Parker jobless, Spidey arrested

man, that totally sucks. (via i09.com)

who will not wield the shield?

via @stephenwacker

and now, a word from the Batcave

hey, Batman, is it true Sandra Bullock is staying in the Batcave while hiding from the paparazzi? how did you manage to convince her to do that?

things i liked this week

Batman: Streets of Gotham #10 (DC)
Paul Dini/Dustin Nguyen/Derek Fridolfs/John Kalisz/Steve Wands
holy shit. what is this? am i really warming up to Damian? really? OMGOMGZSASZOMG!!


Power Girl #10 (DC)
Jimmy Palmiotti/Justin Gray/Amanda Conner/Paul Mounts/John J. Hill
here's six words for you: never trust a girl named Terra. ok, that's a bit unfair. Ultra Humanite's in da house, you dig?


Green Lantern #52 (DC)
Geoff Johns/Doug Mahnke/Christian Alamy/Rebecca Buchman/Keith Champagne/Randy Mayor/Gabe Eltaeb/Carrie Strachan/Rob Leigh (variant cover: Shane Davis/Sandra Hope/Barbara Ciardo)
doesn't Sinestro in all white with that pedophile moustache look creepy to you? but it was worth the price of admission to see him get chopped in two and have John Stewart lead a team sever all Black Lantern connections.


Deadpool #21
Daniel Way/Carlo Barberi/Sandu Florea/Marte Gracia/Joe Sabino (cover: Jason Pearson)

its the conclusion of the Hit-Monkey story (what's next? Hit-Dolphin?). giggly fun: Reed Richards acting as a proper dad, Deadpool assuming Spidey's identity (don't ask), that banter between two similarly-looking costumed dorks, and of course, a monkey at a funeral.

Thor #608 (Marvel)
Kieron Gillen/Billy Tan/Batt/Rich Elson/Christina Strain/Matt Hollingsworth/Joe Sabino (cover: Mico Suayan/Laura Martin)

all you need to know: Volstagg versus Ragnarok (he'll always be Clor to us)!!! and having said that, we didn't know the fat guy can JUMP.

Thunderbolts #142 (Marvel)
Jeff Parker/Wellinton Alves/Nelson Pereira/Frank Martin/Albert Deschesne (cover: Adi Granov)

Jeff Parker actually was on leave during the last two pages of this issue, because James Robinson snuck in and promptly inserted Roy Harper in. hey, that's not Roy.

New Avengers #63 (Marvel)
Brian Michael Bendis/Mike McKone/Dave McCaig/Albert Deschesne (cover: Stuart Immonen/Wade Von Grawbadger)
more Siege tie-ins, focusing specifically on two of Marvel's memorable couples (Luke/Jessica and Clint/Bobbi) while kicking ass in Asgard. did we see Mockingbird in any of the teasers for the new Avengers books coming out? uh oh.


Superman #698 (DC)
James Robinson/Javier Pina/Bernard Chiang/Blond/John J. Hill (cover: Julian Lopez/Bit/Santiago Arcas)
ladies and gentlemen, live at the New York Comedy Club ... Leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeex Luthor!!


Uncanny X-Men #522 (Marvel)
Matt Fraction/Whilce Portacio/Ed Tadeo/Justin Ponsor/Joe Caramagna (cover: Terry Dodson, variant cover: Mark Brooks)
Kitty Pryde fans, rejoice!! by the same token, Kitty Pryde fans, weep!!!


Amazing Spider-Man #626 (Marvel)
Fred Van Lente/Michael Gaydos/Joe Caramagna (cover: Michael Del Mundo)
you know where Spidey isn't a loser? in the Avengers books!!


Mighty Avengers #35 (Marvel)
Dan Slott/Khoi Pham/Craig Yeung/John Rauch/Dave Lanphear/Morry Hollowell
creepy Henry Pym
making out with Jocasta
while Ultron's about.

Avengers - The Initiative #34 (Marvel)
Christos N. Gage/Jorge Molina/Andrew Hennessy/Edgar Delgado/Joe Caramagna (cover: David Yardin)

the Initiative guys (principally the ex-New Warriors) get their shit together and finally make a stand. over in the Siege of Asgard, Taskmaster goes for A-list status and maybe fails. despite all the Siege hoopla and coordination nightmares, this issue holds up heading towards its finale. cancellation time, fellas.

Captain America #604 (Marvel)
Ed Brubaker/Luke Ross/Butch Guice/Dean White/Joe Caramagna (cover: Gerald Parel)

what made me happy about this issue? the Falcon bringing the ass-kicking for a change. Sam, you are a credit to your race! in other news, Bad-Cap & Bucky go to the Hoover Dam for a swim.

A-Team: Shotgun Wedding #1 (IDW)
Joe Carnahan/Tom Waltz/Stephen Mooney/Alfredo Rodriguez/Neil Uyatake (cover: John K. Snyder III/Jason Wright)
is this gonna be the plot for the A-Team movie (uh, because director Joe Carnahan is involved)? if so, its pretty damn exciting. Hannibal and the team ride shotgun for a wedding of the daughter of an old friend, because there's a mysterious threat. i bet there's a betrayal around here somewhere. and Face already hooked up with the bride.


Nemesis (Marvel/Icon)
Mark Millar/Steve McNiven/Dave McCaig/Chris Eliopoulos (variant cover: Leinil Francis Yu)

i kinda miss Mark Morales inking McNiven. and what's with the Nurse Jackie reference but the president's not umm, up to date? i guess nobody wants to go there. c'mon, let the speculation on optioning this as a movie commence.

A.S.S.

... means Anti Spider-Squad, or some shit. JJJameson really got some A.S.S.

c'mon, how can you not be proud?

i mean, the heroic Big Three from our childhood leading the charge in taking their world back? that counts for a lot.


via @brianmbendis

i'm officially losing it

via @andydiggle

snaps: Avengers - The Initiative #34

... where eyes are finally opened, friendships are renewed and broken, and the New Warriors reunite! no, really. and pompous Taskmaster is taken to ...task (hey, wasn't he hired by the good guys once?). the issue focuses mostly on the Initiative guys until the latter part where they switch to Asgard only because we need to see Taskmaster get taken down (or not). and lest we forget that ex-Cap gal pal Diamondback is indeed an Initiative member (but as a spy, natch!), this is the part where she loses it when she sees her blond stud ex alive and well. well, poor Constrictor.

hey, here's a thought: what IF Dwayne wasn't in heaven??


look who's calling the kettle black, Mister Former-D-Lister. (you're still a D-Lister to me, brah)


Cap giving it to the castle grey skull.


Frank can forget about tapping that ass. and Rachel apparently forgot about Agent 13.


so is he gonna go back to being Speedball now? is he? is he? considering he's sort of directly responsible for all of these 7 years ago?

snaps: Mighty Avengers #35

... where we find another chapter in the most famous father/son feud since Oedipus and King Laius. or whoever you think that is. anyway, i thought we saw the end of this back in the Busiek Avengers run, but Ultron came back right in the very first issue of this series, went to outer space to cause trouble, and bookends the whole thing with one more jam. and for once, i kinda agree with the robot, because Hank Pym is getting creepier by the minute. by 2020, he's going to be arrested for consensual sex with a minor cyborg.

shocking the uptight Brits, you draw your own conclusions about those "upgrades".


and i cannot wait to reformat you in person!


HAH! Jocasta beat y'all to that!!! (at least in Pym's dreams)


oh, i forgot - there are two sickos on this team!


and that is why you always lose, you bag of circuits.


ok, symbolism alert! either they'll end up married or Jocasta goes evil with jealousy and uses this 'dimensional wave device' against the Avengers in next summer's crossover.

breaking bad

drive-by readings

Nemesis #1 (Marvel/Icon) Mark Millar Steve McNiven Dave McCaig Chris Elipoulos Leinil Francis Yu (variant cover) with the success of Kick-Ass like blood in the water, the shark that is Mark Millar (not @Not_Mark_Millar, but sometimes we're not sure) comes back for more ... shall we say, violence porn. granted, he had to top his and JRJR's baby (and cheekily putting it down right on the cover), and he doesn't hold back in the premiere issue. a diabolical cop-killer, who looks like a cross between Space Ghost and the Midnighter, targets only policeman who do their job well. and to this 'creative' ending, collateral damage doesn't matter. having caused havoc all over the globe, Nemesis now sets his sights on Washington DC Chief of Police Blake Morrow, rumored to be next in line for Homeland Security Directorship and Oprah's favorite cop. how to get his attention? oh, just by simply hijacking Air Force One and forcing it down and running pedestrians over. move over, Dave Lizewski; there's a new Kick-Ass in town. and he's playing for the other side. and he's wickedly good at being bad.

snaps: Justice League - The Rise of Arsenal #1

... where we stick the knife in deeper into Roy Harper's broken heart, gouge at his entrails, and kick his severed arm around the room. seriously, James Robinson severely damaged this character and now we're supposed to believe he's going to come back as a badass evil-crushing vigilante of sorts - that is, if he doesn't die first (see, its the powerless archers that get deconstructed and "die honorably" - see The Nail, and Another Nail). and how do we explain the 2000 resurrection of Oliver Queen? ah, editor ex machina. welcome back to the '90s, DC. i guess that Hot Tub Time Machine does work!

"Freddy Marvel" is a sore loser with video games.


ah ah, tactical error, Roy. you shoulda stomped him to the ground. do not ever listen to a villain prattling.


whoooops - somebody's pulling a fast one, Mr. Green-Gigolo-who-allegedly-had-a-threesome-with-Zinda-and-Helena.


for once, the Canary Cry is silenced.


you know who i'd cast as that pusher? Christopher Walken *. YEAH.



* well, only because David Carradine accidentally killed himself.

otherwise known as ...

DON'T SEND A DARKSEID TO DO A THANOS' JOB.



The Thanos Imperative. The Final Final Crisis.

it could happen to you

... if you badmouth the Titans for not being good enough as the Justice League.



-----
Titans #23

then there's that time Warren had to start a bus service

-----
X-Factor Forever #1

"and that's for killing Jean Grey!"

Magneto training to go against Savion Glover. his chances don't look good.

and now, a word from the Batcave

BATMAN: yesterday, the health care reform bill passed the House of Representatives and will be signed into law today. this is bad news for me. not only will my rogues gallery be able to get medical care after i beat them up, more asshats will be coming out of the woodwork gunning for me, knowing that they can get treatment even if they didn't have insurance. dammit!

things i liked this week

in no particular order:

Dark Avengers #15 (Marvel)
Brian Michael Bendis/Mike Deodato/Rain Beredo/Cory Petit
i wonder why The Sentry's expressing his anger at losing his wife in the form of The Void? why would he even have feelings for her in the first place? with both stellar and exasperating Deodato art, this series encapsulates the beauty of this series, as the world crumbles around the bad guys we've grown to like. denouement is near.


Hercules - Fall of An Avenger one shot (Marvel)
Fred Van Lente/Greg Pak/Ariel Olivetti/Simon Bowland
that was fun, especially a glimpse at the dead Herc's secret liaisons. and not just with the female species! i wish there were a few more guests, like Dane Whitman, Jan (the real Wasp, but dead), and She-Hulk (hey, where is she? Banner's here but she isn't? uh oh). oh, and the Wrecking Crew, Erik Josten, and Mr. Hyde, just for kicks.

Guardians of the Galaxy #24 (Marvel)
Dan Abnett/Andy Lanning/Wes Craig/Serge LaPointe/Nathan Fairbairn/Joe Caramagna (cover: Alex Garner)
let me just say this: not only the missing Guardians are coming back. and on that thought, hello, Cosmo!


Siege #3 (Marvel)
Brian Michael Bendis/Olivier Coipel/Mark Morales/Laura Martin/Chris Eliopoulos
hey, its not that bad. for all the crap Bendis got for his dialogue (i actually like his style), this one's got a lot of punching and kicking and shooting and yelling. though i'm still searching for that one big-ass fight scene where everything is thoroughly scripted well and the action flows fuidly and flawlessly (an idea for a regular post i'm toying with), i guess this will have to do. one thing for sure, there won't be a shortage of construction jobs in Broxton, OK.

Nova #35 (Marvel)
Dan Abnett/Andy Lanning/Mahmud Asrar/Scott Hanna/Bruno Hang/Cory Petit (cover: Brandon Peterson)
does this mean there's no second go-round for Nova and previously-the-most-dangerous-woman-in-the-galaxy? and who still says "Blue Blazes"?


Nation X #4 (Marvel)
"Dooptopia" by Peter Milligan/Michael Allred/Laura Allred
the most light-hearted of the stories in this issue is arguably its best. Doop is appointed Head of Criminal Investigations in Utopia. are you kidding me? shouldn't they pick Lucas Bisho- oh. never mind. its Doop, Milligan and Allred. what more do you want?


Green Lantern Corps #46 (DC)
Peter Tomasi/Patrick Gleason/Rebecca Buchman/Keith Champagne/Tom Nguyen/Randy Mayor/Gabe Eltaeb/Steve Wands
sometimes writer Peter Tomasi's brain really scares us.


Devil #2 (Dark Horse)
Torajiro Kishi/Madhouse Studios
Devil Investigation Section officers Takimoto and Migiwa (described hilariously as "straight-laced, procedural and tight-assed" - oh, you Japs) crap their pants when they meet a super advanced Devil temptress named Mariko. when humanity is no longer at the top of the food chain, who you gonna call?


X-Factor Forever #1 (Marvel)
Louise Simonson/Dan Panosian/Jim Charalampidis/Dave Sharpe
at this rate, we'll have New Mutants Forever, X-Force Forever, New X-Men Forever and X-Men Unlimited Forever hitting the shelves by the end of 2010. anyway, Weezie's 5-issue take on the original X-Factor past #64 seems a more reasonable diversion rather than giving Chris Claremont the keys to a car driving off to nowhere, cliffs included. you have villains coming out of the woodwork, and Apocalypse is at the forefront. Cable's still a baby. should be fun.


Batman #697 (DC)
Tony Daniel/Sandu Florea/Ian Hannin/Jared Fletcher
and its only because the identity of Black Mask is revealed - and holy crap, it wasn't Alfred!! and the jerk actually wears his glasses inside the mask. moron.


Incredible Hulk #608 (Marvel)
Greg Pak/Paul Pelletier/Danny Miki/Crimelab Studios/Frank D'Armata/Veronica Gandini/Simon Bowland (cover: John Romita Jr./Klaus Janson/Dean White)
am still a little slow on the uptake on the whole thing here, just like Skaar is, so the Leader is laughing at me. nevertheless, i like the killer ending (its already the end of Fall of the Hulks, and am still behind the eight ball). eagerly awaiting what's next.


X-Men: Legacy #234 (Marvel)
Mike Carey/Yanick Paquette/Michel Lacombe/Nathan Fairbairn/Cory Petit (cover: Clay Mann/Danny Miki/Emily Warren)
a long-overdue story about Rogue, after regaining her sanity and control of her powers (Rogue is a Carey favorite), and her new life as a life coach around Utopia. its quite satisfying to leave that drama of "ah can't touch anyone, ah'll absorb 'em with mah power" in the dust, and just have sane relationships where she can get close to Remy AND Magneto in the same day. hey, i said "close". git yer dirty minds outta de' gutter.


Amazing Spider-Man #625 (Marvel)
Joe Kelly/Max Fiumara/Fabio D'Auria/Joe Caramagna (cover: Marko Djurdjevic)
the foreshadowing has come to pass. the Old Rhino, with nothing left to live for (i'll let you make your guesses) comes to terms with his loss and takes on the New Rhino. and you're left a lot more depressed along with Peter. yes, this is how you wanted your hero. a sad sack loser.