scary movie(s)

given the paucity of funds, i barely go into a moviehouse these days. prior to last weekend's why-the-hell-not juke into Valkyrie (pretty okay, except we gave money to the Scientologists!), the last movie i watched on the big screen was The Dark Knight. yes, i didn't even watch The Incredible Hulk, but i have it on Blu-Ray, dammit! that, and Iron Man and TDK.

which kind of makes me avoid most movies, especially comicbook movies (i guess i'd rather make up my own casting calls), even though i want to check them out even if they're not probably worth the $10 i shell out ($11.50 thru Fandango). and if i'm to believe the funny dudes at Doomkopf, Will Eisner's The Spirit (by way of Frank Miller) is one of those.

Well, I’m an expert on terrible movies. I’ve seen, literally, thousands of atrocious movies. The only time I’ve ever walked out of a theatre was during the first Scary Movie flick, but, boy, did I ever want to get up and leave this one, so I know where you’re coming from. I don’t think there was a single redeeming quality to this thing. This was worse than Ghost Rider, Punisher: War Zone, and Fantastic Four 2 combined.

oh. my. God. dess.

considering i have not yet seen any of those three, that's saying a lot.

those are fanboys. but even Roger Ebert rolls out the knife tray.

To call the characters cardboard is to insult a useful packing material ... the film's hero is an ex-cop reincarnated as an immortal enforcer; for all the personality he exhibits, we would welcome Elmer Fudd ... why, oh why, does he never die, he asks himself. And we ask it of him.

damn, and i wanted to see ScarJo in full 300/Sin City vividity. oh, that's right, i can still watch her when it hits the Blu-Ray $10 bargain bin in 2010.

so what's the lesson here? Miller needs help behind the camera. Robert Rodriguez had to cajole him to co-direct Sin City. Zack Snyder used the green screen stuff to perfection in 300. buoyed by those successes, Miller took the reins and took a critical beating. ouch.

going back to the three films mentioned that are marginally better than The Spirit, Doom DeLuise (heh) of Doomkopf also puts out a list of crap movies that he's seen, and of course, the trio appears in said list.

for brevity's sake, here's the 10: (look, he didn't see Catwoman)

10. Steel (1997)
09. Judge Dredd (1995)
08. Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987)
07. Spider-Man 3 (2007)
06. Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007)
05. X-Men: The Last Stand (2006)
04. Punisher: War Zone (2008)
03. Ghost Rider (2007)
02. The Spirit (2008)
01. Batman and Robin (1997)

fortunately, i have only seen three of these. unfortunately, one of those is #1.

i like their take on #3:


poor Nic Cage. after being in talks for Superman (back in the '90s - i know. ugh.), he lands Ghost Rider and bam! i guess he doesn't care. and oh, he ain't poor. sorry.

ah, screw it. let's just play us some Six Degrees. bold text denotes person starring in movie in order shown above. let's start with the stinkeroo Steel:

Kevin Grievoux (yes, him!) -> Charlie's Angels -> Drew Barrymore -> 50 First Dates, which also starred ...
Rob Schneider -> Ally McBeal -> Calista Flockhart -> The Birdcage, which also starred ...
Gene Hackman -> The Quick and the Dead, which also starred ...
Bruce Campbell -> Kirsten Dunst -> Marie Antoinette -> Rose Byrne -> Wicker Park -> Josh Hartnett -> Sin City, which also starred ...
Jessica Alba -> Bruce Willis -> Hostage, which also starred ...
Ben Foster -> 3:10 to Yuma -> Alan Tudyk -> A Knight's Tale -> James Purefoy -> Rome, who had ...
Ray Stevenson -> Ciarán Hinds -> Munich -> Daniel Craig -> The Golden Compass, which also starred ...
Sam Elliott, and Ghost Rider also had ...
Eva Mendes -> Samuel L Jackson -> Pulp Fiction, which also starred ...
Uma Thurman


if ESPN has its NBA Trade Machine, IMDB has its its advanced fuzzy search. yowza!