Saturday, November 8, 2008

screen capture, part 6

continuing our fantasy list of favorite comicbook storyline-turned-movies! (after a brief hiatus - yeah, i know; the election campaign took too much of my time. but otherwise ... victory!!!)

i want the movie industry to make films for us geeks. there are only two conditions - throw money at everything and write it the way the fans want it. some of them may need an origin movie first, but either way, this is a fantasy casting call for my favorite TPBs.

check out the previous posts:
10. Invincible
9. Empire
8. Ultron Unlimited
7. The Authority: Circle
6. Superman: Red Son
5. the JLA Martian Trilogy
4. Wolverine: Enemy of the State


3. THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS
Frank Miller/Klaus Janson/Lynn Varley/John Costanza


i won't even try to define what DKR means to the geek world. suffice it to say, if you haven't read it, you don't know Batman. and if this is ever made into a movie, you better make sure they get it right. or the fans will give the producers a whuppin' like the Republicans got this week.

here's one man's take on who might fit the bill for the roles, if they ever get around to it.



casting call:
let's go out on a lark here and ignore the calls for Clint Eastwood. puh-leeze. we love the man and all, that's why we don't need him breaking his bones in his golden years. instead let's go give the role to the white-haired actor who seems to relish roles grounded in his conviction to fight for justice. plus we're curious how ornery Neal McDonough can be.


we heard Anderson Cooper put his name on account of his white hair. yeah, sure.

Alfred Pennyworth - can Michael Caine come back circa Dirty Rotten Scoundrels? why the heck not?


Lt. James Gordon - is still Gary Oldman. Olderman.


The Joker - unless someone wants to really step up and fill the void left by Heath Ledger (yeah look at those lameass Jokers last Halloween)... let's cook up some imaginative CGI! using Heath Ledger!


Superman - the only question is whether Ron Livingston would like to commit career suicide by risking the Superman curse. Brandon Routh is now on course to die on the set of the next Superman movie.


Robin/Carrie Kelly - we're leaning toward the preggy kid from Juno or Shadowcat from X3, or that crazy girl from Hard Candy. what? Miley Cyrus called??


Harvey Dent's brief memorable stint sure has John Malkovich's name on it.


Dr. Bart Wolper - the man responsible for letting the Joker loose and indirectly causing hundreds of casualties should be played by no less than this blathering idiot, who will likely do the same thing.


Commish Ellen Yindel - will be played by hardass lawyer Patty Hewes (Glenn Close)

Oliver Queen/Green Arrow - Kris Kristofferson, sidekick to the stars? Sean Connery declined the invite.


"Milk Baby" the bomb-maker - what? you think Jason Alexander can't do nasty? before he was a pathetic whiny loser on Seinfeld, he was uhh ... a sexual predator misogynistic bully in Pretty Woman. yes, that was a very thin argument.


if he can play a jackass cowardly editor in chief, JK Simmons can sure as hell play a jackass cowardly mayor. who dies. violently.


The Mutant Leader - is Tiny Lister. easy.


presidential media advisor Chuck Brick was first offered to Alec Baldwin but he had 30 Rock commitments, so Patrick Warburton steps in.


President Ronald Reagan - here's the rub: you have to get Nancy's permission to use footage of Prez Ronnie. start by telling her you did not vote for McCain.


geek goosebump moments:
well, i offer five out of dozens. i dare you capture that on celluloid (or digital format).

Batman with a gun!


Batman rules the Jungle!


Batman as the Dark Knight with steed!


Batman does not defeat the Joker!


but he beats up Superman instead!

4 comments:

Jego said...

Eastwood!!!!

Ok if you dont like Eastwood, how about Tom Selleck?

grifter said...

just like Eastwood, might be too expensive to insure.

Jego said...

You may be right. Just the thought of having to shave off his mustache would jack up his asking price two-fold.

SnoopBloggyBlogg said...

batman in this always looked like brian dennehy to me; an older, but still powerful and imposing man. you know who else would be great as an older, embittered batman? michael keaton.