Friday, May 2, 2008

and now a message from ...



Gaaahh!! did i look like that before? who's designing these armors? i must've been drunk all those years.

hello there, fanboys. if you haven't checked your calendars lately (or your smelly clothes for that matter), its already May 2nd. yes, its time to haul ass and get over to your local cineplex. its time to watch my movie!!!

i guarantee you'll be having quite a bit of fun - this isn't the "transistor-powered" (whatever that means) Iron Man of your grampa's time. nor will it be filled with D-list actors trying to make a quick buck. no way. this big budget flick (might as well have been financed by the DoD) has real stars in them - Downey Jr., Howard, Bridges and Fishsticks Paltrow (i don't know how she got that nickname; she's sweet).

true metal gray Iron Man aficionados have been already bombarded with all the movie's marketing schemes since they announced they were doing this movie. in fact, those aficionados are lined up at this very moment, wearing replica armors. i love those guys. they would die of the weight and/or lameness of it all, but i love them.

i love the swell directorial job done by Jon Favreau, and it looks like this could be a franchise, folks. Tobey Maguire is old now (despite his emo leanings) - they still need to find a new Peter Parker. they also killed off the bald guy, the helmeted guy and the one-eyed guy. i, on the other hand, am the embodiment of the alpha male (men want to be me, women want to do me), and that's good for a couple more movies. plus there's always North Korea and Iran, and the spectre of a resurgent Russia - so there's always villains to fight. if you remember, i created the armor back in the day to fight communists.

so, in closing, i welcome you to a dawn of a new age - the apex of Marvel Comics' triumphant raising of the geek flag in Hollywood (screw you, Dolph Lundgren).

to peace!!!

- Tony Stark

ps. i hope you are reading this on the Voyager browser™. what's that, you say? why, don't you know i invented a killer web browser as well? are you kidding me? you can download the whole internet (filters optional) to your hard drive ... if you had around a couple of zettabyte drives lying around, hehe. maybe not. damn that scotch.

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