who can haz girly lips?

Scott Summers can haz!

methinks Bianchi should just stick to drawing Wolverine. or X-Women: The Series.

-----
Astonishing X-Men #29

i. am. not. a. bag. of. shit.

... says Michael Moore.

the outspoken liberal filmmaker made this point today, in between gargantuan bites of Domino's triple-cheese-sausage-and-pepperoni-and-everything-else-including-the-staff's-boogers pizza, in reference to the latest right-wing smear campaign masquerading as comics issue of Kick Ass.



"i resent that remark." Moore said, adding "shit only happens after i eat; i certainly do not hold the food in my body for long periods of time after it has gone through my intestines. if that were so, then that description would be apt." Moore then proceeded to call Domino's for another half-dozen boxes of the same pizza.

Moore didn't care that this particular issue of Kick-Ass was our cliffhanger of the week, even if we were curious whether or not he was going to just keel over after eating those pizzas.


-----
Kick-Ass #6

acting like a maniac

the Daily POP is questioning the choice of Whiplash (or Blacklash) as a potential villain for Iron Man 2. i agree. he is one of the classic villains dating back to the ol' days. one of the first Iron Man storylines i remember reading was one involving Jasper Sitwell, the Maggia (heh), a low-batt Shellhead, and a betrayal by Tony Stark's cousin whatsisface - - - Morgan! reminds me, where the hell is that jerk?

so Mickey "Bloatface" Rourke is ostensibly playing Whiplash - is this because of his career resurrection or they are in awe of his rediscovered acting skills? i like Rourke, but that was pre-'90s before he flushed his career down the toilet (hey, sounds like Stark, circa alcoholic problems). maybe i should watch The Wrestler, and be awed again (Sin City was an ensemble).

considering how really easy it is to beat Whiplash (poor choice of codename, since you can easily make the case for "Whipping Boy"; that's probably why he went by "Blacklash" for a time), maybe they should have looked around more. Controller? Ghost? Spymaster? Madame Masque? i draw the line at the Red Ghost and his Super Apes.

poor Mark Scarlotti
bitch-slapped by sentient armor
into spaghetti


just in case this Whiplash thing doesn't work out, here's an idea for Iron Man 2



Bruce Lee = Mandarin analogue!

or ...

Bruce Lee = Dragon = Fin Fang Foom!

no?


/ducks tomatoes thrown

Peter Parker liplocks NYC Mayor

not only once, but twice!


can you imagine Hizzoner Mike Bloomberg in this pose? eeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwww.

-----
Amazing Spider-Man #547, 554

Secret Invasion may be over

... but there are still a lot of Skrulls in this great nation of ours!



courtesy of Kurt Snibbe/ESPN Page 2 and the Detroit "We're Only 0-16, We Didn't Choke in Superbowl XLII" Lions.

what John Connor may not realize ...

... is that maybe robots will evolve into having human emotions too. kinda like the Cylons without the pretense of using human facades.

fat on food network?

yes, its true ... Marvel's Tom Breevort is consulting/judging for Food Network's Last Cake Standing: Extreme Superhero Cakes.

cover of the week

seems like she's wearing the same blouse from issue #1, but what the heck.



Oracle: The Cure #2 by Guillem March

616: Where You Don't Need Insurance

indeed. i mean, even if people-who-had-their-heads-blown-off like Microchip can even come back to life, courtesy of resident demons, what's there to be afraid of?

you just need a schtick, a gimmick that's useful to someone.

coming back soon: Steve Rogers.

-----
Punisher #4

uh, did i miss something?

apparently yes, because here's Wolverine welcoming Northstar to the X-Men as if its the very first time he's joining the team.

does a Hydra resurrection involve a tabula rasa? obviously not, as they both remember that happy time in Westchester where Logan turns him into a Canadian shish kebab.

did somebody just go thru the Siege Perilous? (to answer that question, check Stump the Doominator at Doomkopf next week!)

what the hell, Matt Fraction?

oh and let's not even get started on Madelyne Pryor, Kwannon, and Dr. Kavita Rao.

-----
Uncanny X-Men #508

we'd rather have a legally blind governor as Mayor

Mayor JJJ? really?? was this sanctioned by Norman Osborn?

-----
Amazing Spider-Man #591

Green Arrow is still a horndog ...

... that's why he's joining Hal Jordan's new Justice League ...


... so they can ogle more chicks!

(because his wife is chairwoman of the current League, and damn if he'll be able to get away with it!)

hey, i didn't make that up; Newsarama did!!


(btw, the censored parts of that DC Memo were "retcon", "Final Crisis" and "Batman R.I.P.")

Carlo drinks your milk! (shake)

a conversation between Jeff Parker and my countryman Carlo Pagulayan. i'm trying to remember what that milk was. was it Klim? Nido? Bear Brand? Carnation?

if i can't remember, i probably didn't drink it. i was probably breastfed by wolves.

so no one's gonna be arrested? or sued?

EW (via IGN) is reporting that the leaked X-Men Origins: Wolverine copy won't really hurt box office sales after all.


"hahaha!! you haven't seen our song and dance number yet! suckers!!!"


the studio is probably hedging their bets, and they already have a target gross number or a percentage of income above the budget in mind, which will dictate whether they prosecute anyone or not.

which then lends credence to the conspiracy theory that they leaked it themselves. when life gives you lemons, set up a whole lemonade stand and franchise the goddamn thing.

sneering at the 2nd Amendment

hey, i thought Kirkman sort of burned his bridges and became COO of Image. is this part of his final pending work for Marvel?

-----
Destroyer #1

Betty has found someone Uglier ...

... and that someone is the Hulk!



um, you're not referring to Master Betty, right, Bruce?

-----
Ultimate Wolverine vs Hulk #4 (for god's sake, finish this already!!!)

Knossos gets misogynistic

... because he probably has the female version of penis envy.



whatever. take him down already, Dara.

-----
The Sword #16

oh, its on!

to: Silverhawks (snort)
from: Worldmind



do not think we will take this insult lightly, you winged abominations. "minor guardians of order" indeed. the Xandarians have no use for ugly flying objects as yourselves, as the Earthmen do sometimes to deliver their correspondences in absence of what they call a "postage stamp".

be forewarned that i will be sending my most powerful officer on you to open up that armor and squeeze you out like corned meat.


Richard, it is important that you listen at this time ...

wait, didn't i just take the Nova Force away from that Earthling ...

%%%%$&*#^@%!!
amp;*#^@%!!
amp;*#^@%!!

-----
War of Kings: Ascension #1

point taken

this is why Dark Reign is a much more intriguing "series" (more like an umbrella theme) than say, House of M, or World War Hulk, or even Secret Invasion. they were semi-contained stories to resolve an issue. but then again, we have all of that to thank, to be able to get to this point. Tony Stark now a "domestic terrorist"? how the mighty have fallen. Steve Rogers must be spinning and laughing in his grave.

Dark Reign somehow allows Marvel to fully explore the belly of the underworld beast, with characters we already know and hate (here's looking at you, Osborn). and the ascension of the bad guys wasn't a forced thing, not like a revised reality or time travel anomaly which needed to be corrected. the circumstances seem a bit over the top, and i can't believe Ben Urich is the only civilian questioning the whole thing (its like Fox News took over and everyone is drinking from their Kool Aid).

with a massive campaign of spinoffs and one-shots, Marvel is telling us 'hey, you don't need to buy it if you don't want to' (as is their usual line). i would like them to tell great stories and try to hit it out of the ballpark everytime and not just roll out spinoffs just for the sake of striking while the iron is hot.

Dark Reign: Hawkeye follows the 2nd most interesting Dark Avenger (yes, admittedly, i'd like to see the Iron Effin' Patriot get his comeuppance, after scheming and manipulating his way to eternity) - Bullseye. as we can see, donning Hawkeye's duds is the only thing he has in common with Clint Barton.

Bullseye is the real badass of the Marvel Universe, because he doesn't need a moral compass. even 'savage Wolverine' or 'Hand assassin Wolverine' is still deep down, Wolverine with a sliver of humanity. if Bullseye can kill you by looking at you, he would.

there's something delicious about solo Bullseye stories in this vein, pretty much like The Punisher/Garth Ennis reboot. Daniel Way hit the nail in recent memory (with Ennis co-conspirator Steve Dillon, no less) with Bullseye's Greatest Hits. Andy Diggle has moved seamlessly from Green Arrow to (Dark) Hawkeye, doing a complete 180 degree shift character-wise and it is so much fun. i have high hopes for this limited series. and i think Bullseye is gonna mess the whole gig up for Osborn.

-----
Dark Reign: Hawkeye #1

curiosity kissed the cat

... if curiosity's name was Jason of G-Force (a.k.a. Battle of the Planets).



what the hell. are we to construe that the envelope is being pushed here? just because they're fictional characters? yes, i know the IntarWebz is rife with worse stuff than this.

(who wants to bet if there was any tongue action involved? eeeewwww.)

also, the best way to insult the 'Cats is to call them dogs. like so:



i'm not sure how the level-headed resident brain Panthro can instantly snap into a seemingly unhinged ranting angry cat. he doesn't know what a dog is? wasn't there a Jackal mutant among their regular enemies?

-----
Thundercats/Battle of the Planets

Steve Rogers needs junk food

... back in 1941.



until they completely delete Rogers from the Marvel canon or revive him in the next 5 years (or 50, who's counting?), we will only be blessed only with one-shots looking back at his life. 'cause there only has to be one Captain America, right, Bucky?

------
Captain America Comics 70th Anniversary special

Johnny Storm is stunned ...

... when he finds out Peter Parker is much more handsome than he is!



-----
Amazing Spider-Man #590

Paladin is a loser

i mean, ever since i first saw him trying to score points with the late Janet Van Dyne in the pages of the Avengers, its been downhill ever since.

i don't care how many people he helped in the course of his career - he's a goddamned mercenary and will only be motivated by whoever has the bigger wallet. has Daredevil gotten even yet for being shot by Paladin with a sniper rifle? i need to find that issue where Paladin gets his legs broken by U.S. Agent.

the turning point was infiltrating the Heroes for Hire and capturing Captain America for S.H.I.E.L.D. thank goodness for the topless martial artist for saving the day (you know i meant Shang Chi, not Colleen Wing, you dirty schmucks).

and now, for 82 million bucks, he goes behind his current Thunderbolt boss, Wormin' Norman Osborn, to kill the real Elektra (a rehab patient during the regime change). of course, she uses some Tooth Fu (main practitioners being Bullseye and the Ultimate version of Hawkeye) and gains the upper hand, as well as enjoying her first skewering (one she once endured) in a long, long while.

Zeb Wells loves Paladin so much, he keeps getting screen roles

and thus, we are in for a treat next issue as she gets to kill lots of H.A.M.M.E.R. fodder (who needed the jobs in this recession and now may not enjoy the benefits).

-----
Dark Reign: Elektra #1

marvelous

just curious: is it alright to have the competition advertise on your website? (lower right)

also, with the fallout from the Wolverine leak, Fox/Marvel is stepping up the ads even if the official release date is still a month away. maybe i didn't notice it before, but this morning i saw the trailer right during the Today Show block time.

what's next?

Dark Young Avengers? Dark Runaways? Dark Power Pack?


we betcha Marvel rakes more k-ching with this "character shading" gimmick than DC did (how could they do that to sweet Mary Marvel?!)

punching holes cause leaks

MAJOR SPOILERS Ahead! (no not those nutty Kansas guys)


"nnnoooooooooooooooooooooooooo! i'm not ready for prime time yet!!!"

wait, let's not spoil it. but as you are all so aware, a workprint of the X-Men Origins: Wolverine has already been passed around the Internet and most likely, Martians are already watching that copy, so to speak.

out of curiosity, i wanted to check it out if it was the real deal. and it was. you can see the incomplete CGI, stunt cables, etc. somebody was either pissed (he was being laid off?) or completely moronic to let this out in the wild.

or it could be a complete stunt to hype the movie. because as we can tell, the audience would now be divided into those who would like to get a leg up on the competition and those who would like to preserve the purity of the viewing experience. apparently, even about a month ago, somebody already saw the thing, and posted reviews.

as for me, i really don't mind (until the FBI kicks the door down and puts guns on my head - in which case, i'd really need Logan to get me out of that jam); i'm still plunking down $11 when the movie rolls out in May, and another $25 when the Blu-Ray edition comes out two months later (or get it at a sale price at Wal-Mart or something).

i watched all three X-Men movies at the theater, and own all the DVDs. not to justify something, but just saying. and i need something to wash the stink of X3 out of my mouth.

considering my wife read (and liked!) Origin recently (and she may be a bit disappointed that the movie isn't an exact replica of the book), i will still drag her to the cineplex and that means $22.

so screw it: i've seen it, i like it, and will still watch it (with proper CGI this time).