dark side of the moon

drive-by readings

Shadowland: Moon Knight #1 (Marvel) "Shadowknight" Gregg Hurwitz Bong Dazo Jose Pimentel Matt Milla/Chris Sotomayor Joe Caramagna

what we learned: its too much to put in one issue, but anyway, Daredevil apparently "wants" Moon Knight (who's just minding his own business; its Daredevil's fault he didn't accept Avengers membership), so he puts into motion an alleged acolyte of Konshu to recruit another psycho to be the god's avatar. bad news for Jake/Steve/whoever he is this week, because he has to face this challenge but at the same time consider that Marlene is pregnant and they're engaged.
oh shit moment: did i just say he has to protect his back?
what's next: crazy versus crazy. i'll bet on crazier.


never get on Big Bird's bad side - Sesame Street will never be the same.

dark horses

drive-by readings

The Darkness: Four Horsemen #1 (Top Cow) David Hine Jeff Wamester Felix Serrano Troy Peteri Wamester/Arif Prianto (cover) Jorge Molina (variant cover)

what we learned: Jackie Estacado is asked by old boss Lucio Franchetti to deal some payback for a biker gang who bilked them of some money and drugs ... way back in '75 (and they still look the same). yep, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
oh shit moment: i think these Horsemen are much scarier than Marvel's Apocalypse's version.
what's next: collision course with the Demon Riders. Jackie has a "preacher" in tow. and who's this Hope-like character?


Herbie goes demonic!

bullet day, i will giant you

drive-by readings

Batman #702 (DC) "Part Two: Batman's Last Case" Grant Morrison Tony Daniel Ian Hannin Travis Lanham

what we learned: the missing details of how Batman disappeared over Final Crisis/Batman R.I.P. and got stranded in time. the smartest man in the universe figures it all out as he gets Omega Sanction-ed. Darkseid makes it the trap for the ages and something you can't get out of, but Bats inadvertently creates a hole in it by killing Darkseid with his magic bullet.
oh shit moment: Scott Free, i think you should give up your title as the Universe's best escape artist.
what's next: do you know what my next cologne is? its Essence of Bullet.


Batman lost braincells on his trip backwards in time, he couldn't even spell his name.

you happy puppets

drive-by readings

Deadpool Team-Up #890 (Marvel) James Asmus Micah Gunnell Rob Stull John Rauch Jeff Eckleberry Humberto Ramos/Edgar Delgado (cover)

what we learned: insurance salesman Machine Man (ahaha) stakes a claim to Deadpool for all the property damage he's caused through the years (ahahaha). however, same insurance company is currently held hostaged by disenfranchised customer Puppet Master, who has an axe to grind (or clay to mold) because of greedy corporate executives.
oh shit moment: Puppet Master ends up getting tossed outside the window, which eerily mirrors how the damn fat cats think about us common Joes.
what's next: hey, editor: several words that rhyme with Gorilla: Sarsaparilla, Pancho Villa, Umbrella.


yes, Mr. Masters, just like yours.

under the sea

drive-by readings

Curse of the Mutants: Namor #1 (Marvel) "Royal Blood: Part One" Stuart Moore Ariel Olivetti Joe Caramagna Jae Lee/June Chung (cover) Joe Quesada/Danny Miki/Richard Isanove (variant cover)

what we learned: in order to combat the rise of the vampires, Atlantean royal douche and current X-Man Namor swims to the depths to find the Aqueos - the age old underwater vampires who may have the head of Dracula (which they need to revive the vampire king, and let him go apeshit on those who whacked him and took his throne). not an easy task, as his own regiment guarding the abandoned Atlantis was decimated, and his only allies at the moments are the Tridents, who look down upon him as nothing but an errand boy for the humans. also, its nice to see Jae Lee come back and do the covers.
oh shit moment: ever been surrounded by fish? how about vampire fish? or vampire mermen?
what's next: the Aqueos just passed a resolution to declare war against Namor and his allies. fish fight! fish fight!


for a few seconds there, Namor considered the woman's advances. you know he did.

time must be crazy

drive-by readings

Avengers #4 (Marvel) Brian Michael Bendis John Romita Jr Klaus Janson Dean White Cory Petit

what we learned: time is breaking down everywhere in the present (hello, Killraven. what, you don't remember me? am your dealer!) that even Thor is speechless, while in the future, the talky Tony Stark gets into philosophical debates with his team, leading to them all getting pwned by their kids. talk about payback. then we meet the organizers of this charade ... and no, its not just the Maestro-looking Hulk.
oh shit moment: Tony should probably change his last name to Montana, on the account of being "Scarfaced".
what's next: am confused now. can we have some payoff around here??


hey, at least its not Teen Tony, right? riiight??

the brave and the bald

drive-by readings

Astonishing X-Men #35 (Marvel) Warren Ellis Phil Jimenez Andy Lanning Frank D'Armata Joe Caramagna

what we learned: we finally meet Kaga, who has an axe to grind against beautiful and handsome mutants. i would too, if i weren't handsome.
oh shit moment: Cyclops almost becomes Wolverine but still shows his goody side. Wolverine is still Wolverine, and introduces his left fist to Kaga.
what's next: keep this creative team rolling, Joe Quesada. and keep the delays to a minimum please.


you're complaining?? i can't even get a hundred readers for this blog!

let's vault in

drive-by readings

X-Men Legacy #239 (Marvel) "Collision Part Two" Mike Carey Clay Mann Jay Leisten Brian Reber Cory Petit Leinil Francis Yu (cover)

what we learned: Luz or Luisa, the stray they picked up last issue and now defended against Sentinels in this one, is more trouble than they bargained for. and why do we say that? ah, as i mentioned last time, the inhabitants of the world (uh, "The Corridor". duh.) she came from bear a resemblance to - uh, hello, Children of the Vault. how you doin'?
oh shit moment: Rogue gives Magneto one big uppercut just to let him know that there is nothing (nothing! nothing!) between them.
what's next: rematch! only Rogue is left from the original team of X-Men they clashed with before.


HDTV? 3D? pfah. solid state light shows are the bomb!

out of the pan

drive-by readings

Justice League: Generation Lost #8 (DC) "Would It Be Okay With the Management If We Check Out Early" Judd Winick Aaron Lopresti Matt Ryan Sal Cipriano Hi-Fi Cliff Chiang (cover) Ryan Sook/Joel Gomez/Fernando Pasarin/Randy Mayor/Carrie Strachan (variant cover)

what we learned: our JLWRML (Justice Leaguers Who Remember Max Lord) break out of Checkmate because they got caught and they can't find Max. the chemistry between them is extremely enjoyable and i hope they keep this team intact even after the future resolution of this Max Lord thing.
oh shit moment: if you can't find Max, Max will find you (isn't that from The Losers?).
what's next: for someone who doesn't want the world to remember him, he keeps pestering the JLI. what do you want, Max?


again: the most likable Russian since Ivan Drago. oh, wait, no, i meant Nikolai Luzhin.

buckheaded

drive-by readings

Captain America #609 (Marvel) "No Escape Part 4" Ed Brubaker Butch Guice Rick Magyar/Andrew Hennessy Paul Mounts Joe Caramagna Marko Djurdjevic (cover)

what we learned: Baron Zemo agitates Bucky easily and draws him into a trap, and uses Hauptmann to keep Steve, Sam and Natasha busy. naturally, Bucky is soon in chains and en route to Zemo island.
oh shit moment: how many times did Bucky get knocked out in the past six or seven issues? do we want this in our Captain America?
what's next: Bucky finally gets to die in the English channel. grab the popcorn.


Zemo missed out on shooting Cap so he had to make up for lost time.

ghostwalkin'

drive-by readings

The Last Phantom #1 (Dynamite) "Ghostwalk Chapter One: Phantom Living" Scott Beatty Eduardo Ferigato Vinicius Andrade Simon Bowland Alex Ross (cover) Joe Prado/Fabiano Nieves (variant cover)

what we learned: at last The Phantom gets reinvented, Dynamite-style, and gone are the light-hearted Sunday fun strips and Billy Zane. this time, Kitridge Walker (consider him the white T'Challa) steps firmly into his legacy as his family is massacred by greedy rivals, including his own friend, the appropriately named Peter Quisling (what, he never vetted the guy??).
oh shit moment: Peter Quisling?? how obvious can you get? seriously, when "Kit Walker" assumes the Phantom garb (only figuratively, because he's covered in either blood or warpaint), i think i wet my pants.
what's next: skullprints across faces. wait, make that across nuts.


Phantom versus Predators, who ya got??

walking on sunshine

drive-by readings

Curse of the Mutants: Blade one-shot (Marvel) "The Light at the End" Duane Swierczynski Tim Green Nathan Fairbairn Dave Sharpe Dave Wilkins (cover)

what we learned: why is Blade in Frisco, cozying up to the X-Men? well, he learned he's not the only Daywalker around and his crew of vampire slayers folded faster than an origami championship ensemble. and current big evil kahuna Xarus let it slip that they like mutants. a-ha.
oh shit moment: did i mention that posse of Blade's which went down faster than a waterfall? the Skrull Kill Krew would last longer. or Team Jacob.
what's next: if they were going to remake the Blade movie (historically, Marvel's first big movie hit) for the new generation, who would you want to play the role? Nelsan Ellis? Jaden Smith? that kid in Everybody Hates Chris?


freaks and geeks has been renewed!

reflection

drive-by readings

Wolverine: Weapon X #15 (Marvel) "The End of the Beginning" Jason Aaron Davide Gianfelice Dave McCaig Cory Petit Ron Garney/Morry Hollowell (cover)

what we learned: somebody has to write the obligatory Logan/Kurt reminiscing story, and that task falls on Jason Aaron, who does a good job. Kurt, through all their years as X-Men, has been carrying his heart on his sleeve, and even after he's passed on to the afterlife, finally gets through to Logan's hardcase exterior.
oh shit moment: you ever carry a piano up an impassable mountain on foot?
what's next: stories like these lose some of its luster when the character in question gets revived at some point. but then again, its Nightcrawler, and such an event which will then become proof of his faith (betcha somebody's writing that story right now).


yeah, and we will too ... in Essential X-Men!

hell boys and girls

drive-by readings

New Mutants #16 (Marvel) "What is Project Purgatory?" Zeb Wells Leonard Kirk Guru eFX Joe Caramagna Dave Wilkins (cover)

what we learned: so this General Ulysses (his name's so macho, there was no choice except to join the military) was really trapped in Limbo by General Combest when demons started attacking them. now its payback time as he brings in his weaponized mutants (those babies in Inferno) - bang! Scott Summers wasted time keeping Hope safe when there were other mutants out there anyway. kidding.
oh shit moment: the audacity of the US military to put a base in Limbo and create weapons is mind-boggling.
what's next: fight, fight, fight!


which translates as "the doors are open! its Black Friday sale!!!"

clipped wings

drive-by readings

Birds of Prey #24 (DC) "Endrun Part 4: Impact Fracture" Gail Simone Ed Benes/Adriana Melo J.P. Mayer Nei Ruffino Steve Wands Alina Urusov (cover) Ryan Sook/Joel Gomez/Fernando Pasarin/Randy Mayor/Carrie Strachan (variant cover)

what we learned: just when we thought the Birds were down, they get back into the game. the White Canary is the sister of 12 brothers Dinah bitchslapped years ago, and now their sister is here to reclaim the family honor. Dove finds the mettle to introduce her fist to Penguin, who's already counting his birds before the eggs have even hatched. meanwhile, Creote and Savant attempt to push Barb off the edge, but its actually Savant who wants to die. and its all been a gay thing. oi.
oh shit moment: can we have Yuen Wo-Ping coordinate the fight scenes between Black and White Canaries? awesome!
what's next: what, Shiva framed Dinah?


Michael Phelps would be proud.

playing raft

drive-by readings

Thunderbolts #147 (Marvel) "Scared Straight" Jeff Parker Kev Walker Frank Martin Albert Deschesne Marko Djurdjevic (cover)

what we learned: well, well, well, i was wondering when's the first jailbreak attempt going to happen, and Parker didn't waste time. coinciding with the visit of those crazy kids from Avengers Academy, power goes down in the Raft and every jailed loco wants to take advantage. but unlike the event that spawned the New Avengers, this one has the good guys firmly in control. even "Warden Cripple" proves he's not useless when getting a few licks in.
oh shit moment: more like awesome: Luke Cage goes back and gives the Purple Man one more reminder why he should just sit in his cell like a little girl and not mess with the man called Cage.
what's next: did something happen to Crossbones? what's with Juggy's sudden sense of warped justice? and when's Fixer's gonna be outed?

well, somebody's been playing Doom since 1993.

buildup

drive-by readings

Brightest Day #8 (DC) "Defiance" Geoff Johns/Peter Tomasi Patrick Gleason/Ivan Reis/Ardian Syaf Vicente Cifuentes/Rebecca Buchman/Mark Irwin Peter Steigerwald/John Starr Rob Clark Jr. David Finch/Scott Williams/Steigerwald (cover) Ryan Sook/Fernando Pasarin/Joel Gomez/Randy Mayor/Carrie Strachan (variant cover)

what we learned: Shiera fights for her life with her mommy issues, and while Carter finds himself an army to fight against Queen Shrike. meanwhile, J'onn tries to find out where's that Green Martian who jumped M'gann and it leads him to Star City. the White Ring is still messing with Deadman's, Dove's and Hawk's heads. i have no idea what its rapping about.
oh shit moment: how many creators does it take to finish a book? or should we just blame Blogger for having a 200-character tag limit???
what's next: they promised us an Aquaman/Black Manta rematch. they promised!!


and so Hawkman found himself leading the Thundercats AND the mutants ...

hush puppies

drive-by readings

Batman Beyond #3 (DC) "Hush Beyond Part 3: Close Encounters" Adam Beechen Ryan Benjamin John Stanisci David Baron Travis Lanham Dustin Nguyen (cover)

what we learned: Terry gets his first up close encounter with his timeline's version of Hush, and it results in the death of the Calendar Man. old Bruce is none too pleased, and readies his Bat Robots (he-hey, Kingdom Come!) just in case Terry can't do the job.
oh shit moment: not only is the Catwoman working with Hush, she also gets stabbed in the back too (or choked from the back, whatever).
what's next: Terry keeps barking up the wrong tree, and will that be too late?


nahh, you can still come back from the dead, just like the old coot.

humanize

drive-by readings

Green Lantern Corps #51 (DC) "Revolt of the Alpha-Lanterns Part 4" Tony Bedard Ardian Syaf Vicente Cifuentes Randy Mayor Steve Wands Ryan Sook/Joel Gomez/Fernando Pasarin/Mayor/Carrie Strachan (variant cover)

what we learned: lemme get this straight: Cyborg Supes turned Lanterns into Alpha Lanterns so they would attract the attention of Ganthet so he can turn them all back into mortals, especially Cyborg Supes? and you thought Lost was convoluted. anyhoo, with the little juice his ring has left, Kyle grabs Lantern Hannu as an equalizer, and just in time because Boodikka shows up. her final sacrifice is to power up the GLs.
oh shit moment: Qward? White Lantern stuff? ooooooooooooooo.
what's next: for Stel! for Grenda! for the Corps!!


naaah, that's centuries of not eating healthy, you blue pig.

dude, any goddamned tax is too damn high.

so git off yer high horse.

-----
Shadowland: Power Man #1

well, well, going rogue eh?

for better photoshopping, go here.

scaredy cats

drive-by readings

Avengers Academy #3 (Marvel) "Scared Straight Part 1: Boyfriend In A Coma" Christos N. Gage Mike McKone Andrew Hennessy Jeromy Cox Joe Caramagna

what we learned: story title notwithstanding (somebody still likes Morrissey), it only pertains to a few pages, where like Rogue put first love Cody in a coma, rich princess Hazmat (Jenny) puts boyfriend Greg in a hazardous chemical situation, which brings us to today where she wants her can't-touch-anyone situation rectified, even if it means killing Norman Osborn to get the answer. good thing, they're visiting The Raft. which is fun, because all the current Thunderbolts are currently displaying positive reinforcement attitude for impressionable kids.
oh shit moment: as much you may be shocked to know that Speedball (nee Penance, nee Speedball) is still cutting himself, my preferred moment is just when Valkyrie's about to reveal to the girl students what sort of device mortal craftsmen have made for satisfaction of the female urges without turning to a male, Tigra (yeah, the poster child for healthy sexual behavior) cuts into our fun. boooooooooo!
what's next: go get Thunderbolts #147 for another POV of what really happened here. and did they get the truth out of Osborn?

good thing Danny's rich, 'cause this could be an expensive sexual harassment case. oh, wait ...

punchout part 2

drive-by readings

Hulk #24 (Marvel) "The Strongest There Is" Jeph Loeb Ed McGuinness Mark Farmer Morry Hollowell Richard Starkings/Comicraft McGuiness/Farmer/Frank D'Armata (cover) Dale Keown (variant cover)

what we learned: the final battle (yeah, right) between the original Hulk and Rulk (hey, they could be like Shake n Bake in Talladega Nights). Banner's masterplan unfolds and knowing he could beat Ross in a fight (laying waste to DC memorials in the process), backs him into a corner of defeat and humiliation. that is of course, until they need him again. that's a mistake that might blow up in their faces.
oh shit moment: great in-your-face artwork from Ed McGuinness. this is how it should end.
what's next: anybody still wondering why Red Hulk would be in Secret Avengers?


Honest Abe: "and what the hell are you two gonna do about this mess you made??"

crash landing

drive-by readings

Power Girl #15 (DC) "Bomb Squad Part Two" Judd Winnick Sami Basri Sunny Gho John J. Hill

what we learned: the Russian arms dealer is now Crash, weaponized into a city destroyer. but to learn his Achilles Heel, Karen sacrifices her secret id to her newest employer, a former uberhacker. however, there's a catch, and its name is ...
oh shit moment: ... Maxwell Lord, who designed Crash to replicate Kryptonian cellular structure.
what's next: so Lord has morphed from a joke, to a what-he's-a-bad-guy-now (some people are still in denial he shot Ted), and now, to a real honest-to-goodness villain. bring it on.


don't complain, you got a front row seat.

punchout part 1

drive-by readings

Incredible Hulk #611 (Marvel) "Sons of Wrath" Greg Pak Paul Pelletier Danny Miki Frank D'Armata Simon Bowland John Romita Jr/Klaus Janson/Dean White (cover) Dale Keown (variant cover)

what we learned: monsters have hearts after all. after almost laying waste to Washington DC and Ocean City, MD (wassup, OC???), Hulk and Skaar finally come to terms and accept their past, and perhaps forge a future. am still weirded out by Banner or Hulk not aware of each other, but the days of dumb Hulk are long gone (save in Marvel Super Hero Squad), so the smart Hulk should not be constrained from Banner anymore eh? for this Heroic Age, let's have one freakin' smart Hulk/Banner and be a positive force in the MU in the foreseeable future.
oh shit moment: Banner hugs Skaar, and we can finally close the book on loose cannons. hopefully.
what's next: Hulk takes Skaar to Disney World!!!


and the snot. don't forget to wipe off the snot.

frosty secrets

drive-by readings

Uncanny X-Men #527 (Marvel) "The Five Lights Part Two: Velocidad" Matt Fraction Whilce Portacio Leonard Kirk Ed Tadeo Jay Leisten Brian Reber Joe Caramagna Terry Dodson/Rachel Dodson (cover)

what we learned: a breather issue, as Emma goes on a couple of dates, acts as go-between between Piotr and Kitty, and visits her secret prisoner, Namor has a human sushi chef, Scott knocks back a couple with Logan, the second Light is found (and his name isn't Barry Allen), and oh, welcome back to full-time X-Men adventuring, Cecilia Reyes.
oh shit moment: second Light looks like Michael J. Fox circa Teen Wolf, after a long run (so that's how werewolves got hairy!).
what's next: third Light?


you. kiss. my. phased. ass.