looking bad?

we want Chuckles! and Tomax/Xamot! and the Dreadnoks!

Mogo dissed!

for that remark, Mogo and the Green Lantern Corps made a deal with the Worldmind/Nova Corps to strip Richard Rider of the Nova Force (that should actually be my cliffhanger of the week!).

apparently, there's this little-known ruling in the Book of Oa that states, "thou shall not disrespect thy equivalent character(s) in other comics, and vice versa."

i smell crossover battle!

watching

Topless Robot has the latest Watchmen pics.

why the hate on the G.I. Joe movie? every single comic movie is now measured against The Dark Knight and Iron Man, when we know equalling or topping that won't happen. tell us its stinks after you watch it, or at least a sizable amount of critics and the viewing public have, and they explicitly state that it does.

i think the viewing public's tastes have matured in the last few years, with respect to comic book movies, that's why we had 2008 (that even includes The Spirit and Punisher: War Zone, right Doomkopfers?), and that's why production companies are mining all the material that they deem will make a buck. we should be thankful that they're throwing money to bring the fun stuff from our childhood to life, and in a medium that's evolved much since Nicholas Hammond started crawling on walls lying flat on the ground. i wasn't a fan of Transformers movie, though i did go out and watch it, and i understand they wouldn't be able to make it 10, 20 years ago. as long as it respects the material and the viewer's sensibilities and intelligence, everyone wins. if you feel you don't like it, vote with your wallet.

if Watchmen makes a bajillion dollars, that's a victory for us all, considering its a story that happened to be using the superhero genre, not necessarily your standard capes and tights big-ass action fare. well, even if makes a tidy little profit, and wins general approval, that's fine. maybe TDK had high expectations, especially after the circumstances surrounding its production and the hype thereafter, but did you really expect Iron Man to succeed like it did? one thing we can say, that if we get geeks and Hollywood to work together, we'll get quality movies. of course we won't know until the final product is rolled out.


really, as long as no one in the upcoming G.I. Joe movie yells "Cobra-La-La-La-La!", i'm good.

why Wolverine can't visit Obama

with the smoking ban still in place, despite the new President's tendency to sneak a cigarette, ol' Canucklehead and his sticks has been shut out of the White House.

covers of the week

Street Fighter Legends: Chun-Li #1 by Omar Dogan
Guardians of the Galaxy #9 by Clint Langley

right smack in the middle of crap

well, that describes where the current members of the Guardians of the Galaxy are, right now. the good news is, they found their missing erstwhile leader Peter Quill a.k.a. Space Star Lord, who's in trapped in the Negative Zone with Blastaar The Headcase from Too Many Bomb-Bursts. the bad news: they teleported right into the middle of Blastaar's marauding invasion horde headed for Earth.

(thanks a lot, Reed and Tony, for building that stupid prison with two-way teleport facilities).

"middle of crap" also describes where President Obama (what, Colbert didn't win?? LOL) is in right now, and i'm not even talking reality. in keeping with his nature of keeping a cool head and engaging in dialogue and negotiation, the Prez invites current psycho head of American security Norman Osborn aboard Air Force One and face charges of murder from evidence provided by Doc Len Samson. being the brilliant shrink that he is, Samson is completely caught off-guard as Osborn completely takes control of the situation and provides a stunning dog-and-pony show that is sure to stack the odds in his favor and completely discredit his detractors. thanks a lot, Len. fine help you are, useless prick.

oh, and fuck you, Osborn - fuck. you.

(actually, that's more of a complimentary jab at Andy Diggle - he's put me through a lot of wringers during The Losers. good times.)

-----
Guardians of the Galaxy #9, Thunderbolts #128

of course, yeah!

now pardon me, and let me go back to re-reading this mumbo-jumbo right from the start.


-----
Final Crisis #7

parked and ready to rock

noting a post from the doomkopf peeps, let's add to the drumbeat for a summer blockbuster. let's have us some Ray Park goodness ... yo, Joe!!!!

see, if America had a real G.I. Joe team that looks awesome, has the moral high ground, and are the best ass-kickers on the planet, we can really follow through with Teddy Roosevelt's axiom of speaking softly and carrying a big stick. troublemakers like Hugo Chavez and Mahmud Ahmadinejad would just shut up. the Taliban would give up Bin Laden and piss all over him. Putin wouldn't be saber-rattling until he had his own version.

ahhh, just go check out the rest of the stills here. also a here's a credit for poofy.

irredeemable

Mark Waid is allegedly evil. yes, for teaming up with Peter Krause (no, not that dude in Sex, i mean Six Feet Under) in designing an anti-hero who looks a lot like Miracleman and Captain Marvel (no, not that woman from New Orleans!). read it all here [via robot6@ cbr]

Mark knows we're just kidding. we love Empire.

starbroken

in the current issue of JLA (#29), we are reintroduced to Starbreaker, the Cosmic Vampire, who tries to swipe back the "sun-powered being" card from the Sentry. he just sold himself short, because he failed to do his research that the Sentry had "the power of a million exploding suns", while the dork only settled for a thousandth of that. dumbass.

realizing his mistake, he tries to spin the situation.



countless? meh.

actually, if we look back at his original appearance in JLA vol. 1 #96 (yes, waaaaaaaaay back then, kiddies), he even had less! the nerve.

i guess he thought "a hundred suns" would sound very impressive back then. too bad, the League kicked his ass. twice.

* i also guess its an editorial snafu by Messrs Berganza and Schlagman, or they really thought a 'hundred' was weak for this new generation, and saying a 'million' would look a lot like the Sentry so they settled for a thousand.


oh, and here's a kinky portion. i didn't know Hawkman (and this was from Starbreaker's present-day narrative of the events in #96) back then, already knew the term "safe word".

going back to the original tome:



would that sound corny for you, kids? you rather like "safe word"? i guess you do, because you guys are a lot more knowledgeable than me when i was your age.

Batman ... is not a Man.

-----
from one of my earliest JLA comics, #132

note: back in 1976, books could be handled by 3 people (see tags below). nowadays, the credits would have the main writer, a possible co-writer, an inspiration attribute, the inker(s), the colorist, the letterer and a possible 'production' credit. it doesn't even include the editors and publisher. oh, there could also be a separate cover artist. geez, its a whole posse. and you couldn't really say 100% that the books of today are superior to the old school. sure, current production methods and finishing can be real slick, but some have really bad pencil work.

the jux

Tony Daniel (c. 1995, 2007)


Batman's right leg's a bit off, but overall for his recent (interior) work ... not bad.

and here we go again ...

Sinestro kills Laira, now a Red Lantern, pushing Hal Jordan over the edge once more, and that's when Atrocitus makes his move. whoa! (couldn't be worse than when he got Parallaxed, could it?)

over at whatever-weird-shit-Warren-Ellis-writes-for-a-living land, the X-Men find themselves beating up extraterrestials who have a surprising link to them ...

whatever Ellis does, its always somehow grabs your attention, even if you have a deficit of that.


-----
Green Lantern #37, Astonishing X-Men #28

covers of the week

Mysterius the Unfathomable #1 by Tom Fowler
Green Lantern #37 by Shane Davis, Sandra Hope, & Nei Ruffino

Queen Ororo visits Beijing

and look what she found?


well, say no more, my Queen. here's the finest in the land!



now i know why Xorn ran away to America.

who wants to be an Avengenaire?

a whole lot, apparently.

so we got them Assembled, then Disassembled, then we got them New, and we got them Mighty. now we got them reassembled again. sorta.

led by reluctant cross-dressing leader the Wasp (cough, cough! that's frakking Henry Pym, regardless of what side his toast is buttered on!), we have a cornucopia of former and not-yet members: the ill-tempered fake Captain America USAgent, Hercules, Amadeus Cho (who engages Pym in a smarts peeing contest), Jocasta, Cassie Lang, the Jonas Brother (sorry, the Vision currently known as Jonas), and - surprise, surprise - the dumb green Hulk! all gathered (and another mindfuck) by the Scarlet Witch. who may or may not be a Skrull. oh, that storyline's over?

anyway, they've been brought together to fight ... a Chton-possessed Quicksilver, who's bent on ... remaking reality. oh, this storyline's not over??

if that wasn't enough to reduce your brain to jello, let's have the flipside of the bright, cheery colors ... (drumroll, high hat) the DARK Avengers!!!

hey!!! it's like the '90s all over again (was the Mike Deodato art not enough of a hint?). let's see, we have Noh-Varr, enhanced Kree warrior who's probably the second-most powerful of this group; Moonstone masquerading as Ms. Marvel; Daken donning his dad's brown duds; Bullseye as Hawkeye (2nd most dangerous); Venom shrunk to black-costume Spidey-size; and the two turncoats - Ares and the Sentry (the most powerful guy here). i don't believe these two, but it makes for good drama.

and then of course, we have

Norman Effin Osborn

as the fucking

Iron.

Patriot.



Iron Patriot?


pretty soon, the name "Avengers" will be as reputable as someone who calls himself an "X-Man". if it isn't already.

(Iron Patriot?! WTF-!! Obama knows about this???)


btw, the Vision who is a Jonas brother is a fucking copout. trying to impress a guuuuurlllll. did you delete your Milli Vanilli collection? oh, that's right; he isn't that Vision.




(again, Iron Patriot?! WTF!!! just for picking that name alone, Osborn deserves to be put down)

-----
Dark Avengers #1, Mighty Avengers #21

props

here's a quick thanks to the guys over at Doomkopf for the linkage. like i drive traffic thru their site. anyway, that was sweet. awwwwwwwwwwwww ....

who will rule?

of course, the winner will be the one who has the hottie wife with flowing red hair, suckaz!!!

oh well, i guess i'm going

at least i'll have three days, three chances to find and beat up the guy(s) who moved the NYCC back to Freezin' February. thanks a lot, you mooks! hope you have insurance!

all fired up

the God of All Comics has created his fair share of comicbook bastards - Cassandra Nova, Dr. Hurt - but the one i keep checking back on is Prometheus, who made his spectacular debut almost 11 years ago, cleaning the JLA's clocks. replacing a young hero named Retro, who won the "Be a Justice Leaguer for A Day" contest, Prometheus easily infiltrated the JLA moonbase (with the global media on hand, no less), took down the heroes one at a time (including Batman), and was on the verge of humiliating Superman himself if not for his balls' timely introduction to Catwoman's whip, who wasn't even supposed to be there in the first place.

he tried this gig a second time, as part of Lex Luthor's Injustice Gang, but Bats "cheated" by reprogramming Prometheus' helmet to contain the fighting skills of Dr. Stephen Hawking, who could certainly at most beat up a fly if he wanted to.

the more recent sightings of Prometheus didn't seem to be as interesting and as badass as before ... and now we know why. the Prometheus running around these days isn't the original.

Prometheus downloads 1 Exabyte of porn - into 1 single disc.

following the stunt pulled by Batman, the only way they could prevent Prometheus from coming back and kicking their asses again was for J'onn J'onzz to mess with his mind, to trap him from within. i wonder how that is different from Zatanna mindwiping villains (Identity Crisis) and Bats/J'onn reacting the way they did. anyway, the death of the Martian Manhunter triggers a "prison break" of sorts - the real Prometheus, drooling in an isolated cell in Blackgate Penitentiary, regains his faculties and walks out of there faster than you can say "they finally cancelled Prison Break! woooohoooooo!!"

"and how do you like your cable/internet, Mr. Prometheus?"

the real deal checks his hideouts, finds out someone has been using his identity to spitshine his rep by - gaaahhhh! robbing banks! tracking his doppelganger is rather relatively easy, removing some competitors along the way. and when i say "removing" it involves severing of body parts.

"this wasn't the half-off sale i expected ..."

the fake Prometheus turns out to be his protege, who lacked the creativity and brilliance and sinister fun edge that the original had. as the fake goes up in flames, we are treated to hints of delicious violence as Prometheus promises revenge on the Justice League (sans J'onn) ... and that's scary news.

illustrated by relative newcomer Federico Dallocchio, who maximizes the use of panels, Faces of Evil: Prometheus, is a bang-up reintroduction to a character who should have been a major major player the first time around.

wish everything was this easy

The Chameleon tries to impersonate the President-elect and leaves most of his brain at home. what a chump.


good luck, President Barack.

-----
The Amazing Spider-Man #583

c'mon, baby, relight my fire

Inferno, despite heavy-handedness and a hundred things going on at the same time, is one of my favorite X-crossovers. its how Chris Claremont manages to tie things in together, whether by commercial design or artistic will that each summer crossover segues fluidly into the next. crossovers are a controversial subject, but i don't see the fans hating them so much that they never buy a book again, in significant numbers, that the big two stop producing them. yes, i'm looking at you, message-board-cruising, nerd-flaming know-it-alls.

anyway, as i was saying, i had fond memories of Inferno - the inevitable union of the X-teams, fighting the Marauders (which made me cheer for Ed Brubaker's Messiah CompleX), and Illyana Rasputin's rise from her fall from grace - and would've liked to keep them that way. her death years later sealed that and made the whole thing a treasure trove you'd revisit time and time again.

of course, they keep resurrecting dead people around here its not funny anymore. i keep ignoring the fact that characters never really age (well, relatively).

and then again, someone greenlighted X-Infernus, and its like Illyana's story never happened. she's back fighting for control of Limbo against Belasco's daughter this time, and the only reference to the past is her brother Peter's insistence that they have been searching for a way back to Limbo all this time to get her back.

to their credit, moving the X-teams to San Francisco was a bold step; however, the current storylines (the return of the 'Hellfire Club', the revival of old dead enemies like The Right, Bastion, Graydon Creed, Bolivar Trask, and Cameron Hodge, this Illyana thing) seem like old hat. i don't know if they'll get involved in War of Kings (they certainly have representation out there anyway), but Scott doesn't seem to have any inclination to check on Alex, so its surprising he agrees with Colossus to send a team to go after Illyana.

i must admit i'm a little curious what they plan to do with this - will Illyana stay and rule Limbo? (those teleportation discs will come in handy for the X-teams!) or will she die permanently this time around?

tipping points

with a is-he-a-murderer-or-not Jericho inside Nightwing, the latter has to make a decision when the JLA comes a-calling ... and of course, 'Wing's gonna say:


of course, we like to cheer heroes beating up on each other.

speaking of beating, Frank Castle's heart is still cool as a cucumber although Molly Von Richtofen's heart is probably doing calisthenics, and not because she spotted a hottie.

we all await the final chapter where we bury Elite and this Ma Gnucci nonsense once and for all (heh! snort!)

cover of the week

G.I. Joe #1 by Gabrielle Dell'Otto