Spidey and his Fantastic Friends

FF #2 "Doom Nation"
Amazing Spider-Man #659 "Fantastic Voyage, Part 1 of 2"

and here i thought these two were linked story-wise; turns out its not. i totally enjoyed both anyway.

right after the drafting of now-accomplished nerd Spider-Man as Johnny's replacement, Jonathan Hickman surprised me by bringing Doom into the equation. well, not really because this was hinted back in earlier issues. i just thought he was going to join the Future Foundation as a tenuous member, a la Magneto in the current X-Men. maybe he still is, because he's not one to miss an opportunity to tout his intelligence (at least by the end of this issue). however, Reed should be more worried about Valeria (whom Doom named, in her revised origin), who seems to be getting or causing more trouble than Franklin when he was her age. she's probably too smart for her own good.

even as distracted as Reed can be, i don't think he would easily forget that was how Tony Stark came back to his proper senses in the recent Siege. oh well.

so, dumb-as-a-rock Doom ostensibly made a deal with Valeria to help him recover from his brain damage and be back to being the scumbag genius that he is, and they manage to do so, by copying some files from Doom ward Kristoff's own noggin. interestingly, Reed makes the moral if difficult decision to go along with it, even when given the chance to get rid of his longtime arch-enemy permanently. and what's the price Valeria demands? for Doom to defeat her dad. uhhh, what?

super-nerd Parker, also not a fan of Doom, at least is honest about cracking jokes regardless.

there's more to this than meets the eye, though. the next issue's preview show the return of the well-meaning yet blinded Reeds, and maybe that's what Doom needs (or Valeria wants Doom) to beat.

over in Spidey's own book, the foursome take a journey to an island they had visited early in their original incarnation, where Ben played Blackbeard the Pirate and get some gems back to a tiger-stroking Doom (heh) who had Sue as a hostage. anyway, some radioactive anomaly is emanating from this island and geeks just need to investigate radioactive anomalies.

funnily, with the attack-happy locals exercising their fear of strangers, its the FF's reputation that saves them (or is it the other way around). Dan Slott and Fred Van Lente continue their knack for snappy hilarious patter, which makes me wonder why they didn't get them to write Spider-Man a loooong time ago.

ending up fighting zombie pirates (eh?), the fun gets doubled as Benjie reprises his award-winning role, courtesy of Mr. Parker's quick thinking.

just like over in Avengers, we see that our heroes end up cleaning after old foes (think Spidey's rogues gallery ... his best baddies, minus the Goblin of course). with the promise of more ass-kicking, errr ... booty-kicking next issue, i can't wait!

FF story: A-  art: A-
ASM story: A+ art: A

the mighty daken

drive-by readings

Daken - Dark Wolverine #1 (Marvel) "Empire Part 1" Daniel Way/Marjorie Liu Giuseppe Camuncoli Onofrio Catacchio Frank D'Armata Cory Petit Camuncoli/Marte Gracia (cover) Gabrielle Dell'Otto/Marko Djurdjevic (variant covers)

what we learned: nothing much. we know Daken hates his dad Wolverine with a passion second to none, although is he going to make a move and simply kill him, when he's been bested in their last chickenfight and his ass was saved with that business with FrankenCastle. so if its his time, its his time to do what?
oh shit moment: he's friggin' doing Bruno in Milan, but with claws. and who's the leader of the Red Right Hand? ("Nick Cave!" someone yells)
what's next: there better be a great payoff with Liu jumping off Black Widow and rejoining Way to chronicle more of our androgynous anti-hero/villain, now that Logan's in hell.


you really should be wary of "free wine tastings".

teething

drive-by readings

Ultimate Avengers #3 (Marvel) "Blade Versus The Avengers, Part One of Six" Mark Millar Steve Dillon Andy Lanning Matt Hollingsworth Cory Petit Leinil Francis Yu/Marte Gracia (cover) Greg Land/Justin Ponsor (variant cover)

what we learned: not sure why this title is still rolling. the first incarnation of the Ultimates were fantastic, and had great resonance with the 616 Universe because they were dark mirrors of the real deal. now its just like scraping the bottom of the barrel. its probably the trendy vampire thing (i'm still chewing on X-Men #1-2) - now they have the undead biting on heroes and the black ops Avengers are called in, because Stick, the lameass Daredevil-who's-not-Matt-Murdock ("Ray Connor"? really?), and possibly the Hulk have all fallen in with the bloodsuckers. basically, its just a Blade comic crossed with the Daredevil and Elektra movies sprinkled with some Kick Ass. Steve Dillon makes it bearable. just.
oh shit moment: just when we're getting sympathetic with Connor, the dork gets bitten. now we just hate the kid.
what's next: is Cassidy gonna show up?


Blade doesn't give head, he takes them.

snikts: Dark Wolverine #86 & Wolverine: Origins #48

... where we're kinda sick of all the posturing, ADD-addled, obsessive-compulsive behavior being exhibited by Logan and his extended family. i mean, fine, you all hate each other, just kill the guy next to you and be done with it!!! geez.



y'all have claws. y'all don't know what to do with them.


man, this thing is so gay its not happy anymore.


oh, look, who's upset because Crystal Bowersox didn't win this season's American Idol:


and he has more spit than the winner!!!


and when he asks his father why the most talented people don't win:



now back to Logan; it took you this long to do this???


oh, wait, that was just what Logan wanted to do! what he actually does is imprison Romulus in the Darkforce Dimension inside Cloak. ooooooo-kay. but it took you this long to do that too??

by the way, if its dark in there, how come there's light?


oh, look we got a cutter!!



huh. look, Tyrone's the voice of reason. by the way, dude? you're responsible for the X-Men being trapped in Utopia. if you didn't leave, THEY. STILL. WOULD. HAVE. A. GODDAMNED. TELEPORTER. selfish prick.

Lester & Daken, sitting in a tree

isn't that a better prank than Topeka?

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Dark Wolverine #84

why the hell do i bother to hope?!

of course, Osborn is NOT going to be killed by Daken. there's Siege! and who knows if Osborn is going to be killed at all!

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Dark Wolverine #83

Deadpool, spiders and monkeys, oh my!

with the arrival of Hitman Monkey on the scene, the Marvel Universe is about to be turned upside down. well, at least for Spidey and Deadpool.

in a nutshell, if you missed the simian assassin's origin, suffice it to say he learned from a great killer. combine with natural monkey agility and survival skills, you probably have one of the better assassins in history. and now he's out to wipe out the competition. hey, Wade, look out!!

if this isn't made into a movie, i'm going to stage a protest march. ok, can we have him at least in the 3rd Spider-Man movie after the reboot? or in the Deadpool solo film?

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Deadpool #20

and what the hell is this about???

and just like when Osborn took down the Skrull queen, denying our heroes the chance to get some payback, it looks like history's repeating itself.

the odds are this is just a reality-bending segment woven by those magical knitting bitches witches who like bringing down Ragnarok on our favorite Asgardians.

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Dark Wolverine #82

viva Zapata!

drive-by readings

Deadpool Team Up #898 (Marvel) "Bring Me The Head of Mickey Dobbs" Mike Benson Carlo Barberi Juan Vlasco Marte Gracia Joe Sabino Humberto Ramos/Edgard Delgado (cover)

hate to use a cliche, but if you really have to read one book this month, well ... this is it.

ok, that may be too much praise, but very few books keep me really entertained these days, and those that barely do the job, i try to make fun of. am surprised considering Deadpool has turned into the new Wolverine (rivaling him for most appearances in the Marvel U every month), that a revived 'Pool series with the issue number counting down would be a lot more interesting that any regular 'Pool ongoing series.

the #899 opener written by Fred Van Lente was funny, but this second, by Mike Benson, is really hilarious. combining the irreverent hitmen-slash-luchadores the Zapata Brothers (from his solid Moon Knight-in-Mexico run) with immortal-assassin-slash-buffoon Deadpool ... well, the possibilities are endless. Deadpool takes a job off another hitman who tries to whack him - deliver a head to certain people for eight figures (we keep forgetting the 'mercenary' part of 'Pool as he's been a fixture in the Marvel U for awhile now - battling aliens, fighting with Spiderman & the Punisher, hanging with Cable and the X-Men, etc.). the Zapata Brothers take his bounty but run afoul of their subcontractors. 'Pool tracks the Brothers down, and what do you know? turns out they run the Mexican branch of the Deadpool Fans Club! and this only means one thing .... TEAM-UP!

Benson hits nice touches with the smartass Zapata Brothers that resonate with me like iPhone vs Blackberry debates and their musical tastes. (i love Oingo Boingo, and i love the Pet Shop Boys up to circa Behavior, ok? so sue me.) its quite fitting that characters can be created out of modern luchadores (thank you, Jack Black) that cater well to the Facebook and Twitter crowd (and they even talk like them, with the educated Latin American twinge, minus the hellish frequency of the "like" expression and the upward inflection). and the look on their faces when 'Pool reveals that they whacked their idol with a shovel - precious. and the funny lines aren't forced at all and play with the fourth-wall-breaking thing ("i got a Bowen Bust of your head!").

now, now, before Joe Quesada or Dan Buckley reads this (chances: nil and nada, and nil just left town), let's not go crazy and clamor for a Zapata Brothers solo series. that might be a good idea in the short term, but would water down the characters and burn everybody out, especially in the hands of some writer who won't hit the right notes. i prefer to read them from time to time, OR maybe in a consistent team up with Deadpool, since they got the chemistry going already. but if they are gonna do this, can we please have Humberto Ramos doing the interiors too?

snaps: Deadpool #17

thoughts from Deadpool #17 ...

1) this is why flatscans must die. they're dumb and cause angina.


2) Domino and Emma got facial surgery from Deadpool's doctor


3) doesn't he shoot beams out of his ass too?


4) no telepathy link means X-Men must look like douchebags. minus bluetooth.


5) Logan, Jean Grey (Scott's wife), Domino (Scott's son's ex-gf): you do the math. next up: either Rachel or Hope Summers. don't say i didn't warn ya.

x marks the pool

drive-by readings

Deadpool #16 (Marvel) "Want You to Want Me: No Man is An Island" Daniel Way Paco Medina Juan Vlasco Marte Gracia Joe Sabino Jason Pearson (cover)

after being disappointed with Way's recent Wolverine Origins arc, i feel better with his Deadpool work. its kind of meandering, but i guess Deadpool shouldn't have any permanent affiliations - he's a mercenary for cryin' out loud. so why's he joining the X-Men again?

well, maybe that's because he has more in common with them - sort of. he's palled around with Cyclops' son. he dated Siryn for awhile (sort of). he's got history with them. still, Cyclops isn't convinced. until the suddenly smoking-hot (again) Dagger (thank Civil War for that) manages to convince them of the hypocrisy of turning Deadpool's application away. so off goes Domino to recruit him back. but not after pancake breakfast. sort of. hey, Domino gets to slap Cyclops. i'm surprised Emma didn't lobotomize her right there and then.

so first order of business. 'Pool is on probationary status. and he gets to wear the X logo. and he's going to kill Cessily's deadbeat father. the look on Cyclops' face was hilarious.

capping the week of meltdowns

... and mailing it in with crappy Photochopping. thanks to the Holy Taco and Limewire for the inspiration. and real life for being absurd and funny.









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Thunderbolts #135, Kick-Ass #7, The Marvels Project #2, Dark Reign - The List: Avengers one shot

because your piece is on my list

drive-by readings

Dark Reign - The List: Avengers #1 (Marvel) Brian Michael Bendis Mark Djurdjevic Mark Morales Marte Gracia Joe Caramagna

ahhh! finally, the front row seat to see always-the-resident-hothead Clint Barton back up his word with action! and it just costs $3.99!

... and of course, you get what you pay for (no disrespect to BMB). if it only it were that easy to kill a sitting corrupt government official - they frown on vigilante justice around here. that's why we looked forward to what Clint was gonna do, after being disappointed with Frank.

and tossing Venmom, i mean Venom out the window, filling Bullseye with buckshot, perforating Daken's throat with an arrow, and standing off with your ex does not cut it. you gotta have follow through, Clint, you gotta have a plan, you gotta think 10 steps ahead. what would Steve Rogers say? i'd say nothing, but he's gonna smack you upside the head.


hey! where's the obligatory "Norman Osborn shoots someone in the head" closing scene?

drive-by readings: Wolverine #77

Wolverine #77 (Marvel) Daniel Way Marjorie Liu Giuseppe Camuncoli Onofrio Cattachio Marte Gracia Cory Petit Leinil Francis Yu/Jason Keith (variant cover)

continuing Daken's not-so-subtle manipulation of his temporary teammates and other characters (currently the FF), resulting in burnt flesh, broken bones, damaging injuries mostly to him. to what end, i don't know. thankfully, they put in the Dark Reign flavor right within the regular Wolverine book, unlike Bullseye ... oh, that's right, Hawkeye doesn't have a regular book. back to Daken. he can pull off this shit, because he's practically indestructible. as he said, he's currying favor with people just in case the ones he hangs out with get marched off to the gallows soon enough. we can't wait for that day. also we can't wait for the day somebody really wipes off that grating smug smile off Daken's face, courtesy of Mr. Camuncoli.

side note: see, for all of Reed Richards' smarts, he can't even mooch data off Osborn's computer. loser.

side note 2: hey, Leinil, what the hell is Daken supposed to be doing on that cover? stepping off from some invisible helicopter? or walking on thin air from building to building?

drive-by readings: Dark Wolverine #75

Dark Wolverine #75 (Marvel) "The Prince, Part 1" Daniel Way Marjorie Liu Giuseppe Camuncoli Onofre Catacchio Marte Gracia Cory Petit Leinil Francis Yu/Laura Martin (cover) Marko Djurdjevic (variant cover)

the darkest part of this Wolverine knockoff getting the Dark Reign treatment has to be, without any doubt, the coming aboard of romance novelist Marjorie Liu to script Daken's adventures along with Wolverine: Origins scribe Daniel Way, the gleeful chronicler of Marvel's nastier characters. is this why we get a sex scene straight out of Zane's playbook? not that i read Zane, mind you. honest!

maybe we should keep this Dark Reign ball rolling for awhile, as we never had this kind of tension in an Avengers headquarters, probably since Hank Pym built a robot to "rescue" the Avengers from. or when Wonder Man started banging the Scarlet Witch, right under the nose of a reconfigured Vision. or when Clint started banging Jan. you get the idea. Daken + Bullseye (Hawkeye) + Venom + Ares + Norman Osborn = it boggles the mind that they haven't killed each other yet.

this is a terrific jumping on point for new readers, who should have at least a passing familiarity with Wolverine (who technically has been pushed aside in his own book for awhile). Daken is a deliciously nasty piece of work, who has his own agenda (don't they all) not exactly running parallel with Osborn's. but then again, what's his goal? it's not just to supplant Osborn, or kill his dad ... there has to be something else.

hey, Marvel - when you decide to kick these bad guys out of the house ... you better make it count. i want blood. i want teeth kicked in. i want skulls caved in. you hear me, Joe Quesada? and no copping out either. i don't want the Beyonder suddenly appearing and waving them all off out of existence. or Uatu tripping on his own two feet and crushing Venom with his big head. i want real heroes drawing blood! blood i say!

drive-by readings: Deadpool #11

Deadpool #11 (Marvel) "Bullseye, Part 2: Let The Healing Begin" Daniel Way Paco Medina Juan Vlasco Marte Garcia Cory Petit Jason Pearson (cover)

Deadpool is such a fun character he can work with almost any Marvel property (i mean they paired him with the dour Cable and even that lasted like 50 issues). they should probably do straight up Deadpool vs. ??? stories from now on. the only downside to that is that it might get monotonous as we know Deadpool never dies (hello, Wolverine) and there'd be no lasting resolution. shit, that wasn't a good idea after all. but anyway, 'Pool vs. Bullseye? that box office gold, right there. no need to pull any punches here. in fact, Bullseye holds the advantage for most of it until the last few pages. that's when our resident wacko mercenary skewers Bullseye with a hook for uh, beating his meat. seriously.

c'mon, baby, relight my fire

Inferno, despite heavy-handedness and a hundred things going on at the same time, is one of my favorite X-crossovers. its how Chris Claremont manages to tie things in together, whether by commercial design or artistic will that each summer crossover segues fluidly into the next. crossovers are a controversial subject, but i don't see the fans hating them so much that they never buy a book again, in significant numbers, that the big two stop producing them. yes, i'm looking at you, message-board-cruising, nerd-flaming know-it-alls.

anyway, as i was saying, i had fond memories of Inferno - the inevitable union of the X-teams, fighting the Marauders (which made me cheer for Ed Brubaker's Messiah CompleX), and Illyana Rasputin's rise from her fall from grace - and would've liked to keep them that way. her death years later sealed that and made the whole thing a treasure trove you'd revisit time and time again.

of course, they keep resurrecting dead people around here its not funny anymore. i keep ignoring the fact that characters never really age (well, relatively).

and then again, someone greenlighted X-Infernus, and its like Illyana's story never happened. she's back fighting for control of Limbo against Belasco's daughter this time, and the only reference to the past is her brother Peter's insistence that they have been searching for a way back to Limbo all this time to get her back.

to their credit, moving the X-teams to San Francisco was a bold step; however, the current storylines (the return of the 'Hellfire Club', the revival of old dead enemies like The Right, Bastion, Graydon Creed, Bolivar Trask, and Cameron Hodge, this Illyana thing) seem like old hat. i don't know if they'll get involved in War of Kings (they certainly have representation out there anyway), but Scott doesn't seem to have any inclination to check on Alex, so its surprising he agrees with Colossus to send a team to go after Illyana.

i must admit i'm a little curious what they plan to do with this - will Illyana stay and rule Limbo? (those teleportation discs will come in handy for the X-teams!) or will she die permanently this time around?