who wants to be an Avengenaire?

a whole lot, apparently.

so we got them Assembled, then Disassembled, then we got them New, and we got them Mighty. now we got them reassembled again. sorta.

led by reluctant cross-dressing leader the Wasp (cough, cough! that's frakking Henry Pym, regardless of what side his toast is buttered on!), we have a cornucopia of former and not-yet members: the ill-tempered fake Captain America USAgent, Hercules, Amadeus Cho (who engages Pym in a smarts peeing contest), Jocasta, Cassie Lang, the Jonas Brother (sorry, the Vision currently known as Jonas), and - surprise, surprise - the dumb green Hulk! all gathered (and another mindfuck) by the Scarlet Witch. who may or may not be a Skrull. oh, that storyline's over?

anyway, they've been brought together to fight ... a Chton-possessed Quicksilver, who's bent on ... remaking reality. oh, this storyline's not over??

if that wasn't enough to reduce your brain to jello, let's have the flipside of the bright, cheery colors ... (drumroll, high hat) the DARK Avengers!!!

hey!!! it's like the '90s all over again (was the Mike Deodato art not enough of a hint?). let's see, we have Noh-Varr, enhanced Kree warrior who's probably the second-most powerful of this group; Moonstone masquerading as Ms. Marvel; Daken donning his dad's brown duds; Bullseye as Hawkeye (2nd most dangerous); Venom shrunk to black-costume Spidey-size; and the two turncoats - Ares and the Sentry (the most powerful guy here). i don't believe these two, but it makes for good drama.

and then of course, we have

Norman Effin Osborn

as the fucking

Iron.

Patriot.



Iron Patriot?


pretty soon, the name "Avengers" will be as reputable as someone who calls himself an "X-Man". if it isn't already.

(Iron Patriot?! WTF-!! Obama knows about this???)


btw, the Vision who is a Jonas brother is a fucking copout. trying to impress a guuuuurlllll. did you delete your Milli Vanilli collection? oh, that's right; he isn't that Vision.




(again, Iron Patriot?! WTF!!! just for picking that name alone, Osborn deserves to be put down)

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Dark Avengers #1, Mighty Avengers #21