Thursday, May 1, 2008

the sam wilson show

Sam Wilson, we hardly knew ye.

back in the swingin' 70s, the high-flying superhero known as the Falcon was better known as Captain America's new sidekick. of course, memories of those days have been expunged from both parties' memories as they could sometimes prove to be embarrassing. well, at least for Sam, because Steve is dead.

fear not, though, as time capsules have been unearthed through the arcane art of scanning, and thus have provided us with glimpses of what those days were like! these were the times that the Sam Wilson of today would rake your eyeballs out for even remembering. that's why its only a glimpse, because i think i can hear Redwing outside my window right now.



"the trainin' i've been layin'.."? Sammy is down wit' it, brotha! i can hear that voice now. its the voice of Black America, prior to the coinage of the term 'ebonics'. woooo-hoooooo!

wait ... Lassie? Lassie? a TV dog is the best trained animal in the 70's? (Redwing: why you comparin' me to a canine, foo'?)

if he had a dollar everytime he tosses out 'Mama' and 'brotha', he'd be a rich ni--; ooops, sorry, my bad. Steve Englehart wasn't much of a culprit as Roy Thomas and Tony Isabella was.


aaaww ... he's sweet. not as sweet as Mr. Christmas, Luke Cage, but sugary. say, didn't Cage rule Harlem then? doesn't he ever bump into Sam? what in tarnation?


if we redrew this cover today, Falcon's line would read "Face it, Cap -- we be wasted!!"


"Falc-A-Lot"? there's like a dozen jokes there already.


Chameleon: Change-A-Lot
Mystique: Shifts-A-Lot
The Atom: Shrinks-A-Lot
The Punisher: Shoots-A-Lot
Lancelot, The Horny Knight of Cums-A-Lot (oopps, sorry)


never let it be said that Sam Wilson didn't have black pride:

yeah, a costumed athlete (on steroids) or a pet? on one hand, the sports media will crucify and haul you off to a Senate hearing, while on the other, other men will be laughing secretly at you.

partnered with his black brotha (and real African) T'Challa (the Black Pantha), Sam is giddy to have someone help him out and give him some toys.

boys will be boys. actually, Sam manages to mess up the rescue when he slams into the Panther because he had no practice with his glider wings. yep, boys will be boys.


and here's our sexually ambiguous panels of the week, giving Batman and Robin a run for their shekels.

i'm not sure how you could sweat outside your masks, but hey, that must be one .... uhmm ... great ... workout. yeah, that's right.


ah, the sweet camaraderie of warriors in the heat ... of battle. i said, battle.


now, tell me why they're both sweating, huh? (kidding. they just came out of the closet rain, but who can tell eh?)


hey, don't look at me. i didn't write or draw the damn things.


anyway, the best line i've heard in days is: (drumroll and high hat please!)

heh. sour kraut. say, why not Yuma? or Flagstaff?




well, not everyone likes his style though.



-----
taken from Captain America #166-172. yes, i know, that was the Secret Empire storyline. that's another whole new comedy post too.

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