animal man

WE3
Grant Morrison/Frank Quitely
DC/Vertigo


using animals in warfare certainly isn't a new concept. they have always been mostly beasts of burden or used as a quasi-weapons (was that an armored rhino in 300?). animal testing in modern times has always been a controversial issue. but for all the fictional nuggets we've come up with in movies and books, none does make quite an impact like WE3. right from the start, do not recommend this book to the PETA/ASPCA crowd. they'd go nuts.

Grant Morrison, drug-addled shaman/conjurer of crazy conspiracy stuff, tones down the crazy but ups the conspiracy in this 3-part series where we begin with stunned faces on presumably soon-to-be-dead people.

"por qué? anna nicole es muerto!? no puede! pendejo!"

we learn later that these are the scruffy soldiers of a banana republic dictator, and there's really no shame in wasting their sorry asses.

Morrison's partner-in-crime, the tastefully-named Vincent Deighan, a.k.a. Frank Quitely, gives us - in my mind - the best splash page of his career. or even of all splash pages. i've seen him do X-Men and The Authority (Bryan Hitch is no slouch either), and man, this is faaaaaaaaantastic.


just to let you drool over how cool that was, here's a larger version.

three robotic creatures responsible for assassinating a head of state return to base, and we all go, 'whoa!' when its revealed that they're just ... a dog, a cat and a rabbit.


jet-engine assembling rats? a rabbit acting as a poison gas delivery system? cats and dogs comparable to fighter planes and tanks? who else is responsible for this despicable ... morally-bankrupt, ethically-challenged enterprise of turning poor creatures into WMD? why, who else but the most powerful nation on earth!

don't you like a text-ready pet canine?

once military scientist types utter the words "(they) only kill enemies of our nation" in reference to living weapons ... run away. far, far away.

a visit by the top brass results in an order to decommission WE3, presumably to breed their own animals later ("what kind of lunatic would teach a killing machine to talk?"). Dr. Roseanne Berry, project mastermind, sees all of her life's work going down the drain. the animals themselves, hearing the word "decommission", understand enough that they are going to be put out to pasture.

and you know what happens next.


the weapons formerly known as Bandit, Tinker and Pirate escape the holding facility and boldly go into a whole new world. you can just imagine plugging that Peabo Bryson/Regina Belle song here as they leap out into the unknown.

"no one to tell us no, or where to go ... or say we're only dreaming"

most of issue #2 is spent with me getting sprayed by blood and gore ... with most of those coming from the conventional military forces sent to track down their wayward biorgs (clinically, Bio-Modified Organisms). and only as Quitely can depict.

paging John Woo ... your white pigeons can do the same thing, right?

Tinker the cat wants to run far away but Bandit the dog is still a good soldier, and their different mindsets bring them against each other, tooth and claw. only the cutesy bunny reminds them that they are all friends. awwwwwww.

hah! good luck if Disney options this movie.

after getting human troops decimated, the scientists sic other weapons on the trio. these people are in charge of WMDs??

at least we all hate something in common.

an accidental train crash/derailment ups the body count, and Morrison plugs in a poignant moment amidst the bloodshed. the dog tries to save a man by pulling him to shore ... not knowing there's only half of the man left.


tragedy then strikes as Pirate the rabbit, trying to find someone to fix his tail, approaches a hunter, his own dog and his son. Pirate gets shot, and Bandit and Tinker have to kill the hunter and the dog. the child wanders away in fear and is found by the authorities. which leads to the last resort: putting WE4 in play.



did i mention WE4 is a large, bloodthirsty mastiff?

WE3, hungry and bloodied, take shelter by the trainyards, where they are found by a derelict, who takes pity on them and disavows any knowledge of them when questioned by the searching police and soldiers.

cats hate burgers. whodathunk?

Dr. Berry, guilty over her role in letting We3 escape, is forced to bait them into position where WE4 can terminate them. the injured rabbit, not firing on all cylinders, goes out of hiding to look for the derelict, against the dog's orders. which then leads to another expected horrific event.

just say the word ooohhh .... cu-cu-CuJo!

Pirate commits suicide by shitting a grenade. all the mil-scientists hope for is that it was the cat that died. fraidy cats.

Dr. Berry lures the dog into position for the snipers to kill. but she sacrifices herself and lets the dog know before getting split open by bullets, that his given name is "Bandit". as with when Pirate got shot by the hunter, Bandit takes command responsibility seriously and blames himself for the death of his human friend.


unhinged, Bandit runs and comes face-to-face with a slightly injured WE4. he holds off the bigger dog until Tinker attacks from behind (and takes out WE4's eyes, hehe). the melee spills into a tunnel highway, endangering cars with civilians. Bandit even saves a cop from the blinded and enraged WE4. faced with no options, the military decides to remote-terminate the mastiff.

i guess he couldn't take the drama and the violence

the surviving cat and dog hide in a housing project. Bandit finds his broken armor falling off, and comes to the realization that:


with that epiphany, they set one final trap for the pursuing soldiers.


i've been itching to get my hands on this book ever since i heard about it, and it was worth the wait. Morrison doesn't disappoint, although i had a feeling he was exorcising some inner hatred for animals here while gleefully writing the story. or maybe i am just imagining things. at least he got paid for it. and he'll be paid more, if the New Line project gets greenlighted.

though the story is best set in the fictional world, it still wouldn't be too far-fetched to think that somehow, somewhere, someone has already said these words:



i'm keeping an eye on the next cockroach i see. you never know.
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issues read: WE3 #1-3