Thursday, April 12, 2007

steve rogers in the dating scene

how does a man out of time get some? well, in Steve Rogers' line of work, it really doesn't pay to have someone your rogues gallery can use against you (Exhibit A: Ralph Dibny, Identity Crisis). but to his credit, Steve never lacked for female attention, counting among his conquests, WW2 spy Peggy Carter; her li'l sis, the kickass S.H.I.E.L.D. agent Sharon Carter (that's two for one - when are we gonna see the Elseworlds edition where they all get it on? just asking), and the succulent shayna maideleh Bernadette Rosenthal.

but despite his goody-two-shoe image, Cap also isn't impervious to walking the wild side ... or getting a ride thataway.

if this is your first date, you'd better buy a taser

in his pursuit of Scourge, a self-styled vigilante who's actually more effective than the Punisher (more than 30 costumed supervillains six feet under), Cap runs afoul of the Serpent Society, another bunch of supervillains who were performing mercenary services for other underground criminal organizations. the Serpent Society were going after Modok, and Cap couldn't prevent his death. he also couldn't prevent one of their members, bad girl Diamondback, from hitting on him (if only we all had Cap's square jaw).


Diamondback's crush on Cap gets in the way of her work, and the former tomboy finally gets to be a gurl.


in the course of one issue, Cap faces his toughest problem yet - being dead aside, of course - sidestepping an aggressive female admirer.


more likely, she'd want to share fluids, but hey, let's not tell Cap that.



"unhappy childhood"? is that a valid excuse for bad behavior? i bet even Charles Manson used that line of reasoning.



Diamondback couldn't get the word "hunk" out of her mind, and her libidinous thought processes yield two other significant facts:

- she'd do anything for a 'heavy date' with him ... what does that mean? heavy petting?

- she'd "go straight" even ... wait, does this mean, she's a lesbian!? whoa! Cap, get her number!!

Mark Gruenwald, you dirty old man, you!
(just kidding, Sir. you know i love your Squadron Supreme).

and the girl can't help herself. i'm surprised she didn't start undressing once they got to her ship.



Cap, ever the boy scout, tries to calm himself even though his costume was getting a little ... constricting.


personally, i would have liked to see Cap try to get the key back.

getting shot mistakenly by a farmer gave Diamondback one last chance to seduce Cap (at least for today), but Steve's momma taught him better.


eventually, they'd be sharing fluids too, but this landmark issue, best known for Scourge taking out 18 bad guys all at once in the Bar with No Name, is also where Cap and Diamondback's romance first took root.

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Captain America vol.1 #319

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