since the concluding issue (#7 of the real series) isn't out yet, we've only so far gathered the preceding six. but its enough for a great barrel of laughs. obviously, most of the stuff are in-jokes (for those who follow the Marvel Universe), and may really not be funny to the casual reader.
actually, it makes more sense than the real Civil War (okay, Mark, put the gun down ...).
so help me God, i can't help posting my favorite funny scenes in the series. sorry, mighty god king, i really have to do this.
without further ado, here's all you need to know to catch up with Civil War. which should end ... just ... about ... now ... well? well? dammit, Millar, you still owe us the final, final, extremely-final conclusion to The Ultimates vol. 2!!!
if you can't read the text, just click on 'em (obviously).
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#1 - where boys play with toys and men are still boys.
right. smoking 2 packs a day can be canceled out by eating veggies.
Mutatis Mutandis. or something.
priceless, priceless.
seriously, they just brought back Black Goliath as a plot device. even the original Captain Mar-vell, Nitro's most famous victim, is making a comeback.
wahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
click on this and you won't regret it.
Cap talking down to S.H.I.E.L.D. bulldyke Maria Hill
a couple of years ago, this would have been "the shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S".
#2 - where the net closes and Spidey shows his acne face (and Tony bangs Shakira)
seriously; how does the Thing get his ... err, rocks off? never mind.
show us "Reed 2.0"!!!
this is as far as we'll go with stuff like this (copyright shit you know ...)
and this one - priceless, priceless (you should read the complete sequence).
wahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Brazilian porn? with Alessandra, Ana, and Gisele? holy shit!
ladies and gentlemen, presenting your 2007 American Idol!
#3 - where the first big-ass fight occurs
Spandex is sooooo 80's.
wahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
boys will be boys
the gayness of you
U.S. Politics, Cape Style
Tony offers PBS ...
and you all know what happens next:
JT really brought it back.
and we get the best cliffhanger in years.
#4 - with the infamous "Death of Black Goliath" a.k.a. "Attack of the Clone"
wahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
this one is just classic.
can Iron Man be any more both true to form and not?
wahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
priceless sitcom material.
continuity gaffe? who knows?
take that, Rob Liefeld!
how come there isn't anything like that Shellhead action figure in the market?!
#5 - where Tony and Peter throw down and Frank cusses a lot.
wahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
seriously, is Northstar reading this?
there is no good "Hawk" character. except maybe the one in G.I. Joe.
hey, the EMO Anti-Defamation League is protesting as we write this.
Tony Stark: Big Brother
two D-list jabronis pile up on Spidey
obviously, we needed a Scientology joke there somewhere.
dry humping? oooooohhhhh.
i bet a lot of people googled that after.
which leads us to ... (stop, please stop!)
why is the Punisher on the anti-Registration side?
wahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
and i thought Great Lakes Avengers were worse.
#6 - where Susan may or may not have cheated and the everyone dukes it out in the Negative Zone.
awesome!
why didn't i see that ad? oh yeah, i don't read.
Iron Man: Sentinel of Liberty
and now, for our Desperate Housewife sequence:
damn you, McNiven, giving us a lot of material!
Frank Castle, voice-over talent.
wahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
wahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
the book Nighthawk: No Respect is #754 on Amazon's Bestseller list.
which brings us to:
and now, i say thee:
give us #7, or give us the parody of #7!!!
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