Wednesday, December 31, 2008

ms van dyne, if you're nasty.

couple of things i need to comment on before we close out the year:


i didn't know cats liked sloppy seconds!!!




and the gayest reveal of the week, nay the year! (wait, there weren't any other candidates, were there..?)



the Young Avengers would be so laughing in secret in their rooms. yes, even Wiccan and Hulkling.

-----
Secret Invasion: Requiem

grinding halt

they restored the Speed Force to him, but it looks like Wally West will be off the books for awhile.


because Mr. DiDio has something up his sleeve!



oh, brilliant. let's just burn all our copies of Crisis on Infinite Earths. Marv Wolfman just committed suicide.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

who is Nite Owl?










well, well, well ... whoelsebut .... MIKE SCORE!!!




more than 20 years later, we're still making fun of the Flock of Seagulls.

JSF

Billingham and Matturges take over JSA. [newsarama] expect Dr. Midnite to be operating on Humpty Dumpty, and Mr. Terrific throwing a fit when he's annoyed by all those talking animals. oh, and they should all take Jack when he shows up to hit on Power Girl. should be fun!

you hit like a girl! #15

Dinah Lance has been an important DC character for so long. the Black Canary role has been passed from her mother to her (they actually had to split the original character into two!), and the modern era has made Dinah a pillar of feminine ideals and strength.

Dinah has led the Justice League and the Birds of Prey, two of the best villain-stomping superteams in the DCU. i actually prefer her run in Birds of Prey, as they were like the Danger Girls with more brains and all of the sass and sexayness.

i mean, seriously, if you have less than two X chromosomes, you better watch your step around Dinah. especially if you've been previously married to her (the point being "previous" as it means you did something shitty and she divorced you and years later, you're still acting shitty).


Dinah would also make a great debt collector if this crimefighting thing didn't pan out (y'know, if there ever was peace on earth). below is what would happen to those who apply for those 0% loans but skipped town right after they got the money.


also, she could be a great dentist (at least when it comes to tooth extraction), providing cheap services to those who can't afford insurance (here's a big eff you to AIG).


but back to crimefighting. criminals would always be doing something stupid (that's why they are criminals; some are just stupider than others).

let's take for example, this bow-wielding, Wolverine-haired jackass named Merlyn, who dared kidnap Dinah's adopted daughter, to ultimately control the League of Assassins. that's a no-no.


if you're fighting with a bow and arrow, it probably makes sense not to go into hand to hand combat ...


... since its possible you can lose both your arms, and you'll be left with spitting at the enemy.


assuming you can get the spit out before getting kicked in the mouf.


ahh, archers. they never learn. why, Ollie Queen (a.k.a. Green Arrow) should know this, of all people, and he could've warned Merlyn of what could happen. but ... naaaaahhh. they kinda hate each other.

Ollie knows what could happen, because he's been on the receiving end many, many times.


he knows he's gonna get whipped and he still does it. i mean, we never did see much what happened in the past when he was still this philandering ladies' man. whooooh. who knows how many times these two broke up? (and what bones were broken)


Dinah still ends up marrying Ollie, but only because he likes the pain. i kid, i kid.

oh, yeah, and never ever tell her that she hits like a girl. or tell her to shut up. ever.


-----
Black Canary limited series (2007)

Friday, December 26, 2008

and I ran, I ran so far away

wow! does Ahmadinejad know you are reading a migraine-inducing blog on a piece of decadent Western pop culture?

catty

R.I.P. Eartha Kitt



maybe it really wasn't up to Halle Berry, but she could have bettered all the Catwomen that came before her.

pulp friction

the Nova Corps has been restarted (take that, Green Lanterns, or whatever colors you want to be). that should normally be a good thing, except that it was done without the say of our man Richard. everything has been masterminded by the Mind called World.

look, it even deputized Richard's nerdy kid brother, Robbie.



wooohoooo - there's no fireworks like family fireworks. happy new year!

Thursday, December 25, 2008

a familiar knight

somewhere, Dan DiDio is twirling his moustache and fiddling with his cellphone, contemplating on calling the DC lawyers. he calls Joe Quesada instead and rants.



but Quesada says "hey! you have a "Dark Knight"! that means no moons! do you or do you not see a moon in the picture? thought so." DiDio is left with a dial tone.

he then goes back to ripping up alternative scripts to the ending of Final Crisis.

-----
Moon Knight: Silent Knight

on the clock

so what does this mean? are they gonna release it or not?

“Fox owns a copyright interest consisting of, at the very least, the right to distribute the ‘Watchmen’ motion picture,” the ruling said.
i would think if they do agree on releasing it, Fox gets a huge slice of the profit pie?

cover of the week




Jack of Fables #28 by Brian Bolland
Marvels: Eye of the Camera #1 by Jay Anacleto (welcome back!!!)

happy holidays, geeks!

Saturday, December 20, 2008

general anarky

regardless of whatever he calls himself, Ulysses Hadrian Armstrong needs a serious ass-whupping.


this is Robin making his case to earn the mantle of the Bat. we can't wait for the takedown.

-----
Robin #181

cover of the week





Spiderman: Noir #1 by Patrick Zircher
Mighty Avengers #20 by Marko Djurdjevic

pick me ups

wandering through a bookstore chain the other day, i left it with these in hand. yes, apparently, no matter how hard i avoid the regular comicbook shops, i am not safe from plunking money for these babies. dammit.





seriously, how can you go wrong with these? World War Hulk was a far better slambang actionfest than Michael Bay's Transformers, and equally mindless. wait, not really. there was a point to all that fists flying. it was the perfect excuse to destroy New York for the nth time, and since the Hulk didn't get to pick a side in Civil War, hell, let's have everyone take on him.

then we have the much-hyped (and deservedly so), JLA/Avengers, the crossover that everyone was waiting for their whole childhood. if anything, its always a treat to ogle George Perez' pencils. always.

last but not least, i couldn't resist picking up the latest Iron Fist TPBs. these things come out much faster than DVD releases (and its no wonder the trend has been, for years now, writing a story arc that would hold up well as a collected edition). no matter how much the Revolution has been whipping Matt Fraction on his new gigs (maybe deservedly so), i always be grateful he and Ed Brubaker teamed up to bring back one of my old faves, Danny Rand, to respectability. and what else can i say about David Aja's art? wow.

hope these babies will be Hancocked in the next few Comic-Cons. hoooohaaaaaaaaah!!!

(NYCC '09 back to dead of winter? boooooooooo!)

Friday, December 19, 2008

the pwning of tony stark 2

slapped around by Thor and the Hulk, blamed for the death of his bestest buddy Steve Rogers, disrespected by half his peers, Tony Stark has now been stripped of his S.H.I.E.L.D. directorship and fired from his official job of protecting the good ol' US of A, after the Skrull invasion.

what, having the #2 highest grossing movie of 2008 doesn't count?


well, apparently not.


completing his humiliation is the standard exit interview with his successor, the walking loony bin called Norman Osborn (the Green Goblin to you n00bs).


sorry, "Commander" Osborn.

(commander of crap. so those who raised hell when they resurrected Osborn and retconned it that he apparently had sex with Gwen Stacy ... raise your hands)



but hey, there's some good news, boys and girls. Osborn gleefully tries to put his dirty hands on the crown jewel of Stark's career, the Superhuman Registration Database, which he'll likely cause all sorts of hell with (starting with wiping out whatever's left of Peter Parker's credit rating - currently a measly 450).


what, Osborn has no time for movies?? for all the sneaky things he's done, he didn't see this coming?


so where the hell is the database, Tones?




and now, ladies and gentlemen ... let us have some fun.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

changeling: a sleazy look at Secret Invasion, pt. 4

now that we're done with the Skrulls, let's have one look back at their best attempt to subjugate Earth, while the memories of select scenes are still fresh in our minds. the operative word here is 'fresh'.

and oh, you're supposed to click on the pretty pit-chers.


part one right here, part two here and part three here.


TEDDY GETS RAZZED FOR COMING OUT



THE RUNAWAYS ACCIDENTALLY WATCH '2 GIRLS, 1 CUP'



SKRULLS PEDDLE LIES FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD



AGENT BRAND, NOT SATISFIED WITH HAVING A FURRY MUTANT FOR A BOYFRIEND, PUSHES THE SEXUAL ENVELOPE FURTHER



MARIA HILL SHOWS SOME LATINA BRASS (WAIT, SHE'S NOT LATINA ...)



CLINT BARTON IS PISSED HE'S BEEN ADDED TO "YOU KISSED A SKRULL" LIST



THE SKRULLS FEEL THAT A MIND IS A TERRIBLE THING TO WASTE (WHICH THEY DID ANYWAY)



ELECTRO SETS UP ROD BLAGOJEVICH



ALIENS CAN BE LEZZIES TOO (WAIT, THAT'S OUR FRIGGIN' PERCEPTION!)



SKRULLEKTRA DELIVERS HER "YOU WILL DIE TOO" SPEECH



THE SKRULL KILL KREW GETS FACE TIME (UNTIL THE NEXT INVASION IN 2020)



SKRULLOWJACKET WANTS TO BE THE NEXT BUGSY SIEGEL



JACKPOT DOES NOT HIT THE JACKPOT



NOVA DEVELOPS A HATRED FOR (BADLY-WRITTEN) SOFTWARE



NORMAN OSBORNE WANTS TOYS. LOTS OF TOYS.



HERCULES CHANNELS GROOVE ARMADA AND KICKS GOD BUTT



and some scenes need not be perverted much.


i said not much.


HE DOESN'T KNOW THE WORD "THERAPY" BUT HE DOES KNOW "JIHADIST". GO FIGURE.



WIN SOME, LOSE SOME, HAWKEYE.


to be continued ...