you hit like a girl! #10

if you are fit, you must acquit!

as Elektra does, in her final battle trying to prevent the Skrull takeover.

too bad, she can't handle brute force. she gets taken down, replaced and now the Marvel Universe is in deep doo-doo. thanks a lot, Elektra.

by the way, one of the Elektras up there is a Skrull. but you knew that already.

-----
Mighty Avengers #16

screen capture, part 2

continuing our fantasy list of favorite comicbook storyline-turned-movies!

as noted in part 1, there are only two conditions - throw money at everything and write it the way the fans want it. theatres worldwide should be flooded at the amount of piss the geeks and nerds would be producing, once they watch these films.


8. ULTRON UNLIMITED
Kurt Busiek/George Perez/Stuart Immonen/Al Vey/Wade Von Grawbadger (Marvel)

before this movie would even be made, the Avengers need to be formed. assuming that's been the case, we can dive right in on the action - Ultron, a sentient robot based on the brain patterns of founding member Hank Pym, decides to replace the human race with the non-human high tech kind. possibly some flashbacks need to be written into the story to explain how Ultron was created and he went nuts. also, the Avengers have beefed up their roster with a few established heroes (the Black Panther, Vision, the Scarlet Witch and Wonder Man) and a couple of rookies in Firestar and Justice.

Ultron invades some Balkan country and completely wipes it off the map. this is Alderaan scale. the Avengers go right in and get their asses handed to them, until an injured Justice provides the key that saves the day. Michael Bay would work wonders with this.

casting call:

Captain America? helloooooooooo ... Brad Pitt?


Iron Man? another big helloooooooooooooooooooo?


Thor? John Cena is a Thunder God!


the fashionista Wasp? let's hear for regular geek Natalie Portman.

conflicted but spineless wife-beating genius Hank Pym? Thomas Haden Church. yeah, i know he's got 20 years on Portman, but they're actors, they can do this.

the synthozoid Vision is mostly CGI. but it will be based on Keanu Reeves, who plays brooding, mysterious, charismatic yet wooden characters. plus, his agent will find yet another way to land him this plum robotic role.

the Scarlet Witch, whom we all know would go crazy at some point, will be played by smoldering queen Lena Headey.

read my lips. the Witch is f****n' Matt Damon, the Wonder Man.


who else would we want as a Firestarter but Bryce Dallas Howard?


young telekinetic mutie Justice? ThunderJake Gyllenhooooooooooo!


the regal Black Panther? why, no less than Chiwetel Ejiofor.


good ol' butler Jarvis? Bob Hoskins


sicko and cowardly Williams brother Grim Reaper? make a toupee for Christopher Meloni!

geek goosebump moment: when the Avengers, battered yet unbowed, burst through a wall, and Thor snarls: "Ultron ... we would have words with thee!" Cena better nail this good.

beware of geeks

hello from Sandy Eggo!

slashin'

Wolverine: Origins trailer

(courtesy of TrailerAddict)

belly good

we know Tony Stark is an alcoholic, but this is ridiculous.

screen capture, part 1

ok, so The Dark Knight raked in the money, put Hollywood on its ear, sent critics drooling, made gods out of geeks, and that's only 1 out of 5 superhero movies released this year. 2008 is Year of the Geek. more people peed in their pants in the last few months than in the last few years.

so, despite the dire warning from the New York Times, the movie industry knows a money-making scheme when they see one, and they'll bleed it to death for the last cent, until the audience moves on to the next big thing. but i would like to still submit ten comic book storylines that i'd like to see translated to the big screen ... in a fantasy world where:

A. The Budget is Freaking UNLIMITED. as in when they say "money is no object", there better not be an object, doofus. this means we can throw an ungodly amount of money at the actors, the director and writers, CGI, location shoots, outrageous celebrity demand lists, marketing campaigns, action figures ... i don't care if we don't recoup the costs, just make the movie for us geeks.

B. The final screenplay doesn't deviate too much from the actual books, except to enhance the film (e.g., cliffhangers and the possible bridging of continuity gaps). we all know how Wanted turned out; even though it was a moneymaker, one wonders what if we saw a much different film, one that's closer to Mark Millar's gleeful irreverent deconstruction of superhero/supervillain types and all that nasty X-rated dialogue? yes, one wonders.

my choices were more of what i had read or had on hand, and thoroughly enjoyed. i initially came up with 10, but somewhere down the road there'll probably be a few more. the casting call is a lot looser, and i don't have a handy rolodex in hand. (do you know how long it takes to scroll through IMDB's list of actors?) anyway, it was more in the spirit of fun and wishful thinking.

the first few books in my head were obviously already in the works (Watchmen, Y The Last Man, Wolverine: Origins), and these were still safe choices - either it stands alone in its own world, or it already has an established foothold. some of my preferences may need an intro movie on its own, but let's just assume they already made them.

we're going to work our way up the list in installments, starting from the bottom:

10. INVINCIBLE
Robert Kirkman/Cory Walker/Ryan Ottley (Image Comics)

ok, i cheated a bit. among the books on this list, this is the one most likely to be greenlighted by those movie execs. a cross between Superman and Peter Parker, Invincible (Mark Grayson) is a teenager who's suddenly gained super powers, thanks to his father, Omni-Man, who's also a superhero protecting the world. however, life turns upside down and inside out when its revealed that Omni-Man is just the spearhead of the inevitable invasion from aliens who want to take over the Earth. what's a teenager to do? he just wants to have fun, fer crissakes! Invincible perfectly captures teen angst and the bygone fun era of good beating up evil.

casting call:
don't get me started on Shia LeDouche (no, no, no, no, no!). Emile Hirsch? looks too old. Zac Efron? ugh. my choices boil down to Daniel Radcliffe or Adam Brody (though he is 28, he looks 8).

Atom Eve? Mary Elizabeth Winstead


Omni Man? Bruce Willis (with a bad ass moustache)


best friend William Clockwell? well, let's give this role to that pussy Efron.


hey, wait, let's just cast that Apple guy for the Invincible role and have Tim Olyphant do some alien voiceovers, and we actually have the Die Hard 4 crew!

geek goosebump moment: when its revealed that Papa is not all he's cracked up to be.


9. EMPIRE
Mark Waid/Barry Kitson/James Pascoe (Gorilla/DC Comics)

these barely happen, but in some dimensions of the geek universe, evil actually wins (Wanted, Bomb Queen)! let's see you try that with your upcoming crossover events, Dan DiDio! although it happens in a different reality, Waid and Kitson's infamous Empire pushed the envelope by posing the question "What Now?" to a supervillain who triumphed over everyone and has to manage the world accordingly. internal feuding and rivalry make for great intrigue and drama. the central character Golgoth has practically wrapped up the world in his mailed fist, but conquering Earth's armies is a piece of cake, compared to looking constantly over his shoulder for the next wannabe. and when that wannabe is unmasked in a shock twist ending, we see what Golgoth is really made of.

casting call:


since Golgoth is masked all the time (maybe we can see a slight hint of his face a-la Darth Vader in Empire Strikes Back), he should be voiced by someone who exudes a cold, menacing authority (no, not James Earl Jones!). hello, Ian McShane! fans of Deadwood would even suggest his moustache would be a shoo-in for Omni-Man in #10 above.

daughter Delfi? i can't decide between Amber Tamblyn or Kristin Kreuk.


war minister Lucullan? Ving Rhames


assassin supreme Xanna? well, i hated Aeon Flux, but this would be a better role for Charlize Theron.


spymaster Lohkyn? Mark Wahlberg


transport minister Grieze? well, who wants to see Charlize and Kate Beckinsale get it on? just as i thought.


information minister Kafka? Dennis Leary


overzealous aide-de-camp Sebirus? Paul Giamatti


Tumbril, sadistic enforcer of discipline? well, there's always Ed Norton.


perverted religion minister Valpurgis? James Cromwell


fallen superhero Endymion? Bruce Campbell (mostly an extended cameo - he'll just be strapped down anyway)



you better believe it, kiddies - this one's sex, drugs and rock n' roll!!!

geek goosebump moment: the final twist ending. what, should i ruin it for you?


to be continued ...