Fatal Attractions
Excalibur #71 "Crossing Swords"
Scott Lobdell/Ken Lashley/Darick Robertson/Matt Ryan
Cam Smith/Randy Elliott/Randy Emberlin/Mark Nelson
the cover for the last chapter of Fatal Attractions is indicative of what the '90s comics were evolving into - exaggerated musculature and poses, and the bigger breasts, the better. man, these guys work out a lot! look at Colossus' abs! his waist must be like 24"! his legs are like sequoias!
one thing that bugged me was that V on the Acolytes' unis. what does it mean? victory? five? peace? shouldn't it say 'M' for Magneto? this harkens back to the Voltes V/Mazinger Z cartoons. why does Voltes V have an 'M' on his chest (which becomes the cross guard of his laser sword), while Mazinger Z had a 'V'? what the hell, man. as Bill Simmons would say, i need to know these things.
ok, back to the program.
the story so far is Magneto is back from the dead (that phrase will still be uttered even by the time my grandkids are like 12) and on a recruitment drive. despite only bagging Colossus (and a couple of young mutants, Rusty and Skids), he makes life miserable for our heroes, dismantling Cable, and sucking the adamantium out of Logan, not to mention all those people who died during his initial display of power with an EMP.
a few of Magneto's Acolytes, like Spoor (Spoor? what the hell is his mutant power? hair growth?) below have been imprisoned by the X-Men for rehab. the locks look faulty because here we are, seeing him locked in mortal combat with Nightcrawler, in the driving rain of Muir Isle.
one thing that bugged me was that V on the Acolytes' unis. what does it mean? victory? five? peace? shouldn't it say 'M' for Magneto? this harkens back to the Voltes V/Mazinger Z cartoons. why does Voltes V have an 'M' on his chest (which becomes the cross guard of his laser sword), while Mazinger Z had a 'V'? what the hell, man. as Bill Simmons would say, i need to know these things.
ok, back to the program.
the story so far is Magneto is back from the dead (that phrase will still be uttered even by the time my grandkids are like 12) and on a recruitment drive. despite only bagging Colossus (and a couple of young mutants, Rusty and Skids), he makes life miserable for our heroes, dismantling Cable, and sucking the adamantium out of Logan, not to mention all those people who died during his initial display of power with an EMP.
a few of Magneto's Acolytes, like Spoor (Spoor? what the hell is his mutant power? hair growth?) below have been imprisoned by the X-Men for rehab. the locks look faulty because here we are, seeing him locked in mortal combat with Nightcrawler, in the driving rain of Muir Isle.
yeah, you know he'd fart out loud in a full elevator.
my sarcastic question is answered: Spoor's power is to emit pheromones to enhance anyone's emotional state. that would go well during family reunions and domestic disturbances. he's usually questioned during murder cases in CSI and Law and Order.
apart from that cheery incident (Spoor escaped because Excalibur forgot to lock the door), everything else is cheery. that is, until a visit from the (real) X-Men sends everyone to the liquor cabinet.
Professor Xavier thinks Peter's decision to up and leave can be tied in to a previous head injury (sustained at the hands of that loser X-Cutioner) and with the death of his sister, made him lean towards the Magster. so they want to perform a lobotomy on him ... well, kinda. but they have to lure him back to Earth, and so what better bait than his ex-, Kitty "You Can't Touch This" Pryde, a.k.a. Shadowcat.
Kitty consents after some drama, and a fake message about wanting to join the cause is emailed to Avalon (what? of course its "themanager@avalon.com". there wasn't any email then? really?). by the way, be careful about sending fake emails; you could get into trouble. seriously, dude.
the jerk Exodus, who couldn't prevent his master from being mind-wiped, assumes control of Avalon and thus Colossus has to ask permission for him to bring Kitty back. hey, i wonder how Exodus' voice sounds like. he has this special dialogue balloons that seem to imply he talks in sinister, gravelly tones.
Kitty consents after some drama, and a fake message about wanting to join the cause is emailed to Avalon (what? of course its "themanager@avalon.com". there wasn't any email then? really?). by the way, be careful about sending fake emails; you could get into trouble. seriously, dude.
the jerk Exodus, who couldn't prevent his master from being mind-wiped, assumes control of Avalon and thus Colossus has to ask permission for him to bring Kitty back. hey, i wonder how Exodus' voice sounds like. he has this special dialogue balloons that seem to imply he talks in sinister, gravelly tones.
of course, somewhere over the Southwestern desert, the man/cyborg who was recently dismantled by Magneto intercepts that same message, and he thinks correctly that Colossus is being set up by Excalibur and Xavier. i wonder why he thinks though, that he needs to show up, if he has some scores to settle with the Acolytes. why not just go back up to Avalon and kick their butt, given that Magneto is no longer a threat (or doesn't he know that)?
oh what big teeth you have, Nathan
or its just an excuse to have a family reunion (at this stage, it still has not been confirmed that Cable is Cyclops' long-lost son).
speaking of which Jean confides to a daughter she instantly had, about wedding plans in the future (yes, that's the classic X-Men #30). she'd have more time to talk with Rachel about this, if only because of Professor X's proclivity of butting into people's conversations and lives at the wrong time. what if Scott and Jean were having sex? damn telepaths!
speaking of which Jean confides to a daughter she instantly had, about wedding plans in the future (yes, that's the classic X-Men #30). she'd have more time to talk with Rachel about this, if only because of Professor X's proclivity of butting into people's conversations and lives at the wrong time. what if Scott and Jean were having sex? damn telepaths!
look, he's even vaguely smug.
Cable's attempt to inject himself unobtrusively totally fails, and he comes face to face with his (as yet unconfirmed) sister.
pointing guns at kin - yep, that's one happy family
Colossus teleports in (well, i guess someone repaired the systems in so short a time - that was probably a hell of a bill), and talks to Kitty, who in turn, tries her best to win the Oscar for 1993 ...
... just enough to provide her mates to collar Colossus, who of course sees it as another betrayal. what part of "no" do they not understand? i don't wanna be lobotomized! leave me the hell alone!
elsewhere, there's at least one who agrees with Peter, and wants to kick his ass as well. to do that, he's willing to kick his family members too. was Cable raised by white trash (a.k.a. Britney Spears)?
being also someone who's been time-tossed like Cable, Rachel manifests a Captain Britain persona and calls him Askani'son briefly, which stuns Cable into behaving a bit. that, and a psionic sucker punch. which means the mystery of these relationships will be addressed at a later date.
surgery commences for Colossus, courtesy of Cyclops' eye beams. i wonder why he doesn't do this more often - construction work, laser research, that kind of thing. oh that's right, those bastard evil mutants doesn't leave him a free day in his calendar. damn.
this issue would be too boring without some sort of mutant slugfest (fisticuffs between kin and friends included), so the other Acolytes make an appearance to ehm, retrieve Colossus, but with all the intention of slugging it out with anyone who even disagrees with them verbally. good thing Kurt knows a thing or two about verbal. ol' Nightcrawler is too much of a handful for Acolytes. without Magneto, these sheep are stuck in kindergarten, as i said.
even Scott lends an ... eye. very useful in peace or war. he's a hit with the chicks (yes, i'm talking to you, Emma).
and what of their newest sheep? ah well, he seems cured.
... but he's still leaving. not that he's ungrateful and all, but ...
this is generally the weakest of the issues in the crossover, though it provides an amount of closure to the "Angry Peter" period. we all know he wouldn't last long with those zealots. the best thing Fatal Attractions provided is a new direction for Wolverine, and that Magneto mindwipe stunt begat Onslaught - a huge, huge crossover event that involved the whole Marvel Universe, completely broke our trust in Xavier, and allowed Rob Leifeld to come back to Marvel (even if we knew he was gonna stink up the joint and wasn't gonna last long either).
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