beaulieu Joe Caramagna John Romita Jr/Klaus Janson/Dean White (cover)

what we learned: and the endgame is finally here. Dr. Doom dons his vibranium armor, which is connected to the WWV (world wide vibranium). T'Challa politely asks him to stand down, and as is with power-mad dictators, sneers and spits at the offered hand. punching ensues.
oh shit moment: T'Challa takes the one (un)natural resource of Wakanda off the board, sending his country back to the Stone Age (circa 1965).
what's next: someone's going to reverse-engineer the inert vibranium. yeah, you know that's coming.


in brightest day, in blackest night, no vibranium shall escape my sight ...